Hi everybody. I am walking through a lot of fear today.
I started a new job 3 days ago. The people are nice, they are going to thoroughly train me,I feel comfortable there.
I finally made the leap out of food service and this is the kind of job I've been looking for. The company doesn't expect me to know everything in a week ,even a month or two months even.
The problem is my head is telling me I should know it all now and that the job is over my head and that I'm going to screw up and they are going to yell at me.
I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. I'm really emotional and I'm feeling a lot of fear this morning.I am feeling scared and vunerable and not in control and out of my comfort zone.
I feel ok when I'm there ,but yesterday I was given a lot of advice from the employees there ( a lot people taking other people's inventory ) and I should have just said, "I'm just trying to read the training binders, I don't need to know who is a pain or who to watch out for....etc.
Instead of letting it go in one ear and out the other, I just kinda stuffed it. I got home last night and went to bed without processing it. So it all kinda hit me this morning. Thank God I met my sponsor this morning for breakfast and followed that with a meeting. So this is the 3rd or 4th time Iv'e discussed this- but writing and crying is very theraputic for me- and you all have been so kind.
This is why I drank and used drugs. To quell these feelings. So now that I am sober and feel this fear and vunerability- it is uncomfortable. I don't like being low man on the totem pole and I want to be the best in my field- even when I have just started the field and don't know diddly squat about it. But my head still wants me to be better , or as good as the girl who has been doing this for a year or 6 years.
I know today that is my EGO talking and that I have to give myself permission to not be very good in my new field for a while. My sponsor says that is important to give ourselves permission not to be good at something new. That it is ok for us not to be very good at something in the beginning.Takes the pressure off. Makes sense doesn't it?
Well, imagine that- I feel better- and have even stopped crying.
I'm going to take a shower , put on my fabulous new work outfit , and go on in and continue to LEARN how to sell this product. Even if my head is telling me I'm in over my head ,I can at least look fabulous doing it right? :)
Somebody in a women's meeting said once -Time to put on your big girl pants and get it done.
I'm so grateful for the tools I've been given - to deal with life on life's terms.
Carolyn
Carolyn, Remember feelings aren't facts...thank goodness for that! You are doing the drill, girlfriend; you are taking the steps and actions which will bring you to the other side. This too (the feelings) shall pass. Writing about the fear helps to process it at least for me. I try to do Steps 6 and 7 when I'm walking in fear. F E A R: false evidence appearing real. When I was newly sober I took about three months of f of work, to allow me to focus only on my sobriety...now mind you I had already been at this Corporation for 20 years; I fully understand what you are feeling, because I was terrified to return to work sober! I hadn't done the job without being hungover, etc. I had to re-learn everything I knew before. It just takes patience and time; try not compare your insides with their outsides. Too bad, everyone didn't work the Program, at least that's how I feel. You take the high road, let others take other people's inventory but try not to participate....you're right where you are suppose to be. You'll walk through this and will be able to draw from this experience in the future.
Thanks Darlin' -
What a difference 12 hours makes. I talked about my feelings of being overwhelmed with a cool girl at work. She was very kind and ASSURED me that everyone felt like this when they started the job. So, I'm just going to leave work at work and continue doing the next right thing. Feelin like my old centered self again.
It really felt good to write that post this morning-very theraputic!! (sp)
Man, that fear is a B****!!! Talk about inner demons! And to think that fear ran my life for sooo long.
Thanks VW girl for helping me up when I was down -you're a good sober woman of dignity and self-respect.
Much love-
Carolyn
What a difference 12 hours makes. I talked about my feelings of being overwhelmed with a cool girl at work. She was very kind and ASSURED me that everyone felt like this when they started the job. So, I'm just going to leave work at work and continue doing the next right thing. Feelin like my old centered self again.
It really felt good to write that post this morning-very theraputic!! (sp)
Man, that fear is a B****!!! Talk about inner demons! And to think that fear ran my life for sooo long.
Thanks VW girl for helping me up when I was down -you're a good sober woman of dignity and self-respect.
Much love-
Carolyn
Congrats on the new job! And yea fear is a b****. I just went back to work myself alittle over a month ago. I was really nervous about it. I took a job in a bakery , which is totally different than anything I have done before. Its a small family owned place, everyone is so nice. I am so used to working around people that drink and drug, and that is basically all that was talked about. This time I decided to try something different. Plus I got over myself ...all that "I should have a better job than this" lol Its working for me right now so that is all that counts. Anyway I wish you the best of luck in your new job.
take care
gi :o)
ps .. Hi VW girl..as always good to see you!!
take care
gi :o)
ps .. Hi VW girl..as always good to see you!!
Hi Gina (& Carolyn too!), Yep, that fear thing...we know that the opposite of fear is faith, but sometimes it's hard to let go, for me, and trust. I can make a mountain out of a molehill though. When I was off on disability I so much didn't want to return to the Corporate life, but it all worked out...like I mentioned before, but it has all fallen into place...I really wanted to go to work at Starbucks *smile* but unfortunately my financial situation wouldn't allow me to do so. Again, it all works out how it's suppose to, I have a great position in a very prominent Corporation and I am self supporting for myself, my 15 year old daughter and my 19 year old daughter (she is in college and does have p/t job though). Take it easy you two.
Hey Gi (and VW )-
Thanks for the postive feedback! Thats so cool you work in a Bakery! Do you have to get up mad early, or are you working the front?
I know what you mean about thinking you are too good for the job, Our egos, I swear. Thank God there is the program and other sober ladies to keep that in check!
I have off tomorrow ,YEA!! Gonna sleep in and hit the noon meeting. Life is all about the simple pleasures.
Ya'll rock- thanks for keeping me sober.
Much love and respect-
Carolyn
p.s.- Hey VW Girl (did I see your name is Geri?)
I just saw your pic over on the c/c picture thread! Hot Mama!! Isn't it awesome how good we start lookin once we get clean??!!
Thanks for the postive feedback! Thats so cool you work in a Bakery! Do you have to get up mad early, or are you working the front?
I know what you mean about thinking you are too good for the job, Our egos, I swear. Thank God there is the program and other sober ladies to keep that in check!
I have off tomorrow ,YEA!! Gonna sleep in and hit the noon meeting. Life is all about the simple pleasures.
Ya'll rock- thanks for keeping me sober.
Much love and respect-
Carolyn
p.s.- Hey VW Girl (did I see your name is Geri?)
I just saw your pic over on the c/c picture thread! Hot Mama!! Isn't it awesome how good we start lookin once we get clean??!!
Atta Girl, Carolyn, Atta Girl Gina...you two are doing and doing a fine job I might add...you've inspired me so much these past few days...you're posts are from heart and real, love it!
