I felt more emotions being straight, felt capable of more hugs with family and friends. Didn't have to worry about keeping the high going very two hours. A little tricky at my parents house, but hardcharger always figures out how to keep the buzz going. Instead of sitting there with a "selfish brain", thinking about my buzz, coming or fading - I could relax and talk with my brothers, try to be the best uncle for my nieces and nephews and truly feel and relate to my everyone else.
Not to say that I wouldn't want to crawl up in a secret place with my pipe. Those feelings have not passed. I'm home now and it's a mess with decorations, present and such. Wife is coming back a day late. No one, but me, would know, And a little buzz ain't all bad to help get some mindless housework and organzing done. But then I'd be off to the races again, and one buzz isn't enough, only lasts 2 hrs or so, then the brain will start calling me again, and the work begins. Being straight, I "bothered" to say nurtuing things to my kids, and took the time to correct or advise them, in years past those thought would've never entered my mind. But it is still a struggle. Being straight is the easy way, in the long run, but it doesn't always seem so for the short run.
hi - i hear you and relate totally! today is a perfect day to for those warm fuzzies while i clean up the holiday wrappings and mess but.... it's not going to happen.... i will do it wide eyed and present. no warm fuzzies. alas..... i miss them like an old friend.... like the best of an ended bad relationship. you know?
