Hi everyone,
It has been great reading your posts. They have been really helpful. I'm 32 from Ireland where alcohol is almost as normal a part of the diet as breakfast is. I began drinking at 18 when I started in college but even then I knew something was up - couldn't drink like my friends who would have a few and go home. I always had to be the last to leave and very often helped home. I thought then that this was all part of the college experience. In my twenties having lost a baby I turned to drink to blot every single emotion out. In time, I was using alcohol to avoid any problem or uncomfortable thought that came up. Things really started to degenerate about 18 months ago when I attended my Christams function. I worked in education and got so drunk that I told all of my highly intelligent PhD students how truly stupid they all were. The following day I took a train home still drunk only to attend my partners Christmas party. I got my make up done proferssionally to cover up how hung over I was and had about three glasses of wine to 'steady the nerves'. Needless to say I went out that night and got roaring drunk and insuslted all of my partner's bosses. I had to be carried out and all my old professors from the college where I did my own PhD were there having a good laugh at my pathetic state. Since then I have spent times on and off the wagon - still not ready to admit the extent of the problem.
Rock bottom had to come - and it did last weekend. I had been going well - sober for two whole weeks and feeling proud of myself (was not attending AA though). My mum and I went to Dublin shopping and ended up having a row. I took a vodka saying to myself I'll only have a couple. Needless to say that was the start of another bender which ended up 4 days later with me punching my mother, putting my fist through a panel of glass, being seen by paramedics and spending the night in jail cell. The shame and disgust I feel are overpowering. I even thought about killing myself to stop hurting other people but to be honest I haven't the guts. I went back to AA the followinf day - I didn't know ehere else to go. I am day 5 sober now and if I have learned anything I cannot do it alone. One day at a time - let go and Let God have new meaning to me now. I have been to my GP to see an addiction councellor and have bought a range of books on alcoholism (my own dad is an alcoholic).
Anyway that is my story. Thabks you fro showing me that maybe I am not hopeless and that maybe I can do this - for me - and for my family - one day at a time.
Take carex
well done thats brill going to a meeting x
Hi Ruth--and welcome. You've come to the right place and we've been waiting for you! :) Continue to go to meetings as often as possible. I've heard "90 meetings in 90 days" and, while I didn't make ninety contiguous meetings, I probably hit 83 or so. The point is that I made it my primary intent and pushed my schedule around each meeting because I believed--and still do--that if I could simply get to another meeting I would a) stay sober; b) learn something about me; and c) stay alive.
I'm into my 4th month of sober living and I've never known a more serene, peaceful, less chaotic existence--at least since coming out of the womb, anyway! :) I've learned more about ME and my allergy since I "Let Go and Let God," and I've found that I'm alright, too. I happen to have an Irish heritage and liquid breakfasts and hydraulic lunches aren't necessarily merely an Irish thingy--but they ARE good signs of alcoholism as *I* know it.
Look, I have tons of education, but I'm dumber than dirt about living life on life's terms. If I would have stopped long enough to observe the little things around me and try to appreciate my place, I would have found that the anger at the morons and dumbs***s that surrounded my obviously more intelligent life was a direct result of MY response and MY problems and MY FEARS. Peering over the curb at life doesn't seem so intelligent anymore and I'm glad to let go the reigns and allow MY Higher Power to run things because I surely couldn't have screwed them up any further!
I blabber on here because I find it difficult to put into spoken word just how I feel and think and I thank MY HP hourly that He/She/It kept me from killing myself or someone around me or someone that I love, because I damned sure was heading in that direction--and I am SO GRATEFUL for the folks on this forum that have accepted me for me. I wish I could reach out and hug them.
Peaceness.
I'm into my 4th month of sober living and I've never known a more serene, peaceful, less chaotic existence--at least since coming out of the womb, anyway! :) I've learned more about ME and my allergy since I "Let Go and Let God," and I've found that I'm alright, too. I happen to have an Irish heritage and liquid breakfasts and hydraulic lunches aren't necessarily merely an Irish thingy--but they ARE good signs of alcoholism as *I* know it.
Look, I have tons of education, but I'm dumber than dirt about living life on life's terms. If I would have stopped long enough to observe the little things around me and try to appreciate my place, I would have found that the anger at the morons and dumbs***s that surrounded my obviously more intelligent life was a direct result of MY response and MY problems and MY FEARS. Peering over the curb at life doesn't seem so intelligent anymore and I'm glad to let go the reigns and allow MY Higher Power to run things because I surely couldn't have screwed them up any further!
I blabber on here because I find it difficult to put into spoken word just how I feel and think and I thank MY HP hourly that He/She/It kept me from killing myself or someone around me or someone that I love, because I damned sure was heading in that direction--and I am SO GRATEFUL for the folks on this forum that have accepted me for me. I wish I could reach out and hug them.
Peaceness.
Thanks SKG and Deborah,
Yes I think that is what terrifies me the most. What if I ended up killing my mum or hurting my partner in one of my violent drunken rages. When sober I have a temper sure - who doesn't but violent?? Never. Alcolhol and me are the classic case of Dr. Jekyll (or in my case Dr. Ruth !!) and Mr. Hyde. it is great to find a forum like this. I also have a very good friemd in AA and every time I screw up he never lectures me - just encourages me and keeps saying the AA mantra of 'one day at a time'. In the beginning I thought he was brainwashed with all this stuff but now I am honored to be a part of the AA fellowship - men and women who have been through hell because of alcohol and are brave enough to take responsibility for their actions and their lives. That is truly inspiring. My partner has been wonderful - he gave up alcohol eight months ago to suport me just so as I wouldn't be tempted. My mum has stuck by me in spite of everything. My dad was never around because of drink and to this day wont admit he is an alcoholic because some Harley Street doctor in London told him he wasn't !!
Thanks for your positive vibes.
Yes I think that is what terrifies me the most. What if I ended up killing my mum or hurting my partner in one of my violent drunken rages. When sober I have a temper sure - who doesn't but violent?? Never. Alcolhol and me are the classic case of Dr. Jekyll (or in my case Dr. Ruth !!) and Mr. Hyde. it is great to find a forum like this. I also have a very good friemd in AA and every time I screw up he never lectures me - just encourages me and keeps saying the AA mantra of 'one day at a time'. In the beginning I thought he was brainwashed with all this stuff but now I am honored to be a part of the AA fellowship - men and women who have been through hell because of alcohol and are brave enough to take responsibility for their actions and their lives. That is truly inspiring. My partner has been wonderful - he gave up alcohol eight months ago to suport me just so as I wouldn't be tempted. My mum has stuck by me in spite of everything. My dad was never around because of drink and to this day wont admit he is an alcoholic because some Harley Street doctor in London told him he wasn't !!
Thanks for your positive vibes.
The FIRST thing I had to do was accept that I couldn't do. I WAS, in fact, powerless--and not just over alcohol, either! So then I did a bit of an inventory--stuff that I had responsibility for and what wasn't mine--things that I'd simply decided to either control or be concerned about for no apparent reason other than fear of SOMETHING--like acceptance, or love, or abaondonment--all that stuff. It was a very, very, VERY introspective and telling inventory. And then I started separating myself from everything that wasn't mine, or that would affect my infancy in sobriety, and staying away from alcohol. Even the smell on someone's breath began to make me physically sick--so much so that I had to leave situations that I would find myself in or suspecting I could get in.
I SO RESPECT AA members, now, because most have already been to hell. The alternative is so much more peaceful, simple, and rewarding.
I SO RESPECT AA members, now, because most have already been to hell. The alternative is so much more peaceful, simple, and rewarding.
Well done SKG,
What struck me last Sunday was how well, healthy and happy everyone looked. I was hungover, probably smelling of drink and looking like death. Straight out of a jail cell - I have never been in toruble before so I was in a state of shock that I had sunk so low. I want what people in AA have - happiness and peace and I will do anything to get it.
It is still such early days for me and to be honest I'm scared. My head is still cloudy from the amount I drank last wekend. I'm on last warnings from my Mum and partner and if I screw up agin they are gone. I'm goig to a meeting tomorrow and Sunday and will report back next week.
Keep your fingers crossed for me and I will for you,
Take care, xx
What struck me last Sunday was how well, healthy and happy everyone looked. I was hungover, probably smelling of drink and looking like death. Straight out of a jail cell - I have never been in toruble before so I was in a state of shock that I had sunk so low. I want what people in AA have - happiness and peace and I will do anything to get it.
It is still such early days for me and to be honest I'm scared. My head is still cloudy from the amount I drank last wekend. I'm on last warnings from my Mum and partner and if I screw up agin they are gone. I'm goig to a meeting tomorrow and Sunday and will report back next week.
Keep your fingers crossed for me and I will for you,
Take care, xx
HI Ruth,
It is here and in the Aa that we have no judgement for your behavoiour. Probably because we have done similar ort worse things! And we understand the nature of our collective illness. Keep going to meetings.
Know what they say - stay away and you'll fade away.....
Well done, enjoy the journey back to who you truly are
It is here and in the Aa that we have no judgement for your behavoiour. Probably because we have done similar ort worse things! And we understand the nature of our collective illness. Keep going to meetings.
Know what they say - stay away and you'll fade away.....
Well done, enjoy the journey back to who you truly are
:healthy and happy everyone looked.
Yep--and for good reason! We're happy and healthy again--and probably moreso than those around us because we've been given reprieve Just For Today. If I were to think long enough about quitting drinking for the rest of my life I'd go out immediately and drink it away. Just going to meetings, working the program, and staying sober for an hour at a time seems to work--it's been nearly 4 months and I was, for all intents, headed for death. Letting Go and Letting MYGod has given me my life back--in my better repair than I deserve, too!
:I will do anything to get it.
Then you're ready to have what WE have. Hope.
Yep--and for good reason! We're happy and healthy again--and probably moreso than those around us because we've been given reprieve Just For Today. If I were to think long enough about quitting drinking for the rest of my life I'd go out immediately and drink it away. Just going to meetings, working the program, and staying sober for an hour at a time seems to work--it's been nearly 4 months and I was, for all intents, headed for death. Letting Go and Letting MYGod has given me my life back--in my better repair than I deserve, too!
:I will do anything to get it.
Then you're ready to have what WE have. Hope.
Hi Ruth...
Welcome....and thank you for sharing your story. I could relate with so much of it...
AA has changed my whole life and given me a life I never dreamed possible. I just keep coming back, and day by day, life gets better and as I learn to live life, it just gets more rewarding...
I could relate a lot to your fears...Fear kept me sick for such a long time and when I finally surrendered and asked for help, things started getting better immediately...
Today I embrace my recovery and I was told early on to jump into the middle of it, go to meetings, raise my hand & introduce myself, ask for phone numbers, find a temporary sponsor and get a Big Book and read the 1st 164pgs....simple little things that helped build a foundation and keep me further & further from a drink...
Please do come back & share about your meetings...I love reading about others in their recovery journies...SKG always shares all of himself and what a blessing it is to be a "part of" and finally know I wasn't crazy and there are so many others that "get me"...
Again, welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better...
xoxo
Stacey
Welcome....and thank you for sharing your story. I could relate with so much of it...
AA has changed my whole life and given me a life I never dreamed possible. I just keep coming back, and day by day, life gets better and as I learn to live life, it just gets more rewarding...
I could relate a lot to your fears...Fear kept me sick for such a long time and when I finally surrendered and asked for help, things started getting better immediately...
Today I embrace my recovery and I was told early on to jump into the middle of it, go to meetings, raise my hand & introduce myself, ask for phone numbers, find a temporary sponsor and get a Big Book and read the 1st 164pgs....simple little things that helped build a foundation and keep me further & further from a drink...
Please do come back & share about your meetings...I love reading about others in their recovery journies...SKG always shares all of himself and what a blessing it is to be a "part of" and finally know I wasn't crazy and there are so many others that "get me"...
Again, welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better...
xoxo
Stacey
Cead Mile Faltre Ruth
I cant remember the spelling of it and it is supposed to mean a 100,000 welcomes in Gaelic, my barman in london is Irish but he now is a policeman back in Ireland and i have kissed the Blarney Stone and was police escorted out of Bunratty Castle
Welcome to the boards and keep posting Ruth and the do anything to stay sober you can do is discover yourself and over time (one day at a time) the journey is wondrous and beautiful as Ireland in Autumn.
Im Zac and im from New Zealand
Light and love Zac
I cant remember the spelling of it and it is supposed to mean a 100,000 welcomes in Gaelic, my barman in london is Irish but he now is a policeman back in Ireland and i have kissed the Blarney Stone and was police escorted out of Bunratty Castle
Welcome to the boards and keep posting Ruth and the do anything to stay sober you can do is discover yourself and over time (one day at a time) the journey is wondrous and beautiful as Ireland in Autumn.
Im Zac and im from New Zealand
Light and love Zac
Welcome Ruth, I too was like you on and off the wagon, and not ready to actually accept that I SIMPLY COULDNT drink like others around me I spent a while without picking a drink up felt fab then the demon returned and I thought "I'll be ok, just the one"...NO! I'm powerless over alcohol and always will be. Its the acceptance with me that has finally kicked in after all these years. I'm finally doing it for ME. It was kinda last chance saloon for me too last weekend today is my 7th day sober and I, too have once again entered the doors to AA where I see things totally different now with a belief in myself and things are finally clicking into place, before I just didnt "get it".
Stick with us, like others have said we are all in the same boat, have faith in yourself, keep going to meetings, no one will judge you, others outside may do as we are a label to some not a human being, but they are to be pitied! do it for u, good luck hun and keep posting...Flojo x
Stick with us, like others have said we are all in the same boat, have faith in yourself, keep going to meetings, no one will judge you, others outside may do as we are a label to some not a human being, but they are to be pitied! do it for u, good luck hun and keep posting...Flojo x
Welcome Ruth! So glad you decided to put down the drink and join all of us in recovery and staying sober "one day at a time" together ; so glad you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You never have to feel the way you have felt as of late again...I never thought I'd get sober and here I am....by the grace of God, AA and this forum the obsession and craving for alcohol has left me. Easy does it, it will get better, I promise...."you will know a new freedom and a new happiness"...keep posting and going to meetings!
Hi, Ruth. I am the mum of an alcoholic/addict. I want you to know that my daughter's sobriety means more to me than anything money can buy, but more importantly it means that much to her. Seeing my daughter as she was meant to be has made my life complete. She is 24 years old. From 16 to 22, I, like your mom, watched alcohol then drugs destroy the person she was. Know that today, I couldn't be prouder of her and her past alcohol/drug problems did not define her for the rest of her life. Addiction is a powerful disease that steals one's soul. Who you are is the person we see writing on this board...not the drunk at the party. Do this for yourself because you matter. My daughter couldn't do it for me or anyone else, and, yes, I suffered immensely during that process and could not understand how she could do this to "me," yet stood by her until I couldn't make any more excuses for her. When the day came that she wanted it for herself, wanted to reclaim the beautiful person she is, that's when her life changed. Yours will too. Best of luck to you, Ruth. I loved my daughter through her addictions and alcoholism. Today I like my daughter and am so proud of her because she chose to do whatever she had to do to like herself and be proud of herself. luv corrinne
Anyone heard from Ruth?
Hi everyone,
I haven't posted for a liitle while but thank you all so very much for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you 'Heartache' for sharing your story as the mum of an alcoholic. I know I have put my own Mum through similar pain and I am just very grateful that she has stuck by me.
Well, I have been doing very well I am glad to report. I am sober three weeks, attending AA regularly and have even started seeing an addiction councellor. I had a slight set back when my dad came back to Ireland from London last week for a visit. I didn't have a very good relationship with him - he is also an alcoholic - but would never ever admit to having a drink problem. He's one of the 'lads' a hard man as they would say. Alcohol took him away from the family so I grew up without him but when I became an adult I made an effort to build a relationship with him. He had been told by some of the best doctors that another drink would kill him so he quit and was sober for ten years. However, in the last two he startd back again convincing himself he could take it or leave it. When I met him last week he looked hungover and unkempt and of course drink was all he could talk about. He doesn't know I am an alcoholic and in recovery and I didn't say anything. I don't think he would understand anyway.
I am happy to report though that that incident only hardened my resolve to get well. I do not want to be my Dad and if I ever have children some day I want a healthier relationship with them than I ever had with my Dad.
I'm working the programme as best as I can and taking it 'one day at a time'.
I hope you are all doing well out there and I would love to hear from you.
Take care, Ruth xx
I haven't posted for a liitle while but thank you all so very much for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you 'Heartache' for sharing your story as the mum of an alcoholic. I know I have put my own Mum through similar pain and I am just very grateful that she has stuck by me.
Well, I have been doing very well I am glad to report. I am sober three weeks, attending AA regularly and have even started seeing an addiction councellor. I had a slight set back when my dad came back to Ireland from London last week for a visit. I didn't have a very good relationship with him - he is also an alcoholic - but would never ever admit to having a drink problem. He's one of the 'lads' a hard man as they would say. Alcohol took him away from the family so I grew up without him but when I became an adult I made an effort to build a relationship with him. He had been told by some of the best doctors that another drink would kill him so he quit and was sober for ten years. However, in the last two he startd back again convincing himself he could take it or leave it. When I met him last week he looked hungover and unkempt and of course drink was all he could talk about. He doesn't know I am an alcoholic and in recovery and I didn't say anything. I don't think he would understand anyway.
I am happy to report though that that incident only hardened my resolve to get well. I do not want to be my Dad and if I ever have children some day I want a healthier relationship with them than I ever had with my Dad.
I'm working the programme as best as I can and taking it 'one day at a time'.
I hope you are all doing well out there and I would love to hear from you.
Take care, Ruth xx
~APPLAUSE!!!~
Good for YOU! I don't know why--we see so many of our kind go back out there and try to do more research--and many don't come back! I like to think of the drink disease as an allergy because it helps me accept the fact that if I drink I'll break out in stupid. Or handcuffs. Or worse.
It works if you work it. Keep coming back--we're as dependent on you for OUR sobriety as you are dependent on constant reminders in meetings and stuff.
Good for YOU! I don't know why--we see so many of our kind go back out there and try to do more research--and many don't come back! I like to think of the drink disease as an allergy because it helps me accept the fact that if I drink I'll break out in stupid. Or handcuffs. Or worse.
It works if you work it. Keep coming back--we're as dependent on you for OUR sobriety as you are dependent on constant reminders in meetings and stuff.
Gidday Ruth
Awesome effort and keep it up.
Its about breaking the cycle of addiction and becoming who we are meant to be, which for me is such an awesome journey
Keep posting your experience, strength and hope
light and love Zac
Awesome effort and keep it up.
Its about breaking the cycle of addiction and becoming who we are meant to be, which for me is such an awesome journey
Keep posting your experience, strength and hope
light and love Zac
Well done Ruth!
Its good to hear from you again. Sobriety can happen if we work our program. I'm glad to hear about your success so far...
one day at a time, Cookster
Its good to hear from you again. Sobriety can happen if we work our program. I'm glad to hear about your success so far...
one day at a time, Cookster
Ruth...
Thanks for the update...it's so awesome to see you embrace this gift of sobriety...You are a miracle!!
Please keep comin back & sharing your experience, strength & hope...
God bless,
Stacey
Thanks for the update...it's so awesome to see you embrace this gift of sobriety...You are a miracle!!
Please keep comin back & sharing your experience, strength & hope...
God bless,
Stacey
Hello again,
Another day sober! This is as long as I have been sober in 13 years and I know three weeks doesn't seem a long time but it is to me. Not even a big argument with the other half last night persuaded me to go back to the drink. I feel I am getting stronger and getting to know my own mind a bit better now that it is not clouded in an alcoholic haze. Nothing can stand between me and my sobriety.
Unfortunately I will have to go the Garda station (Police station) on Friday to be officially cautioned for being drunk and disorderly three weeks ago. It upsets me but maybe this whole awful incident was the wake up call from my higher power to get my act together before something truly terrible happens to me or another.
Do any of you question why the need for the drink in the first place? What are we 'alcoholics' running away from or what feeling is so terrible that drink is the only way to run away from it....
I think a big challenge we face is learning to feel comfortable in our own skins again and learning to love the person looking back at us in the mirror. And that is the hard part - especially when we have hurt ourselves and others and are filled with a lot of self loathing.
Leaving the drink down is only one part - learning to live with life's ups and downs without it is the real challenege.
But having a supportive community like this one definitely makes the journey easier. I'm glad you guys are there.
Another day sober! This is as long as I have been sober in 13 years and I know three weeks doesn't seem a long time but it is to me. Not even a big argument with the other half last night persuaded me to go back to the drink. I feel I am getting stronger and getting to know my own mind a bit better now that it is not clouded in an alcoholic haze. Nothing can stand between me and my sobriety.
Unfortunately I will have to go the Garda station (Police station) on Friday to be officially cautioned for being drunk and disorderly three weeks ago. It upsets me but maybe this whole awful incident was the wake up call from my higher power to get my act together before something truly terrible happens to me or another.
Do any of you question why the need for the drink in the first place? What are we 'alcoholics' running away from or what feeling is so terrible that drink is the only way to run away from it....
I think a big challenge we face is learning to feel comfortable in our own skins again and learning to love the person looking back at us in the mirror. And that is the hard part - especially when we have hurt ourselves and others and are filled with a lot of self loathing.
Leaving the drink down is only one part - learning to live with life's ups and downs without it is the real challenege.
But having a supportive community like this one definitely makes the journey easier. I'm glad you guys are there.
