Windows opening, doors opening, clouds lifting, light shining through....today I am filled with light and love and laughter. Hugging my kids helps....they are so beautiful....... but this board and all the wonderful people here.....there has been a miracle for me this week....those who loved me unconditionally kept me afloat while internally I raged and fumed at others who I convinced myself weren't listening or didn't care or were all sorts of things.....all of it helped, ALL of it was necessary.
Without the acceptance and unconditional love of some people here the 5 year old in me would have fled in dismay and anger.....but they gave me enough support and acceptance to help the 50 year old me who wanted to stay find the strength to stay in charge of Me and and in touch with YOU....
Without the challenge and detachment and resistance to my thinking of others here I wouldn't have had what I needed to have to shove against and fume over and think about and resent.....the alternative perspective from outside my lovely, limited conscious mind......
and without a gentle, loving combination of the two in a series of posts that created a moment of clarity that gives me a CHANCE of progress.....
This everyday miracle would not have happened.....in this way......at this time....
Thank you all. Everyone.
Progress not perfection. A work in progress is all...baby steps.
Martin
DING!~
Anyone else hear that?
Anyone else hear that?
lol....don't imagine you're not going to have to do it all over again a few times....
Yeah, starting now. It's YOU that has to do it.
:)
My sponsor said something about 'clarity' that I had to churn on a LONG time. That the good feeling--the Aha was, when God's Will (presuming you've defined Him/Her/IT in a previous step) for me; my intentions, and my actions all lined up to produce the AHA! Like, "Ding! I get it! THIS is the meaning of life!" AHA!!
Those moments were few and far between for most of my life because HPs Will, My Intentions, and My Actions didn't seem to line up all too often. While I INTENDED to do good stuff, my actions spoke loudly otherwise. Or, when I did things for the wrong reasons, that feeling of AHA just wasn't there.
When I came to AA I had been beaten. I needed Help. Alcoholics Helping Alcoholics. AHA! It was the FIRST right thing I'd done for the right reason in a very very very long time.
And I got that same rush of 'getting it" that I get today--more and more--because of The Program of AA and the people in it and MY HP whom I found as a result of these steps. It's nice to "get it." I wish that for you, too, Martin. I pray to MY HP that you might get it. I'm absolutely certain that others here do, too, because you're worth it--even IF you disagree.
Congratulations. Now go work The Steps with a sponsor--either in AlAnon or AA.
:)
My sponsor said something about 'clarity' that I had to churn on a LONG time. That the good feeling--the Aha was, when God's Will (presuming you've defined Him/Her/IT in a previous step) for me; my intentions, and my actions all lined up to produce the AHA! Like, "Ding! I get it! THIS is the meaning of life!" AHA!!
Those moments were few and far between for most of my life because HPs Will, My Intentions, and My Actions didn't seem to line up all too often. While I INTENDED to do good stuff, my actions spoke loudly otherwise. Or, when I did things for the wrong reasons, that feeling of AHA just wasn't there.
When I came to AA I had been beaten. I needed Help. Alcoholics Helping Alcoholics. AHA! It was the FIRST right thing I'd done for the right reason in a very very very long time.
And I got that same rush of 'getting it" that I get today--more and more--because of The Program of AA and the people in it and MY HP whom I found as a result of these steps. It's nice to "get it." I wish that for you, too, Martin. I pray to MY HP that you might get it. I'm absolutely certain that others here do, too, because you're worth it--even IF you disagree.
Congratulations. Now go work The Steps with a sponsor--either in AlAnon or AA.
Hey there martin I am so glad for you! God bless and take care
Gidday Martin
Post us a picture of the Tattoo if you get it......and remember they can be addictive, i am talking from experience and if you do get the tatt you will know what i mean
light and love Zac
Post us a picture of the Tattoo if you get it......and remember they can be addictive, i am talking from experience and if you do get the tatt you will know what i mean
light and love Zac
hehehe...Hi zac....a tattoo...did you read that on the families board or did I write something here? Can't remember...on the families board I thought Silent Partner's one line post to someone was brilliant:
"Love doesn't hurt"....of course it's the context that matters....sometimes love hurts us because that's life....but torture is a clue... lol
I've been thingking about a tattoo for a month or so, since I started to acknowledge who I am....the parts....and as I heal I am thinking about marking who I am....for the first time wearing something on the outside of my skin that says something about the inside makes sense to me....I don't know....maybe I never knew what was inside before and that's why it never felt authentic....
Hey! I can hear someone shouting, just get the tatto or don't! lol
Skg what you sat about His Will, my intentions and actions lining up makes lots of sense to me. I've (almost) always tried to do what I thought was the right thing...I mean 99.999% of the time for 50 years, but it wasn't always authentic, coming from the deepest part of me....some of it was rules I'd inherited and so resentment festered deep down...and of course, as you say, it FELT fake, so i never even felt good about the genuinely good deed. I cheated everyone....myself of the good feelings I would have got from doing what I REALLY wanted to do, AND of the feeling of doing the right thing for the right reason, and others by storing resentment up against them they didn't deserve and didn't have a chance of understanding....what a game...not all the time of course, of course not...I'm a good guy...that's the irony isn't it....what a joke...and I can smile at it. Thank God for keeping me from greater harm and from harming others more than I did....ok, so now I get to do some work.
Hey zac, want to share about your tattoos?
I am so grateful to you guys and to everyone here. It really did take everyone.....I guess there has to be something in all that HP stuff yeah? Lol Absolutely amazing. Isn't that amazing? My God.
"Love doesn't hurt"....of course it's the context that matters....sometimes love hurts us because that's life....but torture is a clue... lol
I've been thingking about a tattoo for a month or so, since I started to acknowledge who I am....the parts....and as I heal I am thinking about marking who I am....for the first time wearing something on the outside of my skin that says something about the inside makes sense to me....I don't know....maybe I never knew what was inside before and that's why it never felt authentic....
Hey! I can hear someone shouting, just get the tatto or don't! lol
Skg what you sat about His Will, my intentions and actions lining up makes lots of sense to me. I've (almost) always tried to do what I thought was the right thing...I mean 99.999% of the time for 50 years, but it wasn't always authentic, coming from the deepest part of me....some of it was rules I'd inherited and so resentment festered deep down...and of course, as you say, it FELT fake, so i never even felt good about the genuinely good deed. I cheated everyone....myself of the good feelings I would have got from doing what I REALLY wanted to do, AND of the feeling of doing the right thing for the right reason, and others by storing resentment up against them they didn't deserve and didn't have a chance of understanding....what a game...not all the time of course, of course not...I'm a good guy...that's the irony isn't it....what a joke...and I can smile at it. Thank God for keeping me from greater harm and from harming others more than I did....ok, so now I get to do some work.
Hey zac, want to share about your tattoos?
I am so grateful to you guys and to everyone here. It really did take everyone.....I guess there has to be something in all that HP stuff yeah? Lol Absolutely amazing. Isn't that amazing? My God.
