After over a year of being in recovery my past is coming back to haunt me. My old dealer who thinks I owe her the world found me at my job today. This is not a good thing. My mother says to tell her she is lucky I don't turn her into the cops for selling drugs and my husband says to stand up to her and tell her the past is in the past. God I hate this. Then the lady I have worked with for years looked at me and says how did you get yourself into this you always seemed so together. Hell , toss me a couple of oxys and I could conquer the world. Now I have to face my old dealer tommorrow when she comes to my job to get contacts. I feel like I can't breathe but I will be strong. Shantel
You lost me? Coming to your job for contacts? How will she get in your office? What do you do for a living if you do not mind me asking?
What power does some ex drug dealer have over YOU? Your a year clean? Thats awesome.
Not sure how this person can affect you unless your hiding something or giving this person power over you as your afraid she may tell someone about your past?
F- this person--Your husband is 100% correct
Jeff
What power does some ex drug dealer have over YOU? Your a year clean? Thats awesome.
Not sure how this person can affect you unless your hiding something or giving this person power over you as your afraid she may tell someone about your past?
F- this person--Your husband is 100% correct
Jeff
Jeff, I work for an O.D. and that is where I met my dealer years ago she was a patient there. I ended up quitting my job for different reasons one reason being for my recovery. I went back to work for the same doctor when I was able. He knows about my addiction and is very supportive. I knew in the back of my mind at some point I was going to have to face some of my demons just didn't have a plan in place for when it happened. Now it has happened and I am not sure how to handle the situation. I am not worried about using again just hate the situation and hate myself for putting myself in this postion in the first place. Shantel
Shantel
I got a bit lost love..did you first say that the ex dealer found you at work today but that tomorrow she will be coming to your work for contacts? Do you mean you werent in today and she came in or did she call or?? How did this co worker know who this person is???
Have you owed her money for one full year and only now shes collecting for some reason??
Sorry but just trying to figure this out so i can give best advise..Is it alot of money?
Would it be best to say here..heres the money i owe you now dont EVER come back to my place of employment, my home or anywhere within spitting distance or I'll call the cops??
I just dont get why on earth she'd come after you after all this time...she must be desperate..
Dont worry...this too shall pass
Hugs
ali
I got a bit lost love..did you first say that the ex dealer found you at work today but that tomorrow she will be coming to your work for contacts? Do you mean you werent in today and she came in or did she call or?? How did this co worker know who this person is???
Have you owed her money for one full year and only now shes collecting for some reason??
Sorry but just trying to figure this out so i can give best advise..Is it alot of money?
Would it be best to say here..heres the money i owe you now dont EVER come back to my place of employment, my home or anywhere within spitting distance or I'll call the cops??
I just dont get why on earth she'd come after you after all this time...she must be desperate..
Dont worry...this too shall pass
Hugs
ali
Gina, Thank you. Shantel
Shantel
Sorry hon...i didnt even see that reply to jeff when i posted...
that explains it..
So can she just be paid off then?
Are you sure she wants the money after all this time? Maybe she has written it off, and doesnt even think about it..
Am i being too optimistic?
If so...i would just pay her off and tell her your done. Finished..
sorry your having to deal with this...if i can help let me know. you have my email..
Hugs
A
Sorry hon...i didnt even see that reply to jeff when i posted...
that explains it..
So can she just be paid off then?
Are you sure she wants the money after all this time? Maybe she has written it off, and doesnt even think about it..
Am i being too optimistic?
If so...i would just pay her off and tell her your done. Finished..
sorry your having to deal with this...if i can help let me know. you have my email..
Hugs
A
Ali, Long story short I sold my soul to the devil in the past now I gottta deal with it.Shantel
Shantel,
I'll be thinking about you. Check back in and let us know how you beat the devil today. (Is it true? Does she wear Prada? LOL)
You'll be strong, I'm sure. You've got a lot of people in your corner rooting for you.
Love,
Gina
I'll be thinking about you. Check back in and let us know how you beat the devil today. (Is it true? Does she wear Prada? LOL)
You'll be strong, I'm sure. You've got a lot of people in your corner rooting for you.
Love,
Gina
dear shantel ~
as m. scott peck stated in his book the road less traveled, "life is difficult." i know there have been many occasions where problems presented themselves to me that immediately i felt uncomfortable or fear. this is a good thing, because this feeling of fear or uncomfortableness is a sign that if i do the next right thing, i will once again experience a spiritual awakening.
i apologize, as i don't remember if you participate in the 12-step program of recovery; however, the solution to your dilemma as far as the 12-step program is concerned lies in steps 8 & 9.
here is a link to the step study guide and it is suggested (as you will read) that all steps be worked in order with a sponsor:
http://www.earthgroupna.org/index.p...id=59&Itemid=74
at the bottom of the step 8 link (above) is an arrow that you click on that will take you to step 9.
sweet shantel, as i see it, you have 2 options. the first is to step back and allow yourself the time you need in order to respond this person from a place of love. you can tell this person if you are confronted that you understand their concern and how important this is to them; however, at this time you are not able to respond. you will respond but it will be at a later time. or second, if you find yourself backed into a corner today and an immediate response is required, you could always say something to the effect of "i am sorry that i involved you in my disease of addiction. however, today i am living in recovery and paying my debt back to you and all of society by not repeating the same illegal mistakes that i previously engaged in. i am finding that by staying in the light of recovery, i am regaining my integrity that was lost while living the life of an addict. and i am most grateful to you today for the opportunity you have given me to allow my spirit to grow."
'nuf said.
love ya and let us know how it turns out for you ~
sammy
as m. scott peck stated in his book the road less traveled, "life is difficult." i know there have been many occasions where problems presented themselves to me that immediately i felt uncomfortable or fear. this is a good thing, because this feeling of fear or uncomfortableness is a sign that if i do the next right thing, i will once again experience a spiritual awakening.
i apologize, as i don't remember if you participate in the 12-step program of recovery; however, the solution to your dilemma as far as the 12-step program is concerned lies in steps 8 & 9.
here is a link to the step study guide and it is suggested (as you will read) that all steps be worked in order with a sponsor:
http://www.earthgroupna.org/index.p...id=59&Itemid=74
at the bottom of the step 8 link (above) is an arrow that you click on that will take you to step 9.
sweet shantel, as i see it, you have 2 options. the first is to step back and allow yourself the time you need in order to respond this person from a place of love. you can tell this person if you are confronted that you understand their concern and how important this is to them; however, at this time you are not able to respond. you will respond but it will be at a later time. or second, if you find yourself backed into a corner today and an immediate response is required, you could always say something to the effect of "i am sorry that i involved you in my disease of addiction. however, today i am living in recovery and paying my debt back to you and all of society by not repeating the same illegal mistakes that i previously engaged in. i am finding that by staying in the light of recovery, i am regaining my integrity that was lost while living the life of an addict. and i am most grateful to you today for the opportunity you have given me to allow my spirit to grow."
'nuf said.
love ya and let us know how it turns out for you ~
sammy
Gina & Sammy, I am at work now. Feeling a little anxious. I will let you all know how it goes. Hopefully she won't show up but maybe I just need to get this over with so I can move on. Shantel
Shantel-Without knowing the details I am guessing about what went down.Do you owe her money? a favor?
If you owe her money is it a lot?
If it's a case of a debt and it's something you can pay back I say pay it off and be rid of her.Be sure and let her know that you are clean now and won't be buying any more drugs.
This is an opportunity that is being presented to you so you can close the door.I don't think it's accidental.You may have needed a year clean to handle this.
This is part of the 9th step if it's a debt, regardless if it was a nefarious transaction.We participated in it.
If it's a situation where you can't pay her back,I say be completely honest.Make some gesture at doing the right thing....the right legal thing.LOL, and then close the door. That was always the hardest for me.As much as I may not have wanted to use,I sure didn't want to lose the contacts.
Good Luck
If you owe her money is it a lot?
If it's a case of a debt and it's something you can pay back I say pay it off and be rid of her.Be sure and let her know that you are clean now and won't be buying any more drugs.
This is an opportunity that is being presented to you so you can close the door.I don't think it's accidental.You may have needed a year clean to handle this.
This is part of the 9th step if it's a debt, regardless if it was a nefarious transaction.We participated in it.
If it's a situation where you can't pay her back,I say be completely honest.Make some gesture at doing the right thing....the right legal thing.LOL, and then close the door. That was always the hardest for me.As much as I may not have wanted to use,I sure didn't want to lose the contacts.
Good Luck
dear shantel -
for your consideration, the 9th step prayer:
God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life.
AMEN
i'm not too sure if giving money back to someone for some dealing that was nefarious would not put you right back into illegal activity. hence, my suggestion that you are repaying your debts to this person and society by staying in the light of recovery and not participating in illegal matters. this is something that i would definitely seek the aid of my sponsor and possibly an attorney.
namaste'
sammy
for your consideration, the 9th step prayer:
God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life.
AMEN
i'm not too sure if giving money back to someone for some dealing that was nefarious would not put you right back into illegal activity. hence, my suggestion that you are repaying your debts to this person and society by staying in the light of recovery and not participating in illegal matters. this is something that i would definitely seek the aid of my sponsor and possibly an attorney.
namaste'
sammy
| QUOTE |
| i'm not too sure if giving money back to someone for some dealing that was nefarious would not put you right back into illegal activity |
That's true but I would use that as an excuse not to pay back money I owed.Also,it can be a good way to get rid of the person.
Shantel,ask your sponsor.Besides,I don't even know if this is what's going on?
Good Luck
well surfer boy - i agree this is a decision that should be made between one's sponsor, the God of their understanding, and an attorney if necessary. yet i'm just thinking outloud, if i pay money to a drug dealer for drugs that i obtained illegally, not only am i participating in illegal behavior, i am asking that the person who sold me those illegal drugs to participate in illegal behavior too.
there was a guy here recently in virginia who got sober through AA. after working the steps, he felt the need to make an amend to a woman he raped some years ago. he made his amends to her very well knowing that it would be he who suffered the consequences of his past harm. when making amends, we do not want to cause harm to others, which this man didn't (although i'm sure it dredged up some horrible memories from the woman's past). however, legally, if i ask someone to take money for an illegal activity that i (and they) participated in, i'm not too sure how spiritually empowering that would be.
interesting feedback on this topic.
hope you get to hang ten, buddy.
namaste'
sammy
there was a guy here recently in virginia who got sober through AA. after working the steps, he felt the need to make an amend to a woman he raped some years ago. he made his amends to her very well knowing that it would be he who suffered the consequences of his past harm. when making amends, we do not want to cause harm to others, which this man didn't (although i'm sure it dredged up some horrible memories from the woman's past). however, legally, if i ask someone to take money for an illegal activity that i (and they) participated in, i'm not too sure how spiritually empowering that would be.
interesting feedback on this topic.
hope you get to hang ten, buddy.
namaste'
sammy
I don't disagree with you Sammy.I really don't even know what happened? I'm just brainstorming.I think every situation has to be dealt with between you,the second party and hopefully a Higher Power.
If I had borrowed money from my dealer that had nothing to do with drugs,I would feel obligated to pay it back in sobriety.Whether or not he was a dealer would be irrelevant to me.That's just me though.I don't expect every one to follow suit.
I never lived within the parameters of laws or ethics when I was using.
Maybe Shantel can tell us more if she feels comfortable.If not,good luck with today and I hope everything gets resolved.
Have a great one Sammy,Shantel.
If I had borrowed money from my dealer that had nothing to do with drugs,I would feel obligated to pay it back in sobriety.Whether or not he was a dealer would be irrelevant to me.That's just me though.I don't expect every one to follow suit.
I never lived within the parameters of laws or ethics when I was using.
Maybe Shantel can tell us more if she feels comfortable.If not,good luck with today and I hope everything gets resolved.
Have a great one Sammy,Shantel.
I have heard of people that are making amends and cannot pay someone for whatever reason turn around and donate to charity or AA or whatever needy group was available. I know a woman that would stand on street corners at Christmas time begging for cash to buy presents for her non existant children. She makes amends by donating money to the homeless. Just a thought.
Thanks for all you responses. I just got home from work and have to run to my daughters cheerleading competition. I will post later and fill all of you in on this whole mess. Shantel
hey tim ~
little did i realize when posting earlier about making amends and the virginia man i spoke of earlier that there was an article published in today's newspaper regarding this. this was first reported more than a few 24 hours ago and my memory of what happened was not entirely correct. below is a link to the entire story, as it has just become public record in the virginia courts. how sad this is for all parties concerned.
i was under the impression that this man was making amends with full brain faculties of the consequences he may suffer and motivated by just that - to make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. it's pretty clear that he sought out the suggestions of more than one before he embarked on his journey of making amends; however, as i read on, i am reminded of the motivation that lies behind making an amend. obviously, i was not correct in my above posting and trust that the God of my understanding knows the reason why all of this happened (from the rape to the amend) like it did and is capable of loving all that we as humans sometimes have difficulty wrapping our mortal minds around.
here's the link:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...ARIT&SECTION=US
namaste' ~
sammy
little did i realize when posting earlier about making amends and the virginia man i spoke of earlier that there was an article published in today's newspaper regarding this. this was first reported more than a few 24 hours ago and my memory of what happened was not entirely correct. below is a link to the entire story, as it has just become public record in the virginia courts. how sad this is for all parties concerned.
i was under the impression that this man was making amends with full brain faculties of the consequences he may suffer and motivated by just that - to make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. it's pretty clear that he sought out the suggestions of more than one before he embarked on his journey of making amends; however, as i read on, i am reminded of the motivation that lies behind making an amend. obviously, i was not correct in my above posting and trust that the God of my understanding knows the reason why all of this happened (from the rape to the amend) like it did and is capable of loving all that we as humans sometimes have difficulty wrapping our mortal minds around.
here's the link:
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...ARIT&SECTION=US
namaste' ~
sammy
Shantell, this is just my personal opinion and everyone else's may differ greatly.
If you owed her money for anything other than drugs, I'd say try to make an effort to correct it.
If she's trying to collect an old drug debt, I have no sympathy for her. She was doing an illegal thing to make money off of you and at your expense, no less.
She needs to chalk it up to a loss.
She wasn't doing you any favors back then.
You could even laugh at this if you wanted to. Whats she going to do? Take you to court?
If she's still trying to collect, she's probably still dealing. If she's selling oxy's, you know as well as I she isn't hurting.
I'd nicely explain that I was in recovery now and that is all in my past.
You might even be putting yourself in jeopardy by giving her money for this. I'm not sure how the law works but it's not worth taking a chance.
xxxxxxxoooooo
If you owed her money for anything other than drugs, I'd say try to make an effort to correct it.
If she's trying to collect an old drug debt, I have no sympathy for her. She was doing an illegal thing to make money off of you and at your expense, no less.
She needs to chalk it up to a loss.
She wasn't doing you any favors back then.
You could even laugh at this if you wanted to. Whats she going to do? Take you to court?
If she's still trying to collect, she's probably still dealing. If she's selling oxy's, you know as well as I she isn't hurting.
I'd nicely explain that I was in recovery now and that is all in my past.
You might even be putting yourself in jeopardy by giving her money for this. I'm not sure how the law works but it's not worth taking a chance.
xxxxxxxoooooo
Does she think you owe her money or "the world"?
