If you want the full story of what's happening, please read halfway through rehab and she wants a divorce.
I received a phone call from my wife this past Monday in which she went on and on about how I had betrayed her and lied to her and broken her heart and destroy her self esteem, etc. etc. after 10 minutes of this she told me that she felt that our marriage was pretty much over that we were at an end.
I did not hear anything until this past Friday, when while looking online I saw that she was now posting things to Facebook and said that people could call her on her cell phone.
Needless to say I was devastated that my wife would be reaching out to other people and telling them to call her and yet she did not reach out to me.
I called her cell phone and left a a very calm message saying that I knew she could use her cell phone and she wanted to call me that would be great but if she didn't want to call me that would be okay too. I also said that I would not be "haunting her" and I would not be calling again. I wished her well and hung up.
20 minutes later my wife calls me. But this is not my wife of a week ago, six months ago, two years ago, this is my wife before the drugs. I thought that person was gone forever and to be speaking to her, hearing the joy and happiness in her voice was to good to be true.
We talked about her therapy, she's now been there for 30 days, and she described to me all the progress she was making and how when she arrived there she was suffering from PTSD from accumulation of issues that have occurred throughout her life.
She described the various methods they were using, sounded extremely positive and happy, was even helping a 19-year-old girl who was on heroin deal with her addiction.
We laughed and joked for over an hour, and my hopes and dreams that were destroyed the previous Monday all came flooding back in!
Perhaps most importantly, she finally admitted that she was, at least in the last several months, abusing her medication.
I told her I went to my first Nar-Anon meeting and her reaction was one of happiness and excitement that I was trying to learn about her addiction and how best to help her.
The phone call ended as pleasantly as it started.
Now I see here in this sea of uncertainty, wondering if this phone call was a one-time fluke, is my wife actually better, what will happen tomorrow?
If I hear a total reversal, back to the way she was last week, can I take anymore of this?
Michael
Michael . . . I am so so happy that she is in remission .. . .and that you were able to see the woman you fell in love with and married once again. Yippie!!! Enjoy each and every day that she remains in remission.
As happy as I am for you and her . . . I'll be the voice of reality (so to speak). I don't mean to rain on your parade. . . BUT . . . the road to recovery is rarely straight and easy. From my daughter's battle, it is filled with potholes, detours, curves and dips. It seems relatively easy to detox and go into remission . . . especially when one is in the cocoon of a detox/rehab facility. The hard part is staying that way . . . especially, when you are allowed some freedom . . . when you have your phone and can call to get your DOC . . . when the stresses of the world begin to enter your life (such as making sure you eat, getting and keeping a job, and following rules). Sometimes our addicted loved one relapses . . . whether that is getting and using their DOC. . . or substituting that with something else. Remember, you have no control here either.
What I am trying to say is . . . celebrate each day that your wife is in remission . . . enjoy the day . . .but, for your own heart . . . and her's . . . don't have any expectations . . .at this stage, don't have hopes of a future . . . don't ever believe that she is or will be "cured." Just love and enjoy her one day at a time. Shoot, she may not remember saying she wanted to end your marriage. And right now . . . she may not know what she wants. The drugs could have scrambled her heart as much as they do the brain. Who knows. Give her . . . and yourself . . . some time. . .with no pressure . . . and no expectations.
As for your question . . .will the roller coaster ever end? Yes it can . . . but it all depends on YOU. Yes . . not her . . . but YOU. The roller coaster will end when your emotions are no longer tied to how she is doing . . . or what she is doing. (What is going on is not a good, healthy loving marriage . . . but a co-dependent relationship. Many of us. . . including moi . . . have been co-dependent with our loved one. So . . . I'm not judging . . .I'm just saying.) The roller coaster will end when you stop participating in HER recovery . . . and when you focus on your recovery. The roller coaster will end when you love yourself as much as you so clearly love her. The roller coaster will end . . . when you detach from her addiction with love . . . and when you make this HER monkey and HER show. Oh . . . I'm not saying that it is easy or painless to get off the roller coaster. It doesn't happen overnight. Getting off is a process. But whether you are on, trying to get off or are trying to stay off the roller coaster is totally in your power and control.
But . . . here's the news. The fantastic news. You ARE getting off the roller coaster . . . by going to Naranon meetings. . .by coming here. You are taking giant steps to getting . . . and staying off. Keep up the good work!!! Just be patient.
Sending hugs & prayers,
Lynn
xoxo
As happy as I am for you and her . . . I'll be the voice of reality (so to speak). I don't mean to rain on your parade. . . BUT . . . the road to recovery is rarely straight and easy. From my daughter's battle, it is filled with potholes, detours, curves and dips. It seems relatively easy to detox and go into remission . . . especially when one is in the cocoon of a detox/rehab facility. The hard part is staying that way . . . especially, when you are allowed some freedom . . . when you have your phone and can call to get your DOC . . . when the stresses of the world begin to enter your life (such as making sure you eat, getting and keeping a job, and following rules). Sometimes our addicted loved one relapses . . . whether that is getting and using their DOC. . . or substituting that with something else. Remember, you have no control here either.
What I am trying to say is . . . celebrate each day that your wife is in remission . . . enjoy the day . . .but, for your own heart . . . and her's . . . don't have any expectations . . .at this stage, don't have hopes of a future . . . don't ever believe that she is or will be "cured." Just love and enjoy her one day at a time. Shoot, she may not remember saying she wanted to end your marriage. And right now . . . she may not know what she wants. The drugs could have scrambled her heart as much as they do the brain. Who knows. Give her . . . and yourself . . . some time. . .with no pressure . . . and no expectations.
As for your question . . .will the roller coaster ever end? Yes it can . . . but it all depends on YOU. Yes . . not her . . . but YOU. The roller coaster will end when your emotions are no longer tied to how she is doing . . . or what she is doing. (What is going on is not a good, healthy loving marriage . . . but a co-dependent relationship. Many of us. . . including moi . . . have been co-dependent with our loved one. So . . . I'm not judging . . .I'm just saying.) The roller coaster will end when you stop participating in HER recovery . . . and when you focus on your recovery. The roller coaster will end when you love yourself as much as you so clearly love her. The roller coaster will end . . . when you detach from her addiction with love . . . and when you make this HER monkey and HER show. Oh . . . I'm not saying that it is easy or painless to get off the roller coaster. It doesn't happen overnight. Getting off is a process. But whether you are on, trying to get off or are trying to stay off the roller coaster is totally in your power and control.
But . . . here's the news. The fantastic news. You ARE getting off the roller coaster . . . by going to Naranon meetings. . .by coming here. You are taking giant steps to getting . . . and staying off. Keep up the good work!!! Just be patient.
Sending hugs & prayers,
Lynn
xoxo
Lynn,
Thank you for your enthusiastic and positive words! Your voice of reality is much appreciated as well!
I know exactly what you mean about how easy it is to feel strong, and powerful while she is in the cocoon of the detox/rehab facility. She is surrounded by supportive people, always encouraging her telling her how she can do anything. She is kept busy 12 hours a day, group therapy, one-on-one therapy, massages once a week, playing sports, etc. She has no real life responsibilities, paying bills, cleaning, dealing with the outside world In general.
As you pointed out, the hard part comes when she leaves the facility and starts to deal with the reality of daily life.
I understand what you mean about not having a good, healthy loving marriage. I have read books about the codependent relationship and understand pretty much what is going on. I also am aware that her recovery and staying off of drugs is totally her responsibility and completely out of my control.
The roller coaster ride, getting on and off it, is completely within my power and control. Only I can decide when I have had enough and cannot take the ride any longer. Therein lies the difficulty! The nar-Anon meeting that I went to this past Thursday was excellent and I plan on continuing. Being patient was never my strong suit and after two years of dealing with her addiction and bizarre behavior, I would like it to be all over tomorrow. Of course I realize that this is impossible and that this may and probably will continue for years and years.
Since she has admitted that she did abuse her medication and that this is the first time she is getting off of it, my anticipation/anxiety/fear comes from the fact that I do not know who I she will be when she returns from detox. With the various things she has said to me over the past couple of weeks I don't even know IF she is returning home.
I know that no one has any answers, and I also know that it is within my power, and the only thing that is within my power, is to stay or go.
So I write to share my thoughts and to look for support, which I truly appreciate and thank you again for what you have written. Perhaps writing my thoughts helps me to clarify what I am feeling and reduces the turmoil within me.
Thank you again,
Michael
Thank you for your enthusiastic and positive words! Your voice of reality is much appreciated as well!
I know exactly what you mean about how easy it is to feel strong, and powerful while she is in the cocoon of the detox/rehab facility. She is surrounded by supportive people, always encouraging her telling her how she can do anything. She is kept busy 12 hours a day, group therapy, one-on-one therapy, massages once a week, playing sports, etc. She has no real life responsibilities, paying bills, cleaning, dealing with the outside world In general.
As you pointed out, the hard part comes when she leaves the facility and starts to deal with the reality of daily life.
I understand what you mean about not having a good, healthy loving marriage. I have read books about the codependent relationship and understand pretty much what is going on. I also am aware that her recovery and staying off of drugs is totally her responsibility and completely out of my control.
The roller coaster ride, getting on and off it, is completely within my power and control. Only I can decide when I have had enough and cannot take the ride any longer. Therein lies the difficulty! The nar-Anon meeting that I went to this past Thursday was excellent and I plan on continuing. Being patient was never my strong suit and after two years of dealing with her addiction and bizarre behavior, I would like it to be all over tomorrow. Of course I realize that this is impossible and that this may and probably will continue for years and years.
Since she has admitted that she did abuse her medication and that this is the first time she is getting off of it, my anticipation/anxiety/fear comes from the fact that I do not know who I she will be when she returns from detox. With the various things she has said to me over the past couple of weeks I don't even know IF she is returning home.
I know that no one has any answers, and I also know that it is within my power, and the only thing that is within my power, is to stay or go.
So I write to share my thoughts and to look for support, which I truly appreciate and thank you again for what you have written. Perhaps writing my thoughts helps me to clarify what I am feeling and reduces the turmoil within me.
Thank you again,
Michael
Hi Mikalle, That's certainly great news! I'm happy for you and hope this is a new beginning for both of you. I think you have a good outlook yourself too. You know everything that's going on and has been going on is out of your control and you can only control what you do. Good job! You've come a long way in a short time and I wish you well and happy times ahead. God bless and take care. Mary
Michael.... rant, rave, cry, scream.... do whatever you feel you must to soothe the pain of loving an addict. We all have felt that jumble of emotions you described.
When your wife "graduates" from this detox program, is she going to a sober living or halfway house? Or....is she supposed to come straight home? We've experienced both ways with our daughter. When she went straight from detox to home.... even tho she was to go Intensive Out Patient care (IOP) and we tried to play sobriety police, she was only home about 36 hours before she called her dealers & got high. My daughter's remission period lasted longer when she went from the cocoon of detox, to a lower level of residential care & supervision, namely a sober living house.
I know that they tell addicts to wait until they have been in remission for at least one year before starting a relationship. I think it is so that the addict can focus on themselves ... selfishly for that year ....and then after that year they are ready to include someone else in their lives. Perhaps the same holds true with you guys. That is, you are each to take some time now to work on yourselves .... and then later... start counseling together and work on "us."
Hang in there....
Lynn
Xoxo
When your wife "graduates" from this detox program, is she going to a sober living or halfway house? Or....is she supposed to come straight home? We've experienced both ways with our daughter. When she went straight from detox to home.... even tho she was to go Intensive Out Patient care (IOP) and we tried to play sobriety police, she was only home about 36 hours before she called her dealers & got high. My daughter's remission period lasted longer when she went from the cocoon of detox, to a lower level of residential care & supervision, namely a sober living house.
I know that they tell addicts to wait until they have been in remission for at least one year before starting a relationship. I think it is so that the addict can focus on themselves ... selfishly for that year ....and then after that year they are ready to include someone else in their lives. Perhaps the same holds true with you guys. That is, you are each to take some time now to work on yourselves .... and then later... start counseling together and work on "us."
Hang in there....
Lynn
Xoxo
Lynn's post is most excellent! She is the ultimate voice of reason and I love her to pieces! (Smooch to Lynn) Her advice about the roller coaster is right on and such a great description of this battle we face.
I do not want to rain on anyone's happiness, but as an addict in longer term recovery I see a red flag that I want to address.
The fact that your wife is reaching out via Facebook for people to call her is one flag. The other one is her "helping" this 19 year old heroin addict!
At this point in her recovery, which is just starting, the focus should be on her own recovery! At this early stage, she has nothing to offer another addict...she needs to get well first! We can not share with another the recovery we do not yet posses. I am not trying to diminish what she has accomplished, but being in a rehab facility (I have been in several) is a safe little cocoon. The decisions about when you wake up, when you eat, when you go to group and when you have your free time is decided for you. I know when I was in rehab "lock down" the only things available for distraction were getting involved in other people's business.
Recovery is a huge learning process amd different types of recovery (abstinence based 12 step, religious rehabs, medication-assisted recovery) have different philosophies but the one thing they all agree on is building a strong personal recovery. It is impossible to share recovery we do not have, Also, this girl she is helping should not need her help! She is in the same facility and has access to the same groups, counselors, doctors etc your wife has.
While I do not think you should point this out to her, I would just be aware that it is a great method of not focusing on one's own recovery and also demonstrates her co-dependent issues.
I agree that you should celebrate the small victories, but the trick is to seperate yourself from her addiction. Her using or not using is her choice and your recovery is yours.
Recovery puts a huge strain on a marriage (as does active addiction) and a huge portion do not make it. For most people who become addicted, the behaviors of addiction appear before the actual abuse of substances, so chances are the "real her" has never met your aquaintance yet!
I am so glad you are going to meetings and facilitating your own recovery! No
matter what happens, you will emerge stronger and healthier...and that is a wonderful thing!!!
I hope everything works out. We do recover, It is possible.
I do not want to rain on anyone's happiness, but as an addict in longer term recovery I see a red flag that I want to address.
The fact that your wife is reaching out via Facebook for people to call her is one flag. The other one is her "helping" this 19 year old heroin addict!
At this point in her recovery, which is just starting, the focus should be on her own recovery! At this early stage, she has nothing to offer another addict...she needs to get well first! We can not share with another the recovery we do not yet posses. I am not trying to diminish what she has accomplished, but being in a rehab facility (I have been in several) is a safe little cocoon. The decisions about when you wake up, when you eat, when you go to group and when you have your free time is decided for you. I know when I was in rehab "lock down" the only things available for distraction were getting involved in other people's business.
Recovery is a huge learning process amd different types of recovery (abstinence based 12 step, religious rehabs, medication-assisted recovery) have different philosophies but the one thing they all agree on is building a strong personal recovery. It is impossible to share recovery we do not have, Also, this girl she is helping should not need her help! She is in the same facility and has access to the same groups, counselors, doctors etc your wife has.
While I do not think you should point this out to her, I would just be aware that it is a great method of not focusing on one's own recovery and also demonstrates her co-dependent issues.
I agree that you should celebrate the small victories, but the trick is to seperate yourself from her addiction. Her using or not using is her choice and your recovery is yours.
Recovery puts a huge strain on a marriage (as does active addiction) and a huge portion do not make it. For most people who become addicted, the behaviors of addiction appear before the actual abuse of substances, so chances are the "real her" has never met your aquaintance yet!
I am so glad you are going to meetings and facilitating your own recovery! No
matter what happens, you will emerge stronger and healthier...and that is a wonderful thing!!!
I hope everything works out. We do recover, It is possible.
Lolleedee, hurtingmom Lynn, Mandm Mary,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your responses! Your encouragement and information has been a huge help to me. You're addressing the specifics of my situation is help me to see it for what it is and realize that I am not going crazy or that it is completely and totally my fault!
The rehab facility has given me zero information, which I will be addressing in another post.
I completely agree that being in the warm cocoon of a detox/rehab facility gives the impression that your addiction has been resolved and that staying clean is a piece of cake.
Our latest conversation, which was this past Monday And monitored by her counselor, lasted all of 10 minutes. Three weeks ago she talked about going into a sober living facility. two weeks ago she talked about getting a divorce. this past Monday she has decided to go live with her cousin in upstate New York, 45 minutes from Albany. Mind you, this is with her counselor's approval. It's like every time I speak to her I am speaking to a different person. Running off to her cousins, in my opinion, is just another way of her running away and avoiding me and her responsibilities.
Lynn - in your post you talked about getting off the roller coaster of her addiction and I understand what you mean. My problem is that we are living in western Colorado, 2000 miles from friends and family. Yes, I can find things to do and ways to keep myself busy. I married my wife because I want to share my life with someone, the joys as well as the ups and Downs of everyday life. I'm tired of coming home to an empty house, I'm tired of eating my meals by myself, I'm tired of going to bed by myself, basically I'm tired of living by myself. Last year she disappeared for two months, went to live with her alcoholic cousin in Arizona. So that was two months of anxiety and stress. When she returned, she was here but she wasn't here, if you know what I mean. Now after 45 days of being in a detox/rehab facility she wants to go live with her cousin for an indeterminate amount of time. Living with her cousin is in some ways will be like living in rehab. Her meals will be cooked for her, she will have no bills to pay, only her broom to clean, and pretty much no responsibilities at all. As much as I love her, this isolation and feeling of abandonment is doing me great harm.
I've been told by the facilitator at the nar anon meeting that my wife sees me as her net. She knows that whatever she does, I will be there to catch her when she falls down. Obviously not a healthy thing for her or I.
You said that she may not know what she wants right now, and that helps me to understand her reactions to my questions. I asked her how she felt about us, relationship wise, and she told me she honestly did not know. I asked her how long she wanted to stay in her cousins and again she said she did not know. I agree the drugs may have scrambled her heart as much as her brain, perhaps they have changed her personality permanently as well.
Lolleedee -your red flag warning was most insightful.
Contacting people via Facebook and asking them to call her, the woman she reached out to is a long-term alcoholic, is definitely a bad sign. She is not very close to this person at all, we stopped being friends with her when three years ago she endangered us by being drunk and driving. My wife has not called any of her female friends who would challenge her on her recovery and her behavior.
Regarding the female 19-year-old heroin addict, my wife told me that, along with helping her, my wife told her that as long as she stayed clean and sober, she would always have a home to live in, meaning ours. Needless to say, she did not ask me if it was okay to make that offer, and actually use the term her home.
You are spot on when you talk about not focusing on one's own recovery. My conversations with my wife, are focused on all the things I have done wrong in the marriage, and how I have hurt her feelings and betrayed her trust. She has never, and I mean never, brought up any of the things she has done or the ways she has treated me, and has never apologized in any way, shape or form. She has fixated on a letter I wrote to her two years ago, in which in my desperation I made a promise or two that I couldn't possibly keep. In every conversation about our marriage/relationship she brings up these promises and states that since I have broken them how can I ever trust you. Talk about turning things on their head!
Your comment the behaviors of addiction appear before the actual abuses of substances. Truly resonated with me and had me thinking about behaviors of hers in the past. With her first husband, they abused alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine. She stopped when they had children-a new focus/addiction?-And he did not. When we got together she was very sexual-a new focus/addiction? Then she decided to pursue her art, painting and jewelry making to the exclusion of everything else. A new focus/addiction? I know that I am not a psychiatrist/psychotherapist and so my observations about her behaviors could be totally off the mark. It is something worth considering.
According to her, when she arrived at the detox/rehab center she was diagnosed with PTSD. She received various forms of therapy for this problem but I cannot believe that in two or three weeks that the issues resulting in PTSD can be resolved.
I have been working on my own recovery, if you will. I have made plans to travel back east, leaving on July 13. I will be spending the rest of July as well as the month of August visiting friends and family. At the end of that time I am going to have to make a decision. whether to continue in this dysfunctional relationship or to end it and move on with my life. I would truly love to stay married with my wife and assist her in any and every way I can to aid in her recovery. The fact that she refuses to acknowledge her addiction and blames all of our marital issues on me, make this highly unlikely.
As you have said in your wonderful and informative posts, I should celebrate each day to my wife is in remission. Unfortunately, she has decided to share those days with her cousin so I don't even get to enjoy that.
A friend of mine tells me I have no stability or peace of mind in my life. I am currently taking antidepressants and take a anti-anxiety medication when necessary. Frankly, I don't know anyone can do this for years and survive but apparently people do. So now I have to decide how much more of my life do I want to sacrifice for my wife who frankly doesn't seem to care.
Love to all,
Michael
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your responses! Your encouragement and information has been a huge help to me. You're addressing the specifics of my situation is help me to see it for what it is and realize that I am not going crazy or that it is completely and totally my fault!
The rehab facility has given me zero information, which I will be addressing in another post.
I completely agree that being in the warm cocoon of a detox/rehab facility gives the impression that your addiction has been resolved and that staying clean is a piece of cake.
Our latest conversation, which was this past Monday And monitored by her counselor, lasted all of 10 minutes. Three weeks ago she talked about going into a sober living facility. two weeks ago she talked about getting a divorce. this past Monday she has decided to go live with her cousin in upstate New York, 45 minutes from Albany. Mind you, this is with her counselor's approval. It's like every time I speak to her I am speaking to a different person. Running off to her cousins, in my opinion, is just another way of her running away and avoiding me and her responsibilities.
Lynn - in your post you talked about getting off the roller coaster of her addiction and I understand what you mean. My problem is that we are living in western Colorado, 2000 miles from friends and family. Yes, I can find things to do and ways to keep myself busy. I married my wife because I want to share my life with someone, the joys as well as the ups and Downs of everyday life. I'm tired of coming home to an empty house, I'm tired of eating my meals by myself, I'm tired of going to bed by myself, basically I'm tired of living by myself. Last year she disappeared for two months, went to live with her alcoholic cousin in Arizona. So that was two months of anxiety and stress. When she returned, she was here but she wasn't here, if you know what I mean. Now after 45 days of being in a detox/rehab facility she wants to go live with her cousin for an indeterminate amount of time. Living with her cousin is in some ways will be like living in rehab. Her meals will be cooked for her, she will have no bills to pay, only her broom to clean, and pretty much no responsibilities at all. As much as I love her, this isolation and feeling of abandonment is doing me great harm.
I've been told by the facilitator at the nar anon meeting that my wife sees me as her net. She knows that whatever she does, I will be there to catch her when she falls down. Obviously not a healthy thing for her or I.
You said that she may not know what she wants right now, and that helps me to understand her reactions to my questions. I asked her how she felt about us, relationship wise, and she told me she honestly did not know. I asked her how long she wanted to stay in her cousins and again she said she did not know. I agree the drugs may have scrambled her heart as much as her brain, perhaps they have changed her personality permanently as well.
Lolleedee -your red flag warning was most insightful.
Contacting people via Facebook and asking them to call her, the woman she reached out to is a long-term alcoholic, is definitely a bad sign. She is not very close to this person at all, we stopped being friends with her when three years ago she endangered us by being drunk and driving. My wife has not called any of her female friends who would challenge her on her recovery and her behavior.
Regarding the female 19-year-old heroin addict, my wife told me that, along with helping her, my wife told her that as long as she stayed clean and sober, she would always have a home to live in, meaning ours. Needless to say, she did not ask me if it was okay to make that offer, and actually use the term her home.
You are spot on when you talk about not focusing on one's own recovery. My conversations with my wife, are focused on all the things I have done wrong in the marriage, and how I have hurt her feelings and betrayed her trust. She has never, and I mean never, brought up any of the things she has done or the ways she has treated me, and has never apologized in any way, shape or form. She has fixated on a letter I wrote to her two years ago, in which in my desperation I made a promise or two that I couldn't possibly keep. In every conversation about our marriage/relationship she brings up these promises and states that since I have broken them how can I ever trust you. Talk about turning things on their head!
Your comment the behaviors of addiction appear before the actual abuses of substances. Truly resonated with me and had me thinking about behaviors of hers in the past. With her first husband, they abused alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine. She stopped when they had children-a new focus/addiction?-And he did not. When we got together she was very sexual-a new focus/addiction? Then she decided to pursue her art, painting and jewelry making to the exclusion of everything else. A new focus/addiction? I know that I am not a psychiatrist/psychotherapist and so my observations about her behaviors could be totally off the mark. It is something worth considering.
According to her, when she arrived at the detox/rehab center she was diagnosed with PTSD. She received various forms of therapy for this problem but I cannot believe that in two or three weeks that the issues resulting in PTSD can be resolved.
I have been working on my own recovery, if you will. I have made plans to travel back east, leaving on July 13. I will be spending the rest of July as well as the month of August visiting friends and family. At the end of that time I am going to have to make a decision. whether to continue in this dysfunctional relationship or to end it and move on with my life. I would truly love to stay married with my wife and assist her in any and every way I can to aid in her recovery. The fact that she refuses to acknowledge her addiction and blames all of our marital issues on me, make this highly unlikely.
As you have said in your wonderful and informative posts, I should celebrate each day to my wife is in remission. Unfortunately, she has decided to share those days with her cousin so I don't even get to enjoy that.
A friend of mine tells me I have no stability or peace of mind in my life. I am currently taking antidepressants and take a anti-anxiety medication when necessary. Frankly, I don't know anyone can do this for years and survive but apparently people do. So now I have to decide how much more of my life do I want to sacrifice for my wife who frankly doesn't seem to care.
Love to all,
Michael
Hi Michael, you are processing a lot. thanks for sharing and venting. we go thru that too with our kids. thinking one way one week, and another way the next week. going over the past wondering what went wrong, playing out the future hoping something will click and get better. This board helps to put our thoughts into words. and we gets some responses - more to mull over - helpful enough to keep us going.....
The symptoms of PTSD are similar to the symptoms of addiction - anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc. easy to slap a label on it. i'm not saying it isnt true for some people. our addicts experience difficult situations, being homeless, hungry, no meds, ect. it is stressful for them. probably bc of this we (enablers) are compassionate and try to help in a logical way, that doesnt help bc they dont want our help.... sigh...
The symptoms of PTSD are similar to the symptoms of addiction - anxiety, insomnia, depression, etc. easy to slap a label on it. i'm not saying it isnt true for some people. our addicts experience difficult situations, being homeless, hungry, no meds, ect. it is stressful for them. probably bc of this we (enablers) are compassionate and try to help in a logical way, that doesnt help bc they dont want our help.... sigh...
Michael, you sure have a heavy load right now. I read this quote, and it really resonated with me: you should not have to start yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. I repeat it often, when my son makes requests that do not involve him having any "skin in the game". Stay close to your friends and keep following your instincts. Libby
NytoFlorida,
I understand exactly what you mean when you say thinking one way one week and another way to next week and going over the past trying to figure out what happened.
This form has been a huge help to me, getting answers to questions that I don't have anyone else to ask.
You're so right about enabling!
I will be responding further on my other post detox/rehab center sharing zero information. Please check it out
Hang in there,
Michael
I understand exactly what you mean when you say thinking one way one week and another way to next week and going over the past trying to figure out what happened.
This form has been a huge help to me, getting answers to questions that I don't have anyone else to ask.
You're so right about enabling!
I will be responding further on my other post detox/rehab center sharing zero information. Please check it out
Hang in there,
Michael
Libby,
That is an outstanding quote and I will use it in the future, hope there is no copyright infringement issues , smile! Your point about having skin in the game is spot on as well.
I will be responding further on my other post detox/rehab center sharing zero information. Please check it out
Hang in there,
Michael
That is an outstanding quote and I will use it in the future, hope there is no copyright infringement issues , smile! Your point about having skin in the game is spot on as well.
I will be responding further on my other post detox/rehab center sharing zero information. Please check it out
Hang in there,
Michael
