Most of us came here seeking help or acceptance, but what was your rock bottom? What was it that finally got through to you that you couldn't live that way anymore?
And to those that are still using, what brought you to this board? And what will it take for you to quit using?
What was my bottom?
I was physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt...I was done living but afraid of dying...I was merely existing and no matter how many pills I popped, I couldn't fill the void deep inside me....I didn't lose my husband, my kids, my job, my car, didn't go to jail but these are still my "YETS" and if I was to go back out there, I do know these things will happen. This board allowed me to educate myself on addiction and slowly, very slowly walk out of the world of denial and into the world of recovery....
Today, I do know, I have to give it back in order to keep it, and being on here a few hours a week is a small part of my recovery and giving back...For me, the real deal is f2f and the miracles that I see happening all around me....
xoxo
Stacey
I was physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt...I was done living but afraid of dying...I was merely existing and no matter how many pills I popped, I couldn't fill the void deep inside me....I didn't lose my husband, my kids, my job, my car, didn't go to jail but these are still my "YETS" and if I was to go back out there, I do know these things will happen. This board allowed me to educate myself on addiction and slowly, very slowly walk out of the world of denial and into the world of recovery....
Today, I do know, I have to give it back in order to keep it, and being on here a few hours a week is a small part of my recovery and giving back...For me, the real deal is f2f and the miracles that I see happening all around me....
xoxo
Stacey
I came here actually by mistake. I was googling the word "Percocet" and one of the links was here. I gave it a shot. This board was so instrumental in getting me back to NA and AA, without it, I would have used one of the other links. I was so desperate back then. I don't ever want to feel that way again.
I found this board while looking for information on suboxone. I had already admitted I had a problem and went for treatment. I arrived prepared to stay inpatient for 7-10 days. Instead, I left with a script for suboxone and instructions to wait 72 hours before taking any, or risk getting very sick. I didn't stay for inpatient because they were not going to give me any meds for 72 hours and if I was going to go through that, I wanted to do it at home.
By evening, I was in WD and looking for info. on WHY I was to wait 72 hours. I had my mind made up that I was going to take the medicine that day. After talking to some people here, I realized that was probably a bad idea, but that 72 hours wasn't really necessary. People here talked me into waiting until morning, and I did.
I took it after about 19 hours, and immediately felt fine. I'm still not sure why they said wait 72 hours. From my own research, and info. from the suboxone website, I know now it's not really the number of hours that matter, but how bad WD is. A person should be in moderate WD on the clinical opiate withdrawal scale (COWS.) I was probably not quite in moderate WD, and would have probably taken the sub sooner had I not found this site.
I kept coming back because so many people reached out to me, and encouraged me to come back after I took the sub to report the results. I was impressed with all the people who took time to post to me, and how nice everyone was. A few days later I read through posts for hours and felt at home here, and I just kept coming back.
I had never posted on a message board before, and really hadn't planned to continue posting. I just came back because there were so many who showed genuine concern. That's why I feel it is so important for everyone to reach out to newcomers, even if they just say hello or welcome. Had I not received the response I did, I wouldn't have come back.
By evening, I was in WD and looking for info. on WHY I was to wait 72 hours. I had my mind made up that I was going to take the medicine that day. After talking to some people here, I realized that was probably a bad idea, but that 72 hours wasn't really necessary. People here talked me into waiting until morning, and I did.
I took it after about 19 hours, and immediately felt fine. I'm still not sure why they said wait 72 hours. From my own research, and info. from the suboxone website, I know now it's not really the number of hours that matter, but how bad WD is. A person should be in moderate WD on the clinical opiate withdrawal scale (COWS.) I was probably not quite in moderate WD, and would have probably taken the sub sooner had I not found this site.
I kept coming back because so many people reached out to me, and encouraged me to come back after I took the sub to report the results. I was impressed with all the people who took time to post to me, and how nice everyone was. A few days later I read through posts for hours and felt at home here, and I just kept coming back.
I had never posted on a message board before, and really hadn't planned to continue posting. I just came back because there were so many who showed genuine concern. That's why I feel it is so important for everyone to reach out to newcomers, even if they just say hello or welcome. Had I not received the response I did, I wouldn't have come back.
I was already active in F2F NA when I came to this board.My sponsor and I also belonged to an NA board called EGNA.org.That got weird..
They changed it up and ended up with way too many moderators.Somebody suggested I check this out and voila.
I like this BB because it has a lot more newcomers on here.
Egna got very sterile.I go to meetings so I didn't want another strictly NA site.
I feel like I can give back more here.
Thanks,Lisa
They changed it up and ended up with way too many moderators.Somebody suggested I check this out and voila.
I like this BB because it has a lot more newcomers on here.
Egna got very sterile.I go to meetings so I didn't want another strictly NA site.
I feel like I can give back more here.
Thanks,Lisa
Gulf Coast of Texas
water temp 54.6 degrees today
anybody want to join me for a session this afternoon?LOL
It's a beautiful day
water temp 54.6 degrees today
anybody want to join me for a session this afternoon?LOL
It's a beautiful day
I found this board when googling addiction recovery for a paper for school. I was doing the paper on recovery because I was in recovery. I did not do f2f at all at that point. I had done my basic recovery with aa and a program in jail. I read and found I liked what I saw. Since then I have started some f2f by going to an occasional meeting. I like what I see there too. Without some encouragement from people on the board I would not have done that. So this board was a good way for me to start comming out of my shell. I am grateful for it.
Love,
Jane
Edited to add:
P.S. Tim I wish!!! Looks beautiful.
Love,
Jane
Edited to add:
P.S. Tim I wish!!! Looks beautiful.
I wanted to add....not really sure I hit a rock bottom or not. I just had a realization one day that I didn't want to live a life that revolved around pills. I didn't want my moods to depend upon whether or not I had a full bottle, a half bottle or was running on empty. I wasn't pleased with who I was when I ran out. I knew I needed to regain control. If I hit bottom, then that's what it was.
I honestly cant pin point WHAT made me join here.I remember sitting at the computer that day(yes I still can remember that day)I remember feeling so lost,so alone,I knew that I was slowly killing myself,little by little,pill by pill.When I joined I was taking over 400 pills a mth!!!! I look back now & often think......holy crap how did I do that.
I had spent the last 20 years(years I cannot get back)jumping from one kind of drug to another.Uppers downers,anything I could use.
Anyways,I sat & read awhile & something in me pushed me to reach out & now after 2 years & many lessons learned Im still thankful I did join that day.
Im blessed with learning so much from so many....
molly
I had spent the last 20 years(years I cannot get back)jumping from one kind of drug to another.Uppers downers,anything I could use.
Anyways,I sat & read awhile & something in me pushed me to reach out & now after 2 years & many lessons learned Im still thankful I did join that day.
Im blessed with learning so much from so many....
molly
Tim...
Thank you for sharing that picture...I don't surf but I sure could enjoy just sitting on the beach and enjoying the moment and all that beauty...
Have a great surf!
xoxo
Stacey
Thank you for sharing that picture...I don't surf but I sure could enjoy just sitting on the beach and enjoying the moment and all that beauty...
Have a great surf!
xoxo
Stacey
I remember the night I found this site, I was trying to lookup the imprint code on a pill to be sure it was what I "wanted", and then somehow the pain pill forum came up (thank god)
I read here for many months before ever posting, I felt like I knew everyone before I even made the first post.
The information on suboxone here was unbelievable, and living in such a small community I had not yet heard of it. So I began to do some research, and found a suboxone doctor.
The first night I posted (November 2005) was the night before I went to the Sub appt, I was scared of what to expect, and how long I really needed to be in withdrawals. The support I received was unbelievable.........I remember so many of you posting your experiences and I suddenly began to feel as if I wasnt all alone, and not the only mother in the world who had done this. It was an amazing feeling. Then like Atlas, I came back and reported how it went at the appt, (went great) and kept on posting regularly from there.
This board even during the trying times, has been wonderful for me, Was the first time I was even honest with myself about how big of a problem I had with pills. I thought talking with others openly about it would never happen, but slowly it did.
I owe each and every one of you a huge thank you, I still have a ways to go, but I have also come a long way since that first post.
Hugs.
I read here for many months before ever posting, I felt like I knew everyone before I even made the first post.
The information on suboxone here was unbelievable, and living in such a small community I had not yet heard of it. So I began to do some research, and found a suboxone doctor.
The first night I posted (November 2005) was the night before I went to the Sub appt, I was scared of what to expect, and how long I really needed to be in withdrawals. The support I received was unbelievable.........I remember so many of you posting your experiences and I suddenly began to feel as if I wasnt all alone, and not the only mother in the world who had done this. It was an amazing feeling. Then like Atlas, I came back and reported how it went at the appt, (went great) and kept on posting regularly from there.
This board even during the trying times, has been wonderful for me, Was the first time I was even honest with myself about how big of a problem I had with pills. I thought talking with others openly about it would never happen, but slowly it did.
I owe each and every one of you a huge thank you, I still have a ways to go, but I have also come a long way since that first post.
Hugs.
Good morning folks,
Cold and crisp in Calif. Tim can I join ya on the waves??
I found this board when I was in full fledge wd from methadone, I did a search for meth, trying to figure out what was going on with me, then I found a link to this site, and found some great help and a few friends, This board was the best thing I could have found ( Rae) who had gone thru what I did was so much help, and told me my next move. The thing is I was on meth for pain, not to get off another drug, so I thought everything should be ok. Wrong...I am so happy now not to have the stress of getting down to 3 days worth, knowing my dr says it could take a week for refill...once I started feeling the anxity and the pain when I did run out for a day, I knew it was time to et off them.nothing that is good for me should make me feel the way I was. My family is so thank-ful it has now been over a year. Its frustrating though, since I am still in pain, now I try and be good to myself by resting and taking it easy, I also find the less stress and drama the better I feel..
Hope today finds you all well and happy..
Krazi/Traci
Cold and crisp in Calif. Tim can I join ya on the waves??
I found this board when I was in full fledge wd from methadone, I did a search for meth, trying to figure out what was going on with me, then I found a link to this site, and found some great help and a few friends, This board was the best thing I could have found ( Rae) who had gone thru what I did was so much help, and told me my next move. The thing is I was on meth for pain, not to get off another drug, so I thought everything should be ok. Wrong...I am so happy now not to have the stress of getting down to 3 days worth, knowing my dr says it could take a week for refill...once I started feeling the anxity and the pain when I did run out for a day, I knew it was time to et off them.nothing that is good for me should make me feel the way I was. My family is so thank-ful it has now been over a year. Its frustrating though, since I am still in pain, now I try and be good to myself by resting and taking it easy, I also find the less stress and drama the better I feel..
Hope today finds you all well and happy..
Krazi/Traci
In two words, my daughter. I couldn't fathom why she wanted me here and still don't know, but it was where God (and my daughter) thought I should be at the moment. They both were right.
What brought me to this board was that I kept running out of pills and was looking for an easier way to get through the withdrawals. Yeah, right. Reading and posting here really made me realize that this is so much bigger than just getting through the detox process. And that's the scary part.
Although I had been through rehab when I was 15, I still didn't want to admit that I was so damn addicted to these stupid pills....not to mention the alcohol. I can't ignore it now. It's right in my face every morning when I look in the mirror. (Not an easy thing to do these days....by the way.)
As far as what it will take to stop? I don't know. I wish I had what it takes now. But, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. I want off this freakin' merry-go-round. It's no fun anymore and it hasn't been for a long, long time.
Atlas, I like what you said. Can I quote you? "I wanted to add....not really sure I hit a rock bottom or not. I just had a realization one day that I didn't want to live a life that revolved around pills. I didn't want my moods to depend upon whether or not I had a full bottle, a half bottle or was running on empty. I wasn't pleased with who I was when I ran out. I knew I needed to regain control. If I hit bottom, then that's what it was."
Thanks for putting my feelings into words that make sense.
As for why I've stuck around for a year and a half and made no progress? It's the only place I don't feel alone.
Although I had been through rehab when I was 15, I still didn't want to admit that I was so damn addicted to these stupid pills....not to mention the alcohol. I can't ignore it now. It's right in my face every morning when I look in the mirror. (Not an easy thing to do these days....by the way.)
As far as what it will take to stop? I don't know. I wish I had what it takes now. But, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. I want off this freakin' merry-go-round. It's no fun anymore and it hasn't been for a long, long time.
Atlas, I like what you said. Can I quote you? "I wanted to add....not really sure I hit a rock bottom or not. I just had a realization one day that I didn't want to live a life that revolved around pills. I didn't want my moods to depend upon whether or not I had a full bottle, a half bottle or was running on empty. I wasn't pleased with who I was when I ran out. I knew I needed to regain control. If I hit bottom, then that's what it was."
Thanks for putting my feelings into words that make sense.
As for why I've stuck around for a year and a half and made no progress? It's the only place I don't feel alone.
I googled Vicodin and withdrawls and taper or something to see what to expect and ended up here...it helped me a lot..
1st Tim.....aaahhhh nice pic
what brougt me here...TOTAL fear and desperation. i was so f'ed up, i didn't even know who i was anymore? i couldn't believe the person i had become. i would throw temper trantums if the ups guy was late. i mean go totally crazy..crying-screaming-i wouldn't even leave the house to open my business with out supply for the day. so one day i was messing around on my computer at work...looking for new pharmacies, looking for help...just looking for anything? and boom here pops up this site. i probally read for about 10 minutes and man there was no stopping me....i was posting like a mad woman. molly (brina) and cowgirl, and bri posted back to me soooo quick. I first tried a tapper (hehehehe) then 2 hours in rehab and i bolted, back to the tapper, then learned @ sub from here...the reat is history
what brougt me here...TOTAL fear and desperation. i was so f'ed up, i didn't even know who i was anymore? i couldn't believe the person i had become. i would throw temper trantums if the ups guy was late. i mean go totally crazy..crying-screaming-i wouldn't even leave the house to open my business with out supply for the day. so one day i was messing around on my computer at work...looking for new pharmacies, looking for help...just looking for anything? and boom here pops up this site. i probally read for about 10 minutes and man there was no stopping me....i was posting like a mad woman. molly (brina) and cowgirl, and bri posted back to me soooo quick. I first tried a tapper (hehehehe) then 2 hours in rehab and i bolted, back to the tapper, then learned @ sub from here...the reat is history
A friend from another board told me about this site. I came and checked it out and got run off for a while. People then didn't want to hear about what I thought recovery was about I guess. I toned down my 12 stepping and have been here ever since. I come here to see how people are doing and to offer help. And sometimes just to joke with friends. I don't see this board as an important part of my recovery mainly because I have face to face help. But I do get different ideas. I was against sub for recovery before reading the experiences here. Now I think it's great for short term use. A few other ideas I had have changed due to this board but I can't think of them now. One thing I HAVE learned here though is what I think doesn't mean squat and I needed to learn that. It is no longer my way or the highway. There is more than one way to skin a cat.
Internet pharms, a Visa card with a high credit limit, and....FEAR.
12 stepper, i have to ask you this and am totally willing to take whatever you or anyone else wants to critize me for asking it? you say this board has very little to do with your program/recovery.....so why are you here and posting so very often? just curious why you would put so much time, energy, etc into something that you find so i ddon't know? for lack of a better word...meaningless? is it kinda like a science project to you?
gee wally, i wonder how that "friend" is doing, mizz bird?
maybe a little lonely and missing her good friend, since she hasn't heard from you in quite some time.
i was googling pills anonymous one night to see how many places had it listed on their web-site in the google directory and voila! here it was. lisa, i hit my bottom many 24 hours before finding this site. this is one neat little piece of the web that i feel much gratitude for!
hugs all around ~
sammy
maybe a little lonely and missing her good friend, since she hasn't heard from you in quite some time.
i was googling pills anonymous one night to see how many places had it listed on their web-site in the google directory and voila! here it was. lisa, i hit my bottom many 24 hours before finding this site. this is one neat little piece of the web that i feel much gratitude for!
hugs all around ~
sammy
