Well guys I just dont know what to say to you all.
I thought Id actually got to THAT point of being strong enough to no longer allow her to manipulate me into letting her come home - but NO Im so weak honestly. I hate myself because in the long term its Sarah who is going to suffer.
After all the help, support and so much good advice you've all given me and what do I go and do.. I f*** up.
What have I said over the last few days? I wasnt going to let her talk me into letting her come home because I was stronger now. Ask me where she is? Yeh at home.
She rang me yesterday AGAIN and asked if she could come home. Apparently, this boyfriend (dealer) shes been staying with had been kicked out of his house by his mum because hed been letting Sarah stay there too.
Apparently she had nowhere to stay and I told her I wouldnt go and get her so she said shed get the bus home later yesterday evening..she didnt arrive, then later on she phoned to say she didnt get the bus as shed been busted by Pro Active along with some others and searched for possession, as she had no gear on her they let her go, but detained the boyfriend (dealer) who had the money for her to catch the bus. She told me she could stay with a friend (addict) for 1 night only and could she please, please come home tonight. I said I still wasnt happy about having her back until she showed some kind of commitment to getting herself clean but she said she did want to get off the gear and needed to pick up some of her clothes anyway.
I text her last night just as I got into bed and told her I would take some clothes to work with me today and meet her to give them to her but she phoned me at work and asked if I would please pick her up after work so she could home with me. This is the difficult part I thought I could hack, but Ive failed havent I? YES I bloody went and got her didnt I?
She has an appointment with her drug worker tomorrow afternoon which she seems positive about, but then she always does. Shes knows Im not happy with her and although shes here Ive backed right away from her. Its killing me coz I just want to hold her and tell her its all going to be alright but it isnt is it, because by being a silly soft b****, Ive failed her for her own sake.
As Im on a residential course tomorrow and Thursday I told her I wont be able to take her back in the morning as Im not going that way so she said shed get the bus. That means she has to get up early, because there's no way she's staying in the house on her own.
I feel physically sick, I really do. I dont know whether its easier not seeing her and worrying, or seeing her which makes me both angry and sad watching her kill herself, as life passes her by, I look at her and can't believe she's only 17. What a tragic waste. At this moment she is downstairs making handmade cards, which are fantastic. In a few hours she'll be good for nothing, rattling like a piece of s***.
I'm no better than Sarah really am I? Im glad Im going away I wish I could walk away right now and never come back. I cant bare myself for being so weak.
Christina
Christina,
Dont think like that cos you are doing so well. I know when my bf begged me to take him back, as much as I tried to stay strong I always gave in to his begging. I think you are doing the right thing. At least your daughter is turning to you for help...I know sometimes it makes you feel a little used and you feel she will never get better. Believe me I have fought to help my bf but he is ready now and she wont stop until she is ready. Believe me also when I say your daughter will tell you anything you want to hear as you probably already know yourself. I have seen too many young girls rejected from thier families cos of drug problems and guess what they turn too....pimps, prostetution, theft. I am not saying you staying in contact will stop her doing that but maybe she will turn to you before the other options. Could I please just ask how long your little girl has been using?
She will either come to you when she is ready to stop and come clean or she will enjoy the bzz and stay on the gear for the rest of her life or till she later in life gets sick and realises its not what she wants anymore.
I can totally understand how you feel its your duty to help her and thats what your doing.
One thing I have learnt about heroin is you loose everything and everyone and you dont care until you get that buzz but speaking from my bf's point of vie...he said it helps him that I am here, I have backed down completely. He is back in my home and still using but not infront of me. He is doing what he wants but is going to see a drugs councilor and they are working with his doctor who will hopefully help him. He has come to a point where he doesnt want the drugs to rule his life anymore, where he has to have a smoke just after he gets out of bed. As I said before as much as you push them, they will only do it when they are good and ready. I advise you to bak off but always be there for her. After all she is your little girl and my opinion is no matter what life throws at you, no matte how bad your kids turn out its a mothers duty to stand by them through thick and thin! There are however barriers so dont let her take the pee.
Keep it up hun....I 100% respect you for what you are doing and cant even begin to feel your pain. After all am sure if I was going through this with my daughter and not my bf it would hurt so much more.
Take care hun and keep me posted. BunnyRocker xx
Dont think like that cos you are doing so well. I know when my bf begged me to take him back, as much as I tried to stay strong I always gave in to his begging. I think you are doing the right thing. At least your daughter is turning to you for help...I know sometimes it makes you feel a little used and you feel she will never get better. Believe me I have fought to help my bf but he is ready now and she wont stop until she is ready. Believe me also when I say your daughter will tell you anything you want to hear as you probably already know yourself. I have seen too many young girls rejected from thier families cos of drug problems and guess what they turn too....pimps, prostetution, theft. I am not saying you staying in contact will stop her doing that but maybe she will turn to you before the other options. Could I please just ask how long your little girl has been using?
She will either come to you when she is ready to stop and come clean or she will enjoy the bzz and stay on the gear for the rest of her life or till she later in life gets sick and realises its not what she wants anymore.
I can totally understand how you feel its your duty to help her and thats what your doing.
One thing I have learnt about heroin is you loose everything and everyone and you dont care until you get that buzz but speaking from my bf's point of vie...he said it helps him that I am here, I have backed down completely. He is back in my home and still using but not infront of me. He is doing what he wants but is going to see a drugs councilor and they are working with his doctor who will hopefully help him. He has come to a point where he doesnt want the drugs to rule his life anymore, where he has to have a smoke just after he gets out of bed. As I said before as much as you push them, they will only do it when they are good and ready. I advise you to bak off but always be there for her. After all she is your little girl and my opinion is no matter what life throws at you, no matte how bad your kids turn out its a mothers duty to stand by them through thick and thin! There are however barriers so dont let her take the pee.
Keep it up hun....I 100% respect you for what you are doing and cant even begin to feel your pain. After all am sure if I was going through this with my daughter and not my bf it would hurt so much more.
Take care hun and keep me posted. BunnyRocker xx
Oh Christina........please cut yourself a break........you're a MOM.......Christina, hopefully ya posted this over on Friends?Loved Ones part of the board......they are so wonderful over there and KNOW exactly where you are coming from.
Meanwhile I am sorry for your pain and sorry for your daughter as well......just don't blame your dang self......O.K.? She's failing herself........it ain't you.
As far as that story about him having the bus money and all that......him getting busted......no doubt that's another creative story....look she's getting desperate and well we knew it would not be long before something went wrong with that guy........maybe she'll "get it"......I pray she does.
Meanwhile I am sorry for your pain and sorry for your daughter as well......just don't blame your dang self......O.K.? She's failing herself........it ain't you.
As far as that story about him having the bus money and all that......him getting busted......no doubt that's another creative story....look she's getting desperate and well we knew it would not be long before something went wrong with that guy........maybe she'll "get it"......I pray she does.
Thanks for your support Bunny Rocker and Bryn.
To answer you no I havent posted this one to families board yet, but I will ya right that does help. I suppose I was feeling sorry for myself really. I've just got back from a two day residential and I'm whacked but just had to come on and post.
I spoke to my daughter on the phone when I got home and she's coming over to stay again tonight but she missed her appointment yesterday with her drug worker. She said it was because she hadn't put her bedroom clock forward! Of course - yeh right like thats the only clock in the house..please. In other words she couldnt be arsed to get out of bed. She's supposed to be making another appointment, but I havent checked with her drug worker yet to see if she has.
To answer your question Bunny Rocker about how long she's been on the gear. I found out 2 weeks before Christmas; actually December 14 the day before her 17th birthday. Not quite how Id imagined spending her birthday!!! She told me she'd been on it for about 6 months but its probably longer.
Anyway, Im going back to taking one day at a time. and see where we go from there.
Christina x
To answer you no I havent posted this one to families board yet, but I will ya right that does help. I suppose I was feeling sorry for myself really. I've just got back from a two day residential and I'm whacked but just had to come on and post.
I spoke to my daughter on the phone when I got home and she's coming over to stay again tonight but she missed her appointment yesterday with her drug worker. She said it was because she hadn't put her bedroom clock forward! Of course - yeh right like thats the only clock in the house..please. In other words she couldnt be arsed to get out of bed. She's supposed to be making another appointment, but I havent checked with her drug worker yet to see if she has.
To answer your question Bunny Rocker about how long she's been on the gear. I found out 2 weeks before Christmas; actually December 14 the day before her 17th birthday. Not quite how Id imagined spending her birthday!!! She told me she'd been on it for about 6 months but its probably longer.
Anyway, Im going back to taking one day at a time. and see where we go from there.
Christina x
Christina, like someone said, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not to blame for your daughters addiction. We as parents do the best that we can, but our children have their own minds, no matter how misguided they are.
Pray to God, for yourself and your daughter.
Post on the families board, plenty of understanding parents there.
Pray to God, for yourself and your daughter.
Post on the families board, plenty of understanding parents there.
