I find my Power at the meetings.
I get a direction and a strength (just enough to carry me through 24 hrs :0)
The most effective prayers I ever said were while walking to the meeting.
All the best.
Bob
Hi Paula - I am feeling the similar to you. I know I can not swoop in a rescue my son. He has been saying it is too hard to eat and pay rent (but he has shorted his rent) and walk everywhere. etc.... We think he has been using something, but still has job.... of course we dont know what he is using or how much....
I guess my point is that I do not feel that he is proving to us that he is doing everything he can to help himself. It's like what he is saying and what I am seeing, does not agree with each other. Maybe he is trying, but he does not show us that he is, he just says that he is.
My husband talked to someone at the halfway house my son used to be at, a few weeks ago. The man there said my son has to do this himself. There is help if he wants it. He can go back to halfway. He said exactly as papa bear is saying - he has to go to meetings, and so on etc....
I agree with you. It does not feel good, even when we know that we cant help them. It is a no win situation, until they do it for themselves.. If I do enable this situation will go on for years, If I do not enable, the worst may happen or it might not happen. We just dont know.
I know that my son has to physically go to meetings and participate in his recovery. just talking about it and going once in a while is not enough. No matter how much we want life to be better for them, we cant do it for them.
You are doing the right thing to say I have this solution at the Christian Home and that's all I have. Actually you did even more than that. You gave him a chance to make his own decision and he ruined it.
Hope your son chooses the correct path.
I guess my point is that I do not feel that he is proving to us that he is doing everything he can to help himself. It's like what he is saying and what I am seeing, does not agree with each other. Maybe he is trying, but he does not show us that he is, he just says that he is.
My husband talked to someone at the halfway house my son used to be at, a few weeks ago. The man there said my son has to do this himself. There is help if he wants it. He can go back to halfway. He said exactly as papa bear is saying - he has to go to meetings, and so on etc....
I agree with you. It does not feel good, even when we know that we cant help them. It is a no win situation, until they do it for themselves.. If I do enable this situation will go on for years, If I do not enable, the worst may happen or it might not happen. We just dont know.
I know that my son has to physically go to meetings and participate in his recovery. just talking about it and going once in a while is not enough. No matter how much we want life to be better for them, we cant do it for them.
You are doing the right thing to say I have this solution at the Christian Home and that's all I have. Actually you did even more than that. You gave him a chance to make his own decision and he ruined it.
Hope your son chooses the correct path.
Well said nytoflorida!
Always in my prayers
Always in my prayers
Paula, hope your son eventually jumps on the offer of the Christian Home. He is so fortunate to have that option.But if he doesn't, then so be it. It is what it is but this is what's so utterly maddeningly for us and need to detach.
Hugs
Hugs
Paula,
Just reading one of your posts...I'm 52 too, and feel I'm too 'young'; to feel this bad. You're not alone & it does take it's toll on us.
Last I read, your son left rehab & did crack. Is he still outdoors or did he go to the Christian place? God, I hope he went. I could feel the worry & anxiety in your emails. I feel bad for you, I truly do. I hope you carve out some time for yourself just 'to be'. You need time to baby yourself, eat gummi bears & sleep the day away if that's what suites your fancy. Honey, you deserve it!
How are things going with your fiance'? I'm hoping much better. My husband has a lot of different ways of thinking than mine. I try to keep conversation's lively when I can see that grumpy/miserable side of him coming out. I hate when he acts judgemental. He's NOT perfect by any means. Then again, neither am I. But why do they seem to always seek out the negative way of interpretating things?
For what it's worth, I can't eat when I'm upset either. Candy though, that I can manage, and donuts. lol It's so good you have your meetings & us! You know we're all here for ya~.
I feel awful about your insurance not covering his rehab so far. We have the same thing here. We're getting bills our insurance should be paying. It will be a pain in the a** phone call. Why does everything have to be SO hard!?
Have a nice night, Paula and everybody.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
Just reading one of your posts...I'm 52 too, and feel I'm too 'young'; to feel this bad. You're not alone & it does take it's toll on us.
Last I read, your son left rehab & did crack. Is he still outdoors or did he go to the Christian place? God, I hope he went. I could feel the worry & anxiety in your emails. I feel bad for you, I truly do. I hope you carve out some time for yourself just 'to be'. You need time to baby yourself, eat gummi bears & sleep the day away if that's what suites your fancy. Honey, you deserve it!
How are things going with your fiance'? I'm hoping much better. My husband has a lot of different ways of thinking than mine. I try to keep conversation's lively when I can see that grumpy/miserable side of him coming out. I hate when he acts judgemental. He's NOT perfect by any means. Then again, neither am I. But why do they seem to always seek out the negative way of interpretating things?
For what it's worth, I can't eat when I'm upset either. Candy though, that I can manage, and donuts. lol It's so good you have your meetings & us! You know we're all here for ya~.
I feel awful about your insurance not covering his rehab so far. We have the same thing here. We're getting bills our insurance should be paying. It will be a pain in the a** phone call. Why does everything have to be SO hard!?
Have a nice night, Paula and everybody.
Love & God bless you,
Dee
hello everyone,
I want to add - my husband talks horrible of our son. I just mention his name - "hope he's doing OK this week" , and husband goes off! It makes me cringe. It takes all I have not to yell at husband. It just makes me remember - Not to talk to husband about this..... which is not great either.....
At that point I remind myself that everyone is on their own path.... my husband is on his own path with his anger, he is not as compassionate as I am.... he does say he loves his son..... but hates that he is addicted.... we can still live together, but sometimes it is "Every man for Him or Her Self"
Make your own path and save yourself, and hope the others stick around on your path......
ON ANOTHER NOTE....
My husband and I are going on a vacation. I was very worried to talk to son. I did not want to hear sad stories. I did call him bc that's what I do. Luckily, he was talking positively. "he knows what to do, he just has to do it. " and he " sees the light at the end of the tunnel" he has good plans for the next few months...... and so on ....
unfortunately, his Karma sucks..... so every time he does something good, a few bad things also happen......maybe thats part of addiction too..... so, we will see. at least it was a good conversation and I can go on vacation without feeling guilty.
I want to add - my husband talks horrible of our son. I just mention his name - "hope he's doing OK this week" , and husband goes off! It makes me cringe. It takes all I have not to yell at husband. It just makes me remember - Not to talk to husband about this..... which is not great either.....
At that point I remind myself that everyone is on their own path.... my husband is on his own path with his anger, he is not as compassionate as I am.... he does say he loves his son..... but hates that he is addicted.... we can still live together, but sometimes it is "Every man for Him or Her Self"
Make your own path and save yourself, and hope the others stick around on your path......
ON ANOTHER NOTE....
My husband and I are going on a vacation. I was very worried to talk to son. I did not want to hear sad stories. I did call him bc that's what I do. Luckily, he was talking positively. "he knows what to do, he just has to do it. " and he " sees the light at the end of the tunnel" he has good plans for the next few months...... and so on ....
unfortunately, his Karma sucks..... so every time he does something good, a few bad things also happen......maybe thats part of addiction too..... so, we will see. at least it was a good conversation and I can go on vacation without feeling guilty.
Paula
Just checking on you. I've been there a dozen times. Like ny my son was in rented room. Made great money. Overdraw checking acct couldn't pay rent and then phone bill
He was using at that time just pills then escalted to heroin.
I'm lucky my husband his step dad never comdends me or stop me helping him. But he always said he is not cleaned. But do what you need to do. UNTIL I finally released what a con artist my son is. I refused to bring son home. He went Salvation Army 90 rehab and got kicked out.
So he can sleep in streets. He Can get cold or wet. He can also choose a drug rehab. It's his choice not mine anymore.
NY kick my butt anytime I love your advise !!
Stay the course Paula you are doing the right thing. Don't let him use emotional blackmail and your love to get what he wants !! Money
Stay strong. Focus and determined to say NO
Xx
Sue
Just checking on you. I've been there a dozen times. Like ny my son was in rented room. Made great money. Overdraw checking acct couldn't pay rent and then phone bill
He was using at that time just pills then escalted to heroin.
I'm lucky my husband his step dad never comdends me or stop me helping him. But he always said he is not cleaned. But do what you need to do. UNTIL I finally released what a con artist my son is. I refused to bring son home. He went Salvation Army 90 rehab and got kicked out.
So he can sleep in streets. He Can get cold or wet. He can also choose a drug rehab. It's his choice not mine anymore.
NY kick my butt anytime I love your advise !!
Stay the course Paula you are doing the right thing. Don't let him use emotional blackmail and your love to get what he wants !! Money
Stay strong. Focus and determined to say NO
Xx
Sue
Ny, Sue, Dee and everyone
Things aren't going so well.
Zach has been on the street since Sunday. Breaks my heart.
I've talked to him a few times ( I think he was trying to see if I would send money)
He was messed up and I just told him "I love you son and I hate this for you". I told him when he wants to be sober to contact Victor the pastor.
I know he got his crack from this piece of **it that just got out of jail. The guy is bad news and involved in a chop shop. At this point I'm starting to get alittle worried. I always look on Facebook to see if he has been on recently. It's sad but when I see he was on recently it's a relief and I know he's still alive. It's been almost 24 hours. I'm not jumping to conclusions because the phone coould be lost or broken.
I went to urgent care yesterday. I'm having a lot of bleeding from my nose and spitting up blood. Sorry I know that's gross. Everyone was in the bathroom with me at work yesterday trying to help and then went to urgent care. My blood pressure was 169/112. So I left work early and was driving home.....blood start pouring again all over me. What a mess!! Fianc called nurse so if it happens again I need to ER.
I have an appointment with a specialist Monday.
My relationship with my fianc is not good. I exist and my life has revolved around my son.
He even told my sister he's not sure how much more he can take. He has a lot of resentment towards my son. I get it and that hurt me but I need to start living again. That's why I started Alanon. I have to take control of my life because my son may die tomorrow, be in prison or maybe want to be sober. This is his journey so now I have to take my life back.
I'm really hurting but I'll keep pushing and it will work out the way God has it planned.
Hugs and prayers friends
Paula
Things aren't going so well.
Zach has been on the street since Sunday. Breaks my heart.
I've talked to him a few times ( I think he was trying to see if I would send money)
He was messed up and I just told him "I love you son and I hate this for you". I told him when he wants to be sober to contact Victor the pastor.
I know he got his crack from this piece of **it that just got out of jail. The guy is bad news and involved in a chop shop. At this point I'm starting to get alittle worried. I always look on Facebook to see if he has been on recently. It's sad but when I see he was on recently it's a relief and I know he's still alive. It's been almost 24 hours. I'm not jumping to conclusions because the phone coould be lost or broken.
I went to urgent care yesterday. I'm having a lot of bleeding from my nose and spitting up blood. Sorry I know that's gross. Everyone was in the bathroom with me at work yesterday trying to help and then went to urgent care. My blood pressure was 169/112. So I left work early and was driving home.....blood start pouring again all over me. What a mess!! Fianc called nurse so if it happens again I need to ER.
I have an appointment with a specialist Monday.
My relationship with my fianc is not good. I exist and my life has revolved around my son.
He even told my sister he's not sure how much more he can take. He has a lot of resentment towards my son. I get it and that hurt me but I need to start living again. That's why I started Alanon. I have to take control of my life because my son may die tomorrow, be in prison or maybe want to be sober. This is his journey so now I have to take my life back.
I'm really hurting but I'll keep pushing and it will work out the way God has it planned.
Hugs and prayers friends
Paula
The fear, stress and anxiety causes all kinds of grief with our bodies.
Paula, do you have an Al-Anon sponsor? Are you attending the meetings regularly?
All the best.
Bob R
Paula, do you have an Al-Anon sponsor? Are you attending the meetings regularly?
All the best.
Bob R
Papa
Yes I'm going to my meetings and it's really helping. How do I know when or who to go to for a sponsor?
Yes I'm going to my meetings and it's really helping. How do I know when or who to go to for a sponsor?
When I joined AA I was told to get a sponsor.
I looked and listened to the folks at the meetings and there was an oldtimer who came to the meetings that more good common sense, dignity and self-respect than I could ever hope to have.
I asked HIM to be my sponsor !!
He became my friend and mentor and slowly I began to get what he had (was giving me).
Getting a sponsor, choosing a home group, committing to being active in the group was all so daunting.
One day I asked myself: "Do I WANT THIS?" - "Am I IN or am I OUT?" ... no half measures.
I chose ALL IN in 1989 and I'm still going strong in 2016... just as promised.
I wish you the best.
Bob
I looked and listened to the folks at the meetings and there was an oldtimer who came to the meetings that more good common sense, dignity and self-respect than I could ever hope to have.
I asked HIM to be my sponsor !!
He became my friend and mentor and slowly I began to get what he had (was giving me).
Getting a sponsor, choosing a home group, committing to being active in the group was all so daunting.
One day I asked myself: "Do I WANT THIS?" - "Am I IN or am I OUT?" ... no half measures.
I chose ALL IN in 1989 and I'm still going strong in 2016... just as promised.
I wish you the best.
Bob
Paula,
I'm SO GLAD you're seeing someone Monday! You've got me worried! I hope they can help you out, you poor thing. (((hugs))) Does the bleeding happen often? Once would be enough I'm sure. Yeesh.
And, geez...I'm sorry to hear about Zach. I can only imagine how you're feeling. You have done the right thing in telling him to seek out the pastor when he's ready. I'm sure it's of little consolation though. It sucks having to resort to Facebook to see what your kid's up to. Ive been there & it hurts big time.
I truly hope that a****** supplying him, gets caught soon! Like someone suggested, they should be convicted of murder when someone DO's. Maybe that would be a fitting response.
It's sad for you that your fiance' is less than comforting. It stinks that he can't be more compassionate towards YOU! I can understand him resenting the hurt your son's caused you, but what he's doing now makes it all the worse. I hope he sees the light very soon!
My hubby takes a hard line too when it comes to Kayla. I know how deeply that can hurt & how frustrating it can be. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I'm glad you have your meetings. You know every one of us is here for you & keeping you in our prayers.
Thinking of you today especially, Paula.
Hang in there.
love & God bless you,
Dee
I'm SO GLAD you're seeing someone Monday! You've got me worried! I hope they can help you out, you poor thing. (((hugs))) Does the bleeding happen often? Once would be enough I'm sure. Yeesh.
And, geez...I'm sorry to hear about Zach. I can only imagine how you're feeling. You have done the right thing in telling him to seek out the pastor when he's ready. I'm sure it's of little consolation though. It sucks having to resort to Facebook to see what your kid's up to. Ive been there & it hurts big time.
I truly hope that a****** supplying him, gets caught soon! Like someone suggested, they should be convicted of murder when someone DO's. Maybe that would be a fitting response.
It's sad for you that your fiance' is less than comforting. It stinks that he can't be more compassionate towards YOU! I can understand him resenting the hurt your son's caused you, but what he's doing now makes it all the worse. I hope he sees the light very soon!
My hubby takes a hard line too when it comes to Kayla. I know how deeply that can hurt & how frustrating it can be. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I'm glad you have your meetings. You know every one of us is here for you & keeping you in our prayers.
Thinking of you today especially, Paula.
Hang in there.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Something that I have to remind myself of often
Thanks Dee and Papa
A strange number showed up a few hours ago on my phone. It was Zach.
He lost his phone and has been at Jack In Box All day. The manager said he seemed
High and was making people under comfortable. I told her he was struggling with drugs and
She might want to ask him to leave and that I could not pick him up. She said it was storming and she would let him stay.
He asked for help but by the time the pastor made it.... He was paranoid and thought he was a cop. The pastor left and about an hour later the young girl that let Zach use her phone called the pastor. Zach broke down sobbing to her ( she was a former drug addict and had connected with Zach)
If Zach calls the pastor he will drive another 1 1/2 hours to get him. The pastor said today God was using this young lady to help Zach. We are praying that he will hit his bottom soon.
No phone, no money, nothing. I did tell him I loved him so much and when he's ready to please call.
Please keep praying
Hugs
PAULA
PS
I'm going to pray about me and my fianc. I love him but I just don't know. I wish I had more support.
A strange number showed up a few hours ago on my phone. It was Zach.
He lost his phone and has been at Jack In Box All day. The manager said he seemed
High and was making people under comfortable. I told her he was struggling with drugs and
She might want to ask him to leave and that I could not pick him up. She said it was storming and she would let him stay.
He asked for help but by the time the pastor made it.... He was paranoid and thought he was a cop. The pastor left and about an hour later the young girl that let Zach use her phone called the pastor. Zach broke down sobbing to her ( she was a former drug addict and had connected with Zach)
If Zach calls the pastor he will drive another 1 1/2 hours to get him. The pastor said today God was using this young lady to help Zach. We are praying that he will hit his bottom soon.
No phone, no money, nothing. I did tell him I loved him so much and when he's ready to please call.
Please keep praying
Hugs
PAULA
PS
I'm going to pray about me and my fianc. I love him but I just don't know. I wish I had more support.
Paula--
I am praying for you and Zach. I know how hopeful you were that he would turn his life around. He has to choose which path to take and I pray that he will bottom out soon and turn around. I know it must be really difficult to go through all this with little support from your fiance and I am praying for him to be supportive and understanding of you and what you're going through!
Hang tough and God will direct all this in His time.
(((HUGS)))
I am praying for you and Zach. I know how hopeful you were that he would turn his life around. He has to choose which path to take and I pray that he will bottom out soon and turn around. I know it must be really difficult to go through all this with little support from your fiance and I am praying for him to be supportive and understanding of you and what you're going through!
Hang tough and God will direct all this in His time.
(((HUGS)))
Paula,
I will pray especially for Zach today. Something's gotta give.
It does sound like he's close to 'bottom' though I know one person's 'bottom' may be different than the next, and I don't know him personally. And so all we can do is keep praying. Maybe turn it up a notch.
It does sound like the Lord was using this young woman for a purpose. I don't really believe in 'chance'. I believe strongly in divine intervention. That's what we pray for. She sounded like a very compassionate, empathetic person, having suffered addiction herself. I hope she struck a chord with Zach.
Please keep us updated.
Thinking of you~...
Love & God bless you both,
Dee
I will pray especially for Zach today. Something's gotta give.
It does sound like he's close to 'bottom' though I know one person's 'bottom' may be different than the next, and I don't know him personally. And so all we can do is keep praying. Maybe turn it up a notch.
It does sound like the Lord was using this young woman for a purpose. I don't really believe in 'chance'. I believe strongly in divine intervention. That's what we pray for. She sounded like a very compassionate, empathetic person, having suffered addiction herself. I hope she struck a chord with Zach.
Please keep us updated.
Thinking of you~...
Love & God bless you both,
Dee
Well here is the latest
I almost went to ER a few minutes ago...lot of pressure in head, bleeding again. In the middle of it all I get a call from a stranger. Zach was in the hospital last night. He told stranger he wasn't sure but that he was fu*****ed up lady night. He's released only in his gown with no clothes. He had lost everything. I talked to the pastor and we have decided to do nothing. He made the decision so now he can sit in the gown with no food and clothes and figure it out. If he truly wants to surrender then the pastor will pick him up. He's sober at this moment so we will see what he decides. I want to run to Houston but I'm NOT.
Keep us in your prayers
Paula
I almost went to ER a few minutes ago...lot of pressure in head, bleeding again. In the middle of it all I get a call from a stranger. Zach was in the hospital last night. He told stranger he wasn't sure but that he was fu*****ed up lady night. He's released only in his gown with no clothes. He had lost everything. I talked to the pastor and we have decided to do nothing. He made the decision so now he can sit in the gown with no food and clothes and figure it out. If he truly wants to surrender then the pastor will pick him up. He's sober at this moment so we will see what he decides. I want to run to Houston but I'm NOT.
Keep us in your prayers
Paula
oh Paula I am praying for you and Zach! This is so hard to go through! Hopefully this is what it will take for Zach to choose a different path.
Please take care of yourself and your health!!!! You can't help Zach when and if he hits bottom and decides to get better if you are sick yourself.
(((Hugs))) and prayers!
Please take care of yourself and your health!!!! You can't help Zach when and if he hits bottom and decides to get better if you are sick yourself.
(((Hugs))) and prayers!
Prayers to you and your son, Paula that you continue to be strong and that your son will make the changes he needs to make to be on the road to recovery. He is learning this hard lesson on his own, but he has many praying that he make the right choices.
I'm glad you have been in contact with the pastor. Zach certainly has his angels looking out for him yesterday and today, especially.
Please take care of yourself, my dear. Pray, meditate, and turn it over to God.
I'm glad you have been in contact with the pastor. Zach certainly has his angels looking out for him yesterday and today, especially.
Please take care of yourself, my dear. Pray, meditate, and turn it over to God.
Plopez, Please go to the emergency room yourself and soon. You cannot put your own health on hold in case there is something going on. I wish you and your son well.
