Thanks Dora, Helena and Dave.
Dora thanks for sharing your story, I can only imagine the pain you are going through right now. You are right, he is the one I called the cops on a few times in fact. I just talked to his brother and his brother confirmed he was doing crack during the week that we weren't together. He said mostly because my bf has an upcoming court date and is nervous about it and I asked if he had proof and he said he was walking around, crouching around and kept taking his shoe off and walking around with one shoe. That part we don't get.
This is so frustrating.
Ya it is hard to leave them. God he came over for a couple of hours but the visit was extremely strained and of course we fought. Not only did I have to deal with a bad weekend because of him but he's being an a--hole on top of it. The visit only lasted a couple of hours because he kept pushing my buttons to the point where I ended up breaking my garbage can over him, I swear I am losing it!
He just left, quickly called a cab and he's gone. Sometimes I just hate him so much! He admitted because of our fight he's going to go home and do crack. Of COURSE its all my fault! He's going to go do crack because we fought. Whatever, I take no blame for it!
He just left, quickly called a cab and he's gone. Sometimes I just hate him so much! He admitted because of our fight he's going to go home and do crack. Of COURSE its all my fault! He's going to go do crack because we fought. Whatever, I take no blame for it!
Stick to your guns, don't accept the blame. It sounds like he is not willing to face up to reality..... You my dear, need a serious break from this! Have you thought of going to a family NA group? D
Thanks Dora, yes I do need a break from this! And he doesn't understand why I've been losing it! The family NA groups are way on the north side of the city and I don't like to take a bus there myself. But I did call the YWCA to book an appointment to see a counselor. These counselors specialize with women who are in unhealthy relationships. My friend actually referred me to see a counselor there because her friends boyfriend was an addict as well. She finally left him and is happy, but it was through counseling she was able to do it so I'm waiting for a call back. And the best part is, its subsidized. So it won't be expensive at all. I think I really need it.
Dear Kittycat, I think that's amazing. Speaking with someone/ a proffessional can help you so much. Good for you, it's a way of giving back to yourself, and no one can take that from you. Keep me posted! Dora
That's tremendous, kitty. I know that you will profit from the experience -- and i think you are ready to bare your heart and soul to a counsellor so that they will be the most help to you.
KittyKat,
From reading your posts I wonder if there is more affection or guilt that you feel for you r b/f. You cannot blame yourself for his going down the path he is going and though yes it is an illness, at some level he has got choices. I do agree with someone here who said that giving him the boot may tell him that things are not alright.
I imagine crack addicts are much like heroin addicts in that their ability to make sense and be reational is next to none - and I am sure that my husband thinks as long as I am being nice to him, then I am falling for his act. I am 90% sure your boyfriend thinks that in the end since you are putting up with him that he can do anything he wants no matter how much you kick and scream, becayse you are still there and have put up with so much already.
I have had in the past few weeks to make what for me were very tuff decisions that I thought were mean not only for my husband, but for my son. I am hopeful that in the end they were wake up calls - I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Without boring anyone too much with the details...I have infinite ability to pretend there are no problems. I have been talking to my husband for the past few months pretending there is nothing wrong with him. I say yes to everything -yes our son can stay the night with him, yes this yes that...one of the reasons being that I know he does nt do ANYTHING he says he will do and it is then one less battle for me. This past week I have had to deal with issues and tell him how things really are.
I told him I would not co-sign for a loan. This came to him as a complete shock! Do you not trust me? he asked in complete disbelief. When I told him that no I did not he flew off the handle. Had a huge scene in a restaurant etc. I dont think that he really was mad - I think he wanted to intimidate me. The next day he called and asked would I sign it and did I have any clue how I was just ruining his life all over again as I already had done by spreading viscious (SP??) rumours about his doing heroin. (BTW I never told a soul ... people started coming to me, and telling me they had seen him in the neighbourhoods where you buy drugs, at 6 pm, etc.)
I told him that I would have to speak to a lawyer and see about it. And then I called him on the things that make me not trust him. His disapearing for entire weeks. His saying that he will pick up his son around 2 and will show up at 6, his unwillingness to tell me where he is living, his constant promissing that he will pay sons tuition (not money for me) and his inability to do so etc.
So he fights back and tells me I am a paranoid histerical spoilt selfish little b**** etc. etc. etc. - - and my confidence waivered (as you saw in posts last week) but I stood my ground. I told him also...and a week ago I did nt think I would be able to say it...that he had to start being responsible in regards to his son. That he had to set time to spend with him, and be regular and show up on time etc. or I would stop allowing him to see his son. I told him it was easier for our son to get used to not having a father than have him on the constant anxiety attacks (that all of us feel ) by living with such instability, not knowing how long it will be untill the next time he sees his father, how much time etc. - my son lately has got really anxious, violent etc. during the weekends.
For the first time since I left him, he called at 11AM said he would pick up our son in 1 hour and would take him to lunch. He was on time. I asked that he be back by 6.30 as I was going out for dinner, and he came back on time. Also for the first time he said he would pick him after school on a day during the week that I work late. Well see if he makes it!
He looked like complete $#%t when he came to pick up our son - could that be a sign that he is trying to quit? It would be a start, right?
Point being KittyKat - he never hassled me about the loan anymore - I think he honestly needed to hear me say that I could not cosign a loan with him because I did not trust him and thought he urgently needed to deal with his heroin problem - to know that I knew and that I could stand there and tell him ENOUGH. I think he honestly thought he was getting away with it, or that I would never be able to say no to him.
So KittyKat you have got to be strong and stand your ground. ENOUGH my friend. At some point I think it was easier to scream at him go out with your friends get drunk, and hope things would come around, but its not easier anymore. Its not the end of the world that seems like its going to be. Give yourself the chance to meet someone who will be a partner to you, and share great things with you...and help you to deal with this "grieving" It does not mean that you have to stop caring and trying to help your b/f get better, you just dont have to live that by yourself 24/7.
KittyKat you have to let go. Best of luck to you...
From reading your posts I wonder if there is more affection or guilt that you feel for you r b/f. You cannot blame yourself for his going down the path he is going and though yes it is an illness, at some level he has got choices. I do agree with someone here who said that giving him the boot may tell him that things are not alright.
I imagine crack addicts are much like heroin addicts in that their ability to make sense and be reational is next to none - and I am sure that my husband thinks as long as I am being nice to him, then I am falling for his act. I am 90% sure your boyfriend thinks that in the end since you are putting up with him that he can do anything he wants no matter how much you kick and scream, becayse you are still there and have put up with so much already.
I have had in the past few weeks to make what for me were very tuff decisions that I thought were mean not only for my husband, but for my son. I am hopeful that in the end they were wake up calls - I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Without boring anyone too much with the details...I have infinite ability to pretend there are no problems. I have been talking to my husband for the past few months pretending there is nothing wrong with him. I say yes to everything -yes our son can stay the night with him, yes this yes that...one of the reasons being that I know he does nt do ANYTHING he says he will do and it is then one less battle for me. This past week I have had to deal with issues and tell him how things really are.
I told him I would not co-sign for a loan. This came to him as a complete shock! Do you not trust me? he asked in complete disbelief. When I told him that no I did not he flew off the handle. Had a huge scene in a restaurant etc. I dont think that he really was mad - I think he wanted to intimidate me. The next day he called and asked would I sign it and did I have any clue how I was just ruining his life all over again as I already had done by spreading viscious (SP??) rumours about his doing heroin. (BTW I never told a soul ... people started coming to me, and telling me they had seen him in the neighbourhoods where you buy drugs, at 6 pm, etc.)
I told him that I would have to speak to a lawyer and see about it. And then I called him on the things that make me not trust him. His disapearing for entire weeks. His saying that he will pick up his son around 2 and will show up at 6, his unwillingness to tell me where he is living, his constant promissing that he will pay sons tuition (not money for me) and his inability to do so etc.
So he fights back and tells me I am a paranoid histerical spoilt selfish little b**** etc. etc. etc. - - and my confidence waivered (as you saw in posts last week) but I stood my ground. I told him also...and a week ago I did nt think I would be able to say it...that he had to start being responsible in regards to his son. That he had to set time to spend with him, and be regular and show up on time etc. or I would stop allowing him to see his son. I told him it was easier for our son to get used to not having a father than have him on the constant anxiety attacks (that all of us feel ) by living with such instability, not knowing how long it will be untill the next time he sees his father, how much time etc. - my son lately has got really anxious, violent etc. during the weekends.
For the first time since I left him, he called at 11AM said he would pick up our son in 1 hour and would take him to lunch. He was on time. I asked that he be back by 6.30 as I was going out for dinner, and he came back on time. Also for the first time he said he would pick him after school on a day during the week that I work late. Well see if he makes it!
He looked like complete $#%t when he came to pick up our son - could that be a sign that he is trying to quit? It would be a start, right?
Point being KittyKat - he never hassled me about the loan anymore - I think he honestly needed to hear me say that I could not cosign a loan with him because I did not trust him and thought he urgently needed to deal with his heroin problem - to know that I knew and that I could stand there and tell him ENOUGH. I think he honestly thought he was getting away with it, or that I would never be able to say no to him.
So KittyKat you have got to be strong and stand your ground. ENOUGH my friend. At some point I think it was easier to scream at him go out with your friends get drunk, and hope things would come around, but its not easier anymore. Its not the end of the world that seems like its going to be. Give yourself the chance to meet someone who will be a partner to you, and share great things with you...and help you to deal with this "grieving" It does not mean that you have to stop caring and trying to help your b/f get better, you just dont have to live that by yourself 24/7.
KittyKat you have to let go. Best of luck to you...
My husband has been out of town for three weeks working. I still worry about his addiction to painkillers. I fear that I'm going to get a phone call from jail or hospital. I have been thinking about leaving him a lot. While he has been working out of town in many ways my life is so much simplier. He is supposed to come home this next weekend for three days. I am going to see how things go. He claims to be tapering off the oxy. I have my doubts. I've heard the same story too many times.
Thanks for your story CharlyNewComer, I think, no I know you are completely right, that my boyfriend thinks he can get away with this and I will always take him back. When you "left" your husband, was it hard for you too? I am starting to feel like there is absolutely no hope for him. That this is his disease and he will die from it. Just like Concerned Wife said, I always worry I'm going to get a call from his mom to say he has died. This whole situation is no good for me, its consuming me, I had dreams all night about drugs, I woke up crying and a sick feeling in my stomach. He called me first thing I woke up and said he's scared to lose me, he said he is scared I'm getting to know someone else and that he will lose me. I told him it can happen, I said how long do you expect me to put up with this for? Then he said he's sorry, he knows he put me through Hell.
So if he's aware of it, why does he keep doing it? If I was in his shoes, I definitly wouldn't expect anyone to keep putting up with it.
But you are right, I need to stop letting this consume me, I have a life to live..I love him so much but I can't keep doing this.
How long have you and your husband been apart for now? Is it getting easier for you?
So if he's aware of it, why does he keep doing it? If I was in his shoes, I definitly wouldn't expect anyone to keep putting up with it.
But you are right, I need to stop letting this consume me, I have a life to live..I love him so much but I can't keep doing this.
How long have you and your husband been apart for now? Is it getting easier for you?
I chat to a girl who is addicted to heroin - it helps me see it from my bf's point of view (although i never will completely, as he will never know what its like living with an addict) and she told me that addicts are the most cunning people you'll ever meet. They make the people they love feel guilty and to blame for all the bad things that happen. Just speaking from my own experience i have blamed myself so many times for him going and using (maybe if i hadn't confronted him again or if i'd been a bit more complacent???) and he would pick up on that and actually say it to me! That was before...he doesn't really say that anymore cos it doesn't have the same effect on me, it doesn't hurt anymore because i know when he uses its because he wants to.
Things haven't been too bad - he's still clean which is fantastic!!! However there's still no progress with him dealing with his addiction and mood swings/temper - through counselling. There's been some stuff happening with his family just now so i'm leaving it right now till all that gets sorted. Although i feel hopeful just now, i'm under no illusions at all. After almost 3 years i know he could relapse anytime. I used to think it was at stressful times he'd slip up - i thought i knew his triggers, but to be honest he doesn't even know his triggers, which is why i'm so keen to get him a year's implants. It would be different if this was just a boyfriend but he's the father of our ten month old baby and has been acting step dad to my 11 year old son, so he's pretty important. He's a really good dad and step dad too! I dont want her to grow up not knowing her dad like my son has - but if being with dad will be to the detriment of my children i will stop it straight away and my partner knows that this (relapse) time round. I used to think i'd never be able to live without him! Then i thought my love could cure him?!!?? Now i accept that i have no control over his addiction and the effect it has had on his emotional status. I realise i only have control of me - my thoughts and feelings
Charleynewcomer I totally agree with the advice you gave kittycat, because i put up with him being here and using i was in a kinda way condoning it - well in his head anyway. And if i was nice to him - usually just to keep the peace at home for the kids, and my own sanity, he would think he'd succeeded in pulling the wool over my eyes!
Kittycat keep strong girl! The same to charleynewcomer and concerned housewife! Take care all
Jo
Things haven't been too bad - he's still clean which is fantastic!!! However there's still no progress with him dealing with his addiction and mood swings/temper - through counselling. There's been some stuff happening with his family just now so i'm leaving it right now till all that gets sorted. Although i feel hopeful just now, i'm under no illusions at all. After almost 3 years i know he could relapse anytime. I used to think it was at stressful times he'd slip up - i thought i knew his triggers, but to be honest he doesn't even know his triggers, which is why i'm so keen to get him a year's implants. It would be different if this was just a boyfriend but he's the father of our ten month old baby and has been acting step dad to my 11 year old son, so he's pretty important. He's a really good dad and step dad too! I dont want her to grow up not knowing her dad like my son has - but if being with dad will be to the detriment of my children i will stop it straight away and my partner knows that this (relapse) time round. I used to think i'd never be able to live without him! Then i thought my love could cure him?!!?? Now i accept that i have no control over his addiction and the effect it has had on his emotional status. I realise i only have control of me - my thoughts and feelings
Charleynewcomer I totally agree with the advice you gave kittycat, because i put up with him being here and using i was in a kinda way condoning it - well in his head anyway. And if i was nice to him - usually just to keep the peace at home for the kids, and my own sanity, he would think he'd succeeded in pulling the wool over my eyes!
Kittycat keep strong girl! The same to charleynewcomer and concerned housewife! Take care all
Jo
KittyKat,
I dont think I was able to breath for about 3 days after I left my husband. I would drive my son to school and come to work and I would have to stop the car because I was shaking. I would get dizzy when the phone rang because I was sure it was someone telling me he was in the hospital or in jail or dead. I could nt sleep at night because every time I heard a car drive by I would jump out of my skin thinking it was him and that he would smash a window to get in the house and scream at me for what I had done.
Then it started to sink in very slowly how little he cared KittyKat! It made no big difference to him - he was with his heroin and his heroin addicted friends who assure him I am a b"#% and hes fabulous!
Then came the weekend KittyKat. There was no stress. No sneaking up on him at 4.00 am to catch him with the tin foil in his hand. No one sleeping till 4.00pm No screaming, no expecting, my son not asking if daddy was ill. Making plans with friends - showing up on time, coming home at whatever time I felt to absolutely no havac. No mess. My life has since fallen into a fairly simple routine.
The sad truth of it is KittyKat, that I dont miss him much. I am sorry I dont have husband, or significant other right now. I am sorry my marriage ended with out the fairy tale "hapily ever after". Most of all I am sorry for my son. He lives for his dad. Whatever he does he is a hero to my son - it breaks my heart to think that someday he may think other wise about his dad.
But is it hard to be without my husband? NO it was so much harder to be with him! Feelilng lonely, left, tired, guilty, angry, lied to etc.
Just the thought that I can find someone else to start a new with makes me delirious. Just trying to figure out if the cute guy across the street is single is a thrill and life is so much simpler.
Your worrying and wanting him to come clean wont make him. Your love is not enough KittyKat. You can rub the proof that he was high in his face and hell keep denying and keep getting high, you can spend 24/7 with him and he will find a way to decieve you. Your being around wont save him from himself. You dont deserve it, and you just cannot cope with it on your own.
It will get so much easier kittykat. RUN!
I dont think I was able to breath for about 3 days after I left my husband. I would drive my son to school and come to work and I would have to stop the car because I was shaking. I would get dizzy when the phone rang because I was sure it was someone telling me he was in the hospital or in jail or dead. I could nt sleep at night because every time I heard a car drive by I would jump out of my skin thinking it was him and that he would smash a window to get in the house and scream at me for what I had done.
Then it started to sink in very slowly how little he cared KittyKat! It made no big difference to him - he was with his heroin and his heroin addicted friends who assure him I am a b"#% and hes fabulous!
Then came the weekend KittyKat. There was no stress. No sneaking up on him at 4.00 am to catch him with the tin foil in his hand. No one sleeping till 4.00pm No screaming, no expecting, my son not asking if daddy was ill. Making plans with friends - showing up on time, coming home at whatever time I felt to absolutely no havac. No mess. My life has since fallen into a fairly simple routine.
The sad truth of it is KittyKat, that I dont miss him much. I am sorry I dont have husband, or significant other right now. I am sorry my marriage ended with out the fairy tale "hapily ever after". Most of all I am sorry for my son. He lives for his dad. Whatever he does he is a hero to my son - it breaks my heart to think that someday he may think other wise about his dad.
But is it hard to be without my husband? NO it was so much harder to be with him! Feelilng lonely, left, tired, guilty, angry, lied to etc.
Just the thought that I can find someone else to start a new with makes me delirious. Just trying to figure out if the cute guy across the street is single is a thrill and life is so much simpler.
Your worrying and wanting him to come clean wont make him. Your love is not enough KittyKat. You can rub the proof that he was high in his face and hell keep denying and keep getting high, you can spend 24/7 with him and he will find a way to decieve you. Your being around wont save him from himself. You dont deserve it, and you just cannot cope with it on your own.
It will get so much easier kittykat. RUN!
Thanks ConcernedWife,
I'm glad it has gotten easier for you! It gives me hope, that perhaps being alone would be so much easier than being with him. And you are right too, one thing I did realize is I could be with him 24/7 and he will find a way to use. He used to wait till I was in bed.
Well, already my day has been ruined, I'm totally upset and I hate being stuck at work while I feel like this. He says he fell asleep at 9pm last night, but now he's too tired to get up for work! So he is skipping work. I said, well at least that confirms that you were up all night doing crack, he said he wasn't. He also has an appointment to see a Dr about his finger that was damaged at work last year (long story but its relevant to his upcoming court on thursday) and also he has missed all his lawyers appointments, so now he has no lawyer. Apparently he has no problem with going to jail because crack is more important.
He said he'll see me after work. Well too bad, I'm making a hair appointment for after work. I'm not going to live my life around him. If he can't make the effort to go to work or his appointment then I'm not going to make the effort to see him tonight. This is going to be an extremely long day at work.
I'm glad it has gotten easier for you! It gives me hope, that perhaps being alone would be so much easier than being with him. And you are right too, one thing I did realize is I could be with him 24/7 and he will find a way to use. He used to wait till I was in bed.
Well, already my day has been ruined, I'm totally upset and I hate being stuck at work while I feel like this. He says he fell asleep at 9pm last night, but now he's too tired to get up for work! So he is skipping work. I said, well at least that confirms that you were up all night doing crack, he said he wasn't. He also has an appointment to see a Dr about his finger that was damaged at work last year (long story but its relevant to his upcoming court on thursday) and also he has missed all his lawyers appointments, so now he has no lawyer. Apparently he has no problem with going to jail because crack is more important.
He said he'll see me after work. Well too bad, I'm making a hair appointment for after work. I'm not going to live my life around him. If he can't make the effort to go to work or his appointment then I'm not going to make the effort to see him tonight. This is going to be an extremely long day at work.
I have to say I am relieved that you are trying to get away from him. The stress I felt is going away and I am so relaxed and am glad I don't have to worry about where he is, when he is coming home, keeping an inventory of my jewlry, guitar, money, etc. etc. It is SO nice to be at home by myself and just feel like I can take a nap without worrying that he will disappear with something he is going to pawn to do drugs with, or if he is getting off work early and taking copper, etc. from wires he stole from work to get drugs. Life is so much simpler! I am enjoying this time even though I dread him getting out of rehab this next weekend. I am going to tell him to find a halfway house to live in because he has no money for gas to even go to work on! He will beg, plead, get angry, do whatever it takes to stay here. Please, God, let me be strong. I gave him the eviction notice and I am holding him to it. He is so manipulative. I wish I could be supportive, but after going to rehab for the 4th or 5th time, I don't have much hope. I just want my life to be as easy, simple, and happy as I feel right now! I am making goals for myself - like really cleaning the house today! (I am off work because it is Martin Luther King's b'day holiday today). I have painted my daughter's old room and am going to finish the trim today. The best thing is to keep busy, think of things to do for yourself - like going to get your hair done! Good for you! It will get easier although I have not starting grieving yet, I know I eventually will. I am just relieved not to have the stress of him being here anymore right now. I know I will be OK and you will, too. Everyone is right - he won't change and I did the same thing - agreed with him just to keep the peace, or did things just because it was easier, but if I was the least bit nice to him, he took that as a reason to keep doing what he was doing. I don't know if me telling him it was over was enough to get him to quit or not - I hope he does, I just don't have much hope in it. I don't want him to die or go to jail, and I know he doesn't either, but this seems to be a VERY powerful drug. I wish he had never started doing it, but the fact is - he did. This is HIS problem, though, NOT MINE. I don't do drugs and thanks to him, my kids, don't want to either!! LOL
cajun, I was advised by a substance abuse to change the locks on the doors of the house. you might want to consider changing your telephone number.
Cajun, I'm glad you have finally been feeling some peace! But I know that dreaded feeling of him getting out. When my bf left to rehab, I was more peaceful but was scared of him leaving, which he did do. Well I tried to phone him just like he said i could, but nope he's not answering! If he really went to bed at 9 pm like he says how could he be still knocked out? He's LYING! He was using all night! I made my appointment to get my hair done right after work so no going home first, so in case he comes by. He's scared I'm pulling away and I'm going to make that a reality.
I also made my appointment to see a counselor on thursday. Unfortunatly with my income I won't be able to see her every week, its subsidized but even so, I can't afford that. Maybe if I talk to them about it they can lower it.
Its hard being here at work, I'm in a lot of pain and theres no work right now, just sitting here answering phones. I REALLY hope and pray he goes to jail. I feel like calling his probation officer and letting her know that he's making no effort to change his addiction. And she doesn't like him as it is, wants him in jail but his AADAC counselor has faith in him and wants to stand up in court to say he's getting help, which he's not! Maybe I should call her, I don't know. He needs jail time to get clean and realize what he's done but I doubt that will work.
Anyways its lunch time, at least we got a TV and VCR here so I can take my mind off this for an hour and watch Days of our Lives here.
I also made my appointment to see a counselor on thursday. Unfortunatly with my income I won't be able to see her every week, its subsidized but even so, I can't afford that. Maybe if I talk to them about it they can lower it.
Its hard being here at work, I'm in a lot of pain and theres no work right now, just sitting here answering phones. I REALLY hope and pray he goes to jail. I feel like calling his probation officer and letting her know that he's making no effort to change his addiction. And she doesn't like him as it is, wants him in jail but his AADAC counselor has faith in him and wants to stand up in court to say he's getting help, which he's not! Maybe I should call her, I don't know. He needs jail time to get clean and realize what he's done but I doubt that will work.
Anyways its lunch time, at least we got a TV and VCR here so I can take my mind off this for an hour and watch Days of our Lives here.
Cajungirl-Manipulative is exactly how I describe my husband. He is soooooo good at it! I have become aware of it more. He is so good at it that it sometimes I still find myself being manipulated though. What I want back more than anything is trust. I hope someday we will have that again. The sad thing is that even if he honestly stopped using today I probably wouldn't believe him. I was warned by all who love him (and those who don't!!!!) that he has had problems with cocaine long before this current oxy problem and that he would probably end up back in jail or prison. I was even told that he and his friends laughed behind my back that I was naive, knew nothing about drugs and would never find out. I quit asking questions about his addiction because I knew he was going to lie to my face and tell me what I wanted/needed to hear.
Hi Kittycat, Concerned Wife, Bob B. -
Kittycat - just stick to your guns. You may feel guilty for cheating on him in the past and this is what has kept you hanging on, because somehow you feel you "deserve" to be punished for it. That is kindof they way I felt, even though I didn't realize it until after the fact. I really think you need to stand back and get perspective of the situation. Look at it like it was someone you know. Would you want them to be hurt over and over again? He is NOT going to get help until he is backed up against the wall, like Bob B. said. With his mother and brother the way they are, it may be a while. Who knows, maybe his mother will get fed up with both of them and they will have to find somewhere else to go... I think that is the only thing that may make him realize he has to do something to get out of this mess he is in.
Concerned Wife - My bf called tonite from the rehab and said they are probably going to keep him more than a week. I am so glad! Also, he said they are giving him something for ADHD, depression, and he is getting a new drug that is supposed to keep him from feeling the effects of cocaine if he relapses. He said it starts with an R - I don't know what it is, but he said the psyhiatrist knew what he was talking about when he suggested it. He heard about it when he was in jail in Michigan. One day, you may realize that you don't want this kind of life anymore. I just don't want to deal with anyone who has ever had a problem with drugs! I realize a lot of people have children with addicts, and I am SO happy I don't have that to deal with. However, there comes a time when a person should ask themselves if their children would be happier and more well adjusted if they didn't have an addict in their lives, making mom unhappy all the time and being a constant disappointment to them. Anyone with children should seriously think about therapy for them who is with an addict of any kind. I grew up with a bunch of alcoholics in my family, and I sure could have used it! I think it has something to do with me having low self esteem and picking the wrong type of guys to be with. I have been married 3 times and they all had some sort of drug problem - what does that tell you? I guess I thought that was "normal" for some reason. I have been out with guys I considered "nice" and I generally get bored or think, boy I am a bad person compared to them, even though I am not really! I don't have a problem with any drugs or alcohol, even though I do like to have a drink sometimes. My bf asked if I wanted him to call anymore from rehab and I told him no. So far, so good. I just need to keep being strong. Talking about it and listening to the advice I have gotten on here has really helped me more than anyone knows. Hang in there! Tomorrow is another day...
Bob B. -
I haven't changed the locks on my house because I KNOW he doesn't have a key. I locked him out before and he couldn't get in - I know if he had a key he would have gotten in. I am not changing my phone number because I plan on moving soon. He said he is going to get my stuff out of the pawn shop and pay me back the money he owes me. I will believe it when I see it. I hate to not be supportive to him, but he has just done too much already. I wish him no harm and hope he gets well. I told him to let me know if he has been sober for at least 6 months - he said he didn't want to be alone that long, and I told him, well that was the chance I was going to have to take. His boss called and said a drill was missing off the work truck. I told him I didn't think he took it, and I was being honest.He got his boss' phone number from me and a guy he works with. He will probably be in rehab longer than a week and seemed really upbeat about finally getting some medical treatment, but I have just made my mind up that I don't want to deal with someone who has even had a drug problem. I don't think I could EVER trust him again - I would be always waiting for him to relapse, as usual.
Sorry to ramble on... it makes me feel better though.
Kittycat - just stick to your guns. You may feel guilty for cheating on him in the past and this is what has kept you hanging on, because somehow you feel you "deserve" to be punished for it. That is kindof they way I felt, even though I didn't realize it until after the fact. I really think you need to stand back and get perspective of the situation. Look at it like it was someone you know. Would you want them to be hurt over and over again? He is NOT going to get help until he is backed up against the wall, like Bob B. said. With his mother and brother the way they are, it may be a while. Who knows, maybe his mother will get fed up with both of them and they will have to find somewhere else to go... I think that is the only thing that may make him realize he has to do something to get out of this mess he is in.
Concerned Wife - My bf called tonite from the rehab and said they are probably going to keep him more than a week. I am so glad! Also, he said they are giving him something for ADHD, depression, and he is getting a new drug that is supposed to keep him from feeling the effects of cocaine if he relapses. He said it starts with an R - I don't know what it is, but he said the psyhiatrist knew what he was talking about when he suggested it. He heard about it when he was in jail in Michigan. One day, you may realize that you don't want this kind of life anymore. I just don't want to deal with anyone who has ever had a problem with drugs! I realize a lot of people have children with addicts, and I am SO happy I don't have that to deal with. However, there comes a time when a person should ask themselves if their children would be happier and more well adjusted if they didn't have an addict in their lives, making mom unhappy all the time and being a constant disappointment to them. Anyone with children should seriously think about therapy for them who is with an addict of any kind. I grew up with a bunch of alcoholics in my family, and I sure could have used it! I think it has something to do with me having low self esteem and picking the wrong type of guys to be with. I have been married 3 times and they all had some sort of drug problem - what does that tell you? I guess I thought that was "normal" for some reason. I have been out with guys I considered "nice" and I generally get bored or think, boy I am a bad person compared to them, even though I am not really! I don't have a problem with any drugs or alcohol, even though I do like to have a drink sometimes. My bf asked if I wanted him to call anymore from rehab and I told him no. So far, so good. I just need to keep being strong. Talking about it and listening to the advice I have gotten on here has really helped me more than anyone knows. Hang in there! Tomorrow is another day...
Bob B. -
I haven't changed the locks on my house because I KNOW he doesn't have a key. I locked him out before and he couldn't get in - I know if he had a key he would have gotten in. I am not changing my phone number because I plan on moving soon. He said he is going to get my stuff out of the pawn shop and pay me back the money he owes me. I will believe it when I see it. I hate to not be supportive to him, but he has just done too much already. I wish him no harm and hope he gets well. I told him to let me know if he has been sober for at least 6 months - he said he didn't want to be alone that long, and I told him, well that was the chance I was going to have to take. His boss called and said a drill was missing off the work truck. I told him I didn't think he took it, and I was being honest.He got his boss' phone number from me and a guy he works with. He will probably be in rehab longer than a week and seemed really upbeat about finally getting some medical treatment, but I have just made my mind up that I don't want to deal with someone who has even had a drug problem. I don't think I could EVER trust him again - I would be always waiting for him to relapse, as usual.
Sorry to ramble on... it makes me feel better though.
