Hey guys... It's been a long time.For some of you you'll remember me and some won't.I see that there is a lot of new people here.Which is good. Bad but good..Ya know what i mean.
Anyway, i wanted to be truthful and accountable for my actions.I have gotten sloppy and careless in my recovery.I had been abusing my pain meds again.
I'm now at about 30- 32 hrs into detox and of course it sucks.But i keep thinking, and i know, i did this to myself.No one to blame but me.No excuses here.
So for any new folks here, just take this much away from my story.You can not at any point think you are "cured.It's just not possible..
But don't confuse it and think you can't get thru it.B/c as you see, many people have done it.
Oneday, i will add my name back to that list....
Hope everyone is well....And it's nice to be here w/ friends who understand....
Take care....And I'll be back....
DJ
Hey DJ,,
I'm real glad to see you post, but I'm sorry you are detoxing again. Be good to yourself while you go through it. You can get through it and get back to where you were. Stay strong and take good care!
Beck
I'm real glad to see you post, but I'm sorry you are detoxing again. Be good to yourself while you go through it. You can get through it and get back to where you were. Stay strong and take good care!
Beck
DJ! So good to see you honey. I'm sorry that you have to go through this again...stop that! lol If you need to talk, my emails the same. Hang in there, you know the drill and you also know that it can get better again. You got to want it. xxxooo
Hey DJ! It's so good to see you back! I'm just sorry its under these circumstances. You're right. We can't ever allow ourselves to believe we're cured. I'm a couple of months shy of having two years and I was around someone the other day who was talking about pot and even though I've never been a big fan of the hippie lettuce, I found myself daydreaming about it long after the conversation was over. Definitely red flags. So, I found someone to talk to and felt much better afterwards.
You know what you need to do. I'm proud of you for coming back. You know you can always email me. I'd love to talk to you again. It's been too long.
Take good care, DJ.
DeNae
Relapse is a huge dynamic to this disease. Stopping really is the easy part. That is why everyone here will tell you that it is imperative to have a recovery program in place. AA/NA helped me that and private therapy. I didn't believe it myself until I relapsed at least 8 times....no exaggeration. I thought that I could do this myself! I thought as soon as I got over detoxing it would be cinch! WRONG!
Glad your back...don't be ashamed, ask yourself what you are going to do different this time.
Keep coming back and thanks for sharing!!
You can do this....hugs...kee kee
Glad your back...don't be ashamed, ask yourself what you are going to do different this time.
Keep coming back and thanks for sharing!!
You can do this....hugs...kee kee
Thanks so much guys...I i'm trying to figure out where i went wrong.It just gets away from you.
I had not had "clean" time as everyone would say.I was still on meds w/ my husband controlling them.Then oneday i thought i could handle it.As you can see i was wrong.
The bad thing about it is i know i'll need them from time to time b/c of my back.
I've been having nerve blocks and they seem to have helped this time around.
I had been put in the hospital about three weeks ago, (was not abusing at that point) b/c i couldn't get rid of the pain and instead of overloading on my meds i choose to go to the ER.That was a good choice.They did another MRI and found that i have a small mass in the middle of my spine which is what has made me worse.After everything they gave me at the hospital and coming home w/ percs, i just went overboard.
How's this for addict behavior.While i was in the hospital, i kept think i now have a legit reason to get the pain meds.So stupid.Such additive thinking.
So i've been abusing them since i got home and i took my last one monday at around !0:00.
But i can say that i turned down Morphine pills.That's what the Dr. wanted to send me home w/ Morphine twice a day And percs twice a day.So i'm proud that i said no to that.Baby steps.
I've actully started lookin for a group, which is really hard for me to do.But i gotta face my fears.I have a wonderful life out there somewhere..
Again guys.Thanks so much for being my saving grace....This is twice now..I owe you big....
DJ....
P.S.. It's so great to hear from you guys....
And Congrates on your almost two yr mark.Increadiable....
I had not had "clean" time as everyone would say.I was still on meds w/ my husband controlling them.Then oneday i thought i could handle it.As you can see i was wrong.
The bad thing about it is i know i'll need them from time to time b/c of my back.
I've been having nerve blocks and they seem to have helped this time around.
I had been put in the hospital about three weeks ago, (was not abusing at that point) b/c i couldn't get rid of the pain and instead of overloading on my meds i choose to go to the ER.That was a good choice.They did another MRI and found that i have a small mass in the middle of my spine which is what has made me worse.After everything they gave me at the hospital and coming home w/ percs, i just went overboard.
How's this for addict behavior.While i was in the hospital, i kept think i now have a legit reason to get the pain meds.So stupid.Such additive thinking.
So i've been abusing them since i got home and i took my last one monday at around !0:00.
But i can say that i turned down Morphine pills.That's what the Dr. wanted to send me home w/ Morphine twice a day And percs twice a day.So i'm proud that i said no to that.Baby steps.
I've actully started lookin for a group, which is really hard for me to do.But i gotta face my fears.I have a wonderful life out there somewhere..
Again guys.Thanks so much for being my saving grace....This is twice now..I owe you big....
DJ....
P.S.. It's so great to hear from you guys....
And Congrates on your almost two yr mark.Increadiable....
DJ,
Don't be a stranger! Were all in this boat for life. We need each other.
You are helping a whole bunch of new people. "Quiting is the easy part". Relapse is part of this crummy disease. Everyone must be aware of that. People will learn from you that relapse happens and it happens at any time to anyone.
You are one strong person to come here and tell everyone. I am humbled by you.
You know the drill; drink lots of water, force yourself to eat. It will be over soon. Take of yourself.
Catherine
Don't be a stranger! Were all in this boat for life. We need each other.
You are helping a whole bunch of new people. "Quiting is the easy part". Relapse is part of this crummy disease. Everyone must be aware of that. People will learn from you that relapse happens and it happens at any time to anyone.
You are one strong person to come here and tell everyone. I am humbled by you.
You know the drill; drink lots of water, force yourself to eat. It will be over soon. Take of yourself.
Catherine
Glad you dropped in for some support DJ. This disease is so much harder for chronic pain sufferers. You are in my prayers!
hi DJ.......
nice to see you posting.........
hugs and prayers........
God bless you...
thumper
nice to see you posting.........
hugs and prayers........
God bless you...
thumper
DJ,
Congratulations! It's Day 3, yes? I guess you're going to be feeling the worst today; I hope you can take a day off work and just baby yourself.
I think it's really brave of you to look for a group (therapy or meeting?) We need face-to-face support to beat this disease. And don't call yourself stupid, but do take precautions. Does your doctor know that you are addicted to PPs?
It's really good to see you. You have been unfailingly kind and open-hearted in all your posts. We need you here. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
How's that boy of yours? If he won't let you rest today, duct tape him to the wall, lol.
Love,
Gina
Congratulations! It's Day 3, yes? I guess you're going to be feeling the worst today; I hope you can take a day off work and just baby yourself.
I think it's really brave of you to look for a group (therapy or meeting?) We need face-to-face support to beat this disease. And don't call yourself stupid, but do take precautions. Does your doctor know that you are addicted to PPs?
It's really good to see you. You have been unfailingly kind and open-hearted in all your posts. We need you here. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
How's that boy of yours? If he won't let you rest today, duct tape him to the wall, lol.
Love,
Gina
Hey DJ!!!
Congrats on day 3. I'm sorry that you have to go through this again, but you know the drill. We have to stay vigilant, and always make ourselves accountable when it comes to drugs. I have pain issues too, but I can't justify the use of pain pills, because I know that I would be off to races again. I don't like living with the pain, but I don't like living in active addiction either. Its tough, but it gets easier, and its my hope that researchers will find a better way to treat chronic pain issues without the long term use of opiates. I'm glad you came back, I have missed you alot.
Michelle
Congrats on day 3. I'm sorry that you have to go through this again, but you know the drill. We have to stay vigilant, and always make ourselves accountable when it comes to drugs. I have pain issues too, but I can't justify the use of pain pills, because I know that I would be off to races again. I don't like living with the pain, but I don't like living in active addiction either. Its tough, but it gets easier, and its my hope that researchers will find a better way to treat chronic pain issues without the long term use of opiates. I'm glad you came back, I have missed you alot.
Michelle
It's so nice to hear from you guys!! (kicking self in the butt) I have lots of your e-mail addy's, but yet i didn't use them.I am gonna make it a point to check in each day...
It's going on day 4 and i feel lots better.I got lucky this time.It was pretty easy.
Didn't have as much in the system as i did the last time.Not that that's anything to brag about.At least i stopped it before i got to the point that i did last time.
Gina,
I have talked to my Dr. about this before.But looking back, i didn't make him realize the extent of my problem.Mt fault, i now know.Guess i'm gonna have it tattooed to my forehead."No Narcotics" But i will be going back to see him next week, so i'm gonna be truthful to him.So i'm sure i'm need that extra push next week from ya...Hope you're up for the challange...LOL
But in all seriousness, this is my problem and i have to do something about it.Noone else can fix it but me.Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
It's time for a big change!!!
(me waving) Hey Lisa...How are you? Denae, what's up, girl?
OMG, who did i miss? A big hello to you guys too....
Ok. I have ranted long enough...Hope everyone is doing something good for themselves....
I'm off to work in a bit...You guys have a great day!!!!
It's going on day 4 and i feel lots better.I got lucky this time.It was pretty easy.
Didn't have as much in the system as i did the last time.Not that that's anything to brag about.At least i stopped it before i got to the point that i did last time.
Gina,
I have talked to my Dr. about this before.But looking back, i didn't make him realize the extent of my problem.Mt fault, i now know.Guess i'm gonna have it tattooed to my forehead."No Narcotics" But i will be going back to see him next week, so i'm gonna be truthful to him.So i'm sure i'm need that extra push next week from ya...Hope you're up for the challange...LOL
But in all seriousness, this is my problem and i have to do something about it.Noone else can fix it but me.Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
It's time for a big change!!!
(me waving) Hey Lisa...How are you? Denae, what's up, girl?
OMG, who did i miss? A big hello to you guys too....
Ok. I have ranted long enough...Hope everyone is doing something good for themselves....
I'm off to work in a bit...You guys have a great day!!!!
