I guess I spoke too soon yesterday and really believed him this time. However with tears in my eyes right now I can no longer be part of this relationship or whatever it is. He swore up and down that he was going to admit himself this morning and he has had it with that type of life. He doesn't want it anymore, etc. I woke up this morning at 1:00 a.m. to find that he left again. Probably had to get a fix. He took nothing but himself and his cell phone. I guess it's time to give up on him. His father even told me yesterday that he really didn't have hope that he would do this. He's been through this too many times with him. I should have believed him. The other thing was last night before I did go to bed I put my (his) robe on and in the pocket was an empty beer can with a hole in and ashes around it. He said it was from before, but now I believe he did this yesterday and just hid the beer can and didn't think I would find it. How many times and how many lies do I have to endure before I realize that he really doesn't want to stop and get help. I feel very bad for him but I need to start feeling bad for me now. I think I've tried everything to help him but now is the time to help myself. I'm at work right now and feeling very low because of all of this. I need to get motivated again and stop thinking about him and what he is doing. He is doing what he enjoys and that's the only thing that he loves right now. Nothing else matters and it's about time I realize this. I can't fall for his tears and begging anymore, it's over, over, over. Thanks for listening again
You are right, you need to let go. If he doesn't want help, you won't be able to force him. It is a really hard situation, I know. But you need to come first. Just like their drug comes first. If you honestly think about it what would they choose? It hurts I know but think about it seriously. I have given my bf the choice many times, he says its me, but he still gets high, and just lies about it. So who's the winner? Relax today at work, there is nothing you can do about it.
I am so sorry it is all so hard! Its so unfair for us because we never even dreamed of any this right?
I said it here before because I know how hard it is to take that definitive stand - but really if you think about it he left you a long time ago when he decided to go and get that first hit - thats really when they decide it s drugs over us. We can and should try and fight it - but we also know we can only do so much.
You have to be strong though, and one of the good things that will come out of this is that you will realize you are so much stronger than you ever imagined you could be, and it wont be as hard as you thought it was going to be....I think there are few things harder than living with the addict, waiting for the addict, hoping for the addict....all the stuff that comes with dealing with an addict.
Just take a deep breath - if you could manage a few days off work just to pull yourself together for your sake and for your job that would be so good for you - but you will be o.k you really will - the worst of it is past, I think.
Take care
I said it here before because I know how hard it is to take that definitive stand - but really if you think about it he left you a long time ago when he decided to go and get that first hit - thats really when they decide it s drugs over us. We can and should try and fight it - but we also know we can only do so much.
You have to be strong though, and one of the good things that will come out of this is that you will realize you are so much stronger than you ever imagined you could be, and it wont be as hard as you thought it was going to be....I think there are few things harder than living with the addict, waiting for the addict, hoping for the addict....all the stuff that comes with dealing with an addict.
Just take a deep breath - if you could manage a few days off work just to pull yourself together for your sake and for your job that would be so good for you - but you will be o.k you really will - the worst of it is past, I think.
Take care
I hate to hear you are having a bad day. I have been there many times. Finally, you just get to a point where you have to give up or go insane. I think you are there - you have hit your bottom. Now, tell yourself over and over if necessary, that you are powerless over him and his addiction and that your life has become unmanageable. Next, let go and let God have his problem. You will not believe how much better you will feel after you have done this. It may take a little while for you to really be able to, but just keep trying. You sound like a strong person and I know you will be ok. Just know, like Poohbear said, there is absolutely nothing you can do about helping him with his problem. He has to help himself when he is ready and only when he is ready. It is hard to watch someone wreck their life, but there is nothing you or anyone else can do at this time. When he reaches his bottom, he will do something about it then and not before. Good luck to you! I am praying for you.
good advice, cajungirl.
