So today we discussed "Living Amends," or the WILLINGNESS to make things right with people we had hurt.
Sometimes it's just not possible to make things right by saying so. For me, at least, I'd said I was sorry enough to those close to me that it fell/falls on deaf ears now. For my serenity to be complete, and for me to quiet the guilt in my head, I've got to live like I'm willing to do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety--including living one day at a time, making a conscious effort to "do the next RIGHT thing," and to live with the guidance of a Higher Power constantly in the forefront of my mind. I think this means "Turning my life and my will over to my HP as I understand Him/Her/It.
Things sure seem to run a good deal more smoothly when I do! Lord knows I F*&(ed it all up when I was in 'charge!'
Funny you should be talking amends, skg, my husband and I were discussing the various forms they take (or not) just the other day. My daughter has made some amends, like paying us for bailing her out, lawyers, etc; and when she was at wilderness (brat camp as some call it), she was required to write us a letter of responsibility (which is admitting to ourselves and another person). Occasionally we even get glimpses of gratitude =) which feels like amends to us. Anyway, my guy was saying how we know so many people who have been in one or another of the fellowships for years, and yet not one has made an amend to him (it wouldn't harm anyone, I know the rules) for stealing from him while doped, for stealing from him to buy more dope, for not paying back loaned money, for running out on his job, or any one of a dozen other scenarios. Maybe they are stuck at the previous step =) or maybe they just go to meetings, but aren't working the steps as you clearly are. Anyway, we don't hold our breath waiting for them to fall to their knees and beg our forgiveness or anything, and we're still quite friendly with most of them - just been thinking about it lately.
You sound so good - I am so happy for you and your family. I was reading your Ghosts post the other day and saw your bottle-throwing remorse - why not pick them up and throw them away (even if they aren't yours) - how symbolic would that be?! And 'green', too.
Wishing you continued happiness in your sobriety. If you ever want to strap on your sticks for a run through the glades at Jay, just let me know.
Peace out~MomNMore
You sound so good - I am so happy for you and your family. I was reading your Ghosts post the other day and saw your bottle-throwing remorse - why not pick them up and throw them away (even if they aren't yours) - how symbolic would that be?! And 'green', too.
Wishing you continued happiness in your sobriety. If you ever want to strap on your sticks for a run through the glades at Jay, just let me know.
Peace out~MomNMore
Gidday Skg and MomNMore
The amends that i said to those close to me were only believed once trust came back into the picture and after about 18 months of sobriety i came home oneday to a little party for me and i was presented with my passport which up until then had been locked in a bank safety deposit box, because when drinking i left the pub in Hokitika (New Zealand) on a sunday night and by Wednesday i was in London on the booze and it took me 3 months to get home, so anyway once the trust was back in some areas so was the belief in my amends.
There are people i will never make amends to until they remind me of what i have done because so much sh#t happened in blackout and as i posted earlier this has been cause for some dilemas, more for my wife than me.
The best amends i can make is to not keep reapeating any negativety and also to keep paying it forward to god for all that has been done for me when i was drinking and out of control and also for all the things i now need his guidance for in recovery.
Also the view i had of things when i was drinking can be totally different to others and it is not untill we talk that i may realise an amends is necessary
Light and love Zac
The amends that i said to those close to me were only believed once trust came back into the picture and after about 18 months of sobriety i came home oneday to a little party for me and i was presented with my passport which up until then had been locked in a bank safety deposit box, because when drinking i left the pub in Hokitika (New Zealand) on a sunday night and by Wednesday i was in London on the booze and it took me 3 months to get home, so anyway once the trust was back in some areas so was the belief in my amends.
There are people i will never make amends to until they remind me of what i have done because so much sh#t happened in blackout and as i posted earlier this has been cause for some dilemas, more for my wife than me.
The best amends i can make is to not keep reapeating any negativety and also to keep paying it forward to god for all that has been done for me when i was drinking and out of control and also for all the things i now need his guidance for in recovery.
Also the view i had of things when i was drinking can be totally different to others and it is not untill we talk that i may realise an amends is necessary
Light and love Zac
Oh my gosh SKG, I no sooner post to Flojo about making a living amends to my daughters and lo and behold I came across this thread...coincidence I think not...my Sponsor says there are no coincidences in sobriety!
Gidday
I go to a meeting tonight and only two of us there but if there had of been 20 the other persons sharing was what i needed to hear, anyway todays reading in the
Daily Reflections book for August 9th and you guessed it
"....OF ALL THE PERSONS WE HAD HARMED"
.....and became willing to make amends to them all.
twelve steps and twelve traditions, p.77
One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons i have harmed. I can see immediately that this step entails forgiveness because if I'm not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: "I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances."
It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In this case, as means, "in the same manner." I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that i forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harbouring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness.
Pg 230 Daily Reflections for August 9th
Bloody hell i need a nap after typing all that via the two finger typing express, funny how we are oceans apart and the days have themed around amends for us wherever we are, maybe it should be a world wide theme.....
Light and love zac
I go to a meeting tonight and only two of us there but if there had of been 20 the other persons sharing was what i needed to hear, anyway todays reading in the
Daily Reflections book for August 9th and you guessed it
"....OF ALL THE PERSONS WE HAD HARMED"
.....and became willing to make amends to them all.
twelve steps and twelve traditions, p.77
One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons i have harmed. I can see immediately that this step entails forgiveness because if I'm not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: "I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances."
It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In this case, as means, "in the same manner." I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that i forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harbouring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness.
Pg 230 Daily Reflections for August 9th
Bloody hell i need a nap after typing all that via the two finger typing express, funny how we are oceans apart and the days have themed around amends for us wherever we are, maybe it should be a world wide theme.....
Light and love zac
Too funny Zac....about the typing, it's exhausting isn't it....lol!
