I tried really hard yesterday, and almost came thru. After work, I felt like wine in the worst way. I went and parked in the beer and wine store parking lot. I walked around the block, and then stood in front of the store and thought about what my decision was going to be. Then I got back in my car and drove home, with no wine. I was proud of myself, but when I was at home making dinner, I still couldnt get the thought out of my head. I walked down the block to the closest beer and wine store, and bought a bottle of wine. I drank it all when I got home, and then opened a bottle of champaigne that has been sitting around my house for a month, and had a half a glass of it, then went to bed. When I made that wrong decision, it ruined my night. I struggle with that decision nearly every night, and i can be strong about it many times, but last night i cracked. I dont know what to do.
Hi mupmup.
Youre doing something by being here. Reaching out. Thats a good start if you didnt believe you had a problem with alcohol you would not be posting in a room for people with alcohol problems. The good news is if you want help its available but you have to take the action necessary .I left Boris a few suggestions maybe you can read that and use some of the suggestions. Keep posting let us know how things are. .
God bless LionelC
Youre doing something by being here. Reaching out. Thats a good start if you didnt believe you had a problem with alcohol you would not be posting in a room for people with alcohol problems. The good news is if you want help its available but you have to take the action necessary .I left Boris a few suggestions maybe you can read that and use some of the suggestions. Keep posting let us know how things are. .
God bless LionelC
Hi Mupmup, Glad to see you keep returning to the site as you continue to struggle with your alcoholism. I believe you've stated in previous posts that you are not interested in attending AA meetings. All that I can say, is that for me, this alcoholic (me) ~ I could not get sober on my own volition. I tried for 20 years...I researched Rationale Recovery, the Moderation Method, Mormonisn, EST, Hinduism, everything trying to avoid those a$$sholes in AA...well, when I was given the gift of desperation, when I hit my bottom, I was graced with that moment of clarity that so many speak of and knew right then that AA was the last house on the block for me. I don't know what to tell if you except that the Program is working for me because I was done, really done with the drinking and the hangovers and the constant demoralization that came with it...I didn't want to experience the night sweats, the headaches, the blackouts, the nausea, the shakes, the diarrhea, all the wonderful side effects that come from a night of drinking. Moreover, I surrender my will and my life to a Higher Power daily (I was told I could choose whatever as my Higher Power & God is my Higher Power, but some people choose the Ocean, the fellowship, whatever). What a huge relief it is to me now that I don't have to run the whole show, direct everyone elses life. If you are done, really done, which I'm not sure if you are...maybe, just maybe try another AA meeting, go with an open mind...take what you want out of it and leave the rest behind. What have you got to lose? If you don't like it, you will always be refunded of your misery. Take care ~ I hope you hit your bottom sooner rather than later and that you too are given the gift of desperation. Peace & Serenity, VWGirl PS-One day at time I have put together almost 20 months of sobriety...that's almost 20 months of not picking up a drink one day at time...I don't drink between meetings and that seems to be working for me!
