I just found out my son will be out of Rehab in 11 days. I'm sick at my stomach.
He's in Austin so he wants to go back to Houston.
I gave him information on the Christian home he can stay for free but he said he doesn't
Think he wants to go there which means another sober living. He's been kicked out of at least 11 sober living homes because he cannot follow rules or stay clean.
Part of me wants to say Christian home or you are on your own.
He needs to figure it out. But, I have to go pick him up and take him somewhere. I can't just leave him on the street. I hate the way that sounds. Why can't we just have a normal life ?
I need a meeting! I need a sponsor! I need to be strong!!!!
Prayers please
Paula
YIKES ! I would be sick to my stomach too! This is why we are enableers - we are AFRAID to say NO..... I once thought to myself - What do other people do that are not at NarAnon at this table ----- Then I realized ---- THEY SAY NO ------ (Im not yelling at you ;)
I understand..... we are afraid..... what will happen if we say no.... what will happen if we dont say no....
Someone told me long ago, He is pushing your buttons to see which ones still work
That is exactly what he is doing - He is saying what HE wants, to see how much you mean it when you say, whatever you say..... Your Going to Christian Home.
He is staying in the same rut. Back to Houston, back to same old, same old.
Us and They can not "keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome." This is the definition of CRAZY....
He needs to do a different ACTION in order to get a different outcome.
Talk to The Christian home and see what they say. Tell your son you will take him to Christian home, he can stay there 7 months and then he can go where he wants to.
Tell your son he can go back to Houston when he has the $$ to get himself back there.
Isnt it unbeleiveable that we feel SO Responsible to pick him up and bring him somewhere.. yet he does not feel responsible and we will be the BAD MOMMIES if we dont pick him up.... That will be EMBARRASING !!! to the whole familiy! It all makes me so mad!!
At the child for putting us thru this and at the establishment for dropping it back in our laps all the time. They dont hold the kid responsible, Oh, yeah, the kid has human rights....... to walk all over us !!!
HOPE MY RANT GETS A FIRE UNDER YOU !!
See if you can tell your son that you are not doing the same thing again and again. You are saving his $$ for later when he is clean, because he will spend it all in a few months on drugs and you dont want to give your money to support drug dealers.
YES, I think that is the choice. Christian home or nothing. Try it. Whats the worst that happens.. ALSO tell the counselor that is what you are doing. so the counselor can talk to your son about it, and the counselor hears it from you.
It sounds like he does not want to be on the street. It sounds like he wants to go back to the place he is familiar with Houston.
Tell him this is for his own good. It is true that he has an 8-10 year addiction. I am sure it is going to take at least a year of being clean just to understand how to function. And a few more years before he is comfortable.
Tell him you will not be able to take care of him forever. He needs to do this for him.
I'm sure you said so much in a letter or in person that he knows how you feel and he knows what is best for you and him... he just wants to keep it the old way that he is comfortable with.
Hope this helps !
Hey - I sound real good when giving advice to others !!! LOL
I understand..... we are afraid..... what will happen if we say no.... what will happen if we dont say no....
Someone told me long ago, He is pushing your buttons to see which ones still work
That is exactly what he is doing - He is saying what HE wants, to see how much you mean it when you say, whatever you say..... Your Going to Christian Home.
He is staying in the same rut. Back to Houston, back to same old, same old.
Us and They can not "keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome." This is the definition of CRAZY....
He needs to do a different ACTION in order to get a different outcome.
Talk to The Christian home and see what they say. Tell your son you will take him to Christian home, he can stay there 7 months and then he can go where he wants to.
Tell your son he can go back to Houston when he has the $$ to get himself back there.
Isnt it unbeleiveable that we feel SO Responsible to pick him up and bring him somewhere.. yet he does not feel responsible and we will be the BAD MOMMIES if we dont pick him up.... That will be EMBARRASING !!! to the whole familiy! It all makes me so mad!!
At the child for putting us thru this and at the establishment for dropping it back in our laps all the time. They dont hold the kid responsible, Oh, yeah, the kid has human rights....... to walk all over us !!!
HOPE MY RANT GETS A FIRE UNDER YOU !!
See if you can tell your son that you are not doing the same thing again and again. You are saving his $$ for later when he is clean, because he will spend it all in a few months on drugs and you dont want to give your money to support drug dealers.
YES, I think that is the choice. Christian home or nothing. Try it. Whats the worst that happens.. ALSO tell the counselor that is what you are doing. so the counselor can talk to your son about it, and the counselor hears it from you.
It sounds like he does not want to be on the street. It sounds like he wants to go back to the place he is familiar with Houston.
Tell him this is for his own good. It is true that he has an 8-10 year addiction. I am sure it is going to take at least a year of being clean just to understand how to function. And a few more years before he is comfortable.
Tell him you will not be able to take care of him forever. He needs to do this for him.
I'm sure you said so much in a letter or in person that he knows how you feel and he knows what is best for you and him... he just wants to keep it the old way that he is comfortable with.
Hope this helps !
Hey - I sound real good when giving advice to others !!! LOL
PS: my son stayed at rehab and hwhouse for 5 months. we had to pay for 3 months. He did get a job and began paying rent for next two months. He did not want the rules and curfew and not even be able to drink one beer once in a while, or go out w work friends, etc.
He found a room to rent, and is not at the hwhouse for past 3 months. He says he goes to meetings when he is not at work, and has a sponsor. Idk if he does. I have only given him clothes for work in the past 3 months.
He pays his rent - a little short each time. And feeds himself. He was complaining about that but recently just keeps saying he does not get paid enough. I know he does not get paid a lot. But he gets enough to properly pay his rent and budget for food, etc....
I know he is not telling me whole truth, but I have been off the hook to pay for things. This is a good thing and he is either all clean or almost clean. i know he cant be buying much.... basically when he has cash in his hands, he spends it..... In one sentence he says he puts $$ aside for rent, but the next sentence he is short on rent.....
I sometimes send him a text message once a week with at list of Things To Do - I try to keep it to one thing each week. He still does not do it, but always says he will, and always says he is 'trying'.
It is sad to see how slow this goes on. you will be there too some day..... just waiting and watching from a distance.
This is HIS KARMA -- He has to learn and want to put the $$ aside for rent and food and bills.
The point is: WE got OFF the HOOK. The Christian Home might be your chance to get off the hook.
He found a room to rent, and is not at the hwhouse for past 3 months. He says he goes to meetings when he is not at work, and has a sponsor. Idk if he does. I have only given him clothes for work in the past 3 months.
He pays his rent - a little short each time. And feeds himself. He was complaining about that but recently just keeps saying he does not get paid enough. I know he does not get paid a lot. But he gets enough to properly pay his rent and budget for food, etc....
I know he is not telling me whole truth, but I have been off the hook to pay for things. This is a good thing and he is either all clean or almost clean. i know he cant be buying much.... basically when he has cash in his hands, he spends it..... In one sentence he says he puts $$ aside for rent, but the next sentence he is short on rent.....
I sometimes send him a text message once a week with at list of Things To Do - I try to keep it to one thing each week. He still does not do it, but always says he will, and always says he is 'trying'.
It is sad to see how slow this goes on. you will be there too some day..... just waiting and watching from a distance.
This is HIS KARMA -- He has to learn and want to put the $$ aside for rent and food and bills.
The point is: WE got OFF the HOOK. The Christian Home might be your chance to get off the hook.
Ny
I always enjoy your messages. You are good
I'll reply later when I can get on a computer. It's a pain on the phone.
Hugs
Paula
I always enjoy your messages. You are good
I'll reply later when I can get on a computer. It's a pain on the phone.
Hugs
Paula
UPDATE: I just found out that Zach is getting released Friday.
That's like 2 1/2 days. I'm bawling because I feel so bad for Lynn's daughter passing.
I can't even imagine her pain. Anther person I know also loss their daughter yesterday due to an
Overdose. I'm scared sh*tless.
Im stressed... The Rehab called me at 4 today and said my insurance is not paying anything and it should have paid 100%.
I had to give them 4600$ today to cover Zach to Friday.
So, my heart is racing, my head is splitting and my blood pressure is sky high.
I went to urgent care last week because of my health.
Im too young for this. Im only 52! I have got to get control.
I told my fianc we have to talk. Im tired of his comments about my son. If you love someone,
Then you support them. He's very opinionated and that's fine but not about my son. Not about someone I love.
I'm sorry... Very bad day !!
Paula
That's like 2 1/2 days. I'm bawling because I feel so bad for Lynn's daughter passing.
I can't even imagine her pain. Anther person I know also loss their daughter yesterday due to an
Overdose. I'm scared sh*tless.
Im stressed... The Rehab called me at 4 today and said my insurance is not paying anything and it should have paid 100%.
I had to give them 4600$ today to cover Zach to Friday.
So, my heart is racing, my head is splitting and my blood pressure is sky high.
I went to urgent care last week because of my health.
Im too young for this. Im only 52! I have got to get control.
I told my fianc we have to talk. Im tired of his comments about my son. If you love someone,
Then you support them. He's very opinionated and that's fine but not about my son. Not about someone I love.
I'm sorry... Very bad day !!
Paula
Paula,
Oh my gosh, I can't believe you had to shell out that much money. Did you find out why insurance didn't cover it? I don't envy you but I agree with Florida, the Christian place is probably going to be the answer.
If you decide what it is you can and cannot do for him and stand firm in that, you will feel much more in control. I hear it in your writing and I know that feeling of anxiety and heart racing. You need to take care of yourself. You cannot make your health suffer or drain yourself of your finances for your son. I know, it goes against us being moms. It doesn't seem right to not try everything. It is the right thing though. We want our kids to be able to take care of themselves. We've done them a disservice by figuring things out for them.
I know what you mean about feeling so sorry for Lynn. It's so incredibly heartbreaking. I feel ok right now because my son is in jail. I'll have at least a little while that I don't have to worry that he's one of the overdoses we hear about in our town daily.
I hope you can talk to your husband and that he'll be there for you. It's so important to be on the same page.
Take care and hugs,
Michelle
Oh my gosh, I can't believe you had to shell out that much money. Did you find out why insurance didn't cover it? I don't envy you but I agree with Florida, the Christian place is probably going to be the answer.
If you decide what it is you can and cannot do for him and stand firm in that, you will feel much more in control. I hear it in your writing and I know that feeling of anxiety and heart racing. You need to take care of yourself. You cannot make your health suffer or drain yourself of your finances for your son. I know, it goes against us being moms. It doesn't seem right to not try everything. It is the right thing though. We want our kids to be able to take care of themselves. We've done them a disservice by figuring things out for them.
I know what you mean about feeling so sorry for Lynn. It's so incredibly heartbreaking. I feel ok right now because my son is in jail. I'll have at least a little while that I don't have to worry that he's one of the overdoses we hear about in our town daily.
I hope you can talk to your husband and that he'll be there for you. It's so important to be on the same page.
Take care and hugs,
Michelle
Hi Paula, I recently spoke to someone who had been to a free Christian rehab place and they've been clean now for 1 year. It doesn't matter where they go or how much it costs. They have got to be ready to commit or it won't work. I'm sorry to read your health is suffering. It's probably with all the stress and worry. You said your fiance is no help....seems to me it's us mothers that are left carrying the load most of the time anyway. Don't take any guilt trips from your fiance or son as none of this is your fault! This is a nightmare that has no rules or reasoning for who's life it picks to try ruin, it can be anyone's child but it just so happened it turned out to be our kids. Try and see a doctor to confide in. It's okay that you need to go ask for some help for yourself. Don't let this make you sick because it can if you let it. Take care! God bless! Mary.
Thank you Mary and Michelle,
I just got home from a meeting. I mainly listened tonight.
I'm calling my insurance company tomorrow. I might met 6500 deductible and stayed in my network and now they don't want to pay. Someone is lying...either the Rehab which I'm thinking or insurance. It will work out. I have faith.
I'm just feeling so much anxiety. At least when Zachs dad was alive we were 100% on the same page and supported each other. Now he's gone and I feel so alone. My fianc is a good man but very opinionated and constantly makes jabs about my son (he said he is resentful because my son has put me so much) but..... He says some mean stuff that's not ok. That's my son !!!
If he continues it may be over. I'm not spending my life with someone who cannot be supportive.
So I'm stress eating gummy bears. Lol ( why can't I NOT EAT). Lol
Thinking about Friday and what's going yo happen.
Please Lord....guide us. I'm so scared !!!
Thanks for listening!!
Hugs
Paula
I just got home from a meeting. I mainly listened tonight.
I'm calling my insurance company tomorrow. I might met 6500 deductible and stayed in my network and now they don't want to pay. Someone is lying...either the Rehab which I'm thinking or insurance. It will work out. I have faith.
I'm just feeling so much anxiety. At least when Zachs dad was alive we were 100% on the same page and supported each other. Now he's gone and I feel so alone. My fianc is a good man but very opinionated and constantly makes jabs about my son (he said he is resentful because my son has put me so much) but..... He says some mean stuff that's not ok. That's my son !!!
If he continues it may be over. I'm not spending my life with someone who cannot be supportive.
So I'm stress eating gummy bears. Lol ( why can't I NOT EAT). Lol
Thinking about Friday and what's going yo happen.
Please Lord....guide us. I'm so scared !!!
Thanks for listening!!
Hugs
Paula
I'm not a mother of an addict, but I think I know how you're feeling. My brother intentionally OD'd on Friday, and is now in a psych unit, but I'm not sure where he'll go from there. He's unemployed and uninsured, so we're looking for county or state funded programs. When I called the state and county, they told me there was nothing available. My uncle works for the juvenile justice system, and was able to find an available bed that way - but what do the other families do when they don't have a friend that's able to pull strings?!?!
Anyway, I don't know if the available bed will be utilized, since my brother is trying to guilt either me or my mother into taking him back. He hangs up or yells at us when we tell him no. I know he's being heavily medicated, and he acts like he can't remember what we talked about from one call to the next, but I'm not sure if he's just conveniently forgetting so he can try to manipulate us into taking him back. The guilt and uncertainty (and anger and frustration and heartbreak and everything else) is eating us alive!
Stay strong. That's what I keep telling myself and my mom. I am so stressed about what will happen when he gets out. Will he be homeless? Will he make us feel so horribly that we'll allow him to stay just.one.night (which will start this horrible cycle all over again?) Will one of his drug friends take him in? Will he finally succeed at suicide? Will he go to jail?
My mom has been with my step-dad for over 20 years, and he's been so awful about my brother. His own siblings are addicts and he has nothing good to say about them either, but doesn't he understand all the ugly things he's saying about my brother, to my mother, is about my mother's own flesh and blood? Her heart and soul? Maybe he doesn't understand because he's never had a child of his own. This addiction stuff is a real test for any relationship, and I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
I hope for the best for all of us.
Anyway, I don't know if the available bed will be utilized, since my brother is trying to guilt either me or my mother into taking him back. He hangs up or yells at us when we tell him no. I know he's being heavily medicated, and he acts like he can't remember what we talked about from one call to the next, but I'm not sure if he's just conveniently forgetting so he can try to manipulate us into taking him back. The guilt and uncertainty (and anger and frustration and heartbreak and everything else) is eating us alive!
Stay strong. That's what I keep telling myself and my mom. I am so stressed about what will happen when he gets out. Will he be homeless? Will he make us feel so horribly that we'll allow him to stay just.one.night (which will start this horrible cycle all over again?) Will one of his drug friends take him in? Will he finally succeed at suicide? Will he go to jail?
My mom has been with my step-dad for over 20 years, and he's been so awful about my brother. His own siblings are addicts and he has nothing good to say about them either, but doesn't he understand all the ugly things he's saying about my brother, to my mother, is about my mother's own flesh and blood? Her heart and soul? Maybe he doesn't understand because he's never had a child of his own. This addiction stuff is a real test for any relationship, and I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
I hope for the best for all of us.
Im confused....why doesn't he want to stay at the FREE christian place? If he doesn't then is it going to cost you?
Plopez, I've been thinking of you and your son. Is he still being released tomorrow? I hope that he has reconsidered and will go to the Christian sober home upon his release.
Hey
Well I'm getting nervous. I'm picking him up tomorrow at 10:00.
Zach made arrangements at a sober living. I wanted the Christian place but
He already made the arrangements. It's a good strict one and they drug test
Once a week so he will be accountable.
I have power of attorney over some money he has from when his dad passed so
Told him I will pay one month and get a grocery card and he's on his own.
If he fails, then he will be on his own.
I won't do anything so with no where else to go..he can call the pastor I have been talking
To.
I am going to be strong!!'
God has this.
Please pray....
Hugs
Well I'm getting nervous. I'm picking him up tomorrow at 10:00.
Zach made arrangements at a sober living. I wanted the Christian place but
He already made the arrangements. It's a good strict one and they drug test
Once a week so he will be accountable.
I have power of attorney over some money he has from when his dad passed so
Told him I will pay one month and get a grocery card and he's on his own.
If he fails, then he will be on his own.
I won't do anything so with no where else to go..he can call the pastor I have been talking
To.
I am going to be strong!!'
God has this.
Please pray....
Hugs
It sounds like you've got a good plan figured out Paula. Stay strong and good luck.
Michelle
Michelle
At least, it sounds like he is taking charge of his recovery by making his own sober living arrangement, so hopefully this time it will stick.
Hopefully, If you can be strong, he can be strong. If you waiver, he will see it and depend on it. He will depend on things to be the old way.
I am going thru this part with my son. He is far from home, not in sober living, he is renting a room in a regular house. he has a job. not making a lot, but just enough to pay in rent and feed himself. THATS ALL HE HAS TO DO!!
over past 3 months he has been saying he was a little short on his rent, here and there, but he would make it up, etc, etc. but each month a little short..... just found out he owes a whole month and I will have to pay a bit to the landlord to get him caught up. I will only pay 100 per month, and try to get him to keep making up the difference. I am NOT paying all of the back amount. wonder where the rent money has been going.....
It could be worse. he does not make enough $$ to get into anything too deep. We suspected a problem in june or july. We have seen better behavior in Aug.
Point is that he knows it is all on his shoulders - if he looses the job, he looses the room. The last thing he or us want is for him to come home. idk -- he talks like it would be easier if he was home.... but it would not be. anyway...... we have to make him keep doing this on his own..... idk how the next few weeks will go......
GOOD LUCK Paula..... the next year will be slow progress!
I am going thru this part with my son. He is far from home, not in sober living, he is renting a room in a regular house. he has a job. not making a lot, but just enough to pay in rent and feed himself. THATS ALL HE HAS TO DO!!
over past 3 months he has been saying he was a little short on his rent, here and there, but he would make it up, etc, etc. but each month a little short..... just found out he owes a whole month and I will have to pay a bit to the landlord to get him caught up. I will only pay 100 per month, and try to get him to keep making up the difference. I am NOT paying all of the back amount. wonder where the rent money has been going.....
It could be worse. he does not make enough $$ to get into anything too deep. We suspected a problem in june or july. We have seen better behavior in Aug.
Point is that he knows it is all on his shoulders - if he looses the job, he looses the room. The last thing he or us want is for him to come home. idk -- he talks like it would be easier if he was home.... but it would not be. anyway...... we have to make him keep doing this on his own..... idk how the next few weeks will go......
GOOD LUCK Paula..... the next year will be slow progress!
Hi Paula, I'm happy things are starting to work out well for you and your son. That's great he is going to a sober living. It sound good too! I hope it works this time around and he manages to straighten his life out once and for always. Thinking of you. God Bless. Mary.
I know it all sounds good but honestly I'll just take it one day at a time. 10 rehabs and I've pretty much lost count of the sober livings.......,but I'll continue having faith,
The difference this time is I started Ala-Non and I have support on here. I need this so bad because when he calls me messed up of homeless, I can immediately get on here and get some help
Thank you all !!!
Say a prayer. I'm sick at my stomach even though I'm excited to see my son.
4 1/2 hours to go .. It's count down
I'll update y'all later
Hugs!!!!
The difference this time is I started Ala-Non and I have support on here. I need this so bad because when he calls me messed up of homeless, I can immediately get on here and get some help
Thank you all !!!
Say a prayer. I'm sick at my stomach even though I'm excited to see my son.
4 1/2 hours to go .. It's count down
I'll update y'all later
Hugs!!!!
Not going as I had planned. I picked up Zach and we had a great family weekend...I headed back to Austin and he headed to The sober living. I thought.
He didn't. He used and then could not pass the drug test to get in.
I had a sick feeling...I knew!
So, I told them to tear up the check. We are not waiting For him to pass the drug test. He had his chance. I'm done!
Uber account closed.
No where to live unless he figures it out.
He text me at 3 am and said its hard sleeping outside
I told him that he made that choice.
It hurts but I'm standing firm for once.
He did take a call from the pastor that has a room for Zach so he knows he has options. The pastor told Zach he is there for him.
I can't imagine the struggle.....it must me so hard but this is his fight. His journey!
Dang. My meetings are helping. Lol
I know I may sound strong but I'm hurting inside. Time to get to work and put the Manager
Hat on and a smile on the face.
Have a good day!
Prayers and Hugs
Paula
He didn't. He used and then could not pass the drug test to get in.
I had a sick feeling...I knew!
So, I told them to tear up the check. We are not waiting For him to pass the drug test. He had his chance. I'm done!
Uber account closed.
No where to live unless he figures it out.
He text me at 3 am and said its hard sleeping outside
I told him that he made that choice.
It hurts but I'm standing firm for once.
He did take a call from the pastor that has a room for Zach so he knows he has options. The pastor told Zach he is there for him.
I can't imagine the struggle.....it must me so hard but this is his fight. His journey!
Dang. My meetings are helping. Lol
I know I may sound strong but I'm hurting inside. Time to get to work and put the Manager
Hat on and a smile on the face.
Have a good day!
Prayers and Hugs
Paula
Zach has to commit to the NA/AA meetings .. LOTS of meetings.
There is nothing more important for him than to get to meetings.
1-2-3 meetings a day in the beginning. And a good sponsor to kick his arse.
Prayers.
Bob
There is nothing more important for him than to get to meetings.
1-2-3 meetings a day in the beginning. And a good sponsor to kick his arse.
Prayers.
Bob
Yes he does Papa
I found out from the sober living that he did show up. Them left and came back. He was in the bathroom doing crack. Well he was there a few hours and that cost $665.00
He message me last night that he was sleeping outside.
I told him I loved him and would pray but that is the consequences.
I'm stressed but I'll go to my meeting. God will take care of it
I found out from the sober living that he did show up. Them left and came back. He was in the bathroom doing crack. Well he was there a few hours and that cost $665.00
He message me last night that he was sleeping outside.
I told him I loved him and would pray but that is the consequences.
I'm stressed but I'll go to my meeting. God will take care of it
