I needed a place to come tonight because the sadness in my heart is overwhelming and I don't have anywhere else I can talk about it right now, so please forgive me for bending your ear.
I left my addict boyfriend about a month ago and I'm having a hard time remembering that I made the right choice for myself. I come to this site and see all of you who work so hard to support the addicts in your life and I feel like I failed to be a good person and a loving person because I left him. Because we work in the same office I see that he comes in every day and does his job and talks to other people, and I wonder why he can't come and talk to me, ask me what went wrong, and try to fix it. I thought that we were so in love, and now I'm scared it wasn't real and that I'm blaming his addiction for the fact that maybe he just didn't like me that much after all, or didn't want to be with me after seeing what it was like.
I want to ask him about it but I don't know if he'd tell me the truth. It probably wouldn't matter anyway, but in this moment even a lie would make me feel better.
Thanks and sorry, I know so many of you are actively dealing with loved ones with issues, and my experience is pretty insignificant compared to the months, years and even decades you've been trying to live with and love the addicts in your lives. Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping me understand what his struggles are and what mine are too.
-Carla
Hi, What he is doing to you is sad. He obviously wants to hurt you so don't let him see it does. Please ignore him! Don't let him get to you. Don't think for a minute he has it altogether because he doesn't. He plays like he has but how could he...think about it! Let him play at being Mr Wonderful but you are lucky enough to know he isn't. He might be able to fool the people you work with but you know who he really is and aren't you lucky!! I know it's probably heart breaking for you but you've had a narrow escape. How would things be for you later on down the road if you had kids to this guy? So my advice to you is...play his game and act like you couldn't care less until it's no longer an act and you actually get to feeling like that. If you tell yourself something often enough I think eventually you'll start to believe it. Good luck Carla! Close the book on this guy and move on. Mary.
Thanks very much Mary!
Hi Carla, How you feeling today? Thinking about you and wishing you well. Stay strong! Time heals all. It might not seem like it does but it does. You should go out and enjoy yourself with friends. Make yourself start enjoying life again!! ((Hugs)) Mary.
Hi Mary - thanks for checking on me. Hearing about Prince and his Percocet problem made me scared of this happening to my ex. Couldn't really think of much else. Feeling pretty bad, told one of my guy friends what happened and my friend said he probably had another girl on the side but just didn't know how to tell me. Either way you are right, I need to focus on other people and things. Hoping to get out this weekend and try to take my mind off it for a little while. At least I won't have to see him again till Monday.
Appreciate your kindness and hoping you have a good weekend...
-Carla
Appreciate your kindness and hoping you have a good weekend...
-Carla
