Hello all, as you know I have posted looking for some help on my paper...but i have found sooo much more. Just going through & reading all of your posts you have showed me something I once didn't believe in. You've all showed me that people do really care even if they don't know you. This is a lesson I had to learn on my own when I began freshman year & up until just before I started senior year. I had a terrible depression problem & the fact that no one would ask if I was ok just seemed to make things worse. I would open up to a few people, but the people i really thought cared about me (like my parents & some of my closest friends) acted like they thought I was fine. I dunno, maybe I was just good at covering it up, but it felt like anyone that ever had any really influence on my life cared for me about as much as they would if a blade of grass was stepped on. So, i started experimenting with stuff to try & see what made some of my friends enjoy doing pills & Marajuana, & alcohol soo much. It was fine while I was around people, but otherwise I wouldn't do it for fear of gettin caught by my mom (divorced family). I still ended up being really deppressed & really started thinking about death. While growing up, 3 of my 4 grandparents passed away, so death seemed like a natural process. There was no questioning of whether there was a God or heaven, just that if you knew you'd been good, you'd make it to heaven & get to see God. The only thing that really kept me from commiting suicide was the little string of hope I held onto that someone did care. Then my bf broke up w/ me. I almost lost it. I was ready to kill myself & then i got a call from a friend. I asked her if she'd miss me if I didn't come back to school after Christmas break. Thank God she said yes. We spent 3 hours talking on the phone & finally someone cared! I was so happy. But by about February that feeling went away & i got super depressed again. I finally talked to my Youth Minister about how I was feeling & he got my mom to get me help. The guy I went to helped me sort out everything & I found out that I really had no belief that anyone truely cared about anything. Pretty soon I realized (with some help) that it couldn't be that way. Through all that I helped one friend survive her drinking problem. I was so happy & convinced that my purpose was to help everyone I knew feel needed & cared for. Sorry about rambling on I just noticed that through this site I see more proof that tons of people care & hope that all of you realize what a great impact you have on others lives!
E-June
Dear E-June, thanks for the honesty in your post. Just goes to show we all have our own demons to struggle with. Service to others as a key to happiness -- you've learned a great lesson at such a young age. Peace, M.
