Hi guys
Well here I am posting again. But as i have stated previously this site is my link to sobriety so please bear with me .God I was tempted yesterday! and because of it I ended up having a bad evening. My friend who is away called and wanted me to get something at her house. I went there and while i was there I knew of a liquor cabinet that they have that is always stocked with booze especially during and after Christmas. Also in the wine rack was 12 bottles of wine (yes I counted them). I was so tempted to go to the liquor cabinet to take a drink. I was there alone with all that booze. The thought came to me i can sneak a drink and no one will ever know. But then another thought came to me I WILL KNOW. so I gathered up my strength and courage and left. I felt good walking away from it. After I got home however the craving came so strong and violent that I came close to having a panic attack. All I could think of and ALL I wanted was that booze. I got in contact with my sponsor and it took nearly 2 hours for him to calm me down. I was angry (that anger again that I always get) sad and in physical withdrawal. My mind and body was just screaming out for that high. I felt like some big part of me was gone that I wanted back. The thought of facing the evening sober was enough to send me into a frightened emotional chaos that I felt I had no control over.With the help of my sponsor and prayers to my HP I managed to get through the evening without having to drink. I was so emotionally worn out by the end of the evening I was totally exhausted. I am doing much better today but still feeling a little down. I hate the yo yo moods of been up and down and it can change so fast! sometimes I feel so confused and lost and I wonder if I will ever become a normal person.My sponsor told me I was taking a pity trip and to take stock of all the positives that have transpired over the last 2 weeks. But its so hard when every nerve in your body is screaming for that fix.Thank God I have a sponsor with a strong personality because I can be a very stubborn and difficult person at times.He lets me rant and rave which is good because then I get it out of my system and dont take it out on my loved ones.I feel blessed to have him in my life to help me through this crap.
I thank my HP for giving me strength enough to walk away from that house without taking that drink. Today I will try to be positive and get rid of that dam monkey that is on my back. Anyway guys once again thanks for letting me vent on here. Look forward to your advice and input and skg looking forward to your words of wisdom.AGAIN... God bless and be safe...quote"everyday do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow"
The thing is that you DID fight it off. Congratulations. And you did the right thing calling your sponsor. One Day (sometimesonehouroneminute) at a Time. And start working on the Steps. They're there (and in order) for a reason...
Pirate
Do you have a BIg Book? Have you read about our disease and the phenomenon of craving we get when we take that first drink? Read "The Doctor's Opinion" in the beginning of the book. I know you can order them at Amazon.com or at the AA site if you don't have one. Learning about our disease helps a lot. Congratulations for not taking that drink. The BB tells us that sometimes the only thing between us and the next drink is our Higher Power. Sounds like yours was there for you. Keep up the good work.
Do you have a BIg Book? Have you read about our disease and the phenomenon of craving we get when we take that first drink? Read "The Doctor's Opinion" in the beginning of the book. I know you can order them at Amazon.com or at the AA site if you don't have one. Learning about our disease helps a lot. Congratulations for not taking that drink. The BB tells us that sometimes the only thing between us and the next drink is our Higher Power. Sounds like yours was there for you. Keep up the good work.
thanks 12 stepper and yes I do have the BB . yep it had to be my HP who stopped me because it sure wasnt me lol. Anyway my little fit is over with for another while. Thank God. Thanks for your help I greatly appreciate it. God bless and take care and be safe
Hey Pirate
Give yourself a pat on the back as you deserve some credit for the good work done, when you drink it is your hand lifting the glass and fearis giving it the strength, when you lift the AAbig book or phone to ring your sponsor it is your hand lifting the book or phone and god is giving you the strength in the form of Experience, strength and hope thankyou for your honesty and sharing
light and love zac
Give yourself a pat on the back as you deserve some credit for the good work done, when you drink it is your hand lifting the glass and fearis giving it the strength, when you lift the AAbig book or phone to ring your sponsor it is your hand lifting the book or phone and god is giving you the strength in the form of Experience, strength and hope thankyou for your honesty and sharing
light and love zac
Hi Pirate,
Every "episode" that we survive makes us a little stronger. Be sure to focus on the fact that you withstood temptation.
one day at a time, Cookster
Every "episode" that we survive makes us a little stronger. Be sure to focus on the fact that you withstood temptation.
one day at a time, Cookster
Hi pirate
you wrote: I felt like some big part of me was gone that I wanted back.
Bizarre and twisted as it may seem, we actually go into a knd of grieving period when we get sober. alcohol was such a BIG part of our lives and now we have turned our backs on it. We have definately lost something when we do this and loss is what we feel.
you did all the right things - that is awesome, so glad you have found a good sponsor.
Im happy I made it through another friday night - now it's late saturday afternoon and I'm enjoying my sober day.
take care
Idg.
you wrote: I felt like some big part of me was gone that I wanted back.
Bizarre and twisted as it may seem, we actually go into a knd of grieving period when we get sober. alcohol was such a BIG part of our lives and now we have turned our backs on it. We have definately lost something when we do this and loss is what we feel.
you did all the right things - that is awesome, so glad you have found a good sponsor.
Im happy I made it through another friday night - now it's late saturday afternoon and I'm enjoying my sober day.
take care
Idg.
Yeah, Idgie is right there about the grieving period. I had several times where I felt guilty about not taking alcohol and drugs because I was turning my back on them and working towards a normal life. It felt like I was betraying alcohol and drugs. Quite insane!!
