Reading the horror stories stories got me to thinking.When did you know it was enough?
Thought i'd share this w/ everyone here.I haven't talked about this before.Maybe it'll be good for me or at the very least,help someone else.
Last yr. at the end of Sept. i was such a mess.Not thinking i was addicted.But knowing that i had a problem.I have never Dr. shopped,faked a rx, or bought off the streer or internet.Truth be know i was always to scared to break the law.Not that it didn't go thru my mind a dozen times a day.Anyway, i had ran out of my rx and deceided to go to the ER to get some for my back.Which was/is a legit problem for me,on top of the other physical problems.Got to the Er and sat for a few hrs.But in the end, they didn't do anything.Gave me rx motrin.When i walked out,i felt so lost.Not knowing what the hell was wrong w/ me.I got in my car,and as i pulled out i just started screaming and crying.A scream that was so gut renching,i didn't even know it was me.As i raced down the road,i started picking out what tree i wanted to run into at 90 miles an hr.But for some reason i didn't go thru w/ it.I came home and just cried.Scott didn't know what to do.He tried to help all that he could.I called my parents and told them.We had arranged for me to go home for a bit, but before i could go home we found out that my dad had lung cancer.I put everything on hold to help take care of him.This was the point i knew i had enough.I had to stop.After watching him suffer, i just knew.It took me a while to get the courage to stop.But i did it.No rehab,or NA or much outside support for the first three months.I'm now in therapy,but not for my addiction.
I haven't told my family b/c everything happened all at once.I will one day tell them though.
I guess the point being,that no matter how bad this addiction gets,you can come out on top.I fought from the depths of hell to get out and if i can do it,anyone can.And remember,no one can make you quit.No matter how much they want you to stop,it is ultimatley up to you.
I have went from sheer desperation to enjoying life again.It still has some rough spots but i will get thru w/o the pills.
Thanks for letting me share.
DJ
Thank you for sharing DJ....
And I often wonder what will ultimately come down as being that true turning point for my husband......
I am so glad that you saved yourself, and that you are here sharing you strength.....Keeps my hope alive.
Love,
Tina
And I often wonder what will ultimately come down as being that true turning point for my husband......
I am so glad that you saved yourself, and that you are here sharing you strength.....Keeps my hope alive.
Love,
Tina
That took alot to share, DJ. I'm proud of you.
When did I decide enough was enough? When I started buying oxy off the street. Granted the "street" was a friend, but it was just as bad. I started puking and pooping blood one night..I knew I was going to die.
The rest is stuff that nighmares are made of.
Now, I really like my life.
Cowgirl
When did I decide enough was enough? When I started buying oxy off the street. Granted the "street" was a friend, but it was just as bad. I started puking and pooping blood one night..I knew I was going to die.
The rest is stuff that nighmares are made of.
Now, I really like my life.
Cowgirl
I knew when I started feeling helpless against using...I didn't realize it at the time, but once I got in rehab, i found out that I wasn't "helpless" but "powerless" over the disease of addiction....
the feeling started when I started stealing, which i have always looked down my nose at...
the feeling started when I started stealing, which i have always looked down my nose at...
I know coming here and talking w/ others is what helped me the most.It is so comforting know that we're not alone.I hope this site gives others the strength to take back there lives.
DJ
DJ
I know that I am at the point where something's gotta give. I haven't had any one experience lately that gave me any big revelation. It has been creeping up on me for months. For the last several nights, when my head hits the pillow, I lay there in the dark thinking "there has got to be a better way to live". And then I think to myself that I either need to get with it and get clean....or just down about 50 pills and get it over with. I don't want to have to resort to the latter. It has stopped being fun. It has stopped feeling good. It stopped a long time ago. Man it depresses me.
Jodi.....for me when the pills lost their effect, that's when I really started questioning. You'll get there. You know what you need to do. And I'll be right there with you every step of the way.
Did you get my email?
Love
Lisa
Did you get my email?
Love
Lisa
Lisa,
I got your e-mail. I'm glad that others can be so sure I'll get there...I doubt myself alot. And, yes, I really do know what I need to do. But, like Tim said, it is not an intellectual decision. I have always prided myself on being pretty smart. If it was an intellectual decision, I would've been there a long time ago. I don't know what is holding me back? If it's not fun anymore, then why the hell do I keep it up? It is so tiring and the answer seems so simple that I tell myself there must be something wrong with me. Don't mind me......just a little down today and sorting my thoughts out in writing.
I got your e-mail. I'm glad that others can be so sure I'll get there...I doubt myself alot. And, yes, I really do know what I need to do. But, like Tim said, it is not an intellectual decision. I have always prided myself on being pretty smart. If it was an intellectual decision, I would've been there a long time ago. I don't know what is holding me back? If it's not fun anymore, then why the hell do I keep it up? It is so tiring and the answer seems so simple that I tell myself there must be something wrong with me. Don't mind me......just a little down today and sorting my thoughts out in writing.
I do mind you...I care.
What's wrong with you? Gee, are you an addict? Do you have a disease? Yup. You're soul hurts honey. Your spirit is lost.
I know it's not about being smarter than this, if that were so, you and I would never have met. But it is about making that first step, letting go absolutely and then letting others help.
If no one has told you they love you today, consider yourself told.
Lisa
What's wrong with you? Gee, are you an addict? Do you have a disease? Yup. You're soul hurts honey. Your spirit is lost.
I know it's not about being smarter than this, if that were so, you and I would never have met. But it is about making that first step, letting go absolutely and then letting others help.
If no one has told you they love you today, consider yourself told.
Lisa
I knew it was enough when I was sick all the time, and I stumbled onto these posts because I wasnt sure (ok i knew but didnt want to admit it) and read your stories. It was like a light bulb when off over my head, well a neon sign actually-lol flashing addict. scared the crap out of me, I thought I had some control, but to learn what w/d's were and to understand how bad it was scared me more. took me a couple weeks to say addict outloud to someone. very humbling dammit. I dont have any amazing stories to tell, except that being scared to death and realizing you havent left the house in days, that you dont want to see anyone, and when i looked in the mirror there was no emotion in my eyes it was like i wasnt there. ok enough of that-but needless to say it scared me enough to post and then go to a meeting
I know toward the end of my addiction,the pills were doing nothing but making me sick to my stomach.I didn't ever get to the point of not being able to function.But i stayed sick when i took them.But the sick part was,i always wanted another one.No matter how bad i felt.Thats addiction for ya.LOL
I hope that others can see the light at the end of the tunnel.No matter how dim it is, it's there.
DJ
I hope that others can see the light at the end of the tunnel.No matter how dim it is, it's there.
DJ
I reached my end when I used my last pill, had no more drs to go to, no where to turn , sick and tired of being sick and tired, sick of the whole rat race, sick sick sick......What once was a nice little buzz turned into a 6 year nightmare. For the first time I feel like I was released from prison and whenever I start craving I quickly think back to all the negative things I am now free of. I pray that everyone that comes here for support will also feel like a weight has been lifted from there heart............All the Best xoxo.Shel
I knew it was too much after about a month... the rest of the year I tried to figure out how to stop..
Regards,
Tom
Regards,
Tom
DJ:
You were very brave, did it the tough way. You put your Father's needs ahead of your addiction. That had to be hard b/c I don't think our brains (mine didn't) work properly while on drugs.
So, I applaud you for doign what had to be done. It couldn't have been easy.
Much Love, I love your inspiring story, like you said - if you did it the way you felt you had to, you are giving others hope.
Jean
You were very brave, did it the tough way. You put your Father's needs ahead of your addiction. That had to be hard b/c I don't think our brains (mine didn't) work properly while on drugs.
So, I applaud you for doign what had to be done. It couldn't have been easy.
Much Love, I love your inspiring story, like you said - if you did it the way you felt you had to, you are giving others hope.
Jean
Jean,
Thank you very much.Each of us are differant.I think the key to getting clean and staying clean,is to find whatever way is best for you.The sad part is that we have to try many times.So if you don't make it the first time,try it again a differant way.
You will eventually get it right.But it seems that lots of people think they are failures if they don't do it the first time.
I just hope that not making it on the first try doesn't discourage people from trying again.
It can be done.
DJ
Thank you very much.Each of us are differant.I think the key to getting clean and staying clean,is to find whatever way is best for you.The sad part is that we have to try many times.So if you don't make it the first time,try it again a differant way.
You will eventually get it right.But it seems that lots of people think they are failures if they don't do it the first time.
I just hope that not making it on the first try doesn't discourage people from trying again.
It can be done.
DJ
Not there yet - dont know wot to do - who to turn to............anyone help?
What's going on Simple...tell me what you're taking and how you're feeling
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
My husband and my daughter sat down with me and told me I sucked as a mother and a wife. A week later I made up my mind to quit smoking pot. It was September 11 (I don't think that was an accident btw). Taking back my life on a day where many lives were destroyed including my cousins'. He was a firefighter. The last two years usage had escalated since his death by suicide. I consider it a relapse. I had been clean for many years from all drugs. I did not know how to cope with his death, so I went to an old friend name Marijuana. I also stopped drinking, as i am afraid it will lead to pot. It's been 50 days sobriety. I believe this answers the question i was asked earlier, too but I can't find that thread.
My husband still smokes weed daily. He has for 26 years.
I realize this is a pain pill board, I find some information valuable. I will be getting an MRI in December. I may end up having neck surgery. Due to your courage to share your stories, I know I will be very careful, assuming they will give me pain meds. So thank you for all your passion in recovery.
Signed, the princess. LOL
My husband still smokes weed daily. He has for 26 years.
I realize this is a pain pill board, I find some information valuable. I will be getting an MRI in December. I may end up having neck surgery. Due to your courage to share your stories, I know I will be very careful, assuming they will give me pain meds. So thank you for all your passion in recovery.
Signed, the princess. LOL
When did I know? The pivotal moment for me, was the night, I dozed off with a cigarette in my hand and caught the bed on fire. I woke up to my husband screaming and putting it out. I was so high, that I didn't even realize that my five year old had crawled into the bed with us. How sad is that? It was at that moment that I realized what a lie I had been telling myself... "Oh, my addiction doesn't affect anyone else, just me". I could have killed myself, my husband, my kids... not to mention burn the house down. I'd say that definitely qualifies as affecting someone else. I cringe whenever I think about that. Thank God, I'm not in that place anymore. I am grateful for each and every sober day.
DeNae
DeNae
I remember after I started taking methadone, I had smoked more cigs then normal.....we were finding them all around the outside of the house, in places I never put a cig before....One day Bri and I were to leave to go somewhere when we went outside and smelt smoke...we didn't see smoke but smelt it........Finally I had to call the fire dept. and have them come and walk our place with a heat sensor..............they finally found the butt smolding in a pot by the mail box.....such strange things I did......OMG I had gotten so forgetful.BAD BAD news
