My son is 24. He has been using Meth for about a year now. I have tried everything to help him. He is on probation and has not reported in 4 months now because he knew he would fail a drug test. He has not paid anything on his fine in a year, not done any community service as ordered, nothing. Now I'm sure there is a warrant out for him and he says, "Oh well, I guess when I go to jail I'll have to get clean".I tried to bribe him and say if he would go to rehab I would catch up his fine and talk to his probabtion officer. (I called and there is no warrant on him yet). He says he doesn't need help. He has had 5 jobs in the last 6 months and been fired from all. I kicked him out of the house and after a month I let him come back because he got another job. One week later he layed out and was fired again. So now, we fight everyday and I told him he had to leave again unless he would get help. So he left. But he keeps coming in the house when I'm at work and eats and showers and sleeps. I don't have the heart to change the locks because then I would really worry about him. How can I help him?
As a recovering addict, I have to say what you are doing now really won't help. Hey, he gets food and a shower from you and what does he have to do in return? Absolutely nothing. So why should he? Please go to the Family and Friends board. They can give you support and advice. Ways to stop enabling him. Ways to set boundaries..oh..and support to sticking to them.
The only help you can give him is to support him if and when he gets serious, and I mean serious, about recovery. Drug counseling, AA/NA, sober living houses, etc, etc. Everything else is just talk and should be treated as such. Otherwise, as it has been said, let him fall all by himself.....
The only help you can give him is to support him if and when he gets serious, and I mean serious, about recovery. Drug counseling, AA/NA, sober living houses, etc, etc. Everything else is just talk and should be treated as such. Otherwise, as it has been said, let him fall all by himself.....
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| How can I help him? |
It is really hard to come to grips with as a parent but you can't. As Elim said you aren't helping him. You have to let him own his own problem. There are a few of us parents on the Families board. We know exactly where you are and how you feel. We also know that we failed at fixing the problem with ours. You made the offer of rehab, either he takes it or he doesn't. You can only hope and pray he does. But be prepared for him to accept jail. He may accept rehab and still go back. He may do it multiple times. The point is you can only help yourself.
As a parent it hurts to watch our kids do this (no matter the age). We have never been powerless over anything with them. You will drive yourself nuts trying to fix him. Calling, following, searching town and a host of other useless tasks.
If you want to talk about you, stop on over at the Families board. Even if is just to read and learn as much as you can.
The first thing you have to relize is that it is out of your hands and you can not control it. God knowns I tried.
I am a Mother of a 30 year old son who has had a meth addiction for the past 10 years. He is my only child and God knows that I have tried everything in my power to get him to stop. I went thousands of dollars in debt, paying his bills, rent, attorney fees, and rehabs. I lived 10 years of living hell not knowing if I would ever see him alive agian or night after night the phone would ring and he woul be threating to kill himself. He is married and his wife was an addict also but to make matters unbearable she was pregnant with my first Grandchild and still using. He finally got himself in enough trouble that he was sentenced to three years in prison. His wife having an 8-month-old baby at the time was given the choice of rehab or jail. My son and his wife have both been clean for year as of last week. My son still has 18 months of prison time to serve and has told me on several occasions that prison was probably the only thing that saved his life. My Daughter in law spent 3 months in a rehab program for mothers with children and another 3 months in a half way house for mothers with children. She now has a full year clean, she is a good mother, has a full time job and her and her son have their own apartment. I can tell you as a Mother it will be the hardest thing you will ever do but please, please don't make the mistakes I made and enable him. It will only let the addiction continue. Like any Mother I did not want to see my son in the State prison but finally came to the conclusion that was better than finding him dead. Trust me when I tell you that their are worse things than jail. The very best advice I can give any parent that is going through this is to have enough strength to let go and let God. And secondly "Never give up hope"...
Please take care of yourself, find a support group, and put everything else in Gods hands.
I am a Mother of a 30 year old son who has had a meth addiction for the past 10 years. He is my only child and God knows that I have tried everything in my power to get him to stop. I went thousands of dollars in debt, paying his bills, rent, attorney fees, and rehabs. I lived 10 years of living hell not knowing if I would ever see him alive agian or night after night the phone would ring and he woul be threating to kill himself. He is married and his wife was an addict also but to make matters unbearable she was pregnant with my first Grandchild and still using. He finally got himself in enough trouble that he was sentenced to three years in prison. His wife having an 8-month-old baby at the time was given the choice of rehab or jail. My son and his wife have both been clean for year as of last week. My son still has 18 months of prison time to serve and has told me on several occasions that prison was probably the only thing that saved his life. My Daughter in law spent 3 months in a rehab program for mothers with children and another 3 months in a half way house for mothers with children. She now has a full year clean, she is a good mother, has a full time job and her and her son have their own apartment. I can tell you as a Mother it will be the hardest thing you will ever do but please, please don't make the mistakes I made and enable him. It will only let the addiction continue. Like any Mother I did not want to see my son in the State prison but finally came to the conclusion that was better than finding him dead. Trust me when I tell you that their are worse things than jail. The very best advice I can give any parent that is going through this is to have enough strength to let go and let God. And secondly "Never give up hope"...
Please take care of yourself, find a support group, and put everything else in Gods hands.
