My boyfriend of two years is an alcoholic. He does not see it this way. About 7 months ago, he had to have angioplasty and the doctors told him he cannot drink any more. It scared him a lot. He knows I don't like his drinking because of his mentally abusive behavior. Well, he was, at least I thought he was, sober since then. I live in Florida and he's in New Jersey. He came to see me for the holidays and when I picked him up at the airport he was drunk. According to him he only had "one glass of wine" on the plane. I drove around the terminal and dropped him off back at the airport. I told him he knew how I felt and that I couldn't go through this again. It's all my fault and how could I leave him when he came all this way to see me. He doesn't have a problem and it was only one glass of wine. The problem is I still love him and am having a very hard time with all of this. He hasn't called and if he does I don't know what to do or say. I do love him, but I can't take the abusive behavior when he drinks and he won't stop drinking. I guess I don't have a choice but to let him go. Maybe one day he will change and until then try to go on with my life. Any suggestions? Am I doing the right thing or am I not being supportive?
I just read your question, my heart goes out to you. I think you did the right thing because I have a brother who is now in his 40's. He had been drinking since he was in high school. Of course we turned a blind eye to it. Now, however, it's so very clear what was going on, and I'm afraid how we helped him get to the state he is in now. I think if we, and I mean we as my whole family, had been willing to confront him and not help him for so long perhaps he could have turned his life around. You see we covered up for him, we picked up his mess, and we allowed him to keep us all afraid and almost paralized. Now we are at the point where it's getting us sick. I have all kinds of problems, and I know stress is a big part. We did try, rehabs, hospitals, so many many time only to have the same ---- start up again. Now I know how increadably hard he has been fighting to stay a drunk. He is so very smart, even though he is quite brain damaged at this point. I have washed my hands with him, my family has done the same, I just pray it's not to late for him , but I think it is. I now am wracked with guilt, second guessing and shame. I know if he were suffering with cancer, or any other illness which he had no part it we would stand by him, but not now. So I think your very brave to stand your ground now, it is an addiction he has to deal with. I hope this helps, you and me. J.undefined What do I do
You did the right thing. You did what he needed you to do. Alcoholics who haven't gotten a handle on their problem may still believe they can control it.. but the truth is, once they drink, they can't. It's a blood chemistry imbalance and when they agree to take that first drink, they lose control. My oldest brother is an alcoholic. He is so amazing in so many ways, but when he drinks, you never know if he will be Mr. Nice or Mr. Nasty. Mr. Nasty is pretty darn scary so he's managed to keep his siblings all at arm's length because we can't predict which personality will come out. He's wonderful when hes not drinking. He's drinking again though and likely to make a real mess of his life. I wish too I knew what to do to help him. I think the hardest thing is to force someone you love to face a problem, but it's the best thing to do. Perhaps you can rally his family to all confront him and make him realize that everyone feels he has a problem. My brother's girlfriend has just done that in my family. My initial reaction was hell no because he's scared me in the past and I didn't want to risk getting hurt. But I will rally because I want him to be the person I know he can be. I don't know yet what we'll do, but we will confront him. It makes you want to ask why a person is so angry at themselves that they will risk losing what is most important in their lives to have the darn drink. If you take your boyfriend back and he hasn't come to real terms with his problem, you will get hurt eventually by it. Don't put yourself in that avenue of trauma. If you want to help him, get his family's support and go from there. If the family can't help him, get his friends. Heck, get whoever you know that truly cares about him to confront him and make him realize he is not going to fool anyone about the fact that he has a problem.
Best of luck to you and to your boyfriend too. That took alot of courage for you to listen to your instinct. But good that you did. You were brave and you were right to do so. He has to learn that he cannot celebrate with liquor or wine. He has to celebrate with life instead.
Best of luck to you and to your boyfriend too. That took alot of courage for you to listen to your instinct. But good that you did. You were brave and you were right to do so. He has to learn that he cannot celebrate with liquor or wine. He has to celebrate with life instead.
Hello Barb,
It's unfortunate your boyfriend is still holding on to that which is destroying him on every front of his life, but there is always hope. I encourage you to check out this website--[URL=www.reformu.com] If you go to locations and click on NJ there will be a place that you can contact- They'll go right to him. Many times people we say will not take the help will take it . He may really want to change but is too proud to tell you. I hope you see this and it can be of some help.
Mikie
It's unfortunate your boyfriend is still holding on to that which is destroying him on every front of his life, but there is always hope. I encourage you to check out this website--[URL=www.reformu.com] If you go to locations and click on NJ there will be a place that you can contact- They'll go right to him. Many times people we say will not take the help will take it . He may really want to change but is too proud to tell you. I hope you see this and it can be of some help.
Mikie
