Ya know I'm reading here..........O.K. sorry but ya know me and the truth.
EVERYBODY.......now maybe it's because this a recovery board, but I mean is any ONE person got some kind of NON chaos going on?
Even when we do we still wake up first thoughts is heroin...........oh things are honkey dorey............why can't I ever have another hit of dope?
Then I'm just thinking LOOK........seriously............this dysfucntion.
Kids, husbands, girlfriends, wives, boyfriends............everybody got something messed up going on..........I hate this.
Bryn,
Think of all the positives that have come from these boards. There are many people who no longer post here. Many of them have moved on and are doing great. There are those who are still here that are doing real well also.
People generally don't post to say today was great. Nothing went wrong today. Think of it this way. Most of the times that people do not post, things are going fine. This is much like the way the news works. All you hear are the bad things happening. There is much more good but that is not going to make the news.
Think of all the positives that have come from these boards. There are many people who no longer post here. Many of them have moved on and are doing great. There are those who are still here that are doing real well also.
People generally don't post to say today was great. Nothing went wrong today. Think of it this way. Most of the times that people do not post, things are going fine. This is much like the way the news works. All you hear are the bad things happening. There is much more good but that is not going to make the news.
Ya know, Bryn, to the casual observer my family looks absolutely normal. Two beautiful girls, a terrific marriage, decent living wage (not rolling in it mind you, but no complaints at the present), involved in the community, good-sized extended family, blah, blah, blah...And that's how most families look from the outside. Sure, there are some 'normal', low maintenance, low drama families out there and I rejoice for them, but most everyone has some kind something going on - for our group here on the boards, it's addiction, for other folks it might be infidelity, eating disorders, anger issues. But it's all just part of the human condition - hopefully we learn from it and move on. Granted, not everyone does, some stay mired in the same crud day after day, year after year, but that's a choice. I, for one, am moving on and it feels good. The past is passed, and the day may come when...well, whatever...I don't know what the future holds, but I'm willing to stick around and find out. Chin up girl...
~Peace~MomNMore
PS Read your 7/6 entry in your diary - I hope you have more good days than that. You hold that beautiful head up and be proud of the incredible, strong, and compassionate woman you are. Let the rest of it go. Take some of your own world-renowned advice - it works for everyone else.
~Peace~MomNMore
PS Read your 7/6 entry in your diary - I hope you have more good days than that. You hold that beautiful head up and be proud of the incredible, strong, and compassionate woman you are. Let the rest of it go. Take some of your own world-renowned advice - it works for everyone else.
It's a bad day doll............tomorow will be better...if not one day it will..........life is all about chaos.....well in our lives thats how it rolls........but just think how we get to appreciate the good times when they come even more ;-)
Y'all are right..........absolutely.........sometimes ya just have to wonder, and throw your hands up............and say "Why?"
Looking at the positive, that's right........and indeed appearances......none of know M&M........you are right.........my family looked absolutely perfect too.....same for Tres's............well save her brother.......Lord knows what he didn't put them parents through since birth.........he's too much.
You cut me a break Sister.......you can cry..........I can cry and have a moan as Bunny Rocker puts it...........I'm having a moan....w/nervous breakdown.
Thank you dears..........means alot Hurt Dad and M&M, and of course my gal.
Looking at the positive, that's right........and indeed appearances......none of know M&M........you are right.........my family looked absolutely perfect too.....same for Tres's............well save her brother.......Lord knows what he didn't put them parents through since birth.........he's too much.
You cut me a break Sister.......you can cry..........I can cry and have a moan as Bunny Rocker puts it...........I'm having a moan....w/nervous breakdown.
Thank you dears..........means alot Hurt Dad and M&M, and of course my gal.
I know for me i don't post when all is well so generally when you read a post of mine it's a bad day "like HurtDad said". Funny thing is right now no real choas is going on "least on the surface." Everything is solid, stable, so nice, in fact like ya said Bryn: i'm wanting to do some dope. What stops me is fear of getting caught. My family would be so disappointed, my kids would fall apart. Bad thing is i still could have those old connects one call to a cousin, my brother, stroll on the street. It would take about 20 mins to score i fight that urge all the time. Everytime i'm driving alone with cash it pops in my head.
Well I am hoping to post some positive tomorrow but I aint saying anymore till then!! Just remember FINGERS CROSSED!!!
Oh and remember my mate who was going to get a house b4 me as she was lying and claiming homeless.....well someone has grassed her. She will probably try blaming me now but I will assure her it wasnt me!!
xx
Oh and remember my mate who was going to get a house b4 me as she was lying and claiming homeless.....well someone has grassed her. She will probably try blaming me now but I will assure her it wasnt me!!
xx
Hey Bryn, I reckon there's a part of me that thrives on chaos. I don't mind life being messy. To me, there's something profoundly dull about people who have nice tidy lives. Something a bit "Stepford" LOL! And there's something else too I'd like to say. Not a day goes past that I don't feel gratitude that I'm not a junkie any more. Oh, I remember years back, when I still missed heroin like breathing, missed it enough to relapse over and over. But I dunno, life got so bad, the sheer stress of being a heroin dealer, the major headwork, the huge fear, the out of control paranoia, having to deal with people who were really nasty, and taking huge risks, massive gambles, every day, with my life, my liberty and my appendages, coz more than once I had to fight my way out of situations where I was in grave danger of losing some much loved part of my anatomy, because I'd ripped the wrong person off, or I'd not come up with money that I owed, and these guys don't play nice. I'll never forget the terrible fear that would set in when I realised that one of my gambles hadn't paid off, and I was in a right shower of s***. And then, as time went on, and the risks got bigger I was afraid 24/7, afraid coz I was in over my head, afraid coz I'd had a run of good luck, and knew that my personal super volcano was over due an eruption that was gonna wipe me out. Afraid coz I'd made enemies, and the sharks were circling all around me, afraid coz everything was coming unstuck around me, the rumour mills were rumbling, the bricks were coming through the windows, the law was breaking down my door. Everything was going tits up, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. THAT'S why I gave up heroin, so you ask if I still hanker after it, if I think life was happier when I was a junkie, if I'd trade my f***ed up life for that. You have got to be joking. I'd rather eat s*** and die than go back to that life.
So no matter how messy my life is, I treasure it, and I'm glad of every day that I don't do heroin.
Bryn, chill, what has a back has a front. I know you're having a tough time right now, but eventually you'll figure out why, and when that happens you'll have some peace. Pain is a blessing - it's the fastest route to understanding, and understanding will soothe your troubled heart (you wouldn't believe how many times I tell myself that through gritted teeth when life bowls me a googlie - yeah right, who the f*** said pain is a goddamned blessing, I'd like to shove this pain right up their blessed backside! But I know it's true, and it's hard to argue with yourself when you know that you're right LOL!!!!)
love
Diff xxx
So no matter how messy my life is, I treasure it, and I'm glad of every day that I don't do heroin.
Bryn, chill, what has a back has a front. I know you're having a tough time right now, but eventually you'll figure out why, and when that happens you'll have some peace. Pain is a blessing - it's the fastest route to understanding, and understanding will soothe your troubled heart (you wouldn't believe how many times I tell myself that through gritted teeth when life bowls me a googlie - yeah right, who the f*** said pain is a goddamned blessing, I'd like to shove this pain right up their blessed backside! But I know it's true, and it's hard to argue with yourself when you know that you're right LOL!!!!)
love
Diff xxx
Diff, you are so good on putting real time perspective on stuff. Love to read both your and Bryn's posts.
Not normal at my house...no sireee! finally got to see my grandbaby but it was at a cost of finding out what his mama's up to. even went off the wagon and smoked for 4 days, my last pack of cigs, she stole a few...I see her addicted brain telling her that taking more pain meds is okay, cause hey, they are prescribed. Listening about her with my son's gf, who she barely knows, trying to get her to lie to my son and to us. Her supposedly cleaning the floors for me cause she wanted to and to find out that she bummed more money for more pain pills from my husband.
It's life and hey, yeah, we are going to piss and moan about the bad stuff. I'm grateful I don't have to track down my coke dealer or worry about my so called friends shooting a few lines up before they bring me my coke, that, incidently, I'm going to share with them anyway. Glad that I don't have those kind of people in my life.
today is a better day than yesterday that is for sure!
Not normal at my house...no sireee! finally got to see my grandbaby but it was at a cost of finding out what his mama's up to. even went off the wagon and smoked for 4 days, my last pack of cigs, she stole a few...I see her addicted brain telling her that taking more pain meds is okay, cause hey, they are prescribed. Listening about her with my son's gf, who she barely knows, trying to get her to lie to my son and to us. Her supposedly cleaning the floors for me cause she wanted to and to find out that she bummed more money for more pain pills from my husband.
It's life and hey, yeah, we are going to piss and moan about the bad stuff. I'm grateful I don't have to track down my coke dealer or worry about my so called friends shooting a few lines up before they bring me my coke, that, incidently, I'm going to share with them anyway. Glad that I don't have those kind of people in my life.
today is a better day than yesterday that is for sure!
Bryn
Since posting on this site your messages and advice have been such a comfort to me and i have a better understanding of addiction. You are a very generous person and i have so much respect for you. i feel sad tonight cos my herion addict of a husband was meant to come round but i've not seen hide or hair from him. He's probably doped up at his parents house or 'couched out'. Normally i would of been on the phone to him, ranting and raving and upsetting myself but thanks to all the people on here and having read different posts etc. I'm learning......... and i didn't phone.
I would not know what it's like to feel happiness or be able to laugh, or the buzz you get from achieving a goal in life If i didn't have sad days. How dull and boring that would be..............and a waste of time ................. and it wouldn't be normal either.
Just my way of thinking
Love and respect to you........................Kathy xx .
Since posting on this site your messages and advice have been such a comfort to me and i have a better understanding of addiction. You are a very generous person and i have so much respect for you. i feel sad tonight cos my herion addict of a husband was meant to come round but i've not seen hide or hair from him. He's probably doped up at his parents house or 'couched out'. Normally i would of been on the phone to him, ranting and raving and upsetting myself but thanks to all the people on here and having read different posts etc. I'm learning......... and i didn't phone.
I would not know what it's like to feel happiness or be able to laugh, or the buzz you get from achieving a goal in life If i didn't have sad days. How dull and boring that would be..............and a waste of time ................. and it wouldn't be normal either.
Just my way of thinking
Love and respect to you........................Kathy xx .
Thank you everyone......all I can say is there are some poingnant, caring people on these boards.........addicts and loved ones alike........thank you.
Stillwaiting, I'm trully humbled......thank you so much........and if I helped in some way I'm truly grateful.........I'm so sorry about tonight, BUT ya know what? Look how far you've come already..........good on you doing your own thing.
Janet, yep, man ain't Diff spot on.........and like ya said time wise.......Diff, you truly hit the heart of the matter......peg how people feel, AND
"Where there's a back there's a front"..........lady, that spoke to me.
Yeah Zero Girl, sort of I know by your words when things got ahold of ya.......and your brutal honesty is always parreciated by all of us......your strength amazes me honestly.
Jan, man I'm sorry about the money and the lies and all that.......like ya said though we can see it at work......I wish she just KNEW.......we know how that goes though.
BR, you go ahead now......get on with your bad self.......and pay no mind to that chica...........she ran her mouth too much.......probably told half the free world.........can't scam half the free world now.
Thanks again, everyone.........most appreciated.
Stillwaiting, I'm trully humbled......thank you so much........and if I helped in some way I'm truly grateful.........I'm so sorry about tonight, BUT ya know what? Look how far you've come already..........good on you doing your own thing.
Janet, yep, man ain't Diff spot on.........and like ya said time wise.......Diff, you truly hit the heart of the matter......peg how people feel, AND
"Where there's a back there's a front"..........lady, that spoke to me.
Yeah Zero Girl, sort of I know by your words when things got ahold of ya.......and your brutal honesty is always parreciated by all of us......your strength amazes me honestly.
Jan, man I'm sorry about the money and the lies and all that.......like ya said though we can see it at work......I wish she just KNEW.......we know how that goes though.
BR, you go ahead now......get on with your bad self.......and pay no mind to that chica...........she ran her mouth too much.......probably told half the free world.........can't scam half the free world now.
Thanks again, everyone.........most appreciated.
bryn-girlie i wish i could come over pick you up and go out to a movie--have some fun--learn to treat yourself to other things--healthy things then youll crave that--you are such an awesome spirit--this board wouldnt be the same or right without your positive feedbacks and your moans(which i havent noticed much of) luvu girl--next time you are in the kansas city missouri area look me up--LOL
Not my normal board, but I did want to pop on and say how right everyone is. I was just thinking about the "news" example when I read what HD had to say.
It's just human nature, plain and simple. I know that when I'm having a good day, I'm living in the moment. When things are less than ideal, I pop over here to read and remind myself that a day is only a day.
We have a natural tendency to see the bad before we see the good. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with us per se, but there's a natural pull towards the more dramatic side of things.
I've been trying to take my own advice and try to define my day based on the good things rather than the bad ones. It's a good reality check to give yourself - sure, we might not be EXACTLY where we want to be at the moment, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a silver lining to be found somewhere (like pedicures... eh? haha. just pulling your leg, Bryn)
I have always believed in the silver lining. Sometimes it might be too dark to see it, but it doesn't mean it's not still there.
It's just human nature, plain and simple. I know that when I'm having a good day, I'm living in the moment. When things are less than ideal, I pop over here to read and remind myself that a day is only a day.
We have a natural tendency to see the bad before we see the good. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with us per se, but there's a natural pull towards the more dramatic side of things.
I've been trying to take my own advice and try to define my day based on the good things rather than the bad ones. It's a good reality check to give yourself - sure, we might not be EXACTLY where we want to be at the moment, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a silver lining to be found somewhere (like pedicures... eh? haha. just pulling your leg, Bryn)
I have always believed in the silver lining. Sometimes it might be too dark to see it, but it doesn't mean it's not still there.
Nice to see you, Marla...
~M&M
~M&M
..Life's full of ups and downs,swings and roundabouts..even before we used we have good and bad days huh ?..being in recovery ain't gonna make our everyday
moods/feelings exciting,happy,content ?..we've still gotta deal with the crap life throws at us..everyones got sum kind of problen in life wether its their kids dramas and such,money,bills to pay,work to find (sum of us) and so on..it just makes it that little bit easier that we don't have to ring the bagman before we can get on with our day..but look at wot life was like when in active addiction..those things that we find hard to deal with now wasn't really a big prob when we were using..cos we were more concerned with getting high and leaving everything else until tomorrow ?..things may seem harder now cos we're facing up to wot we need to do rather than putting life on hold and getting high..so wether in active addiction or in recovery..we do and will always have good and bad days ?..but the air smells better on the clean side of the fence..Robbie..
moods/feelings exciting,happy,content ?..we've still gotta deal with the crap life throws at us..everyones got sum kind of problen in life wether its their kids dramas and such,money,bills to pay,work to find (sum of us) and so on..it just makes it that little bit easier that we don't have to ring the bagman before we can get on with our day..but look at wot life was like when in active addiction..those things that we find hard to deal with now wasn't really a big prob when we were using..cos we were more concerned with getting high and leaving everything else until tomorrow ?..things may seem harder now cos we're facing up to wot we need to do rather than putting life on hold and getting high..so wether in active addiction or in recovery..we do and will always have good and bad days ?..but the air smells better on the clean side of the fence..Robbie..
Hi M&M :-)
Good stuff you guys.
Catch me looking up.
Amity, thanks for the lookout. I saw in I think it was Witchita some lady was stabbed in a store and people walked over her, and took pictures.......cant say I was too shocked as I'm desensitized.......Philly and all.........but yeah look at that poor lady.........man, none of us have near that right now......thank goodness.
Great post for Robbie and Marla too......M&M the ever optomistic chica.
Happens to Red Sox fans after all that wait I guess.
Catch me looking up.
Amity, thanks for the lookout. I saw in I think it was Witchita some lady was stabbed in a store and people walked over her, and took pictures.......cant say I was too shocked as I'm desensitized.......Philly and all.........but yeah look at that poor lady.........man, none of us have near that right now......thank goodness.
Great post for Robbie and Marla too......M&M the ever optomistic chica.
Happens to Red Sox fans after all that wait I guess.
