What Did You Do This Weekend?

Pain Pills
21
We went to my 5-y/o nieces cheerleading competition in Pekin, Illinois, which is where she lives, which is about a 3+ hour drive from my home. It was the cutest thing ever. They had little girls ranging from 4y/o up to the teenaged girls who were so very awesome to watch. They were amazing. My nieces team took second place, but every little one received a trophy. We had a good time. Then we went miniature golfing, except I could not participate. I had an ingrown toenail I had removed last weekend, boy talk about pain. I don't think my tattoos even hurt that much LOL!!
22
Dawn, Glad to here you got out of the house over the weekend. My daughter is a Varsity cheerleader and I love the competitions to but trust me at the end of the school year I am glad to have a break from them over the summer. How are you doing as far as the pills are concerned? Are you still going to the addiction specialist? Last post I read from you a week or so ago you were having a hard time. What's going on? Shantel
23
Shantell George spent what 40 million $ on some Japanese dude who cant get anyone out. Now its Rodger? If you rush him back POP there goes his hamstring. That is why he comes back late in the season.

Yankees have no shot sweetie sorry I wish they did as they are the only team I want to play in the series.

24
Hey Shantell, I messed up again. The doc gave me vicodin for my toenail removal. I knew, and he indicated he knew that he was not supposed to give them to me, but I was in so much pain. I went to a wedding 2 weekends ago, and I just thought that wearing the heels is what hurt my toe, (haven't worn heals in years) but it just keeping getting worse and worse and finally became infected with pus and blood, so I went to urgent care, apparently, all of the tissue underneath my big toenail was granulation tissue and very infected, he said it has probably been going on for months. So they removed the whole tonail. I know, sounds gross, sorry. I stuck to the prescription directions, could not help it this time, i was in a lot of pain. I am kinda on the fence tho, as my psychiatrist started me on a benzo - and I am not to sure about it yet. Still struggling. I am having these "breakdowns", that is the only way to describe it. I cry uncontrollably, to the point where I hyperventilate, I have no motivation, no energy, no will to do anything I feel like a big useless blob. But, I can only take it day by day huh, thanks for thinking of me. :0)
25
I got a manicure/pedicure at the Hyatt, and then played all day with my girls and bf. The ocean was so clean, and blue. There is nothing like it.

I love Kaanapali!!! Especially clean and sober!!
26
I've been to that Hyatt. It's nice. I like the Kaanapali golf course.
27
Dawn, You are playing with fire. Vics and now a benzo! You never answered my question if you were still seeing the addiction specialist. Shantel
28
Hey Shantel, yes, I am still seeing him, but I am unsure what to do. He said do not go to the women's groups meetings,or to the NA meetings, that he wants me to attend if I am using, technically, if I am taking the benzo's that were prescribed by my head shrinker, isn't that technically under the influence also?? I am confused..
29
Dawn...
You can still attend the meetings, in fact, you probably need to...All they ask is if you have drank/used in the last 24hrs to please refrain from sharing but you are more than welcome to go & listen and talk to people after the meeting....

I agree with Shantell regarding the benzo...if it were me, I'd really think twice about taking a benzo and switching to a new DOC....read some of Shelly's posts and once she got honest with herself and quit all the pills, she is doing so much better...

I wish you luck...
Take care,
Stacey
30
Dawn, if you are taking a benzo, then yes, you are still under the influence.
31
Dawn, You stated "you knew and your doctor indicated he should not be giving you the vics" but he still did. I could say I blame your doctor for giving them to you but I'm not because back in the day when I was fooling myself about wanting recovery I could have charmed the pants off a snake. Alot of us on the board suffer everyday with pain but we choose to find different avenues to deal with that pain without our doc. Now take Lisa and Kerri for example they had legitimate reasons to use pain pills after what they had been through but the difference between you and them is they are working a program and have safety nets in place and you don't. Time to ask yourself if recovery is what you are really looking for. As far as the benzos have you read some of the horror stories on here about them? I think there are other ways to deal with your problems and the way you are feeling with out them. No one said it was gonna be easy for you but you need to get honest with yourself. I think you want recovery because you keep coming back and posting but you have got to want it to the point you can taste it and trust me it taste good. You have got to fight and find more support than what you have now. Your way is not working. I know you can do this now you have to know it to. Shantel
32
Dawn, One more thing I wanted to add is life is what you make of it. After I got off pills I felt like you did maybe even worse. I could have gave a rats a** about anything. I had it in my head that life without that high was just not worth. I sat around for months having a big pity party for myself. Thank god I had the strength to fight the way I was feeling, a great counslor and a supportive family. What I have learned over the past year is to dwell on the positive in my life and not to let the negative bring me down. It is easier said than done but if there is a will there is a way. Shantel