What Is One Minor Setback?

Pain Pills
1
Man I'll tell ya'll what, I wish I could find people to work for my husband's company as hard as the devil works, geez. Does he ever rest?! I am in day 6 of my Ashton plan and all I have thought about all day was my next med time. HAVEN'T CHEATED YET but my next dose isn't until 6 pm and truthfully, I am pissed it is an hour and a half away. I am being a brat. The devil is saying "Ah, just take it now noone would know but you, it is only an hour away so if I took it now I wouldn't reeeeally be cheating". All kinds of addict thinking. I am realizing that I can make up literally 100 million GOOD excuses why it would be OK to take my 6 pm dose at 4:30 and that is nothing but addict thinking. I don't care if I have to go outside and swing from the trees until 6 pm, the devil aint looking so good to me today. In fact, I would like to shove his temptation so far up his grrrrr that he can taste it. I am not really on a pity party more like mad. Mad because I am in day 6 and all the sudden today I want to cheat by an hour and a half. I suppose the devil never bothered me before now because he was laughing it up knowing what we have to go through and he probably didn't take my threats of being clean very seriously, after all it IS one of the hardest things a person ever has to do. He must have received a friggin MEMO to mess with me today before it is too late and she actually beats this! I know I sound bittter this afternoon and I feel bitter and I can feel as bitter, mad, confused, harrased, weak, strong and irratated as I want to! As long as I do it sticking to my Ashton. Blasting here makes me feel so good. Sorry about the negativity but daggone it I want it to be 6 pm. Maybe I shouldn't have taken a nap because I woke up and wanted my meds THEN. I always take my first dose when I wake up in the morning so maybe I want this dose early because I am programmed to take it when I wake up. Hrm, that just occured to me. Welp, won't be napping anymore until I feel stronger. I felt like king of the world this morning. Now I feel like I really want my next dose, might as well start calling it 'my fix'. Got to start learning addict slang hehe. Ack! ok as long as I am being a smarty I am oooooook! Yay!
2
Kaela,
Hang in there sweetie. Stay on the board and read for a while. It will pass the time. You are doing great. Stick to whatever your doing(faithfully) an hour in a half isn't that long. Take a walk to the end of the street?LOL Is it raining there to? It is so nasty here today huh? You will survive the hour girl. I promise! Rae
3
Kick the devil in the nuts, and wait or better yet, flush em.

Regards,
Tom
4
kaela, everytime you get that feeling post here, it will keep your mind occupied and its funny to read..its good to keep your sense of humor, it comes in handy in times like this.

JD
5
LOL, weather here is awful today and I haven't left the house so that may too be alot of why I have overly thought of my med times. I am doing the Ashton plan at home Rae, no compassion could be found, so be it. If I fail/cheat even once I will be more proactive in finding one but I tried very hard already and it seems they are too scared to mess with benzo addicts or something. OMG my husband (the one that I made to look like such a butt at first) is really a great person just completely oblivious to addiction of any kind and to the drug itself. Anyway girls guess what he did!? He bought me a cross and chain from Tiffany! YES! Tiffany! He put it on my neck and said "just hold onto this and pray real hard if it gets too bad. I have to admit, I do love getting things from Tiffany and it did make me feel alot better. Atleast he realizes now that this is hard and not all in my head. I think this may have been the step he choose to take in admitting his wife is a pill addict. It is beautiful ladies. If you wanna see it let me know and I will email you a pic!
6

Kaela....wow! that was so sweet! he's not a bad guy,afterall, LOL! Lucky girl!

And that's a great idea, anytime you are feeling weak, hold the cross and pray!
7
I made it to 6 pm! Whoop Whoop *happy dance* I think that may be another reason the Ashton plan is working for me. I get instant gratification in being able to wait between dosage. It sorta pats you on the back along the way.
8
Kaela, you are doing so great I have been keeping up with you since your first post on other prescription drug forum, and you have come along way, I am glad that you husband is being supportive that really helps when going thru something like this. I am so proud for you.
9
thats the thing about time Kaela, it passes......good job

Redd
10
Kaela,
Glad to hear you made it. I told you you could do it. E-mail me a picture of your necklace and I will e-mail you some pic's too. Rae
Bunny4804@aol.com