Hi everyone,
I mainly post on the pain pill board for support of my pain and I have been reading some of your posts. I was curious what some of your stories are?
All I know about what a severe alcoholic is like is from Intervention, the Betsey episode which was on last Sunday and the movie Leaving Las Vegas. I don't know if the movie was realistic of what a severe alcholic goes through. May I ask, how some of you started and how it progressed to severe addiction? Did any of you drink, party in college?
Love,
Walla
I posted this here many times and over on the C/C site board too, it's my story and I'm stickin' to it ; - )
What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...
What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my shtuff together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (popping in and out of the program - mostly out) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I am about to have 22 years with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 19 and 15) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad. That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a f' in alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, if possible, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, work the 12 steps in my daily life, have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray daily and try to meditate daily too), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...
What's It's Like Now: I am a 46 (almost 47) year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in a very prominent Corporation, my 15 year daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a wonderful sober and clean guy...I will be celebrating three years of sobriety on 22 November 2006 - unbelievable, I am a miracle - if I can do it - after twenty-eight years of continuous drinking and using - you can too! Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...
What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...
What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my shtuff together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (popping in and out of the program - mostly out) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I am about to have 22 years with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 19 and 15) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad. That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a f' in alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, if possible, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, work the 12 steps in my daily life, have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray daily and try to meditate daily too), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...
What's It's Like Now: I am a 46 (almost 47) year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in a very prominent Corporation, my 15 year daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a wonderful sober and clean guy...I will be celebrating three years of sobriety on 22 November 2006 - unbelievable, I am a miracle - if I can do it - after twenty-eight years of continuous drinking and using - you can too! Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...
Hey Walla hows things
I loved alcohol and blackout, if i didn't blackout i thought i hadn't drank enough, like VWG i used cocaine to stay awake and drink more.
My Father was a violent alky and my brother is in recovery. I was brought up to work hard, play hard and drink hard....pubs are for getting pissed in and you go to the pub put both feet in the trough by the bar and drink till you drop..i lived that philosophy till one day the see saw of drinking just didn't return back and it all went to s***e and i kept chasing the glory days but was only adding more s***e. To the point where i wanted to die. Where i live you go to the pub for everything and as a whole the drinking mentality for the majority is to binge drink and abuse alcohol anyone who had a couple and left was a wan*a. Alcohol was my confidance and kept my emotions buried most of the time.
I had my last drinking binge and all the associated bulls***e on the 23 March 1996.
Being in recovery does not stop the pain of life at times but it does give me the options of staying sober and living the fear, also i should say that most of my fear exists in my head and is premeditated so i am not ruled by it any more.
Since day 1 i have not lost the gratitude for life which i now have and i owe heaps of gratitude to AA and every positive thing i have heard since also my higher power who supported me when my legs wher in the trough and last but not least ME for believing in the good that i new was hiding somewhere within the evil, manipulative, cunning, baffling, and negatively powerful basta*d i was.
So hey Walla if all the alcohol was to flow past me now that i drank the Queen Mary would be floating on it LOL. I do not want to drink today because life on lifes terms is the greatest natural rush i will ever get and it lasts till the day i die and then the next higher level of rush will begin, meeting my loved ones in spirit.
Light and love Zac
I loved alcohol and blackout, if i didn't blackout i thought i hadn't drank enough, like VWG i used cocaine to stay awake and drink more.
My Father was a violent alky and my brother is in recovery. I was brought up to work hard, play hard and drink hard....pubs are for getting pissed in and you go to the pub put both feet in the trough by the bar and drink till you drop..i lived that philosophy till one day the see saw of drinking just didn't return back and it all went to s***e and i kept chasing the glory days but was only adding more s***e. To the point where i wanted to die. Where i live you go to the pub for everything and as a whole the drinking mentality for the majority is to binge drink and abuse alcohol anyone who had a couple and left was a wan*a. Alcohol was my confidance and kept my emotions buried most of the time.
I had my last drinking binge and all the associated bulls***e on the 23 March 1996.
Being in recovery does not stop the pain of life at times but it does give me the options of staying sober and living the fear, also i should say that most of my fear exists in my head and is premeditated so i am not ruled by it any more.
Since day 1 i have not lost the gratitude for life which i now have and i owe heaps of gratitude to AA and every positive thing i have heard since also my higher power who supported me when my legs wher in the trough and last but not least ME for believing in the good that i new was hiding somewhere within the evil, manipulative, cunning, baffling, and negatively powerful basta*d i was.
So hey Walla if all the alcohol was to flow past me now that i drank the Queen Mary would be floating on it LOL. I do not want to drink today because life on lifes terms is the greatest natural rush i will ever get and it lasts till the day i die and then the next higher level of rush will begin, meeting my loved ones in spirit.
Light and love Zac
bump for more stories
How's Things can someone let this uneducated Kiwi know what "bump" means please.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
bump is when you want to move a post to the top...by typing in a response..it moves the subject to the top of the posts.
How's things Catgirl, and thanks .
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Things are great thanks Zac. And yourself? Yvw for answer to "bump"...lol..took me forever to figure that one out!!!
God Bless
T.
God Bless
T.
