ok so heres whats going on--things are better here at the transitional house because im trying to make them better the last few days ive just decided to trust in the powers that be that as long as i do the right things all will be well--and things are ok--I have a job interview for a full-time sit down office job-just what ive been wanting--yeah whoopie--i haope i get it--please put me in your prayers-i also (with the prodding of my counselor) made some calls to attempt to reach out to others in recovery-im feeling good and life is ok today--i just hope it stays ok--y'know us addicts never can stay up or down--so anyway--just wante dto say hi and thanks for being there for me through this experience :) im so nervouse about the future i literally get ill--love you all--stick in there this too shall pass
If it helps...us non-addicts can never stay up or down for long either!!! (At least I don't!). Good luck with the interview...I've got everything crossed for you...just be you...there'l love ya! Glad to hear you sounding positive...hope this "up" lasts!
Love, Maddy x
Love, Maddy x
Good luck with the job interview Amity, fingers crossed, eh? I was speaking to a mate yest and he was telling me he's getting started in tesco next week, and how it's really boosted his confidence n that as it's the first job he's had since getting clean. Glad to hear things are better with the trans housing. Take it easy, Kev
Amity, I think you have exactly the right attitude. Do the right things and everything will be OK. I can totally relate to that, coz that's the way I went about it when I was getting clean. I didn't know where I was going, or what was going to happen, but I just had to keep on keeping on. And it will be OK. I mean, life isn't always going to be wine and roses (actually mine has never been wine and roses LOL) but I achieved the one thing I really wanted - to put heroin behind me, and to have a life full of other stuff. Some of it is crap - my boyfriend is a monumental pain in the arse. I think I love him and hate him in equal measure - but I have some fantastic things, that were previously just a dream. My little girl, she's the coolest kid ever. She's just discovered she can squeal with delight when she's happy - 4 months old and just sooo adorable. My new house, which I'm dead chuffed with. It's going to be such a new start for me. My place, where my word is law, where no f***er can kick me out of, where I can graciously ask him to f*** off back to his own house when he gets on my case. My home. For so many years I felt rootless, without family or a place where I belonged. Ohh, that's an ache that hurt so much, and now I've found what I need to cure it.
And I'm starting to see a future. I mean, you might have guessed that me and him aren't on good terms tonight, but most of the time it's pretty good. It's a helluva lot better than it was before our daughter was born. But I can see maybe another baby next year. I can see a few holidays abroad. I can see that I've rejoined the human race, and I don't feel ashamed any more. I've got friends, real friends, who aren't just hanging around me coz I sell heroin. Yeah sometimes I get the odd flash back. I've got a fair amount of cash in my bank at the moment, and I will admit to having the thought that I could give myself a little treat, just a bag, just to feel the buzz once more. But it was almost like a memory of a thought. Just coz I was preconditioned into thinking that way for so many years. Just a reflex. It was only a thought, not an action. It's nice, it's liberating to know that I've broken those bonds that held me in chains so many years.
So I understand your fears, that life is very uncertain at the moment, but just keep on doing the right things, and slowly but surely you will forge your way towards a good future, and bit by bit, you'll find solid things to keep you grounded, you'll find something to hang onto, and life will get better, and one day you'll wake up and realise that you don't have to work so hard any more, and everything will feel easier, and you'll be able to relax, and breathe a big sigh of relief, knowing that you've arrived. It's a big adventure - you don't know what's ahead of you, but you know what's behind you, and as long as you don't end up back there, you're doing the right thing. I know I'm coming across all arse backwards, but I think you'll get the gist of it!!
take care kiddo
love
Diff xxx
And I'm starting to see a future. I mean, you might have guessed that me and him aren't on good terms tonight, but most of the time it's pretty good. It's a helluva lot better than it was before our daughter was born. But I can see maybe another baby next year. I can see a few holidays abroad. I can see that I've rejoined the human race, and I don't feel ashamed any more. I've got friends, real friends, who aren't just hanging around me coz I sell heroin. Yeah sometimes I get the odd flash back. I've got a fair amount of cash in my bank at the moment, and I will admit to having the thought that I could give myself a little treat, just a bag, just to feel the buzz once more. But it was almost like a memory of a thought. Just coz I was preconditioned into thinking that way for so many years. Just a reflex. It was only a thought, not an action. It's nice, it's liberating to know that I've broken those bonds that held me in chains so many years.
So I understand your fears, that life is very uncertain at the moment, but just keep on doing the right things, and slowly but surely you will forge your way towards a good future, and bit by bit, you'll find solid things to keep you grounded, you'll find something to hang onto, and life will get better, and one day you'll wake up and realise that you don't have to work so hard any more, and everything will feel easier, and you'll be able to relax, and breathe a big sigh of relief, knowing that you've arrived. It's a big adventure - you don't know what's ahead of you, but you know what's behind you, and as long as you don't end up back there, you're doing the right thing. I know I'm coming across all arse backwards, but I think you'll get the gist of it!!
take care kiddo
love
Diff xxx
Not arse backwards at all Diff...you always have such a positive yet realistic take on life...always good to read.
When's the interview Amity?
When's the interview Amity?
