Congratulations reddog -- you're doing great. Thanks for keeping the Board posted on your progress. Whether you believe it or not, it's an inspiration to all! None
Danny, to funny about your oldest we get the same thing here with my 21 year old. She comes around when she needs money or a babysitter. Shantel
so nice to hear your voice, red -- even in it's angst that you have so openly shared of during the past several weeks, it is a beautiful song.
a little experienceiI will share regarding the freedom of recovery. in freedom from pill abuse, i have reclaimed myself, my truth, love and integrity. congratulations on being honest with yourself, red. there is no 'hope' when we refuse to see the truth. you are courageous enough to see the truth and acknowledge your pain and continue to grow and learn and heal. you are a true warrior of the heart.
how beautiful you look in freedom! pill free and discovering to love life -- it's the only way to live. i applaud you and am so happy to hear your realization that narcotics are not the solution to any way of coping with life. one of the great lesson i have learned in that solution is the lesson of forgiveness.
in forgiving myself, i am saying, i'm okay. i forgive me for 'not being perfect'. for not seeing what my addiction was doing. for not standing up for me. for giving up on me and giving into addiction.
i forgive me for letting my denial and rational-lies run rampant in my life. for letting my lies become my truth. i forgive me for not knowing -- what i was doing. what this addiction was doing.
i forgive me for hurting others in the process of being hurt by my behavior while addicted. no matter how well i tried to camouflage my actions and my true self, believing in the pills i abused, put my entire family and friends at risk.
i forgive me for trusting in pills as a solution with my heart, my thoughts, my love, my truth, my beauty. i forgive me for trying to take a shortcut to happiness and ending up on the road to hell, ignoring all the signposts and driving past all the exits before it was too late.
in forgiving myself, i am acknowledging that i got hurt. it was 'bigger' than me. i am stating that it's okay to feel the pain, to move through the angst, the sorrow, grief and tears. it's okay to feel the anger. it's okay to say, "i fell down."
in forgiving myself i am loving myself and letting go of that which drove me into the unholy arms of addiction. in forgiving myself i am filling my hungry heart with love, because when i forgive myself, i can look into the mirror and love the person i see looking back at me. i am not holding on to any vestiges of anger, pain or regret, because anger, pain and regret will limit my freedom and burden my journey. i move through them and let them go.
in forgiving myself, i am saying, i love myself enough to honor my pain and love myself in all my imperfections. in forgiving myself, i am turning up for me and being all of me. and all of me does not need a shortcut to happiness. all of me does not need someone else to complete me or feed my hungry heart. all of me is enough. the very first steps of learning to forgive myself, was the action i took in forgiving others. the paradox here is that once i put "self" aside, i found myself.
in love, as long as your heart is connected to your mind in love, you will be walking your path with integrity. what is your truth in this? you have a chance at happiness now red. you have an opportunity to truly be free of addiction and in being free of this robber baron of life we also let go of some of the demons from our past, which possibly held us in its unholy arms too long -- but we must give ourself the chance to do so and it has been experience that this does not come instantaneously.
shine your light on you. let go of thoughts of any negative connotations -- in any form -- and start thinking about you - the you who was created by the most incredible force of the universe - love. what thoughts are you having about your past hurts or perceived injustices where your family, friends, and you are concerned? this is just some food for thought and certainly i do not mean for you answer these questions here -- more like 4th step work with your sponsor. i will share with you that underneath all that i would say prior too and during early recovery, there was great deal of anger -- and that anger didn't always manifested itself ways of rage or outburst of the screaming meanies; however, more of than not it manifedted it in ways of feeling less than and undeserving. how refreshing it is to my spirit to see that now is the time for you to turn up for you and bask in the light of recovery.
for me, in freedom, thinking about the pills kept me trapped. thinking about the pills helped me avoid working through what i needed to do to be free. this is known as one of the symptoms of the disease of addiction - obsession.
give yourself the gift of letting go of this addiction and turning up for you. be very careful, red. regardless of what roads this addiction has taken you down, the damage to your spirit and psyche is profound. our inner beings are not designed to withstand such abusive treatment that addiction leads us through.
it took me almost physically dying to break the cycle of my addictive abuse. i had already died spiritually and emotionally, and i guess the end stage of this disease for me was to die physically. it also took a whole lot of help, red, to break that addictive cycle i speak of above. we often hear how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease can be when not treated, and deep down in my heart, i knew i was not ready for recovery the first few times i attempted it. additionally, i knew this mentally too and let go of my 'truth' and turned my eyes to the seductive paintings of happily ever after living under the influence of pills. to my hungry heart they were too beautiful to withstand. like an eclipse watcher blinded by the light of the sun, i forgot to wear my dark glasses to shield me from the glare of addicition's shining and sparkling persona. hey red - all that glitters isn't gold! ;)
be gentle and loving with yourself, red. get safe. run from this addiction as fast as you can, and surround yourself with those who have successfully walked before you. lovingly pull out the messages this addiction has implanted -- they lie within you and they lie to us.
you are worthy, red. you are loveable and deserve more than any pill ever could or would have given you. whatever the 'cause', the disorder underlying the abuse of mood altering substances, abuse is as you are finding out not the solution. addiction kills hope, faith, love, trust, truth and dignity. you deserve to be loved. you deserve freedom.
it is my sincere desire that you will continue to share and let us help you. because here's the neatest part about this message that i share with you today, when you share, or any addict shares their struggles, experience, strength, or hope, you have no idea how much it helps others. i know it does me.
hugs and tons of encouragement to you ~
sammy
a little experienceiI will share regarding the freedom of recovery. in freedom from pill abuse, i have reclaimed myself, my truth, love and integrity. congratulations on being honest with yourself, red. there is no 'hope' when we refuse to see the truth. you are courageous enough to see the truth and acknowledge your pain and continue to grow and learn and heal. you are a true warrior of the heart.
how beautiful you look in freedom! pill free and discovering to love life -- it's the only way to live. i applaud you and am so happy to hear your realization that narcotics are not the solution to any way of coping with life. one of the great lesson i have learned in that solution is the lesson of forgiveness.
in forgiving myself, i am saying, i'm okay. i forgive me for 'not being perfect'. for not seeing what my addiction was doing. for not standing up for me. for giving up on me and giving into addiction.
i forgive me for letting my denial and rational-lies run rampant in my life. for letting my lies become my truth. i forgive me for not knowing -- what i was doing. what this addiction was doing.
i forgive me for hurting others in the process of being hurt by my behavior while addicted. no matter how well i tried to camouflage my actions and my true self, believing in the pills i abused, put my entire family and friends at risk.
i forgive me for trusting in pills as a solution with my heart, my thoughts, my love, my truth, my beauty. i forgive me for trying to take a shortcut to happiness and ending up on the road to hell, ignoring all the signposts and driving past all the exits before it was too late.
in forgiving myself, i am acknowledging that i got hurt. it was 'bigger' than me. i am stating that it's okay to feel the pain, to move through the angst, the sorrow, grief and tears. it's okay to feel the anger. it's okay to say, "i fell down."
in forgiving myself i am loving myself and letting go of that which drove me into the unholy arms of addiction. in forgiving myself i am filling my hungry heart with love, because when i forgive myself, i can look into the mirror and love the person i see looking back at me. i am not holding on to any vestiges of anger, pain or regret, because anger, pain and regret will limit my freedom and burden my journey. i move through them and let them go.
in forgiving myself, i am saying, i love myself enough to honor my pain and love myself in all my imperfections. in forgiving myself, i am turning up for me and being all of me. and all of me does not need a shortcut to happiness. all of me does not need someone else to complete me or feed my hungry heart. all of me is enough. the very first steps of learning to forgive myself, was the action i took in forgiving others. the paradox here is that once i put "self" aside, i found myself.
in love, as long as your heart is connected to your mind in love, you will be walking your path with integrity. what is your truth in this? you have a chance at happiness now red. you have an opportunity to truly be free of addiction and in being free of this robber baron of life we also let go of some of the demons from our past, which possibly held us in its unholy arms too long -- but we must give ourself the chance to do so and it has been experience that this does not come instantaneously.
shine your light on you. let go of thoughts of any negative connotations -- in any form -- and start thinking about you - the you who was created by the most incredible force of the universe - love. what thoughts are you having about your past hurts or perceived injustices where your family, friends, and you are concerned? this is just some food for thought and certainly i do not mean for you answer these questions here -- more like 4th step work with your sponsor. i will share with you that underneath all that i would say prior too and during early recovery, there was great deal of anger -- and that anger didn't always manifested itself ways of rage or outburst of the screaming meanies; however, more of than not it manifedted it in ways of feeling less than and undeserving. how refreshing it is to my spirit to see that now is the time for you to turn up for you and bask in the light of recovery.
for me, in freedom, thinking about the pills kept me trapped. thinking about the pills helped me avoid working through what i needed to do to be free. this is known as one of the symptoms of the disease of addiction - obsession.
give yourself the gift of letting go of this addiction and turning up for you. be very careful, red. regardless of what roads this addiction has taken you down, the damage to your spirit and psyche is profound. our inner beings are not designed to withstand such abusive treatment that addiction leads us through.
it took me almost physically dying to break the cycle of my addictive abuse. i had already died spiritually and emotionally, and i guess the end stage of this disease for me was to die physically. it also took a whole lot of help, red, to break that addictive cycle i speak of above. we often hear how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease can be when not treated, and deep down in my heart, i knew i was not ready for recovery the first few times i attempted it. additionally, i knew this mentally too and let go of my 'truth' and turned my eyes to the seductive paintings of happily ever after living under the influence of pills. to my hungry heart they were too beautiful to withstand. like an eclipse watcher blinded by the light of the sun, i forgot to wear my dark glasses to shield me from the glare of addicition's shining and sparkling persona. hey red - all that glitters isn't gold! ;)
be gentle and loving with yourself, red. get safe. run from this addiction as fast as you can, and surround yourself with those who have successfully walked before you. lovingly pull out the messages this addiction has implanted -- they lie within you and they lie to us.
you are worthy, red. you are loveable and deserve more than any pill ever could or would have given you. whatever the 'cause', the disorder underlying the abuse of mood altering substances, abuse is as you are finding out not the solution. addiction kills hope, faith, love, trust, truth and dignity. you deserve to be loved. you deserve freedom.
it is my sincere desire that you will continue to share and let us help you. because here's the neatest part about this message that i share with you today, when you share, or any addict shares their struggles, experience, strength, or hope, you have no idea how much it helps others. i know it does me.
hugs and tons of encouragement to you ~
sammy
None, You are so right. His post are so inspirational especially to the new person coming to the board gives them hope that even though they might be struggling it can be done. Shantel
Reddog certainly has a great attitude.
Shantel- If my daughter comes here and asks me to babysit her child, I will certainly have to hang myself, as I am not yet a grandfather..if my son comes here and asks me to babysit HIS child..I will certainly have to hang HIM...(I'm sure I'll feel different after it actually happens..I just don't want ANOTHER midlife crisis..hehe)
Shantel- If my daughter comes here and asks me to babysit her child, I will certainly have to hang myself, as I am not yet a grandfather..if my son comes here and asks me to babysit HIS child..I will certainly have to hang HIM...(I'm sure I'll feel different after it actually happens..I just don't want ANOTHER midlife crisis..hehe)
Danny, Reddog reminds me so much of myself when I first started out on this journey. Never thinking I was ever gonna get back to the person I was before pills and wondering why it was taking so long. I had no patience at all. Wanted it to happen in one day but I had to remember I didn't become addicted to pills overnight. It takes time. I use to count my days of clean time just like he does maybe even hours now I just live for today and thank god he brought me to my knees when he did. Shantel
Wow what a little surprise. I just woke up. Its 11 am. I havent slept that late in a long long time lol
I am very happy though 25 posts. Thank you guys. They mean a lot to me. Im going to enjoy this sunday. I have to shower, eat, go to Mass and watch some football of course. Its a nice sunny day in NY but very cold. I would love a nice snowstorm now that would be fantastic.
Wow this is the first morning I havent woken up feeling "sick" MMM maybe its passing
23 days!
I am very happy though 25 posts. Thank you guys. They mean a lot to me. Im going to enjoy this sunday. I have to shower, eat, go to Mass and watch some football of course. Its a nice sunny day in NY but very cold. I would love a nice snowstorm now that would be fantastic.
Wow this is the first morning I havent woken up feeling "sick" MMM maybe its passing
23 days!
Shantel- I was the same way too..
Seriously Reddog- Every day gets better and pretty soon you don't count them anymore...they turn into weeks, then months then years..very soon, you are not going to wake up amazed..you are just going to wake up and live your life and not think a whole heck of a lot about it..
Seriously Reddog- Every day gets better and pretty soon you don't count them anymore...they turn into weeks, then months then years..very soon, you are not going to wake up amazed..you are just going to wake up and live your life and not think a whole heck of a lot about it..
