i feel like crap need someone to talk to.
Hi Jayde, I don't know if I've ever posted to you. Are you okay honey? What can I do to help?
(lol..just noticed that we are dancing in sync)
(lol..just noticed that we are dancing in sync)
Hi hon, thanks for replying....just relapsed. Don't really know what ta say right now. Feeling lower than low;(
been there done that....my DOC is cocaine.
best part is that you can dust your britches off, learn from it, and start over again....
You can start over at any part of the day that you want, that is the beauty of recovery....
I read where you were already thinking about this relapse...I've been there too...all that conscious and unconscious plotting and planning...
I really learned from my last relapse 33 days into being clean....I sunk so low...did so much....debased myself...lord, I was lower than a snakes belly....but ya know what? I LEARNED from it...I have almost 11 months clean...it can be done sweetie!
best part is that you can dust your britches off, learn from it, and start over again....
You can start over at any part of the day that you want, that is the beauty of recovery....
I read where you were already thinking about this relapse...I've been there too...all that conscious and unconscious plotting and planning...
I really learned from my last relapse 33 days into being clean....I sunk so low...did so much....debased myself...lord, I was lower than a snakes belly....but ya know what? I LEARNED from it...I have almost 11 months clean...it can be done sweetie!
Thanks,,,i don't know what the heck has gotten into me, i have quit several times, and i always come back when i get freaked out of my comfort zone. I have been hooked on pot, crack and coke, and alcohol is the only thing that i keep coming back to, and honestly i know it has done the most damage of everything i've done.
So what are you going to do differently to make this not happen again?
Do you go to AA or read any AA based literature....some don't go for the 12 steps, but they do give you a keystone, a foundation for recovery.
I admit I've slacked off on going to meetings...since I went back to work I'm always too tired.
Do you go to AA or read any AA based literature....some don't go for the 12 steps, but they do give you a keystone, a foundation for recovery.
I admit I've slacked off on going to meetings...since I went back to work I'm always too tired.
yeah, this is my second go round with AA.... don't have anything against it. I've only been to 1 meeting so far.
well, how did you feel? did you connect with the people there? get some numbers to call?
my biggest problem was changing people, places and things...I went to inpatient and outpatient rehab, meetings....lost all the phone numbers to my dealers and drug using buds...
Alcohol is much harder I think, it's legal, available and reasonably cheap...I did abuse alcohol in my drugging and drinking career...it helped me start on the road to cocaine...go out drinking with buds...buy coke...then it got to the point that I bypassed the alcohol to pay for my coke...
There are some great people on here for support...VW girl and I have almost identical using histories...
my biggest problem was changing people, places and things...I went to inpatient and outpatient rehab, meetings....lost all the phone numbers to my dealers and drug using buds...
Alcohol is much harder I think, it's legal, available and reasonably cheap...I did abuse alcohol in my drugging and drinking career...it helped me start on the road to cocaine...go out drinking with buds...buy coke...then it got to the point that I bypassed the alcohol to pay for my coke...
There are some great people on here for support...VW girl and I have almost identical using histories...
Jayde,
its ok, its ok. Don't give up on yourself now. Give ya a big hug, and lets move on to better todays. I've been screamin at the walls all day today becuase of the pain. But strength comes, and it will for you.
And now, I lift you up to our Higher Power, watch over Jayde, and let her know You are there.....
its ok, its ok. Don't give up on yourself now. Give ya a big hug, and lets move on to better todays. I've been screamin at the walls all day today becuase of the pain. But strength comes, and it will for you.
And now, I lift you up to our Higher Power, watch over Jayde, and let her know You are there.....
Jayde, The seed is planted and everytime you drink you'll probably feel like crap. At least that is how it was for me...I could never recapture that high, that buzz that fun, it simply just stopped working for me. I could drink myself to oblivion because of all my problems, you'd drink too if you had my life ; - )
Only to come to the same problems and usually more on top of them. When I was done though, I was done, it felt way different then anytime before...I was willing to go to any length to achieve and attain sobriety. My youngest daughter would cry that she wanted to come and live with me, but I had to wait until I felt rock steady in my recovery and be selfish, because if I wasn't I was sure to relapse and probably die out there. Then what? My kids don't have Mom...so everything that Janet asked you and shared with you is dead on...along with Wonders Why and I'm sure everyone is lifting you up in their prayers. We're saving a seat for you at AA....your done when done, and it is what is...so are you willing now? I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, but that was asked of me time and time again...and only until I got really honest about my disease was I was willing. I try to make a meeting every day and give my Program the same amount of time I gave to my using and drinking...when I think of it that way I always have time for a meeting and usually more time left over!
Only to come to the same problems and usually more on top of them. When I was done though, I was done, it felt way different then anytime before...I was willing to go to any length to achieve and attain sobriety. My youngest daughter would cry that she wanted to come and live with me, but I had to wait until I felt rock steady in my recovery and be selfish, because if I wasn't I was sure to relapse and probably die out there. Then what? My kids don't have Mom...so everything that Janet asked you and shared with you is dead on...along with Wonders Why and I'm sure everyone is lifting you up in their prayers. We're saving a seat for you at AA....your done when done, and it is what is...so are you willing now? I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, but that was asked of me time and time again...and only until I got really honest about my disease was I was willing. I try to make a meeting every day and give my Program the same amount of time I gave to my using and drinking...when I think of it that way I always have time for a meeting and usually more time left over!
See, told ya VW was a top notch lady!!!
Hugs VW...love ya!
Hugs VW...love ya!
Thank you Janet...hope you are enjoying your day. Boy, I can't believe that you're coming up on 1 year of sobriety. It went fast, for me that is!
It's really weird how it goes...I mean it drags on and seems like forever, but whooosh!!! it's past...the last high is just a memory...and not a good one either...I am blessed!
It's been suggested that I never forget that last run I was on...I even wrote it out, and refer to it from time to time.
VW- thats the "playing the tape". For 20+ years I listen to that da** tape in my head over and over and over. Granted, it has distracted me at times from keeping focused on other projects, but the choice- well, let's see... sober and thinking, or the other more horrible choice for me. Tape just keeps playin and playin. Whew!
Exactly, playing the tape all the way through. I'm in deep doo-doo if I forget my last drunk!
jayde - replied to you on the "idgie" thread you started.
Hi,
Give yourself a break. Nothing to be ashamed of, it's a disease and it came back. You have to decide what your willing to do to keep it from happening again thats all. A belly full of beer and a head full of A.A. doesn't mix, I know I been there. You never have to feel this way again! I was told that and noone has lied to me yet. The only thing I was promised was another day sober, sometimes that has to be good enough, and for me it is. Hang in there...*wink*
Bob
Give yourself a break. Nothing to be ashamed of, it's a disease and it came back. You have to decide what your willing to do to keep it from happening again thats all. A belly full of beer and a head full of A.A. doesn't mix, I know I been there. You never have to feel this way again! I was told that and noone has lied to me yet. The only thing I was promised was another day sober, sometimes that has to be good enough, and for me it is. Hang in there...*wink*
Bob
HI Jayde,
Sorry to hear about the relapse but remember you dont have to make this a run. Today is a new day.
How are you today?
take care
gi
Sorry to hear about the relapse but remember you dont have to make this a run. Today is a new day.
How are you today?
take care
gi
Hey guys....i'm still kickin', to be totally honest with yall, i'm not sober even today....had to have a couple when i got up before i went to see what kind of damage i did last night. I am an alcoholic, and i guess i always will be;(
Sucks 2 b me;(
Sucks 2 b me;(
