Heard from here again tonite,is she playing with me says she will go into detox.Do I leave her in a hostle until there is place for her could take 8 weeks.
Don't know when kirsty is talking or the drugs anymore,wants me to help her get into rehab,is that ok or should she sort it out herself.
Im confused about how much help I should give her and how much she should do on her own.We are from a little village and she is not used to city life,will she beable to find the help she needs here self.This is all alien to me and I know it was to you but if you have been through it please give me some more advice.I'm sorry to be asking for help all the time, but you are the only people I can turn to.
Hope you are not getting fed up of me I seem to be asking for support all the time.If she does the rehab do you think we could have her home then,and try again
Welsh Lady once again xxx
Dear Lady, don't ever feel you cannot ask for help or support.
As for helping her, do you really feel she is ready for detox/rehab, or is she just saying so?
When I found out my daughter was on heroin, (she is the mother of 3 grown children, and lives in another state) My husband and I got in the car and drove two days to confront her. she was shocked to see me, and I told her that I was not going to let her kill herself, and ruin her children's life. She said she would go to detox, but was afraid of the long wait, etc and she had no Insurance.
Maybe because I was totally ignorant of the drug world, I figured that there had to be help out there , I spent almost 2 days on the phone, calling every help line I could find, explaining the situation, no Insurance, heroin use, 3 wonderful children etc. She was going along with my efforts, (probably because she didn't think I would be successful ) I found her a place in the next town who would take her for a week detox, and then would recommend follow up at a methadone clinic. etc.
She stuck out the week, and did go to the clinic. I'm not sure she is really working recovery, but I feel that I gave her the chance, and it's really up to her.
I'm telling you all this long winded story, because I think if your daughter is asking for help, you may be able to find her some placement that will help. I know my daughter would not have gone through the steps necessary to find a detox center, it would be so much easier to just get high and forget about it.
I would suggest you look into every detox or rehab clinic you can in the surrounding area, and have some knowledge of what is out there. she may not really want to go now, but at least you will be armed with information if the time comes that she does.
Perhaps some would feel that I was overstepping what I should have been doing for my daughter, after all, she is an adult.but I could not have slept a night if I didn't feel that I had done somthing to help her and her children.
I don't know if your daughter has gone the rehab route before, but there is always hope that it might be the right time for her.
Keep posting, and keep on taking care of yourself. Your family needs you to be strong.
rita
As for helping her, do you really feel she is ready for detox/rehab, or is she just saying so?
When I found out my daughter was on heroin, (she is the mother of 3 grown children, and lives in another state) My husband and I got in the car and drove two days to confront her. she was shocked to see me, and I told her that I was not going to let her kill herself, and ruin her children's life. She said she would go to detox, but was afraid of the long wait, etc and she had no Insurance.
Maybe because I was totally ignorant of the drug world, I figured that there had to be help out there , I spent almost 2 days on the phone, calling every help line I could find, explaining the situation, no Insurance, heroin use, 3 wonderful children etc. She was going along with my efforts, (probably because she didn't think I would be successful ) I found her a place in the next town who would take her for a week detox, and then would recommend follow up at a methadone clinic. etc.
She stuck out the week, and did go to the clinic. I'm not sure she is really working recovery, but I feel that I gave her the chance, and it's really up to her.
I'm telling you all this long winded story, because I think if your daughter is asking for help, you may be able to find her some placement that will help. I know my daughter would not have gone through the steps necessary to find a detox center, it would be so much easier to just get high and forget about it.
I would suggest you look into every detox or rehab clinic you can in the surrounding area, and have some knowledge of what is out there. she may not really want to go now, but at least you will be armed with information if the time comes that she does.
Perhaps some would feel that I was overstepping what I should have been doing for my daughter, after all, she is an adult.but I could not have slept a night if I didn't feel that I had done somthing to help her and her children.
I don't know if your daughter has gone the rehab route before, but there is always hope that it might be the right time for her.
Keep posting, and keep on taking care of yourself. Your family needs you to be strong.
rita
Welsh Lady,
You ask away anytime you want........you're a mom and of course you are concerned.........Rita, has been through it and she gave you good advice.
Your daughter is asking for help........BUT is it because she don't like the hostile?...........is it because she is seeing you are finally fed up as are her friends and this is her only option...............OR is she ready?.......who is to say or know except for her?
Put it this way.........you're from a small town.............will she be able to find help on her own.............she found drugs.............we find phone numbers and places to get drugs...........we walk miles..............we always, always get our drugs...........so she should be able to find help..............personally I don't think helping her look for a detox and arming yourself with knowledge is wrong like, Rita said..........in fact you're educating yourself.
People helped me and called for me..............and at other times after they were just so disgusted they pointed to a phone.............call yourself.............OR put me out and said use a pay phone...........we got no money for pay phones UNLESS we're looking for drugs..........so yeah I scrounged up 50 cents and called to get help, AND the wait.............waiting for a spot...........my own brother told me to go sleep in a park.............I'll tell ya that woke me up real quick.
No matter what you decide it will be up to you, but looking up places for her I do not think is so wrong............BUT stick to your boundaries............she can't come home, right? After the cops and all.............that I'd stick with.
I'm so sorry for your pain..........I have faith she will be able to get in a detox.....and hopefully do well............you're a good mom......don't forget that.
You ask away anytime you want........you're a mom and of course you are concerned.........Rita, has been through it and she gave you good advice.
Your daughter is asking for help........BUT is it because she don't like the hostile?...........is it because she is seeing you are finally fed up as are her friends and this is her only option...............OR is she ready?.......who is to say or know except for her?
Put it this way.........you're from a small town.............will she be able to find help on her own.............she found drugs.............we find phone numbers and places to get drugs...........we walk miles..............we always, always get our drugs...........so she should be able to find help..............personally I don't think helping her look for a detox and arming yourself with knowledge is wrong like, Rita said..........in fact you're educating yourself.
People helped me and called for me..............and at other times after they were just so disgusted they pointed to a phone.............call yourself.............OR put me out and said use a pay phone...........we got no money for pay phones UNLESS we're looking for drugs..........so yeah I scrounged up 50 cents and called to get help, AND the wait.............waiting for a spot...........my own brother told me to go sleep in a park.............I'll tell ya that woke me up real quick.
No matter what you decide it will be up to you, but looking up places for her I do not think is so wrong............BUT stick to your boundaries............she can't come home, right? After the cops and all.............that I'd stick with.
I'm so sorry for your pain..........I have faith she will be able to get in a detox.....and hopefully do well............you're a good mom......don't forget that.
Dear Welsh Lady,
I echo Rita's words...."Perhaps some would feel that I was overstepping what I should have been doing for my daughter, after all, she is an adult.but I could not have slept a night if I didn't feel that I had done somthing to help her and her children.
I don't know if your daughter has gone the rehab route before, but there is always hope that it might be the right time for her."
No one knows what is right or wrong to do...everyone's situation is different...but if my addict "child" was asking for help it would be worth a try. Of course, they could be playing us but I don't see the harm of helping them. It's not like you're giving her money. Now if they did this REPEATEDLY, then I would get discouraged about helping. But like Rita said I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't try to help my loved one if they were seeking recovery. I might not be the best person to respond because I'm usually lead by my heart.
I'll pray for you to make the decision that is best for your daughter and get peace with it.
God bless!
Susan
I echo Rita's words...."Perhaps some would feel that I was overstepping what I should have been doing for my daughter, after all, she is an adult.but I could not have slept a night if I didn't feel that I had done somthing to help her and her children.
I don't know if your daughter has gone the rehab route before, but there is always hope that it might be the right time for her."
No one knows what is right or wrong to do...everyone's situation is different...but if my addict "child" was asking for help it would be worth a try. Of course, they could be playing us but I don't see the harm of helping them. It's not like you're giving her money. Now if they did this REPEATEDLY, then I would get discouraged about helping. But like Rita said I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't try to help my loved one if they were seeking recovery. I might not be the best person to respond because I'm usually lead by my heart.
I'll pray for you to make the decision that is best for your daughter and get peace with it.
God bless!
Susan
Thanks Bryn & Susan.........I never regretted taking control over the situation. My grandkids were so stymied, trying to help her. My help only consisted of finding placement for her. when she wanted to sign out of detox before the week was up, I told her I would call the police if she came home.
I did stop sending her money, even when I knew she was going to lose her house for non payment of Insurance. When she suggested a few times that I put something on my credit card and she would pay me back (Haha) i said absolutely not.
I think I surprised the heck out of her when I took a really firm line with her. she is a very forceful woman, and I am more the peacemaker type. But I became like a mother lion when I knew what my grandkids were living with.
If she needed me to get her into rehab right now, I would do it, because that would be real help to her. anything else, giving her money, paying bills for her, making excuses to my family for her lies, I feel is enabling her.
It's a fine line to walk, isn't it. helping...enabling...I guess we have to do what we know is the right thing for the addict, and for ouselves.
God help us, none of us expected to have this in our lives. We can only do the best we can do.
rita
I did stop sending her money, even when I knew she was going to lose her house for non payment of Insurance. When she suggested a few times that I put something on my credit card and she would pay me back (Haha) i said absolutely not.
I think I surprised the heck out of her when I took a really firm line with her. she is a very forceful woman, and I am more the peacemaker type. But I became like a mother lion when I knew what my grandkids were living with.
If she needed me to get her into rehab right now, I would do it, because that would be real help to her. anything else, giving her money, paying bills for her, making excuses to my family for her lies, I feel is enabling her.
It's a fine line to walk, isn't it. helping...enabling...I guess we have to do what we know is the right thing for the addict, and for ouselves.
God help us, none of us expected to have this in our lives. We can only do the best we can do.
rita
Oh honey
Its so hard coming to terms with the fact that we as their mums really are powerless. We just want our little girls back and hope that by just offering them a life line it will save them. Unfortunately, this isnt the case. Having said all this it does take us all a long time before we reach the point of accepting we can do no more. I think sometimes we can only reach this stage of our journey by going down that road ourselves. Sometimes even though you will get advice from the guys on here you probably will, as all of us mums have, go on to do what you think is right, only to find it isnt. I dont care what anyone says, when its your child you see being eaten up by this evil drug you cant just stop being their mums that is until youve seen for yourself the protection you offer them is actually unhelpful, even harmful.
To make more sense of this I stood by Sarah constantly, yet she continued to lie, cheat, steal and was so brilliantly devious about her habit. Always promising me she was either clean or desperate to get clean. It was a constant roller coaster of emotions. I finally realised I was powerless against the control Heroin had over her life.
This sick drug even got me telling lies to my family and some friends so they didnt judge Sarah. I gave her money to pay off debts for drugs. Picked her up and drove her to get drugs believing it was for a short time, while she was cutting down before she started another detox programme. I even let her live at home for free, whilst I went out to work struggling to make ends meet. I had already separated from her dad in the September prior to the December I discovered her addiction. Strange isnt it hes an alcoholic yet refuses to admit he has a problem.. they say addiction is genetic. Yet when I told him last February about her addiction, these were his words I know shes my daughter, but Im afraid I dont want to be associated with people like that I was married to that b****** for 21 years and been with him 29, what a complete t*** Ive been in my life. and then this. My son will be 20 in March and is a normal moody, selfish teenager who has a good job, great mates and enjoys life thank god!!!!
Sorry to go completely off the subject honey, honesty you come on here asking for help and you get these people spouting off ..
Back on track. Needless to say Sarah NEVER stuck to her detox programmes and would even refuse to take advice from professionals. Oh let me tell you, she would always make the right noises and say the right things but she had no intention of following any of them through. Im not saying that your daughter wont succeed; this is just FACT about what most addicts journey is like. Maybe its her time, Im not sure if shes been on many detox programmes before. It maybe a genuine cry for help, you have to decide, but if not it doesn't mean to say there's no hope. After a year of going through the hell with Sarah with all the false hopes and promises shes still the Heroin addict she was then. I just reached the point where I knew I could no longer rescue her and could no longer allow her to continue allowing this s*** to impact so severely on my life.
You can be there for your daughter, if thats what YOU want but to expect too much from her is unrealistic and youll certainly be setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. Its a hard call but its YOURS no one elses.
Dont give up hope I know I havent and remember
Im thinking of you Welsh Lady &
always here for you, holding you in my heart
LUV Christina x
Its so hard coming to terms with the fact that we as their mums really are powerless. We just want our little girls back and hope that by just offering them a life line it will save them. Unfortunately, this isnt the case. Having said all this it does take us all a long time before we reach the point of accepting we can do no more. I think sometimes we can only reach this stage of our journey by going down that road ourselves. Sometimes even though you will get advice from the guys on here you probably will, as all of us mums have, go on to do what you think is right, only to find it isnt. I dont care what anyone says, when its your child you see being eaten up by this evil drug you cant just stop being their mums that is until youve seen for yourself the protection you offer them is actually unhelpful, even harmful.
To make more sense of this I stood by Sarah constantly, yet she continued to lie, cheat, steal and was so brilliantly devious about her habit. Always promising me she was either clean or desperate to get clean. It was a constant roller coaster of emotions. I finally realised I was powerless against the control Heroin had over her life.
This sick drug even got me telling lies to my family and some friends so they didnt judge Sarah. I gave her money to pay off debts for drugs. Picked her up and drove her to get drugs believing it was for a short time, while she was cutting down before she started another detox programme. I even let her live at home for free, whilst I went out to work struggling to make ends meet. I had already separated from her dad in the September prior to the December I discovered her addiction. Strange isnt it hes an alcoholic yet refuses to admit he has a problem.. they say addiction is genetic. Yet when I told him last February about her addiction, these were his words I know shes my daughter, but Im afraid I dont want to be associated with people like that I was married to that b****** for 21 years and been with him 29, what a complete t*** Ive been in my life. and then this. My son will be 20 in March and is a normal moody, selfish teenager who has a good job, great mates and enjoys life thank god!!!!
Sorry to go completely off the subject honey, honesty you come on here asking for help and you get these people spouting off ..
Back on track. Needless to say Sarah NEVER stuck to her detox programmes and would even refuse to take advice from professionals. Oh let me tell you, she would always make the right noises and say the right things but she had no intention of following any of them through. Im not saying that your daughter wont succeed; this is just FACT about what most addicts journey is like. Maybe its her time, Im not sure if shes been on many detox programmes before. It maybe a genuine cry for help, you have to decide, but if not it doesn't mean to say there's no hope. After a year of going through the hell with Sarah with all the false hopes and promises shes still the Heroin addict she was then. I just reached the point where I knew I could no longer rescue her and could no longer allow her to continue allowing this s*** to impact so severely on my life.
You can be there for your daughter, if thats what YOU want but to expect too much from her is unrealistic and youll certainly be setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. Its a hard call but its YOURS no one elses.
Dont give up hope I know I havent and remember
Im thinking of you Welsh Lady &
always here for you, holding you in my heart
LUV Christina x
Welsh Lady
Nothing they do ever stops us loving them..........................
((((((BIG HUG 4 U))))))
Luv Christina x
Nothing they do ever stops us loving them..........................
((((((BIG HUG 4 U))))))
Luv Christina x
