This is my story...
I grew up in a small town and started to use oxy contin after the sudden death of my best friend. I moved a state away for a fresh start and gave up oxy contin. I say "gave it up" but really I just traded one addiction for the other.
I started using meth and loved the way it made me feel. I felt motivated and didn't feel the sadness that loosing my friend had made me feel. Soon, my good friend moved into my house and we would say that we would look back on that time and remember it as the "time of our lives". We worked together and would meet in the bathroom and do lines off the back of the toilet. We would come home after work and use, use, use. Stay up all night and do it again the following day. We did this for almost 2 years. When she moved out, I still used and she was still using too, we just weren't doing it together and by this time our families knew we were on drugs. I was rail thin and 30,000 in credit card debt.
I met a great guy and started a relationship with him. He has never used drugs and although he heard rumors, didn't know I was an addict. We moved in together and I continued using but cut back and knew that he would leave me if he found out. My life changed drastically in one day. I found out I was pregnant and went to my parents house in another state to clear my head, see a doctor, and make some decisions. (really I had to get away from the drugs and fast)
I came down hard and quit meth cold turkey. I had an excuse for sleeping all day and only waking to eat. I was pregnant and depressed. I was sober only 6 weeks at my first doctors appointment when I was given an ultra sound to see how far along I was and discuss an abortion. I was still early and abortion was an option, until she saw the second heartbeat. I was a meth addict turned mother of twins at that moment. I was in shock but thought that maybe God blessed me with this because he knew that nothing else would make me stop using. They say he only gives you what he knows you can handle, so that is what I chose to believe.
I stayed at my parents houses for the duration of my pregnancy and had healthy twin boys that together weighed almost 13 pounds! I stayed at their house until the boys were 3 months old and then moved back to be with their father (He had been making the 4 hour drive to see me and the boys frequently). When I returned to the city where I had never been sober, I felt alone, bored, depressed, and tired. The cravings were often, luckily I had changed my number, my address, and gotten rid of the phone numbers of EVERYONE that was associated with the drug.
My boys are 8 months old now and keep me busy. I still crave that high and have days when I would use if I could get some. And that is why I am here. I can't talk about it with anyone and want to be a good sober mother to my beautiful little boys. I find strength in hearing other people's stories and hope someone out there can get something from mine.
Good for you!
I used meth but Coke IV was my DOC, I used meth IV too.
I would love to tell you that the cravings go away, they do fade, but it's been 2 years for me and still I think of using, but it's not very often. I play the tape to the end and remember the stealing, lying and cheating I did just to keep myself high. I did the same as you, lost names and numbers, lost friends....I also lost my best friend, she died at 38 from ovarian cancer, my using...well, I felt i had the right to party..wanted to live every day what ever way I wanted. I found out that I couldn't stop after a while. I went to an inpatient rehab for over a month and then stayed in outpatient for another 3-4 months.
There is a link to my story in my signature.
Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope!
I used meth but Coke IV was my DOC, I used meth IV too.
I would love to tell you that the cravings go away, they do fade, but it's been 2 years for me and still I think of using, but it's not very often. I play the tape to the end and remember the stealing, lying and cheating I did just to keep myself high. I did the same as you, lost names and numbers, lost friends....I also lost my best friend, she died at 38 from ovarian cancer, my using...well, I felt i had the right to party..wanted to live every day what ever way I wanted. I found out that I couldn't stop after a while. I went to an inpatient rehab for over a month and then stayed in outpatient for another 3-4 months.
There is a link to my story in my signature.
Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope!
Your story made me smile. Especially the part where you found a second heartbeat. A girlfriend of mine got pregnant a long time ago and we decided on abortion........I cried then, and I cry now when I think of it. To find the second heartbeat, to make the decision to keep them and quit using meth is so great.
You are right, God does not give us more than we can handle, and all things happen for a good reason. I know how hard it is quitting, especially being in the same old town from your using days. Not to mention the pressures of raising twins, the demands on you, the lack of sleep,....and at this point they haven't even begun to run you ragged with chasing them around. Right in front of you are the two biggest and best reasons you never want to use again!!! Trust me on this, there is NO SUCH THING AS JUST USING A LITTLE BIT ONE MORE TIME!!!!!! Once you hit it a little bit.....you will be right back using what you were before.... Quitting again is even more difficult,...not to mention, does a good mother sleep her days away when she has two little ones that need her? Even when they are asleep there are other things needed to be dealt with. So much to do and so little time will tempt you to use.....you may actually use and get a lot done....but it will only be temporary and life will snowball out of control. Is it worth the risk? HELL NO!!! Our children grow so fast, promise them and yourself if you ever risk using again, you will wait untill they are grown. At least then you will have done right by them. but then you'll have grandkids to live for,....so just not use meth ever again.
The only things I can suggest to hold off the cravings is a good diet, vitamins and supplements , drink lots of water and get some exercise as much as possible. Fast foods, sugar, soda's all leave you feeling tired and run down in the long run. It is that "feel good, tons of energy" feeling that makes most of us want to use. If you can feel good thru good health you wont have as severe cravings. Nothing makes the cravings completely go away....I was a long time user with almost 3 years clean. I'll admit there are times when I think of meth. at first the cravings were so bad I never thought I'd make it. Now they dont happen very often, and when they do they are easily manageable.
It will be hard being in the same old city, but if you avoid the people that are using, avoid the old haunts that will bring back memories....when you get cravings, try to figure out why....was it a place, a situation....learn what it is that causes cravings and avoid them in the future.
I am so happy you quit, congratulations to you on both the quitting, and having healthy twins....there is no greater gift.
You are right, God does not give us more than we can handle, and all things happen for a good reason. I know how hard it is quitting, especially being in the same old town from your using days. Not to mention the pressures of raising twins, the demands on you, the lack of sleep,....and at this point they haven't even begun to run you ragged with chasing them around. Right in front of you are the two biggest and best reasons you never want to use again!!! Trust me on this, there is NO SUCH THING AS JUST USING A LITTLE BIT ONE MORE TIME!!!!!! Once you hit it a little bit.....you will be right back using what you were before.... Quitting again is even more difficult,...not to mention, does a good mother sleep her days away when she has two little ones that need her? Even when they are asleep there are other things needed to be dealt with. So much to do and so little time will tempt you to use.....you may actually use and get a lot done....but it will only be temporary and life will snowball out of control. Is it worth the risk? HELL NO!!! Our children grow so fast, promise them and yourself if you ever risk using again, you will wait untill they are grown. At least then you will have done right by them. but then you'll have grandkids to live for,....so just not use meth ever again.
The only things I can suggest to hold off the cravings is a good diet, vitamins and supplements , drink lots of water and get some exercise as much as possible. Fast foods, sugar, soda's all leave you feeling tired and run down in the long run. It is that "feel good, tons of energy" feeling that makes most of us want to use. If you can feel good thru good health you wont have as severe cravings. Nothing makes the cravings completely go away....I was a long time user with almost 3 years clean. I'll admit there are times when I think of meth. at first the cravings were so bad I never thought I'd make it. Now they dont happen very often, and when they do they are easily manageable.
It will be hard being in the same old city, but if you avoid the people that are using, avoid the old haunts that will bring back memories....when you get cravings, try to figure out why....was it a place, a situation....learn what it is that causes cravings and avoid them in the future.
I am so happy you quit, congratulations to you on both the quitting, and having healthy twins....there is no greater gift.
oh ya, anytime you need strength, you just come here and write....I'll do what I can, as well as others ...to help you shoulder your load. :)
Dear Looking,
I am usually on the pain pill board, that is my doc and have never tried meth and never will, the addiction I have is bad enough, so this is off topic, except for to say good luck and stay off that crap. I've heard its the absolute worse to come off of and stay off of. And the awful stuff it does to you. I also heard that if you try it just once your hooked. Thats just hearsay, I don't know.
But the reason for my post is your darling boys. 8 months old, they must be adorable, what are they'r'e names? I give moms with twins alot of credit, one baby at a time is hard enough, are you able to schedule them so they sleep at the same time and give you a break? Is their dad a help? Do you have help with them? Sorry to be nosy, its just I love twins, when I was pg with my first (16) years ago, I prayed for twins, but after having her, then 3 yrs. later a son, and 5 years later another son, I looked back and remember praying for twins the first time and thought I was nuts. It must be incredibly difficult on you, unless you have a tremendous amount of help. Congratulations on not using, your a good mom and congratulations on your precious baby boys. Look into they're eyes and try to look into the future, the hapiness they will bring you, them growing up and having kids of they're own, girl, you have a long beautiful life ahead of you, keep it that way and stay rid of that poison, for you and for the babies. Post a pic if you can.
Briar
I am usually on the pain pill board, that is my doc and have never tried meth and never will, the addiction I have is bad enough, so this is off topic, except for to say good luck and stay off that crap. I've heard its the absolute worse to come off of and stay off of. And the awful stuff it does to you. I also heard that if you try it just once your hooked. Thats just hearsay, I don't know.
But the reason for my post is your darling boys. 8 months old, they must be adorable, what are they'r'e names? I give moms with twins alot of credit, one baby at a time is hard enough, are you able to schedule them so they sleep at the same time and give you a break? Is their dad a help? Do you have help with them? Sorry to be nosy, its just I love twins, when I was pg with my first (16) years ago, I prayed for twins, but after having her, then 3 yrs. later a son, and 5 years later another son, I looked back and remember praying for twins the first time and thought I was nuts. It must be incredibly difficult on you, unless you have a tremendous amount of help. Congratulations on not using, your a good mom and congratulations on your precious baby boys. Look into they're eyes and try to look into the future, the hapiness they will bring you, them growing up and having kids of they're own, girl, you have a long beautiful life ahead of you, keep it that way and stay rid of that poison, for you and for the babies. Post a pic if you can.
Briar
