Gidday Everyone
For me when i was actively drinking everyday was xmas day when drinking and like some pressies after the wrapping came off i was unhappy with the results.
Xmas was just a good excuse to get more drunk and cause more mayhem and pain for myself and others, i didnt see it as a celebration i seen it as enough beer to get mothered and deal with the sh@t later.
Now in recovery it is the time of year where the work doos and barbies(BBQ's) take over and the people that can have fun have fun (me included just without the booze) and then there are the ones like i was who for every xmas there are more bullets in the chamber and each drinking binge is like russian roulette with there lives, families, other people and sanity.
I go to these piss ups and my radar scans and sees the sufferers and one day i may be of assistance when they need it, i still get the odd person putting me in a headlock and trying to get me to drink and i say fine but if i do then dont fall asleep because i will have your money, your partner, your booze and not think twice and usually they are all to pissed to remember anything anyway.
Start storing the gratitude because this time of year can present temptation because of sadness, lonliness, resentment, happiness, contentment and a host of other feelings.
All i have to remember is that for me the outcome of drinking would be lawlessness and death and i never ever want that, i want to be sober and enjoy the time and have fun. Catch a few extra meetings and keep in contact with my higher power and hand over any crap really quickly also this time of year is not good for me to get in my head negatively but as long as i am working my recovery that isnt an issue
Look at others drinking and see there fun and also the pain for some and family with them but see it with your truth and honesty in regards to what alcohol or drugs do to you and have a sober xmas.
light and love Zac
For me this holiday season, I've had an awareness, and thank you Zac for your post and always your honesty, oh how I can so relate to yet another excuse to get hammered and high, Christmas...thank God and with His grace this will be my fourth holiday season sober....may I accept my limitations this holiday season and slow down and lean into the holidays....may I be free of financial insecurity and may I never forget where I came from....I pray that I can outstretch my hand to that newcomer who is just as I was, shaking, sweating, nauseous and offer hope, recovery and a solution. It is with humility and gratitude that I post here this evening...for yet another day sober. Thank you God! Thank you everyone!
This is a tumultuous time of year for addicts and non-addicts too.The holidays bring out all the family issues and unfulfilled expectations.Driving on the freeways,going to the grocery store,working etc.seem like daunting challenges during the holliday season.I find myself getting bitchy over the most inane crap.
I wish I could go live in Tahiti from Novemeber-January but alas,reality sets in and once again I'm forced to deal with life on life's terms....goddamit.LOL
What I have to do is get back to Step 1.I am powerless over people.places and things.If I don't like the way the holidays generate all these negative feelings,what can I do to change it? One thing I did to get over my cheap self this Thanksgiving was by donating some pies for this men's shelter this year.I'm not trying to impress you with my phillanthropy because I am very selfish.My sponsor got tired of me whining last November and suggested I do something to change it.
It was really cool and they invited me to share their Thanksgiving.I had made plans but this Christmas I may do that.It's a place where addicts/alcoholics go that have no where else.
I have to remember that Christmas is just another day.I have to get up and pray/meditate and ask God to keep me clean one more day.I have to ask him to remove this bondage of self I deem so highly important.I have to pray that my self-deception,which is the root of all my problems,be replaced with self honesty.....and then I have to give myself a break when I don't live up to all that.
You guys have a great Christmas.I post on the PP forum but we're all the same.
I wish I could go live in Tahiti from Novemeber-January but alas,reality sets in and once again I'm forced to deal with life on life's terms....goddamit.LOL
What I have to do is get back to Step 1.I am powerless over people.places and things.If I don't like the way the holidays generate all these negative feelings,what can I do to change it? One thing I did to get over my cheap self this Thanksgiving was by donating some pies for this men's shelter this year.I'm not trying to impress you with my phillanthropy because I am very selfish.My sponsor got tired of me whining last November and suggested I do something to change it.
It was really cool and they invited me to share their Thanksgiving.I had made plans but this Christmas I may do that.It's a place where addicts/alcoholics go that have no where else.
I have to remember that Christmas is just another day.I have to get up and pray/meditate and ask God to keep me clean one more day.I have to ask him to remove this bondage of self I deem so highly important.I have to pray that my self-deception,which is the root of all my problems,be replaced with self honesty.....and then I have to give myself a break when I don't live up to all that.
You guys have a great Christmas.I post on the PP forum but we're all the same.
For me, every holiday season was a gleeful time, but I found that I didn't like going to all the parties because I couldn't drink as much as I usually did. And was always scared that I would be caught in a check-point or something. I NEVER EVER got a DUI, but there are so many times I SHOULD have that I have to believe that MY God was protecting me from myself.
Anyhow, holidays were a bit depressing, but not because of the seasons. They were bummers because there were always people around so I couldn't get my normal amount of drinking to achieve the state I wanted. I'd drink plenty before going to a party just so I didn't look like I was drinking too much. Of course, then I would seem to get wrecked on only several drinks, so I'd get bitched at for that. Terrible time, that.
:) There were also more than a couple holiday seasons that I swore off the drink because I was in control. And you see where that's got me...
I'm so grateful to be sober today. I may actually get to go to a Christmas Eve service and remember the songs!
Anyhow, holidays were a bit depressing, but not because of the seasons. They were bummers because there were always people around so I couldn't get my normal amount of drinking to achieve the state I wanted. I'd drink plenty before going to a party just so I didn't look like I was drinking too much. Of course, then I would seem to get wrecked on only several drinks, so I'd get bitched at for that. Terrible time, that.
:) There were also more than a couple holiday seasons that I swore off the drink because I was in control. And you see where that's got me...
I'm so grateful to be sober today. I may actually get to go to a Christmas Eve service and remember the songs!
Christmas was always my downfall that is why I am determined that Santa brings me a happy healthy sober Christmas this year.
Boy, I'm really going and doing too much right now...anyhoo, it will be my 5th sober holiday season! Geesh!
(Hi Tim, welcome over here...I think you know, but I am Rachel's sister, oh, and my youngest daughter is a Surfer too!)
(Hi Tim, welcome over here...I think you know, but I am Rachel's sister, oh, and my youngest daughter is a Surfer too!)
Gidday Everyone
Self honesty is alive and well Tim and thankyou for sharing your gratitude at a time when self honesty is developing within my recovery, I am never alone in recovery because there is always someone who has been there and is is willing to share the experience...thankyou
light and love Zac
Self honesty is alive and well Tim and thankyou for sharing your gratitude at a time when self honesty is developing within my recovery, I am never alone in recovery because there is always someone who has been there and is is willing to share the experience...thankyou
light and love Zac
Wow!! VW - your fifth sober holidays!! How amazing!! Well done you.
Well Zak,
Last Friday I had this bad argument with our youngest daughter. I want you to know I had read this post & remembered much of it & some of the responses and you will be glad to know it kept me sober that Friday.
The argument was about me questioning her about how much she drinks. She's 20 and the subject of alcohol is vey sensitive as I have caused much mayhem do to being an alcoholic. She isn't an alcoholic but I can't help but worry. I tried to tell her it's my head the way I think. You know that stinkin thinkin stuff.
Anyway, thanks for you honest post! It was like looking in the mirror. Playing russian roulette with my life and my families life. My God how alcoholism is such a selfish personally decapitating disease.
The way you described x-mas presents like drinking and then when there unwrapped oh how you wished you could just return them. If only it were that easy. And you think oh s--- now what did I do this time.
So, I've had some tempting moments this x-mas season. And I took your advice I quickly handed over to my higher power whom I call God. Give those negative fears to him. And give thanks to him for all my blessings. When I start feeling sorry for myself I grab on to my gratitude list. I also like what Tim said ask God to remove bondage of self. I just have to do this one day at a time. If need be one hour, one minute at a time.
I don't want to spend this Christmas hurting, disapointing the people I love. I'm learning that one of those people I'm talking about includes me.
Thanks for your help. Merry Christmas
Last Friday I had this bad argument with our youngest daughter. I want you to know I had read this post & remembered much of it & some of the responses and you will be glad to know it kept me sober that Friday.
The argument was about me questioning her about how much she drinks. She's 20 and the subject of alcohol is vey sensitive as I have caused much mayhem do to being an alcoholic. She isn't an alcoholic but I can't help but worry. I tried to tell her it's my head the way I think. You know that stinkin thinkin stuff.
Anyway, thanks for you honest post! It was like looking in the mirror. Playing russian roulette with my life and my families life. My God how alcoholism is such a selfish personally decapitating disease.
The way you described x-mas presents like drinking and then when there unwrapped oh how you wished you could just return them. If only it were that easy. And you think oh s--- now what did I do this time.
So, I've had some tempting moments this x-mas season. And I took your advice I quickly handed over to my higher power whom I call God. Give those negative fears to him. And give thanks to him for all my blessings. When I start feeling sorry for myself I grab on to my gratitude list. I also like what Tim said ask God to remove bondage of self. I just have to do this one day at a time. If need be one hour, one minute at a time.
I don't want to spend this Christmas hurting, disapointing the people I love. I'm learning that one of those people I'm talking about includes me.
Thanks for your help. Merry Christmas
Gidday LookinUp
Thanks for your sharing of gratitude and E.S.H and remember you are doing the groundwork and all our posts are there when needed so give yourself a pat on the back because in life now there are sober options as well as drinking ones and we all know what happens with the drinking ones. The sober ones bring with them what you are feeling freedom and living.
LookinUp thanks for your posts because they full this Alkys heart with hope and gratiude and i can never get enough of that and i need to store it for the times i get panicked or worried and usually these are when i am alone in my head negatively so thankyyou for your inspiration as it is helping my recovery.
CONGRADULATIONS for 1 month as well, well done:)
light and love Zac
Thanks for your sharing of gratitude and E.S.H and remember you are doing the groundwork and all our posts are there when needed so give yourself a pat on the back because in life now there are sober options as well as drinking ones and we all know what happens with the drinking ones. The sober ones bring with them what you are feeling freedom and living.
LookinUp thanks for your posts because they full this Alkys heart with hope and gratiude and i can never get enough of that and i need to store it for the times i get panicked or worried and usually these are when i am alone in my head negatively so thankyyou for your inspiration as it is helping my recovery.
CONGRADULATIONS for 1 month as well, well done:)
light and love Zac
