Yukon Christmas

Pain Pills
1
Just for some laughs-

Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road . .
.
Having a Christmas party Friday night . . . Thought you might like to come.
About 5:00 . . . "

"Great," says Sam. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you . . . There's gonna be some drinkin."

"Not a problem," says Sam. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

Sam says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right.
I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turns from the door. "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem," says Sam, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

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2
LOL, that's funny. Merry Christmas Sam.
3
After yesterday, SOMEONE needs to lighten things up a little..hehe
4
Danny, great joke....thanks...xoxo
5
Danny,

Have anymore jokes? I know that's not what this room is for but I think it would be a good idea to post some jokes like we have with song lyrics. Maybe we can get people to smile a little bit. Just no offensive jokes, lol. I love the blonde jokes. I know there are blondes here so Not sure if that would be a good idea. LOL
6
Oh, Come on guys. Somebody must have a joke.
7
Looks like everyone fell asleep. I'll check back later. Bring on the jokes.
8
Liz- Just trying to "lighten things up" a little I guess. I don't go for the offensive stuff either. I have ton's of jokes. I know we are all in recovery. I'd rather have a laugh sometimes than read some of the stuff I've read the last week.
9
Hey Danny,

I agree, So let's here some jokes? Can use a laugh every now and then. Sometimes things get too serious here. Not that addiction shouldn't be taken very serious. But why not have some fun too? Post a joke once in awhile like Danny did.

Love,
Liz
10
Love it, Danny! Keep 'em comin'! lol---Jess
11
Danny - Good joke. Did you do your 5 miles and $5000 today :)
12
Danny great joke.....poor Sam!
13
Guys- I did 7 miles today. and paid the $5000
14
Ok- Here we go...



Christmas Story for people having a bad day....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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15
LMAO........
16
LOL>>>>that was good.
I can't tell any jokes well....I always mess them up, but I really like the idea of that..
Kerry
17
LOL Danny,

Now we know.

Hey everyone,

I hope you all have a great day.
18
Ok, I'll give you ONE more..

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-a** man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
user posted image
19
heheehee, I agree with only a woman would be willing to pull a fat guy on a sled all night. About not getting lost, lol, My husband would beg to differ about me with directions and not getting lost. lol
20
Liz- Don't you KNOW us men don't need stuff like directions? We drive around in cirlces pretending to know where we are...