Shantel,
You are one tough cookie and have come through so much. Your recovery is amazing! If I know you, you are not going to let some blood sucking leach intimidate you at all!
Find out what it wants and make it go away....you are NOT that person anymore. The contact lenses that it seeks will perhaps let it see this.
Or maybe it has changed its ways and wants to make amends...you never know. Wishing you all the strength and courage in the world. Take back your power and hold it tight!
Thanks guys for all your imput. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to all of you but I took alot of time yesterday to think on things. Let me explain a few things. I met this person where I work she is a patient there. When the pills I was getting from my doctor was not enough to support my habit I started looking elsewhere. I was desperate one day when she came into where I work and me knowing she was short on cash brought up the subject of my bad back and how I was in pain and didn't have any pain pills. One thing led to another and it all went downhill from there. At first it was just exchanging items from where I work for pills and then it was for money you name it. I would pay 240 for 30 pills and she always let me know I was getting a great deal at that price. I was easily paying her 500 a week for pills and this went on for a couple of years. When I had finally drained our savings she would give me the pills and I could pay for them by ordering her stuff she wanted with my credit cards. She always reminded me I was getting a great deal and I would be in debt to her for life. At that point in time I could have cared less just give me the pills and didn't think about the end results. Hell at that point in time I was willing to sell my soul to the devil for my pills. In Jan 2006 I had hit rock bottom. My husband and parents pulled an intervention on me and a few other things happened and I went c/t. I came clean with my doctor and started counseling. I made my amends with everyone I had done wrong over the past five years and had forgave myself. I however did not feel the need to make amends with my dealer. I was more pissed at her because she knew I had a problem and didn't care about anything except my money so I never contacted her again. I changed my phone numbers and had left my job so she could not find me. Finally after having some clean time under my belt my boss let me come back to work. I have been back to work since March of 2006. Then the other day I pick up the phone and it was her. She knew my voice right off the bat and I just froze. She was like is this Shantel I didn't know you were working there again. I quickly ended the conversation and let my co-worker take over from there. Saturday she comes into the office to pay for contacts she ordered and I wanted to confront her and put this part of my life behind me but I couldn't do it. I saw her drive up and let my co-worker handle it and I went into the back room my heart was racing a mile a minute.. My mother who is part owner of the business I work for was very disappointed in me for not having the guts to confront her she tells me you are no daughter of mine. I raised strong daughters. My mother along with my husband wanted me to go up to her and tell her I don't owe her a thing and take a stand. What the hell is wrong with me I couldn't do it? They make it seem so easy They don't know this person like I do. So I guess in this part of my recovery I have failed big time. Shantel
Shantel,
I don't see any failure at all.
I think I was a little worried that you might be triggered by seeing your dealer again (though I was sure you had the strength to overcome that).
It was very wise to let your co-worker handle this particular customer. Frankly, as long as your dealer knows you're not interested in her wares anymore, I don't understand why you need have any more to do with her. If your mother wants to chew her out, let her. If she's part owner of the business, your mother can tell this woman that she's no longer welcome as a customer. That's between your mother and her conscience. What you do is your own business.
I think you did great.
Love,
Gina
And I still don't have that email yet.
I don't see any failure at all.
I think I was a little worried that you might be triggered by seeing your dealer again (though I was sure you had the strength to overcome that).
It was very wise to let your co-worker handle this particular customer. Frankly, as long as your dealer knows you're not interested in her wares anymore, I don't understand why you need have any more to do with her. If your mother wants to chew her out, let her. If she's part owner of the business, your mother can tell this woman that she's no longer welcome as a customer. That's between your mother and her conscience. What you do is your own business.
I think you did great.
Love,
Gina
And I still don't have that email yet.
i will pray the prayer sammy wrote along with you to................
AMEN
shantel...................greater is HE who is in me, than HE who is in the world...........
hugs
AMEN
shantel...................greater is HE who is in me, than HE who is in the world...........
hugs
If I was in your situation I probably would of avoided her too. Your Mom and husband just don't understand the pull the drugs have on someone, so forget that.
Eventually, you will feel strong enough to confront her on your own. Right now, you just don't feel that way;
Shantell, I am sure a lot of addicts, regardless of clean time, would of spoke to her and ended up in that same old cycle. People rationalize anything and it's really best you didn't talk to her this early in recovery, espcially if you didn't feel you could.
You were getting a "good" deal from her? Since when is feeding an addiction a "good" deal? Screw her. You don't owe her a thing except a punch in the mouth.
Eventually, you will feel strong enough to confront her on your own. Right now, you just don't feel that way;
Shantell, I am sure a lot of addicts, regardless of clean time, would of spoke to her and ended up in that same old cycle. People rationalize anything and it's really best you didn't talk to her this early in recovery, espcially if you didn't feel you could.
You were getting a "good" deal from her? Since when is feeding an addiction a "good" deal? Screw her. You don't owe her a thing except a punch in the mouth.
Gina, I would not even entertain the thought of using again I have lost to much to go that route again. I am pissed at myself for not being able to stand up for myself and tell her I owe her nothing. Shantel
Shantell...Right after I got out of detox(2 years ago)....I ran into my "dealer"...I was livid. Was it his fault for selling me drugs? No...I bought them. But he knew I was trying to get clean and haunted me for a long time. I finally changed my cell ##...It was a huge trigger for me...sorry you had to go thru this...Sharonn
Shantel,
I'm confused. Was she asking for money? Honestly, if she wasn't specifically there to see you and/or asking for money, I can't see the need for you to speak to her, unless of course you felt like confronting her. Regardless, I think your mom is being harsh. Unless I am missing something, I wouldn't have talked to her either. From what you have posted, it sounds as if "business" was concluded a year ago. By now, she surely has another addict to sell to. Is it possible she was just there to get contacts? I really think avoiding the situation was one of the right things you could have done, and you did.
I know you made your choices, but she really sounds like a manipulative low life. The concept of being "forever indebted" to someone because they gave you "a good deal" is asinine. You don't owe her for that and don't feel like you do.
I really think you did fine. I'm sorry your mother doesn't agree, but I'm sure she will mellow out, and hopefully apologize for the words she said.
I'm confused. Was she asking for money? Honestly, if she wasn't specifically there to see you and/or asking for money, I can't see the need for you to speak to her, unless of course you felt like confronting her. Regardless, I think your mom is being harsh. Unless I am missing something, I wouldn't have talked to her either. From what you have posted, it sounds as if "business" was concluded a year ago. By now, she surely has another addict to sell to. Is it possible she was just there to get contacts? I really think avoiding the situation was one of the right things you could have done, and you did.
I know you made your choices, but she really sounds like a manipulative low life. The concept of being "forever indebted" to someone because they gave you "a good deal" is asinine. You don't owe her for that and don't feel like you do.
I really think you did fine. I'm sorry your mother doesn't agree, but I'm sure she will mellow out, and hopefully apologize for the words she said.
Punch in the mouth Danny, She is one tough cookie. I hate the feeling of having to look over my shoulder every time I go out. I live in a small town it is just a matter of time. God, how did I get myself into this. My husband says I am letting her have to much control over me. Shantel
| QUOTE |
| and tell her I owe her nothing |
Shantel, I'm with Danny on this one. The only thing you owe her is a punch in the mouth. (Speaking metaphorically, of course. I would never advocate real violence.)
If, in time, you feel like you'd be healthier for giving her a piece of your mind, then go for it; but it's clear, now is not that time so please don't feel like you failed anything. If this was a test of some sort, I think you've passed it. JMO
Half the board thought you still owed her cash. If all you owe her is a tongue-lashing, then why don't you let it go, for now at least? She'll go on selling drugs no matter what you say to her.
| QUOTE |
| Speaking metaphorically, of course. I would never advocate real violence |
Me neither..thats my story and I'm sticking to it.
Shan, quit looking over your shoulder and continue looking ahead. This person still has too much control over you. I'm sure it's much easier for me to say because no one every sought me out to sell me anything. Everything was from my doctor and it's not like he was calling ME for appointments.
I think you showed a lot of strength, even if it was just avoiding her. A year is pretty early in recovery so I am sure it was tough. Stick to your guns. Give her the wrong contacts and maybe she won't recognize you..
LMAO Danny, I could make it where she would never see again. I just wish I could stand up to her and tell her I owe her nothing. I knew this was going gonna come back and haunt me just didn't put a plan in place to handle it. Shantel
tell her you have joined forces with the police to stop dealers from getting the community addicted.........
Shantell...I just finished reading through all of this thread and I have to say...my stomach hurts. I can just feel your desperation. I too had a dealer that had become a "friend". I did things for her that I would never do normally. After getting clean, I ran into her and immediatly, all of those feelings came back. My response? I got mad. Mad at myself and mad at her for putting me on the spot again after I made it clear I was clean. I fought back and told her to stay away from me. I live in a small town too, so running into her is more the norm than not. She won't even look me in the eye now...I'll keep it that way. You are a strong woman. Stand up for yourself, get this over with. If you called her tomorrow and told her that you didn't want anything to do with her anymore, you would be calling her bluff and I bet it would be over. You'll feel better for taking your power back. Come on girl, buck up. Love, Lisa
