astevens1@cogeco.ca
Spent the last hour reading messages & they are inspirational. I am sitting at home alone struggling on my 4th day of self detox. My husband has left me, not sure yet if it is permanent or if he vacated to give me some "space". He has personal experience with alcoholism in his family so he seems to have a better understanding of this problem & perhaps therefore he knows I have to do this alone. I am feeling abandoned.
How long do the withdrawal symptoms last? I feel worse today than I did yesterday....trying to keep busy.
ally, I need to run, but here is a post that might help you for this day:
Good Evening, I have been asked to share my experience, strength and hope by a couple of members of this forum. So here goes:
What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...
What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my sh** together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (popping in and out of the program - mostly out) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I just celebrated my twentieth year with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 18 and 14) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad (who is two years clean and sober, and remarried). That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a f' in alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, began to work the 12 steps with her (I am currently on Step 8), have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray daily and try to meditate a few times a week), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...
What's It's Like Now: I am a 45 year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in a very prominent Corporation, my 14 year daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a wonderful sober and clean guy...I just celebrated ONE YEAR clean and sober on 22 November 2004 - unbelievable, I am a f***ing m miracle - if I can do it - after twnety-eight years of continuous drinking and using - you can too! Please know that I pray for all the addicts and alcoholics on a daily basis and I am planning to include all you special people who participate in this tremendous forum in my daily prayer. Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...I wish each and everyone of you the peace and serenity I have found. Thank you for allowing me to perform a 12 step call on each of you who read this...Gratefully, VW Girl
Good Evening, I have been asked to share my experience, strength and hope by a couple of members of this forum. So here goes:
What it was like: I grew up in California the oldest of two girls. My Mother, although neurotic was not alcoholic or addict, however, my Father was and is now what I consider a dry drunk. I never felt "normal" or "part of" for as far back as I remember, but when I was sixteen years old and tried coke for the first time I knew all my problems had been solved...little did I know that was not going to be the case. I "partied" by drinking myself into blackouts and using coke to be able to drink more. I never used either substance recreationally, I only used them to "numb out", to bury my feelings. At times both chemicals would work for me, however most times they would not...I inevitably would end up physically ill, then my emotional state became jeopardized as well...
What happened: Graduated from High School, dated all of the wrong men, landed a job at a local Corporation, married the wrong man, bought a couple of houses, cars, etc - most of the material things I had always wanted for status...had two daughters - all this done while using and drinking. However, during every milestone of my life: getting engaged, getting married, becoming pregnant, buying a house, landing that job, etc I thought I should get my sh** together - my sister introduced me to the 12 Step program when I was 23 and in my heart of hearts I knew I was an alcoholic, couldn't admit I was an addict, oh, no, not me - addict how disgusting I thought! Well, I tried to get clean and sober for about twenty years (popping in and out of the program - mostly out) and tried various other programs and religious organizations to try to get "well". Nothing worked...I honestly thought I would die a hopeless, desperate drunk/addict woman. Well, in May of 2002 I left that man I was with for twenty years because of his using and drinking and inability to stay employed - he had a problem not me (smile). Took the kids with me and boy, did that speed up my addiction. I started to sneak drugs and alcohol into my place of employment to get through the day and needed a tumbler full of vodka and a couple of lines just to jump start my day (something I swore I would never do, use and drink in the morning - oh, it was okay as long as I did it when I came home from work, but yuck in the morning - well, that's where my addiction took me to...) So, one morning I walked off my job (thankfully, they have kept me employed and I just celebrated my twentieth year with that Corporation). Once again I broke a promise to my daughters (who are 18 and 14) and they walked out on me...to go live with their Dad (who is two years clean and sober, and remarried). That was my wake up call, when my oldest daughter screamed at me "You are nothing but a f' in alcoholic and we are not coming back" - she took her little sister by the hand and left. I called my sister who I had just reconciled with and told her I needed help, I had all the material possessions I needed in the world, however, all I wanted was sobriety. I went to my sisters and started to detox, I called Central Office and immediately went to an AA meeting...what I am doing differently than what I did during the previous twenty years I tried to get clean and sober before is this: attend 12 step meetings on a daily basis, have a Sponsor, follow her direction, began to work the 12 steps with her (I am currently on Step 8), have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean, I surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power each and every day (I pray daily and try to meditate a few times a week), I'm of service to other alcoholics and addicts and I take commitments (I currently have three) at the meetings I attend. Nothing today, and I say today - because I only have today, is more important than my sobriety, not my kids, not my job, not my place where I live, nothing, because without my sobriety I have nothing. I totally embrace the 12 Step Program's way to achieve sobriety and recovery...I never want to forget where I came from...I am a liar, cheat and thief and addict/alcoholic through and through...
What's It's Like Now: I am a 45 year professional woman, I live by the beach in California, am gainfully still employed in a very prominent Corporation, my 14 year daughter lives with me full time again, I have my Higher Power walking with me day in and day out, I am never alone - and know I never have to do this thing alone...I am dating a wonderful sober and clean guy...I just celebrated ONE YEAR clean and sober on 22 November 2004 - unbelievable, I am a f***ing m miracle - if I can do it - after twnety-eight years of continuous drinking and using - you can too! Please know that I pray for all the addicts and alcoholics on a daily basis and I am planning to include all you special people who participate in this tremendous forum in my daily prayer. Keep the faith - remember "First things First; One Day at a Time; This too Shall Pass; Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes...all those corny cliches, hey but they work for me and countless others...I wish each and everyone of you the peace and serenity I have found. Thank you for allowing me to perform a 12 step call on each of you who read this...Gratefully, VW Girl
