addicts expend entirely too much energy trying to figure out the how and why of their respective predicament. i know i did. i use to joke that every line on my forehead was from sitting in numerous rehabs, sometimes jail, attempting to make sense of and figure out how i got myself into another jackpot.
wha'happened!?
why ask why!
i'll use the donkey in the ditch analogy - it doesn't matter how the donkey got into the ditch. how can we get the son 'o ma beetch out and keep it from falling back in again?
i'm gently nudging those of you who are consumed with the whys and the wherefores away from a certain futile trap - the "paralysis of analysis."
if you truly wish to overcome your addiction, get out of the problem and into the solution - whatever that solution happens to be for you.
on the road of recovery you'll have ample opportunity to survey the terrain, look back, and gain insight into how you got to where you're at.
*sdr*
True. We have to replace our addiction with a life changing solution. Find out what we are passionate about,and add it to our daily lives.
Travis
Travis
Sdr,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why ask WHY?????
Oh my gosh...i hate to disagree but if we dont ask why...we dont learn...we dont grow.....
WHY did I start abusing the drug?????????????
WHY do I find the need to medicate???????????
WHY do i cover my feelings with humor??????????
WHY is important....Its called THERAPY.LOLOLOL
Love you anyway,
Ali
Why ask WHY?????
Oh my gosh...i hate to disagree but if we dont ask why...we dont learn...we dont grow.....
WHY did I start abusing the drug?????????????
WHY do I find the need to medicate???????????
WHY do i cover my feelings with humor??????????
WHY is important....Its called THERAPY.LOLOLOL
Love you anyway,
Ali
ali
once we can shift our thinking away from why do i have this problem to how can i fix this problem, then we start to recover.
in a car accident the immediate responders, police - paramedics - firemen, do not attempt to determine the cause of the crash until those who were injured have had their injuries attended to.
i am simply suggesting that if our lives have crashed and burned as the result of our addiction, then perhaps we should take the corrective action to prevent ourselves from falling further into the abyss before we start working on the accident investigation.
*sdr*
once we can shift our thinking away from why do i have this problem to how can i fix this problem, then we start to recover.
in a car accident the immediate responders, police - paramedics - firemen, do not attempt to determine the cause of the crash until those who were injured have had their injuries attended to.
i am simply suggesting that if our lives have crashed and burned as the result of our addiction, then perhaps we should take the corrective action to prevent ourselves from falling further into the abyss before we start working on the accident investigation.
*sdr*
Sdr.
understood and agreed.
Hugs,
ali
understood and agreed.
Hugs,
ali
Good concept Sweet Daddy. I long ago stopped asking myself questions. My answers started to get so long they put even me to sleep. The only question I have for myself every morning is, "What am I going to do for my recovery today" Then I have to spend the rest of the day doing it.
love ya lots,
jaci
love ya lots,
jaci
Ahhhhhhhh YES! The mighty Stage 2 of recovery. Stabalize=stage 1 analyze=stage 2 Higher level of thinking=stage 3.
I learned my lesson the hard way. All that talk and examanation of feelings of WHY became very dangerous to me. Thats a lesson I had to learn on my own. I tought that now. This is not a RIP on ladies. They seem to have a need to discuss all of that right away.Learn to life at first.That is what I am doing. GREAT advice Ron.
Ben
I learned my lesson the hard way. All that talk and examanation of feelings of WHY became very dangerous to me. Thats a lesson I had to learn on my own. I tought that now. This is not a RIP on ladies. They seem to have a need to discuss all of that right away.Learn to life at first.That is what I am doing. GREAT advice Ron.
Ben
Ben,
im sorry but now Im confused, yes we female species are a deeper and more intelligent gender, that does analyze more than men..LOLOLOL
But isnt figuring out WHY you abused your DOC important to recovery? I thought that was an important part of the NA program....
Hugs,
Ali
im sorry but now Im confused, yes we female species are a deeper and more intelligent gender, that does analyze more than men..LOLOLOL
But isnt figuring out WHY you abused your DOC important to recovery? I thought that was an important part of the NA program....
Hugs,
Ali
I abused drugs because Im a drug addict. What more do I need to know? I was not raped, abused or bullied in school. I had terrible vision as a child. I dont need that as an excuse.
Yes, I will not deny women are much more intelegent. That could be a problem in early stages of recovery. that emotional stuff is risky to deal with in early recovery. Thats why "stage Recovery" was outlined by the psychs.
Ben
Yes, I will not deny women are much more intelegent. That could be a problem in early stages of recovery. that emotional stuff is risky to deal with in early recovery. Thats why "stage Recovery" was outlined by the psychs.
Ben
i used and abused my drugs of choice because i am an addict...
all the 'figuring it all out', in the world won't change that.
my sponsor had to tell me to leave my brains at the door,
when i came to meetings.
'utilize don't analyze'.
all the 'figuring it all out', in the world won't change that.
my sponsor had to tell me to leave my brains at the door,
when i came to meetings.
'utilize don't analyze'.
Gosh Ben and Kate,
im more confused then ever, i thought that figuring out WHY was a big part of the PA/NA/AA recovery...once one is clean i mean......Hmmmmm....I thought that was a great part of the program...
Well this must just be my Libra personality rearing its ugly head...just the way I am...every tough spot Ive been in in my life, i have gotten out of and not repeated by asking myslef WHY did i feel the need to do/say/react do that etc...
I f i had never looked into WHY I was once stuck in an abusive relationship..i would have been prone to repeat.Self reflection and therapy has worked for me...thast just me, and i guess i will always ask myself the whys AND the hows, wheres and whens...LOLOL
Ben remeber the book Million Little Pieces? His councellor sat with his parents and recalled his ear aches.....that they ignored.....the RAGE he has always felt but didnt know why?????????? I think knowing gave him SOME piece of mind...may not be an answer to all his sobriety problems of course...but it would answer that question...where does this RAGE come from?? Puts it to bed.
Olive branch???dont want to fight..my way of thinking is not the right way for all just for me.
Hugs,
Ali
im more confused then ever, i thought that figuring out WHY was a big part of the PA/NA/AA recovery...once one is clean i mean......Hmmmmm....I thought that was a great part of the program...
Well this must just be my Libra personality rearing its ugly head...just the way I am...every tough spot Ive been in in my life, i have gotten out of and not repeated by asking myslef WHY did i feel the need to do/say/react do that etc...
I f i had never looked into WHY I was once stuck in an abusive relationship..i would have been prone to repeat.Self reflection and therapy has worked for me...thast just me, and i guess i will always ask myself the whys AND the hows, wheres and whens...LOLOL
Ben remeber the book Million Little Pieces? His councellor sat with his parents and recalled his ear aches.....that they ignored.....the RAGE he has always felt but didnt know why?????????? I think knowing gave him SOME piece of mind...may not be an answer to all his sobriety problems of course...but it would answer that question...where does this RAGE come from?? Puts it to bed.
Olive branch???dont want to fight..my way of thinking is not the right way for all just for me.
Hugs,
Ali
Im gonna smack ya woman! LMAO!
I stick my hand on a stove, I burn it. It hurts. The pain is excruciating. I want to die. The pain sears through my body. Do I need to know the physics of "why" it burnt or do I need to just remember how it burnt.
The Primary purpose of ALL 12 step groups is to carry the message of our solution. Thats how we stay clean. Working with another addict. This very principle is exactly why the word recovery was came to be known.
James's Ear infection at the age of 2 years old and 7 surgerys in his younger years is hardly an excuse to use. In fact James himself says He wont cowtow to that and take the blame off himself for the way he turned out. He would have nothing to do with looking for reasons as to why he was an addict. I feel that and it has proven to be very detrimental to addicts in early recovery to go back and re-visit there deepest darkest pains growing up. The mind is not stablein early recovery for that. The mind is also not clear to effectivley do it. I have ten months I think im clear, I feel clear however I know the physical fact is that I am still pysically clouded. Addicts have proven this theory over and over that is why there are "Stages". Some folk are different however I am not going to play with my life messing with experienced knowlege.
12 step or not, we are all human prone to the similar behavior.
Ali? Your doing great either way.
Love,
Ben
I stick my hand on a stove, I burn it. It hurts. The pain is excruciating. I want to die. The pain sears through my body. Do I need to know the physics of "why" it burnt or do I need to just remember how it burnt.
The Primary purpose of ALL 12 step groups is to carry the message of our solution. Thats how we stay clean. Working with another addict. This very principle is exactly why the word recovery was came to be known.
James's Ear infection at the age of 2 years old and 7 surgerys in his younger years is hardly an excuse to use. In fact James himself says He wont cowtow to that and take the blame off himself for the way he turned out. He would have nothing to do with looking for reasons as to why he was an addict. I feel that and it has proven to be very detrimental to addicts in early recovery to go back and re-visit there deepest darkest pains growing up. The mind is not stablein early recovery for that. The mind is also not clear to effectivley do it. I have ten months I think im clear, I feel clear however I know the physical fact is that I am still pysically clouded. Addicts have proven this theory over and over that is why there are "Stages". Some folk are different however I am not going to play with my life messing with experienced knowlege.
12 step or not, we are all human prone to the similar behavior.
Ali? Your doing great either way.
Love,
Ben
Great discussion for the board!!
Not to brown nose but I think you both have good points :)
Merry Christmas
....if you do it only ONCE..no it doesnt make sense to ask why...but if you CONTINUE to put your hand on the hot plate or stove...then yup...you have to ask WHY do I KEEP DOING it when I KNOW ITS gonna hurt.....LOLOL.
I read and understand what you are saying though Ben. i hear you.
This Deli owner goes to his shrink and he says:
" Crap...i have this overwhelming desire to put my penis in the sausage cutter!
so the shrink says...." Gosh..WHY would you want to do that???Sounds painful"..." Go home and FIGHT THE URGE."
weeks pass...the deli owner becomes more and more obsessed with his desire to put his penis in the sausage cutter....
The shrink is beside himself...tries all kinds of therapy but can not make any strides with this poor guy.
The following week, the deli guy comes in with a big smile on his face.
" my worries are over he said"
The shrink looks up and said: What finally worked???? was it the distraction therapy we discussed? The talking to your inner child????
"Nope..." "None of those worked" said the deli man.
"The sausage cutter just quit." he said
LOLOLOL I crack myself up.LOLOL
Hugs,
Ali
I read and understand what you are saying though Ben. i hear you.
This Deli owner goes to his shrink and he says:
" Crap...i have this overwhelming desire to put my penis in the sausage cutter!
so the shrink says...." Gosh..WHY would you want to do that???Sounds painful"..." Go home and FIGHT THE URGE."
weeks pass...the deli owner becomes more and more obsessed with his desire to put his penis in the sausage cutter....
The shrink is beside himself...tries all kinds of therapy but can not make any strides with this poor guy.
The following week, the deli guy comes in with a big smile on his face.
" my worries are over he said"
The shrink looks up and said: What finally worked???? was it the distraction therapy we discussed? The talking to your inner child????
"Nope..." "None of those worked" said the deli man.
"The sausage cutter just quit." he said
LOLOLOL I crack myself up.LOLOL
Hugs,
Ali
sdr
by the way...your donkey in the ditch theory...if the donkey KEEPS going in the ditch..time to ask why and maybe fix the fence to keep him out..lolol
Hugs,
Ali
by the way...your donkey in the ditch theory...if the donkey KEEPS going in the ditch..time to ask why and maybe fix the fence to keep him out..lolol
Hugs,
Ali
Ali,
I didnt take anything in your post as offensive. You simply stated that you would like to know more about the 12 stpes. You didnt know about the "program" and how it really works. Your post seemed like a question more than anything. And if you ask me another question. Ill tear you apart. LOL I wont do that, Im glad I could clear that up. Maybe that was a reason for your hesitance on the steps and maybe I helped by explaing what its about. There are many Misnomers about the steps and that is a new one to me. The unknown plays a big role in ones reluctancy to try these steps. maybe it was a lot of help I dont know. Either way you are tapering and that is amazing....I NEVER could do that!
Ben
I didnt take anything in your post as offensive. You simply stated that you would like to know more about the 12 stpes. You didnt know about the "program" and how it really works. Your post seemed like a question more than anything. And if you ask me another question. Ill tear you apart. LOL I wont do that, Im glad I could clear that up. Maybe that was a reason for your hesitance on the steps and maybe I helped by explaing what its about. There are many Misnomers about the steps and that is a new one to me. The unknown plays a big role in ones reluctancy to try these steps. maybe it was a lot of help I dont know. Either way you are tapering and that is amazing....I NEVER could do that!
Ben
If you keep burning your hand it still never makes sense to go open up a hot burner and disect why it burns. Its best to let it cool and stabilaze first. Thats where most of our lack of control comes in. The powerlessness of our addiction overwhelms the pain of our use. As I said I could not taper I had no control. I had to go cold turkey. I had to admit I was powerless in order to recover.
The sausage cutter was hot!
Ben
The sausage cutter was hot!
Ben
that has been my thoughts for a long time, just get out and live life, stop blaming everything on being an addict and start taking responsability for my actions as a human being, live my life as a decent person, living as a law obiding sitizen. treat others as i want to be treated.take the steps i need to, to do the next right thing. do right by myself my kids and my god, my family/friends included. go to bed with a clear concionce.follow the ten commandments. try to use the 12 steps as basic principles in life. keep an open posative frame of mind. continue to learn and grow as a human/person/mother/daughter/aunt/cousin/friends/sister/i look for opportunities to try and help others or at least always smile at them. try and brighten someone elses day. the list can go on and on. but for me it feels good to for once start taking actions on my behalf to make a posative difference in others lives. it all comes back to me. what goes around comes around and it feels so damn good. had i only have known it was just that so simple years ago, maybe thing would not have been so challanging along my way. today is a good day and i am grateful for everyday i have too freel this way, clean and sober, thanks for letting me share
terrianne
terrianne
Ben
you have helped me and answered many things about the steps I didnt know.
Glad you liked the sausage cutter...LOL
Hi Boo..glad your doing well!!!!
Hugs to both
Ali
you have helped me and answered many things about the steps I didnt know.
Glad you liked the sausage cutter...LOL
Hi Boo..glad your doing well!!!!
Hugs to both
Ali
why ask why?
it just is...eh my friend?
as you know, it took me quite some time before i could transcend my old thoughts and embrace this paradigm. who said change was simple? ;) well great big fat ego of mine always wanted to be center stage - and part of being center stage was questioning everything except the one thing that i found to be truly beneficial. that one thing was, whenever i felt doubt, or disturbed, my mind would race down the track like a freight train...full throttle and stoking that engine with all kinds of opinions, hypotheses, etc. however, when i quieted my mind and asked God to show me the peace in any of my doubtful, chaotic, or confused situations - no matter how fearful i perceived them to be - the answer was/is always the same...you solve your problem simply by looking at it through the eyes of love.
your topic reminds me of some quotes i have come across in my time, which are posted below.
thank you for this message. thank you for you! and thank you for helping me to learn this powerful lesson in this life.
namaste'
sammy
~*~*~*~*~*~
You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" George Bernard Shaw
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. Antoine de Saint-Exupery
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Abraham Maslow
The true test of character is not how much we know how to do; but how we behave when we dont know what to do. John W. Holt, Jr.
If you think youre too small to make a difference; obviously youve never been in bed with a mosquito. Michelle Walker
I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. Helen Keller
it just is...eh my friend?
as you know, it took me quite some time before i could transcend my old thoughts and embrace this paradigm. who said change was simple? ;) well great big fat ego of mine always wanted to be center stage - and part of being center stage was questioning everything except the one thing that i found to be truly beneficial. that one thing was, whenever i felt doubt, or disturbed, my mind would race down the track like a freight train...full throttle and stoking that engine with all kinds of opinions, hypotheses, etc. however, when i quieted my mind and asked God to show me the peace in any of my doubtful, chaotic, or confused situations - no matter how fearful i perceived them to be - the answer was/is always the same...you solve your problem simply by looking at it through the eyes of love.
your topic reminds me of some quotes i have come across in my time, which are posted below.
thank you for this message. thank you for you! and thank you for helping me to learn this powerful lesson in this life.
namaste'
sammy
~*~*~*~*~*~
You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" George Bernard Shaw
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. Antoine de Saint-Exupery
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Abraham Maslow
The true test of character is not how much we know how to do; but how we behave when we dont know what to do. John W. Holt, Jr.
If you think youre too small to make a difference; obviously youve never been in bed with a mosquito. Michelle Walker
I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. Helen Keller
