I know I am not the only mom of an addict who has this question. We've paid for rehab, bailed out of jail, paid for lawyers and allowed back home. All this because we love our 31 yr old heroin addict and believe the smart, beautiful, talented girl is still in there somewhere. Now she is back in jail, though we thought she was doing better. What on earth makes intelligent people so stupid when it comes to our children?
We put no money in her account this time and have not answered any phone calls. We did write a letter saying we cannot be in her life as she is still choosing drugs and crime above all else.
Still, can an addict recover if she believes everyone who loves her has abandoned her? Just a moment of weakness. Thanks for listening.
I know what you mean. My son has been in 10 rehabs and now he's in a sober living. I'm starting to lose track. He's been out of rehab 3 days and I think he might me using. He's almost 21. I'm with you. I don't want to give up! I'm about the only person he has left,
It's hard.
Paula
It's hard.
Paula
I can't say we ever recover ...it's a lifetime thing...but I can say it's possible to reach a point when we want out...and this is only possible when were left alone to find that point...naranon and Alanon.... if your not already going... can help you and show you how to detach with love from us...you can only help us find that point...or that bottom...by not helping...and letting us find it ourselves...and its not always what you think it might be...stay strong. ..I get how hard it is to not interfere. .but we can't find the way out for ourselves if your doing it for us...
Peace
Con
Peace
Con
I am having the same sad feeling this weekend. Don't know if it is because I have had more free time to think about my son and his issues or if it is because every car I see like his, driving past old places he was in jail at today on way to lunch, or bail bondsman places we visited, etc. Everything reminds me of him! I can't even look at our albums because it brings back a flood of memories of when he was young and had so much potential. It is so hard for me not to think about him and get it out of my mind. I try to act like it isn't bothering me, but it does and I don't want to ruin things for my husband and our younger son. It is hard to enjoy things and I know I need to take care of me and my husband and 15 y/o, but how to I detach and be rid of these feelings?
I tried to find a naranon mtg. near us but the closest one is 45 miles away at night. There is
an alanon mtg. closer. Does alanon help parents of drug addicted adult kids or only naranon?
I try not to worry, but I don't know if he is dead or alive or where he is or if he is drug sick----
It is hard to sleep and block out these thoughts. How do I detach? How do I stop the thoughts I have? I just want to have some peace of mind and can't ever seem to get that----
Con--
I know he needs to find his way without my help and I am trying not to be that enabling crutch in his life any longer! Your posts help me--thank you!
I tried to find a naranon mtg. near us but the closest one is 45 miles away at night. There is
an alanon mtg. closer. Does alanon help parents of drug addicted adult kids or only naranon?
I try not to worry, but I don't know if he is dead or alive or where he is or if he is drug sick----
It is hard to sleep and block out these thoughts. How do I detach? How do I stop the thoughts I have? I just want to have some peace of mind and can't ever seem to get that----
Con--
I know he needs to find his way without my help and I am trying not to be that enabling crutch in his life any longer! Your posts help me--thank you!
Paula--
Stay strong cause your son is only 21. If you don't do like Con said then you will be like me --old and tired with a 45 year old whose chances of ever recovering are next to none!!! Your son is young enough and can turn it around if he chooses to do so!
(((Hugs)))
Stay strong cause your son is only 21. If you don't do like Con said then you will be like me --old and tired with a 45 year old whose chances of ever recovering are next to none!!! Your son is young enough and can turn it around if he chooses to do so!
(((Hugs)))
"Does alanon help parents of drug addicted adult kids or only naranon?"
I'm sure you have heard the expression: "Any port in a storm."
Go to the Al-Anon meeting and share your fears & hopes - you will be warmly accepted.
I have worries and anxieties for my kids and grandkids but a wise old AA lady helped me so much when she said:
"God will be there for your family just as HE was for you when you asked"
All the best.
Bob
I'm sure you have heard the expression: "Any port in a storm."
Go to the Al-Anon meeting and share your fears & hopes - you will be warmly accepted.
I have worries and anxieties for my kids and grandkids but a wise old AA lady helped me so much when she said:
"God will be there for your family just as HE was for you when you asked"
All the best.
Bob
Thanks for the support. And Con, thank you for helping us all get another perspective. Sometimes we need to be slapped back from the whys and what could have beens. I have no friends with drug addicted children. All are successful, happy, "normal" with careers and kids of their own. It tends to make me feel more isolation and failure.
Anyways, I pray often and try to be strong. Thanks again to all who care
Anyways, I pray often and try to be strong. Thanks again to all who care
Thank you Duchess
I'm praying but also know he could end up dead or in prison.
It's a sick feeling every time the phone rings.
Prayers and Hug
Paula
I'm praying but also know he could end up dead or in prison.
It's a sick feeling every time the phone rings.
Prayers and Hug
Paula
Insanity,
I used to feel the same way as you and would compare my son with his peers. I realized, one doesn't know what is going on in their lives. They most likely have their struggles, the same as you and I.
P, I'm sorry to hear that your son didn't make it to the sober living place he picked out. It's hard to let them suffer the consequences of their actions, I know. I would always tell myself, my son is resourceful. He later told me that when he was out on the street, he would treat it like a field problem (he was in the Army). Once he got tired of that, he would find his way to a sober living arrangement. At least the weather is not too hot or cold this time of year. I'll say a prayer for you and your son to give you both strength. It's hard to let go.
I used to feel the same way as you and would compare my son with his peers. I realized, one doesn't know what is going on in their lives. They most likely have their struggles, the same as you and I.
P, I'm sorry to hear that your son didn't make it to the sober living place he picked out. It's hard to let them suffer the consequences of their actions, I know. I would always tell myself, my son is resourceful. He later told me that when he was out on the street, he would treat it like a field problem (he was in the Army). Once he got tired of that, he would find his way to a sober living arrangement. At least the weather is not too hot or cold this time of year. I'll say a prayer for you and your son to give you both strength. It's hard to let go.
Hi everyone, after reading through your posts I cannot help but feel terrible about what I put my family through. My story involves a 10 year span of drugs and alcohol. I never tried to seek help because I never thought I had a problem. It was alcohol, cocaine, prescription medications, and marijuana that consumed my time. I was a hopeful high school student when I was 17 (I am now 28), and I graduated high school with a 3.73 GPA - at the top of my class and then my drinking career began. Over a 10 year pan I was arrested 7 times for drinking and driving and public intoxication. I did not know what I was doing. It was hard to see how I was hurting my family because I was so selfish, nothing was more important than the drugs and alcohol. I am thankful my family NEVER gave up on me. I am 8 months sober today after my attempted suicide and I am glad to be alive today. Today I help people who are in situations I was once in. It has been a blessing to have a job and pass the message of AA on. Staying humble was the most important thing to me. If anyone would like to speak to me or talk about their situation in private I would be glad to give you my perspective while I was using and drinkng and where it is at now. My email is viralpatel488@gmail.com God bless.
Are you attending AA/NA meetings ?
I am attending AA, NA, and CA meetings on a weekly basis, at least 4 times a week, while talking to my sponsor 4-5 times a week. I am almost done with my steps for the first run!
They don't let you post your email on this website - they will remove it.
Do like the others here and post openly for all to see.
Do like the others here and post openly for all to see.
Got it - will do. I thought I would provide it just in case there is any confidentiality issues. Thanks @Papa Bear
You say you are thankful that your family never gave up on you. Are you talking about financial or emotional support? My daughter often begs me not to give up on her. I have come to the conclusion that this is a button she knows will always grab my heart.
I still struggle with doubts, but I am trying not to be manipulated into more enabling behavior. I would do anything to save my child...doing nothing is harder!
I still struggle with doubts, but I am trying not to be manipulated into more enabling behavior. I would do anything to save my child...doing nothing is harder!
Insanity--
yes, it is definitely harder to do nothing, but we aren't doing nothing if we let go and let God. Then we are doing something--something that could even save their life.
As Con has said in past posts--we have to let them do it for themselves. We can't do it for them and we have to detach and let go with love. Tough order to follow but it is the only way. Believe me I have been doing this off and on for over 20 yes. My son is 45 and the one thing said to me by a post on here hit home--
Do you want to be doing this till your dying breath???
Praying things get better for you and your situation!
yes, it is definitely harder to do nothing, but we aren't doing nothing if we let go and let God. Then we are doing something--something that could even save their life.
As Con has said in past posts--we have to let them do it for themselves. We can't do it for them and we have to detach and let go with love. Tough order to follow but it is the only way. Believe me I have been doing this off and on for over 20 yes. My son is 45 and the one thing said to me by a post on here hit home--
Do you want to be doing this till your dying breath???
Praying things get better for you and your situation!
Thank you, duchesschama, I needed to hear that! Separating mind and heart is so hard. I know what I have to do, really I do, but my heart aches.
Praying for strength for all of us!
Sandy
Praying for strength for all of us!
Sandy
It is better to do nothing than to do something counter productive.
Life gets a lot easier when we learn and apply The Serenity Prayer.
I have to be taught how best to live and I can only live my own life.
The churches in our area here have signs that say "Ye must be born again".
I am coming to see that that means ALL OF US.
We all have lessons to learn and changes to make.
All the best.
Bob R
Life gets a lot easier when we learn and apply The Serenity Prayer.
I have to be taught how best to live and I can only live my own life.
The churches in our area here have signs that say "Ye must be born again".
I am coming to see that that means ALL OF US.
We all have lessons to learn and changes to make.
All the best.
Bob R
Well from my experience, no, they most likely won't recover knowing that their family has abandoned them. From what I seen, it can make it worse. See an addict's mind is hard to understand when you have never been an addict. Sometimes you have to go through it to fully understand whats going on in their head. My ex has had his family abandoned him before and all he thought was "no one loved him and why should I quit drugs, no one gives a s*** about me anyway?" " I don't care if I die from drugs, no one will be at my funeral", I heard these words from an addict. And they like to resort to drugs to make them feel better and try to fill in that empty void which in reality will never get filled from drugs. They just think that. Its hard dealing with an addict and probably the hardest situation a parent can go through. There is no right or wrong decision dealing with an addict because its hard to pin point exactly what to do on your own.its always best to get professional help. Even then its hard to get them to want to quit and go get help. They have to want to quit for themselves not anyone else, that's very important. I've been there and didn't want to quit at one point but I know one day your daughter will get sick of this lifestyle she lives. Even if it takes months or years, one day she will want to stop. Just like I did. God bless you and your family, I feel for you all.
It was/ is only when everyone including my family stopped/stops "helping" me that I decide I want something better. ..Detaching doesn't mean withdrawing love..my spouse loves me...I know this...but I also know she needs to do what's going to help...and that's by not helping me...no discussions. ...no nagging. ..begging...threats...etc...no enabling...no excuses...she sets the boundaries...detaches...i know the rules...my decision to cross them...my decsion to use...my decision to pay the consequences. .. my decision to stop...you change nothing if you cannot detach w love...it's not abandonment. ..it's empowerment....you only get that ....when you decide to stop...get clean and have the clarity...I've never met a addict that didn't thank their loved ones for doing so ...in active addiction we can twist anything to set ourselves up to use...blame is a good one...we use it often
