So last night was better, The sweats were not as bad. I actually think I may get thru this WOW!!!! As I've said before I had tapered down to 8-222's and 2 somas 7 tonight. I know people may read this and think she doesn't have it that bad. No I never got up to thirty pills a day but I was on some form of pain medication for about 17 years. That is all I know. I'm afraid of living without them I have to rediscover who the hell I am. I still am doing this on my own (Well with the exception of you guys) I am not going to tell my family I know everyone disagrees with this but it is how I need to do it, maybe somdeday but for now I can't deal with that too. Ok time for honesty I have not bought my 222's which is unbelievable because I am really low but I still have at least 100 somas left so when I finish the 222's do I just take the two somas. I really respect those that flush but I can't see myself honestly doing that. I did make a promise to God last night that I would never steal from anyone again. I made this promise about stealing from those open houses before about a year ago and even when I had no pills I never did it even though I really wanted to. I had to make this promise so I could stop making excuses for stealing from my family.
God my head is killing me .
Big Big turn yesterday I was talking to my friend who had surgury a while ago and she said to me yea I had to take a lortab today for my sore muscles from working out. Now this normally would have been the time when I said Oh you still have those could I get one my back has really been bad. BUT I didn't, I hung up and got right on this site. Today she tells me she is so sore today she took two, I just said hey be careful with those you can become addicted!!!!!!
Me again Just writing to get this off my chest.
I still have some anger at my doctor, now don't get me wrong please I know this is all about me and the choices I made, but if there are any docs reading this, please,please, look at the signs. Why didn't I ever go to any of the rehab choices you gave me?? Chirpractor, Physical Therapy... Come on some of those you offered 2-3 times. Why didn't you look in my file to see that I had been there 6 months ago. And Why did you give me so much???? 120 hydros with 2 refills, if I could walk into your office after having driven there doesn't it stand to reason I wouldn't need that many. Why did you up the milligrams without even checking????? I remember going in one day and there was a student intern in with you and you had her write the prescription. I could see in her eyes she could not believe you were doing that. Honey if your out there you were right I was an addict. Funny thing is I remember driving to the office that day filled with anticipation and fear "would this be the time he catches on or would he just write my script" I remember hoping it would only be for thirty I knew even then I was sliding and would have to quit, but Hey now I had 240 pills to go thru!!!! So Doc please Have mercy on those you treat you may start off with the best intentions to relieve pain but in the end it is the cure that counts.
Again I know I am in the driver seat but don't you just feel sometimes like that???
I still have some anger at my doctor, now don't get me wrong please I know this is all about me and the choices I made, but if there are any docs reading this, please,please, look at the signs. Why didn't I ever go to any of the rehab choices you gave me?? Chirpractor, Physical Therapy... Come on some of those you offered 2-3 times. Why didn't you look in my file to see that I had been there 6 months ago. And Why did you give me so much???? 120 hydros with 2 refills, if I could walk into your office after having driven there doesn't it stand to reason I wouldn't need that many. Why did you up the milligrams without even checking????? I remember going in one day and there was a student intern in with you and you had her write the prescription. I could see in her eyes she could not believe you were doing that. Honey if your out there you were right I was an addict. Funny thing is I remember driving to the office that day filled with anticipation and fear "would this be the time he catches on or would he just write my script" I remember hoping it would only be for thirty I knew even then I was sliding and would have to quit, but Hey now I had 240 pills to go thru!!!! So Doc please Have mercy on those you treat you may start off with the best intentions to relieve pain but in the end it is the cure that counts.
Again I know I am in the driver seat but don't you just feel sometimes like that???
I think you went to a dr I worked for! No really, I was an MA and I saw what you were talking about, I even knew some of the patients were selling thier pills and told the dr, but he just kept on writing, as long as they paid thier office visit. I know we are responsible for what were doing (I'm a pill head too) but it seems so easy when you get your drug from the doctor and not off the street (like when I was on meth) I don't know what 222 is, I take my Narco 3-4 a day to function even though I don't even need them for any medical reason. My insurance just ended so I'm hoping this will be my last bottle, little boogers are expensive w/o ins. Good luck to you - and I understand about not telling your family - do what you have to do to get through!!
hi ro, i am on day 11 froma ct wd. one thing i thiught i would ever do was come clean with my mom, i thought oh man she is really going to judge me, WRONG she accepted this completly and was there for me in my wds. at the beginning of dec my dr gave me 120 ct with 5 refills and i am like wow, i dont think i have a issue that bad to warrant that many hydros. but i took them and then after i used 2 refills i cancelled my script and started the process of ct. i would like to be able to blame this dr however i made a choice of accepting the medication and getting the refills. yes i was a lil upset that the dr gave me that may pills, however i was not forced into taking them and he had no clue i was struggling and at the time i was not going to tell him. to me and only me it boiled down to getting honest with myself and accepting that i had a problem. this dr actually stated he had no idea who the drugseekers were he was trying to help, however i have heard that he has been turned in for overprescripting. you have to be proactive with your dr and let them know that maybe there are other options in treating your pain. just know there are many wonderful people on this board and if you read the posts and open your heart your answer will come.
take care
{{{hugs}}}
carol
take care
{{{hugs}}}
carol
