Better out than in, eh?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can and
wisdom to know the difference
Today I am grateful I have a HP who is, on a daily basis and through conflict, confusion and example, helping me learn where I end and others begin. I know I'm not necessarily wrong simply because others think it so, and I know I don't have to kill myself trying to work out what they think is right for fear of their response.
Live and let live.
I have a HP, and he is leading me into a life full of love, laughter and joy each and every day. I hope youre is too.
Martin I never implied to keep things bottled up and repressed. Once it's out it is out. In my experience once it is out no need to play the tape over and over is all I was saying. Again whatever works for you is the way you should do it. This is a board where people share what works for them. Staying present and in the solution and not dwelling on the past and the problem is what works for me. JMHO.
Have a great sober day Martin.
Have a great sober day Martin.
Oh s*** Valarie, this is how things go wrong. I swear to God I wasn't even thinking about you when I wrote this. It's certainly been an issue for me but this isn't about you - it's about my need to say I have a right to be here. Someone told me long ago I had no right to exist and I have to reclaim my right to be where I am and who I am.
I swear to God you didn't enter my head when I wrote this.
Martin
I swear to God you didn't enter my head when I wrote this.
Martin
Calm down Martin. I was never upset and this isn't going wrong. :-) All is good.
I only responded because it was the next thread after you wrote to me on the other thread about the past. It's all good.
I only responded because it was the next thread after you wrote to me on the other thread about the past. It's all good.
Thanks Valarie, I really appreciate you posting that. I really am pretty emotional and your second post nearly made me cry....blooming heck....don't ask me to explain the strength of that feeling....it shouldn't matter THAT much...I know that...lots of work left then....I was beginning to think I had it cracked....lol..no...not really...
Thanks. It mattered much more than it should. I've been a rock for other people all my life and part of my despair is that when I finally cracked at 50 no bugger seemed prepared to offer a shoulder for the five minutes I'll need it. Sure, life can be cruel, but let's not make it any worse eh?
Thanks for coming back and being there for me Valarie. It meant a lot.
Thanks. It mattered much more than it should. I've been a rock for other people all my life and part of my despair is that when I finally cracked at 50 no bugger seemed prepared to offer a shoulder for the five minutes I'll need it. Sure, life can be cruel, but let's not make it any worse eh?
Thanks for coming back and being there for me Valarie. It meant a lot.
No worries Martin. When you read posts just take a deep breath and read them again. Ask yourself if it really is an attack on you as you probably are perceiving it to be?? 9 times out of 10 it isn't. It's just the tone that you take it. You take it in the tone that you speak to yourself in. You seem to be very upset internally and I imagine the tape that plays in your head to yourself is one of insecurity and judgement. We aren't judging you. You are judging yourself so you take alot of what as said in the same way. Does that make sense? Anyway be like a duck and let things roll off your back.
Have a peaceful present day!!
Have a peaceful present day!!
Valarie,
That's brilliant and makes absolute sense to me. Ye gods. The difference between knowing something in my tiny little computer and knowing it in the bigger me.....that feels like a real breakthrough ....could THIS be ME....not just .... oh yeah, something that happens to some people....but it's what I'M doing.....wow...this mirror-lined prison of my head....how do I know what's true anymore?.....from inside here the world looks one way but it's really a different way.....
You made that insight possible for ME by being SO patient and gentle that I couldn't possibly misconstrue your suggestion as motivated by ANYTHING other than an honest attempt to communicate. I couldn't unconsciously hook my paranoia onto it or trigger my defensiveness ......Thank you for being so caring about a stranger as to do that for me. I think that might be what some of the conflict here has been about. My denial is not a river in Egypt...and it's not something I find I can just "drop" as an act of Will.....I'm trying to be open and honest....and I have to be true to me....
I'll keep working on me.
Martin
That's brilliant and makes absolute sense to me. Ye gods. The difference between knowing something in my tiny little computer and knowing it in the bigger me.....that feels like a real breakthrough ....could THIS be ME....not just .... oh yeah, something that happens to some people....but it's what I'M doing.....wow...this mirror-lined prison of my head....how do I know what's true anymore?.....from inside here the world looks one way but it's really a different way.....
You made that insight possible for ME by being SO patient and gentle that I couldn't possibly misconstrue your suggestion as motivated by ANYTHING other than an honest attempt to communicate. I couldn't unconsciously hook my paranoia onto it or trigger my defensiveness ......Thank you for being so caring about a stranger as to do that for me. I think that might be what some of the conflict here has been about. My denial is not a river in Egypt...and it's not something I find I can just "drop" as an act of Will.....I'm trying to be open and honest....and I have to be true to me....
I'll keep working on me.
Martin
