This site has been so helpful dealing with my active addictive son. He is 34 and 11 years of battling one type of drug or another. One year ago March he attempted suicide and was on life support for few days. Because he was unemployed and no insurance they wanted to toss him out on the street. I was able to baker act him for a whole 72 hours. He moved in with his brother who wanted to give him a chance. Got him with a state psychiatric dr. But my son plays the game well he tells them what they want to hear and gets his drugs. He gained weight look great got a great job. From there nothing but spiraling out of control.
My son kicked him out of house before he started stealing again. Put him in a respectable rooming house. But that only lasted 4 months. He broke his back in Jan and got pain pills. 6 weeks ago he ended up in hospital with cellutius and gas gangrene of his arm. He swore he wasn't using and was clean. After the third surgery to try to save the arm. I spoke to the Ortho, he had two abscesses at the front of his arm and he was positive he was shooting up. OF course my son denied this. As story goes he was again evicted from his place and my youngest son pick up his things again. Now it's been 5 surgeries and more to go. When my son went to his brother's house to get clean clothes as he is now staying with his girlfriend and family he went through a bag and toss something in the trash before he left. My daughter in law found the syringe.
Still in denial using. To alleviate him chasing us all the time to get his things I am going to get a storage unit and put all his belongings whats left of them that is into storage and let him have access whenever. He hasn't outright asked me for things but keeps calling and saying I am hurting and depressed. I can't work. Told him to figure this out himself .
My issue is this, do I confront him again with his lies or let him believe I believe his story it was a bug bite.
He is in denial about using to everyone, and won't seek help and I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want him to die and until I saw the syringe I had a small hope he was telling the truth. I don't want to deal with him anymore, or his addiction. I love my son but he doesn't love himself or his family enough to give up heroin.
Is it enabling him to pay his phone each month so he can call. I know it's just time both my other son and I see it. His father turned his back on him at 18 and has done nothing to encourage him to take the steps in sobriety, his father is an acholoic. Am I wrong to feel this way. To want to distance myself from him. But I don't want to loose touch with him I don't want the guilt that I push him over the edge. But I just don't know which way to go that is best for me and the family. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and hard place.
I don't give him money and after seeing his needle again he won't get food money/clothes or help. I know there is help out there if HE chooses to get it.
I must tired of the emotional roller coaster he puts me through over and over again.
I want him to keep his phone and what few things he has. But I don't want to hear anymore I'm hurting/I'm homeless no one the family cares about me. I hate them all. He won't face that it's him. He is like a leach suck's you dry, with emotional blackmail.
I am just done with all of it.
Dear Helpless Mom, I'm sorry to hear of your sons addiction of the pain it has brought upon your family....I understand why you want to keep the phone active for him...You don't want to hear the lies but what you do want to do is just hear his voice. ....by hearing his voice at least you know he's still alive....herion is horrible as your sons addiction testify to....as painful as it is there is little you can do until your son makes the decision to want to help himself. ...which only makes it that much harder to come to grips with......You need to try and get some support system for yourself......it is a horrible journey addiction....I'm truly sorry
Hi Chris Mom,
Not feeling hopeful but today is the first time ever my son has told me he needs help. He can't live like this anymore at least he was sober today.Is it a lie who knows? but admitting finally that he is an addict well that is a first. It's not a done deal until he actually makes that step.
Looking at his arm still open and needing more surgery might of been the turning point. He was questioned by the surgeon intensively and they told him he won't have long to live if he doesn't change. I will encourage him all I can to seek help but have reiterated over and over again I am not doing this for you. (which is breaking my heart as a mom I want to fix it for him). I told him I won't love him any less and there is no stigma attached to seeking help. He keeps looking for my approval and I hope I am doing the right thing. I won't enable anymore and I spoke frankly with him and my gut feeling is he has outstayed his welcome with his present place. I am not sure if this is another ploy for sympathy. Sad to say I don't trust a thing he says. Proof is in the pudding as they say.
One thing he did admit if he had to do it again he would never ever take that first pill. But should of could of doesn't matter. Told him the proof is in the pudding.. we will see if he follows through. I am still at a cross road myself. Dare I hope ? is there any hope? million dollar question.
It feels like we are loosing our children to drugs. Sometimes I wonder if drug companies or health insurance don't really want to make it easy for a addict to recover. They just look at profit and looses not the actual cost.
I will always keep you in my thoughts and prays . I hope you find peace within yourself, God knows I am trying to flounder my way with him without hurting my family. Stay strong you have a loving husband and son and that it self is a blessing. I am sure you son Chris would want you to be happy.
Not feeling hopeful but today is the first time ever my son has told me he needs help. He can't live like this anymore at least he was sober today.Is it a lie who knows? but admitting finally that he is an addict well that is a first. It's not a done deal until he actually makes that step.
Looking at his arm still open and needing more surgery might of been the turning point. He was questioned by the surgeon intensively and they told him he won't have long to live if he doesn't change. I will encourage him all I can to seek help but have reiterated over and over again I am not doing this for you. (which is breaking my heart as a mom I want to fix it for him). I told him I won't love him any less and there is no stigma attached to seeking help. He keeps looking for my approval and I hope I am doing the right thing. I won't enable anymore and I spoke frankly with him and my gut feeling is he has outstayed his welcome with his present place. I am not sure if this is another ploy for sympathy. Sad to say I don't trust a thing he says. Proof is in the pudding as they say.
One thing he did admit if he had to do it again he would never ever take that first pill. But should of could of doesn't matter. Told him the proof is in the pudding.. we will see if he follows through. I am still at a cross road myself. Dare I hope ? is there any hope? million dollar question.
It feels like we are loosing our children to drugs. Sometimes I wonder if drug companies or health insurance don't really want to make it easy for a addict to recover. They just look at profit and looses not the actual cost.
I will always keep you in my thoughts and prays . I hope you find peace within yourself, God knows I am trying to flounder my way with him without hurting my family. Stay strong you have a loving husband and son and that it self is a blessing. I am sure you son Chris would want you to be happy.
Dear helpless mother:
I am sorry to hear of your pain. I have observed this same story many, many times. It is amazing how consistent addiction presents itself to the addict, and also the loving family members.
One idea I'd like to plant is this: There is hope. There are a lot of us who found a better way to live. Many of my friends found succesfull recovery in NA.
There is very little you can do to help your son with this decision. Denial is the key marker of addiction. Hopefully this medical crisis is finally his "bottom". Once the pain of changing is less than the pain of not changing, then change will happen.
If you have not yet considered so, please look into a family support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. I predict you will be amazed at the relief you'll experience when being around other people in similar circumstances.
Good luck. Flyboy
I am sorry to hear of your pain. I have observed this same story many, many times. It is amazing how consistent addiction presents itself to the addict, and also the loving family members.
One idea I'd like to plant is this: There is hope. There are a lot of us who found a better way to live. Many of my friends found succesfull recovery in NA.
There is very little you can do to help your son with this decision. Denial is the key marker of addiction. Hopefully this medical crisis is finally his "bottom". Once the pain of changing is less than the pain of not changing, then change will happen.
If you have not yet considered so, please look into a family support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. I predict you will be amazed at the relief you'll experience when being around other people in similar circumstances.
Good luck. Flyboy
Dear Fly
I have lost hope, he refuses to admit using, he said I've been sober a year. No he hasn't.
How far does one have to go to seek help. I keep seeing my wee son playing in the water. Now I see a young man digging in the dumpster.
I hope for a miracle but expect the worse. thank you for your kind words.
I have lost hope, he refuses to admit using, he said I've been sober a year. No he hasn't.
How far does one have to go to seek help. I keep seeing my wee son playing in the water. Now I see a young man digging in the dumpster.
I hope for a miracle but expect the worse. thank you for your kind words.
