Zipper, I have no idea why you felt the need to do that, but I hope you feel better for it. I'm sorry my posts affect you like that.
I've been very open about the fact that I'm struggling right now. Stuff is pouring out of me that I can't make any sense of. For the first time in 45 years I'm not "sucking it up", not bottling it up, and trying to deal with a flood of emotions and thoughts that are all but overwhelming. I've called the Samaritans twice today. Am I suicidal? Frequently. What's keeping me alive? Not trying to bottle it all up and letting it out whenever I have to without asking permission and trying not to feel like someone is going to kill me for doing it. That's where I'm at. I'm happy for you and so many here that you are way past all that. Congratulations. And I'm sorry if my rants disturb you for some reason. however, I would have thought you would take the view - given your philosophy about communication - that how my posts effect YOU is YOUR issue and nothing whatsoever to do with me. My rambling posts are certainly not even addressed to you and anyone who doesn't want to read them can simply skip them. They didn't beat it out of me 45 years ago and no-one's going to shut me up now. I am not being abusive towards anyone and, again, according to various experts how people read my posts is THEIR issue, not mine n'est pas? This is a recovery board and I am doing what I need to do to recover. That's all. I wasn't aware it had to follow someone else's rulebook or that anyone appointed a committee.
And if you're really curious, I've never had an issue about getting attention. Just not an issue. As you've asked I'll do what I always do and answer as honestly as I can - which is why the posts often become rambling while - I'm thinking out loud and not self-censoring to make an impression or be in any way fake. I have fulfilled the strong, silent type role for 4 decades in order to avoid causing significant others pain and fear - I was always the strong one. And what happens when I admit my confusion, fear and weakness? I'm told to button it up again....lol....NO.
This is my need to be honest with myself and anyone bored enough to want something to read. When I realised I've been fake or dishonest I go back and edit. This is my confessional....I am being as open and honest about me as I can with the World at large. No-one has to read it, but anyone can.
We are only as sick as our secrets and I am not keeping anything hidden. It doesn't mean anyone HAS to read it.
I hope that answers your questions. I couldn't do it over there because the thread was locked. I hope I haven't answered your questions in a manner that provokes further discord. It is not my intention and my apologies if I have done so.
Actually, I think I'm done here. Good luck to you all.
Zipper, this isn't about you. You have been very supportive a lot of times. Thanks.
Zipper, this isn't about you. You have been very supportive a lot of times. Thanks.
Martin,
If you are in a meltdown or suicidal, I strongly suggest you call Suicide hotline or go to the hospital immediately.
This is above any of us here...we're just a group of drunks trying to live sober and share with others going through the same thing. Nothing more, nothing less.
It's time you go and get the therapy and help you need and deserve but, like I do with anyone, I strongly urge F2F help not an internet alcohol recovery forum as we have no experience dealing with mental illness.
Take care,
Stacey
***edited to say that Martin just edited out his entire 2nd thread but I stand by urging you, Martin, to go & get help......threatening suicide hurts people***
If you are in a meltdown or suicidal, I strongly suggest you call Suicide hotline or go to the hospital immediately.
This is above any of us here...we're just a group of drunks trying to live sober and share with others going through the same thing. Nothing more, nothing less.
It's time you go and get the therapy and help you need and deserve but, like I do with anyone, I strongly urge F2F help not an internet alcohol recovery forum as we have no experience dealing with mental illness.
Take care,
Stacey
***edited to say that Martin just edited out his entire 2nd thread but I stand by urging you, Martin, to go & get help......threatening suicide hurts people***
Oh wow, I have just spent the last half hour going through the other thread.
I guess from a distance I can see everyone's point of view and I can take something away from each of you. The initial post that started this thing off did bother me slightly, but I just took it with a pinch of salt. I realise that to others who are AA experienced, that post may have hit a chord with them.
I as someone who is considering AA did find it a little off putting. I'm very scared of people and their reactions and it did put the thought in my mind do I want to go down that route. But as so many have said, I consciously took what I wanted and left the rest.
I feel so sad for you Martin that yet again you feel you have no place here. I know how difficult it is to try and find out who you are and where you actually fit in, how much you give advice as well as sitting back and taking it without offence. I didn't want to get involved in the other thread for the simple fact that I felt the discussions went slightly over my head also taking in the large volume of writing that you produce kind of scuppers my concentration. However I can see your point and I can see others points too. I just don't know what to say really.
I hope you find your way and you get where you want to go with your therapy. I'm still at the very beginning with mine. SO much to take in...
As always I wish you the best.
Izzy
I guess from a distance I can see everyone's point of view and I can take something away from each of you. The initial post that started this thing off did bother me slightly, but I just took it with a pinch of salt. I realise that to others who are AA experienced, that post may have hit a chord with them.
I as someone who is considering AA did find it a little off putting. I'm very scared of people and their reactions and it did put the thought in my mind do I want to go down that route. But as so many have said, I consciously took what I wanted and left the rest.
I feel so sad for you Martin that yet again you feel you have no place here. I know how difficult it is to try and find out who you are and where you actually fit in, how much you give advice as well as sitting back and taking it without offence. I didn't want to get involved in the other thread for the simple fact that I felt the discussions went slightly over my head also taking in the large volume of writing that you produce kind of scuppers my concentration. However I can see your point and I can see others points too. I just don't know what to say really.
I hope you find your way and you get where you want to go with your therapy. I'm still at the very beginning with mine. SO much to take in...
As always I wish you the best.
Izzy
Also Martin, I just wanted to say if you feel you need assistance at any time during the day or night my Psychiatrist told me you should call NHS 24 and you can be assessed. Please bear that in mind.
All the best,
Izzy
All the best,
Izzy
"Zipper, I have no idea why you felt the need to do that, but I hope you feel better for it. I'm sorry my posts affect you like that"...
I still stand by my conviction and earnest desire to focus on the solution, not the problem. The only effect your posts' had on me were already demonstrated...speaking honestly; so no ill-effect. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to see, again, how wonderful it is to stay in a solution.
God Speed.
I still stand by my conviction and earnest desire to focus on the solution, not the problem. The only effect your posts' had on me were already demonstrated...speaking honestly; so no ill-effect. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to see, again, how wonderful it is to stay in a solution.
God Speed.
