For the last year I have started life over but I can never forget my life befroe this and I shouldn't have to. But I don't know what to say when I mention what my life was like to other people. I could say I was a drug addict- but I don't know what that means exactly. It feels like everyone is an addict - at least to something. I am no different from most people I know. Maybe it's just the spirit of the times- taking lots of drugs and finding yourself lost, alone and f***ed up.
I took pills (x)- in halves mostly- every Saturday night for almost a year. I also went through a lot of weed during the week to stay ok til Saturday (my reason for living as I was going through deep depression and post-traumatic stress also).
I eventually started snorting the pills rather than dropping them and started on Meth for a short while. I experimented with a fair few drugs besides this but weed and pills were my love. I only did drugs full-on for a year.
This is nothing, it seems, to what others do. Maybe I get f***ed up a lot easier than others. It is hard to tell people why I have to stay away from drugs. They almost destroyed me and my life was run by them - even though it wasn't for long and I didn't take that much. And addict seems a strong word, but those on this site who explain certain feelings and know they are addicted - well, I felt the same way for a long time.
Maybe I just answered my concern. Addiction is addiction.
I will always have my love for weed and pills. It has been a year and I havn't found the kind of fun I need to replace it. I feel empty - alwasy going through the emotions. Nothing beats the feeling, not like I want it to, no matter how positive I stay. Although - everything beats the feeling of the bad side of the drugs. The way it hurts you.
I miss it. I hate it. A year- and it is still with me. I never want to go back to that place - to the bad. But man I miss the good.
Bloody Drugs!!!
I think many of us have an addiction, it might be pills or food, some are addicted to the internet and so on..... I think it is good to be honest but I also have the same problem, I am trying to fugure out if I am an addict. Then I realized there is no need for me to decide that. All I know is I need to quit what I am doing because it is the right thing, the good thing to do. Am I an addict? Yes, I just feel there are different degrees but an addiction is an addiction, nothing separates me from the person who is addicted to something else. I probably didn't make much sense. It is my first day of me trying to quit my addiction and it's not easy. Hope though that my post was somewhat understandable.
Cam:
I am courious - how did you finally quit? Did you go to treatment? I think I have an idea how hard it must be for you. I quit smoking two years ago, and for the first year I really missed it and it was on my mind a lot. The desire is a lot less now, but every once in awhile, I still feel the urge to have just one. Smoking is small stuff compared to other drugs, so I must commend you on your will power not to start up again. You've made it this far, so keep up the good work!
I am courious - how did you finally quit? Did you go to treatment? I think I have an idea how hard it must be for you. I quit smoking two years ago, and for the first year I really missed it and it was on my mind a lot. The desire is a lot less now, but every once in awhile, I still feel the urge to have just one. Smoking is small stuff compared to other drugs, so I must commend you on your will power not to start up again. You've made it this far, so keep up the good work!
beginning05,
yeah, you're right. Addiction is addiction. If it's hurting you and you know you have to stop, then it's obviously become a problem. It's something I have to keep reminding myself and it's not easy. The good memories keep flooding back and the bad ones forgotten.
And you did make a lot of sense. It helped a lot. I hope you keep going with your quitting. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart in your chest. Good luck!!
Concerned Mom,
How did I finally quit? I developed symptoms of schizophrenia, I fainted a lot because my blood sugar was all over the place because I spent my money on drugs not food, and I couldn't stop crying. I decided life wasn't really about this.
I did a lot of soul searching to figure out the source of my problems and poetry, playing on the piano and dancing helped me do this because it became a passion of mine. A passion is something that hits your soul so hard it can't be ignored- so it is obviously a part of you. It is also a healing hand. Like an angel decided to give you something to fight for.
I moved away from everyone because everyone I knew took a lot of drugs and it was just easy access. I started life again. It sucks sometimes because I miss my life but I've gained a lot- a head start in the direction I need to go in to get what I want out of life.
All in all, it's really hard. I have gained too much to lose it and that keeps me on track. Plus the fear of going back to rock bottom keep me away from it.
I guess that if you know the easy path inyour soul and mind to the freedom drugs create, then you can follow it again in a healthier way. It's just harder, but it lasts longer. I hope this is the way to go because it is the path I've tried to take.
No matter what, if you're going to change, you have to want to do it yourself.
Good luck, Concerned Mom, with who you are concerned with. I hope all goes well for you. I wish I could give you more advice or guidance. It must be tough on you. I ran away. not letting my family see who I was when I was my messiest. I can only tell you that I eventually made it. I hope your child does too.
Cam
yeah, you're right. Addiction is addiction. If it's hurting you and you know you have to stop, then it's obviously become a problem. It's something I have to keep reminding myself and it's not easy. The good memories keep flooding back and the bad ones forgotten.
And you did make a lot of sense. It helped a lot. I hope you keep going with your quitting. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart in your chest. Good luck!!
Concerned Mom,
How did I finally quit? I developed symptoms of schizophrenia, I fainted a lot because my blood sugar was all over the place because I spent my money on drugs not food, and I couldn't stop crying. I decided life wasn't really about this.
I did a lot of soul searching to figure out the source of my problems and poetry, playing on the piano and dancing helped me do this because it became a passion of mine. A passion is something that hits your soul so hard it can't be ignored- so it is obviously a part of you. It is also a healing hand. Like an angel decided to give you something to fight for.
I moved away from everyone because everyone I knew took a lot of drugs and it was just easy access. I started life again. It sucks sometimes because I miss my life but I've gained a lot- a head start in the direction I need to go in to get what I want out of life.
All in all, it's really hard. I have gained too much to lose it and that keeps me on track. Plus the fear of going back to rock bottom keep me away from it.
I guess that if you know the easy path inyour soul and mind to the freedom drugs create, then you can follow it again in a healthier way. It's just harder, but it lasts longer. I hope this is the way to go because it is the path I've tried to take.
No matter what, if you're going to change, you have to want to do it yourself.
Good luck, Concerned Mom, with who you are concerned with. I hope all goes well for you. I wish I could give you more advice or guidance. It must be tough on you. I ran away. not letting my family see who I was when I was my messiest. I can only tell you that I eventually made it. I hope your child does too.
Cam
good luck,
I know i am still on the wheel and trying to stop it from turning. But I am an addict and will alway be a addict but hopeing to be a recovering addict. Just like a recovering alcoholic. We are not different.
Great note, we can all allow our selves to be what we r.
Tina (kyra)
I know i am still on the wheel and trying to stop it from turning. But I am an addict and will alway be a addict but hopeing to be a recovering addict. Just like a recovering alcoholic. We are not different.
Great note, we can all allow our selves to be what we r.
Tina (kyra)
