The title says what I am feeling right now. Of course a relapse is behind my feelings.
Many of you made great suggestions when my drug induced depression made me think that death was the only way out.
I ask of the people on this board with a year or more clean. How did you do it? Dont be shy (you know who you are...... the sometimes readers but never posters. I would like to hear from all. My very life may be saved from reading of your experience.
I am talking about the nitty gritty. Not the same ole 12 step, get a sponser, it works if ya work it crap. I dont mean to sound negative when I say that either. I sometimes feel that those same ole generic lines are a blow off.
Thank you in advance.
Michael J.
PS I have an appointment with Dr. in the morning so need to get butt in bed. Goodnight. It is 2:30am here.
Thanks for checking in Mike...another day, another try...
PS I have an appointment with Dr. in the morning so need to get butt in bed. Goodnight. It is 2:30am here.
Hi Mike
Thanks for checking back in.
Turn aside from the shame.
relapse is a part of the disease.
See the Dr.
Get on with your efforts at recovery !
How about rehab ?
Detox?
Push forward - you CAN do it !
We are proud of your honesty !
AND THAT will enable you to RECOVER !!!
Hi Mike
Thanks for checking back in.
Turn aside from the shame.
relapse is a part of the disease.
See the Dr.
Get on with your efforts at recovery !
How about rehab ?
Detox?
Push forward - you CAN do it !
We are proud of your honesty !
AND THAT will enable you to RECOVER !!!
Mike How did you do it? Its a disease--I had 2+yrs sober--took me 20+yrs to decide enough is enough-and recently went baack to the rooms
-If you really want to get sober--you do whatever it takes willingness -honesty Action change----
'
I do not know your story but no matter what rehab for me was the start--then they told me to go to a halfway house--it was on Tempe phoenix awesome--place 6am you wake up and do your chores within a week you had to get a job--I was in meeting daily addicts talking to other addicts--it was a tough program but I did it--Cancelled my wedding--put my business on hold no gambling no girls no drugs no drinking--and when I did come back to N.Y it was tough scared but I had all the tools--
There is no easy way--I hope this helps--Bottom line--AA is the best --I am excited as the last Friday they have medallions--and there is like10+ people 1 yr 2yr 8-9 -20-25 and 31 yrs to this wonderful woman--This is how I stay sober--meetings sponsor --homegroup service--don't drink don't drug--
Jeff
-If you really want to get sober--you do whatever it takes willingness -honesty Action change----
'
I do not know your story but no matter what rehab for me was the start--then they told me to go to a halfway house--it was on Tempe phoenix awesome--place 6am you wake up and do your chores within a week you had to get a job--I was in meeting daily addicts talking to other addicts--it was a tough program but I did it--Cancelled my wedding--put my business on hold no gambling no girls no drugs no drinking--and when I did come back to N.Y it was tough scared but I had all the tools--
There is no easy way--I hope this helps--Bottom line--AA is the best --I am excited as the last Friday they have medallions--and there is like10+ people 1 yr 2yr 8-9 -20-25 and 31 yrs to this wonderful woman--This is how I stay sober--meetings sponsor --homegroup service--don't drink don't drug--
Jeff
Hi Mike. I would love to sit here and tell you not to be ashamed, but sometimes a memory will come that still shames me. All I can do is live a good life now to counter act those shameful feelings. I takes time. As for staying clean...When I was 16 I got clean in the rooms for 2 years. At 18 I went back out. I hit the streets pretty hard. By the time I was 25 I was a homeless, crack addicted prostitute. In my early 30s I turned to heroin. I was so tired. I just thought it would help me come down so I could get some rest. It just practically killed me. During all this time. I was in and out of jails and mental institutions. By the time I came back to my family I was 36 and a total mess. I am HIV positive, have Hep C, and a really bad case of PTSD. It was the HIV that really helped to get me off the streets. I was a hooker and jail time for hooking with HIV is longer than just a regular prostitution charge. I wish it was cause I didnt want to make anybody else sick. But by then I didnt have much of a soul. As I came back to myself my reasons for staying clean changed. I didnt want to die, I didnt want to leave my kids again and I didnt I really didnt want to make anybody else sick. I made it for about a year and 10 months and I relapsed. I continued to use on and off for the next year or so. I never went back to the streets. I decided to stop again...It was hard cause I dont go to meetings. Sometimes I want to...I just dont do well in rooms full of people. I have panic attacks. I went through alot out there on the streets and flashbacks keep those memories alive and well. I really didnt want to use. I was white knuckling it. Smoking too much, eating too much and wanting to use so bad I would cry myself to sleep sometimes. After about 4 months of this torture. I couldnt take it anymore. I knew I would use without some help. I found this site and poured my heart out. This became my support system. I have a year and 2 weeks now. I love this site and the people here. They are my home group. I would not have made it without this safe place to come to.
I meant to respond to you last week. I have been going through alot of painful family stuff. My youngest is on drugs and now in Juvie, my great grandma just died and my husband who I told if he could just get out of jail and put some sober time together that we would have a chance decided it would be easier to get with another woman who will give him a nice place to live and enable him. It hurt WAY more than I expected. I did read your words and feel your pain. I was just in such a bad place. Please keep coming back. I know how hard this is. Just dont give up and keep letting us know how you are. Even if it isn't all good. We Care! We will never condemn you. This site saved my life.
I meant to respond to you last week. I have been going through alot of painful family stuff. My youngest is on drugs and now in Juvie, my great grandma just died and my husband who I told if he could just get out of jail and put some sober time together that we would have a chance decided it would be easier to get with another woman who will give him a nice place to live and enable him. It hurt WAY more than I expected. I did read your words and feel your pain. I was just in such a bad place. Please keep coming back. I know how hard this is. Just dont give up and keep letting us know how you are. Even if it isn't all good. We Care! We will never condemn you. This site saved my life.
Hey Mike...wish I knew like a list of things to give you so you could follow and stay clean...unfortunately I don't have one...Been clean now 3 1/2 years...one relapse...tried everything...finally went on methadone...that's what ended up working for me...everyone is different...bottom line is, there's no easy way out...you have to find what works for you...be it meetings, methadone, subs, whatever...just find it and stick with it...
Another Day, another try...took me a lot of tries to get and stay clean...you can do it...you just have to really really want to...you've got a lot of options on how you can do it...pick one...hang in there
Con
Another Day, another try...took me a lot of tries to get and stay clean...you can do it...you just have to really really want to...you've got a lot of options on how you can do it...pick one...hang in there
Con
I am one of those that had to go to the rooms to get clean and stay clean but I totally understand that it's not for everybody..and I do get your statement about feeling blown off when people tell you to do that..I can see where some would feel that way. Sorry about that.
Ok, so you relapsed. Isnt' the first time, could it be the last? You don't want to feel this way anymore, right? Who does? But nothing changes until something changes and that change has to come from you. We all here can talk till we're blue in the face..it's you, you hold the key. You can't do this by yourself. You need help buddy. Ask for it. You may be a candidate for Suboxone or methadone..have you tried either of those? You need a time out, time to let your brain heal and get past the addictive behaviors, those medicines can do that for you.
There's a guy on the pain pill board that got clean by turning to exercize...I poo-pooh'ed it at first because hell, when you feel that bad, who can even get out of bed, much less get on a bike and ride 10 miles..but he did it. He proved me wrong and he's been clean for a very long time now. Not just clean, but happy and healthy.
What about counseling? Find an addiction specialist and ask for referrals. What about church? Do you have a higher power?
The shame will kill you. I had to let go of that a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore what you did yesterday..it's today that counts and tomorrow? Just have to wait and see.
You're worth this. Find a way to start loving yourself again.
Ok, so you relapsed. Isnt' the first time, could it be the last? You don't want to feel this way anymore, right? Who does? But nothing changes until something changes and that change has to come from you. We all here can talk till we're blue in the face..it's you, you hold the key. You can't do this by yourself. You need help buddy. Ask for it. You may be a candidate for Suboxone or methadone..have you tried either of those? You need a time out, time to let your brain heal and get past the addictive behaviors, those medicines can do that for you.
There's a guy on the pain pill board that got clean by turning to exercize...I poo-pooh'ed it at first because hell, when you feel that bad, who can even get out of bed, much less get on a bike and ride 10 miles..but he did it. He proved me wrong and he's been clean for a very long time now. Not just clean, but happy and healthy.
What about counseling? Find an addiction specialist and ask for referrals. What about church? Do you have a higher power?
The shame will kill you. I had to let go of that a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore what you did yesterday..it's today that counts and tomorrow? Just have to wait and see.
You're worth this. Find a way to start loving yourself again.
Hi mike
methadone saved my son life and gave
him a change of a new normal life
We tried 5 different rehabs etc
he has now only been clean for
70 days but the change in him gives me hope
All of the
best i hope u find what
works for u
priscila
methadone saved my son life and gave
him a change of a new normal life
We tried 5 different rehabs etc
he has now only been clean for
70 days but the change in him gives me hope
All of the
best i hope u find what
works for u
priscila
hey Mike
Look at all the wonderful good people who care and are concerned about you !
Now you need to do the same for yourself.
Take care of YOU
This is a b**** of a disease and cannot be managed alone. Don't keep trying that.
We all need help from others to recover
and that could include methadone or rehab, detox, 12 step program
whatever works ! is good !
Take Good Care !
Look at all the wonderful good people who care and are concerned about you !
Now you need to do the same for yourself.
Take care of YOU
This is a b**** of a disease and cannot be managed alone. Don't keep trying that.
We all need help from others to recover
and that could include methadone or rehab, detox, 12 step program
whatever works ! is good !
Take Good Care !
bumping this
Mornin' Mike,
Since the very first time you posted on this site you have asked us for guidance to help you decide what to do and where to go to stop the insanity of your addiction. We all told you basically the same things but you sound like you are expecting some magic "be addiction free in 24 hours" solution from all of us. That just isnt how it works.
If you really and truly have had enough and are truly sick and tired of the absolute craziness of being addicted to anything you will do whatever it takes,call whoever you need to and go anywhere you have to to put an end to that part of your life. There are NO QUICK FIXES.
It takes a real commitment from you and the guts to put your hand out TO SOMEONE AND ASK FOR THEIR HELP.
The addict in you is still making all the crucial decisions about recovery and as it has been in your past, those decisions are ALWAYS WRONG. You need to let somthing , such as a detox program,or a treatment program or someone,such as a doctor, a sponsor, an addiction specialist, or someone in an AA or NA meeting help you. YOU cannot do it by your self.
The suggestions you find here are not coming from people who dont know s*** to shineola about being addicted to something. These are people who have walked in your shoes and lived to talk about it and have then chosen to reach out to help others and themselves in the process. You can't ask for anything better.
If you are still looking for a different or better answer than what you can get here, you can keep looking, but keep in mind you may find the answers you seek right under your nose.
I, myself used a combination of all the above things to help in my recovery and today I am blessed with many years free from being addicted to heroin. I am proof it is possible for anyone willing to do what it takes to be drug free. I chose Methadone Maintenance to help in my addiction. I did it one day at time in the beginning and yet there are times,even today,when I have to stop myself and take a deep breath...... It was hard sometimes,learning new ways to deal with things,distancing myself from bad behaviors and people, and hardest of all was learning to trust someone to help you through the rough spots you will eventually come across.As the days turn into weeks and then months and then to years you will marvel at the wonderful things you have missed & thought were lost to you.
There is a bright ,new ,world out there just waiting for you Mike. And we will all be right here waiting,if, and when you find it.
Whats happening with the job and drug test???
Good Luck !!!
Granny2 3
Since the very first time you posted on this site you have asked us for guidance to help you decide what to do and where to go to stop the insanity of your addiction. We all told you basically the same things but you sound like you are expecting some magic "be addiction free in 24 hours" solution from all of us. That just isnt how it works.
If you really and truly have had enough and are truly sick and tired of the absolute craziness of being addicted to anything you will do whatever it takes,call whoever you need to and go anywhere you have to to put an end to that part of your life. There are NO QUICK FIXES.
It takes a real commitment from you and the guts to put your hand out TO SOMEONE AND ASK FOR THEIR HELP.
The addict in you is still making all the crucial decisions about recovery and as it has been in your past, those decisions are ALWAYS WRONG. You need to let somthing , such as a detox program,or a treatment program or someone,such as a doctor, a sponsor, an addiction specialist, or someone in an AA or NA meeting help you. YOU cannot do it by your self.
The suggestions you find here are not coming from people who dont know s*** to shineola about being addicted to something. These are people who have walked in your shoes and lived to talk about it and have then chosen to reach out to help others and themselves in the process. You can't ask for anything better.
If you are still looking for a different or better answer than what you can get here, you can keep looking, but keep in mind you may find the answers you seek right under your nose.
I, myself used a combination of all the above things to help in my recovery and today I am blessed with many years free from being addicted to heroin. I am proof it is possible for anyone willing to do what it takes to be drug free. I chose Methadone Maintenance to help in my addiction. I did it one day at time in the beginning and yet there are times,even today,when I have to stop myself and take a deep breath...... It was hard sometimes,learning new ways to deal with things,distancing myself from bad behaviors and people, and hardest of all was learning to trust someone to help you through the rough spots you will eventually come across.As the days turn into weeks and then months and then to years you will marvel at the wonderful things you have missed & thought were lost to you.
There is a bright ,new ,world out there just waiting for you Mike. And we will all be right here waiting,if, and when you find it.
Whats happening with the job and drug test???
Good Luck !!!
Granny2 3
Mike:
I've been clean/sober since 1989. I will not tell you what to do, I will only tell you what I did...
I got down on my knees and committed to GOD to do 5 things (fingers on 1 hand)
1. I will not drink/use.
2. I will go to meetings regularly like the sober oldtimers do.
3. I will get a Home Group like the sober oldtimers did.
4. I will get a sponsor like my sponsor did to get sober
5. I will get down on my knees without fail every morning and night and ask GOD's help.
One day (moment) at a time you can do that too and you will get sober just like millions have.
Best of luck (but there is no luck to it, it's NOT a crap shoot, IT WORKS)
Bob R.
I've been clean/sober since 1989. I will not tell you what to do, I will only tell you what I did...
I got down on my knees and committed to GOD to do 5 things (fingers on 1 hand)
1. I will not drink/use.
2. I will go to meetings regularly like the sober oldtimers do.
3. I will get a Home Group like the sober oldtimers did.
4. I will get a sponsor like my sponsor did to get sober
5. I will get down on my knees without fail every morning and night and ask GOD's help.
One day (moment) at a time you can do that too and you will get sober just like millions have.
Best of luck (but there is no luck to it, it's NOT a crap shoot, IT WORKS)
Bob R.
Nice Post Granni...
Mike...what have you decided ? Grani's so right...you cant do this alone...no matter what you think...you cant... the addict in you starts listening and talking and making excuses again...you need someone who can hear something different and shut it up...what have you decided ?...stronger men than you have tried and failed to do this alone..theres no shame in asking for help...if you want your life back your going to have to let someone help you...pick a program mike...drugs make everything look sooo complicated...its not...if you cant do the 12 step thing right now...get to the doc and get your head on one of the addiction meds...subs, methadone... believe me...its not like what you think they are...do some research here on them...bottom line is...do something...anything...stop letting yourself make excuses on why or how...staying clean is hard...find someone or something to help with it...you've got a new job coming up...a new life happening if you give it a chance...it gets better ...honestly...not kidding you...give it some time and get yourself working something that will help and you;ll see...
Con
Mike...what have you decided ? Grani's so right...you cant do this alone...no matter what you think...you cant... the addict in you starts listening and talking and making excuses again...you need someone who can hear something different and shut it up...what have you decided ?...stronger men than you have tried and failed to do this alone..theres no shame in asking for help...if you want your life back your going to have to let someone help you...pick a program mike...drugs make everything look sooo complicated...its not...if you cant do the 12 step thing right now...get to the doc and get your head on one of the addiction meds...subs, methadone... believe me...its not like what you think they are...do some research here on them...bottom line is...do something...anything...stop letting yourself make excuses on why or how...staying clean is hard...find someone or something to help with it...you've got a new job coming up...a new life happening if you give it a chance...it gets better ...honestly...not kidding you...give it some time and get yourself working something that will help and you;ll see...
Con
Hey Mike
Whats Up?
Check Back In
We Care
Whats Up?
Check Back In
We Care
Mike:
I see you are 45 yrs old... same age as I was when I finally went to the Recovery Home. I had a gun in the car so if the pain got any worse I could just end it all with a bullet... I could see no other way.
But that was me and I'm sure you don't think like that .....
In your original post you said:
"I am talking about the nitty gritty. Not the same ole 12 step, get a sponser, it works if ya work it crap. I dont mean to sound negative when I say that either. I sometimes feel that those same ole generic lines are a blow off."
Well, don't cut yourself off from the very thing that can save you. Those old generic lines are known as "true-isms". The reason they are called that is because they are TRUE. They will make perfect sense soon in recovery. In the beginning we don't hear what we WANT to hear but we do hear what we NEED to hear. I looked for a sponsor that would tell me what I NEEDED to hear. Your choice.
Good luck:
Bob
I see you are 45 yrs old... same age as I was when I finally went to the Recovery Home. I had a gun in the car so if the pain got any worse I could just end it all with a bullet... I could see no other way.
But that was me and I'm sure you don't think like that .....
In your original post you said:
"I am talking about the nitty gritty. Not the same ole 12 step, get a sponser, it works if ya work it crap. I dont mean to sound negative when I say that either. I sometimes feel that those same ole generic lines are a blow off."
Well, don't cut yourself off from the very thing that can save you. Those old generic lines are known as "true-isms". The reason they are called that is because they are TRUE. They will make perfect sense soon in recovery. In the beginning we don't hear what we WANT to hear but we do hear what we NEED to hear. I looked for a sponsor that would tell me what I NEEDED to hear. Your choice.
Good luck:
Bob
Hey Mike, just wanted to drop in real quick and say hi. I hope that you find what will work for you. I know how badly you want off the drugs. I believe there is something out there for you specifically. We didn't all get here the same way and I don't think we all get clean the exact same way neither. Take from this board what works for you and leave the rest, as they say. Best of luck to you buddy, I really and truly wish you all the best. jax
Hey Mike
Whats happening bro?
Check in please
We are concerned about you.
Whats happening bro?
Check in please
We are concerned about you.
bump
A MOMENT OF SILENCE OF THOSE OUT THERE WHO STILL MAY BE USING AND SUFFERING
................................................................................................
................................................................................................
I would like to thank everybody for the outpouring of care and understanding. I did not make it to the doctors appointment. As I went to bed around 4am that morning and slept off and on for about 25- 26 hours straight. I awoke around 6am this morning puking and with horendous runs. It was not until around 10am that I finally thought just take half of a suboxone. After that I fell back asleep. I am now up and was anxious to check the board. It seems as if this is my only link to the real world.
A lot of my issues are that I have my old dealer living at my house on my couch. We were supposed to quit together. I hate having him here. He still uses and lies about it, which makes me wanna use. I know I need to give him the boot. In fact I have given him the boot, but end up feeling sorry for him, and dont wanna be alone in this house. Two addicts in one house is just one continuous reapse waiting to happen.
I do live out in the boonies and it cost a bunch of money to get to the meetings. Does not make sense. When Im clean I don't wanna let lose of the money, but if I wanna use I will sell my soul. I almost got in several head on wrecks the other night after using. I ended up pulling over and sleeping it off. I realized then that I do not want to die. I want to live. I just find that I have no coping skills for the loss of my wife, and the things I have done. I know that I left my wife no choice but to leave. If she had not left I would be even worse and much further from wanting to quit.
I heard from the prospective employer. I was clean long enough to pass the drug test, a miracle, and I go in for orientation on Monday. My plan is to start exercise tomorrow morning, and take the suboxones as prescribed. Last time I went through out patient rehab my doctor prescribed me subs and wanted me on them for a minimum 2 years. Every time I have been clean for a little while I all of a sudden think I know more than the doctor and want off the subs. A major part of that was my wifes attitude towards subs. She felt that they were still an opiate therefore I had accomplished nothing. I think I will reconnect with a suboxone doctor and follow his advise, and try and get out of my own head. As has been stated here many times...my best thinking has me trapped where I am now.
I also know that I worry about things I have no biz worrying about. I think man I am 45 and a drug addict how will I every find a woman to love me? I know that that should be one of the farthest things from my mind right now. It would not be fair to anyone to try and get involved until I have myself on the straight and narrow, and have gotton to the point that I love me, and can look myself in the mirror. I need my own backbone. I never thought that I would be all alone at 45, I guess there really was no other outcome possible. I pushed my wife as hard as anyone can push someone to leave. I know that none of the healing from anything I have done will even begin until I am clean and sober, and working a program.
To all thank you much for your continued support. I will be house bound all weekend as I am broke until Tuesday. Then I will be broke again as I have a ton off bills to pay. However I have a way out, if only I can continue to put one foot in front of the other, and not take everything as a personal attack on me. I know that we and I mean all of the human race become jaded when we see people struggling and it hurts us that we cant convince people of the obvious. It's like "HEY DUMMY just don't pick up and the you will begin to heal" So we build protective walls around ourselves, and may say things that a struggling addict takes as a blow off, and makes them go back out and use some more because nobody cares. I know these things yet I am still stuck on stupid. Sometimes, and I mean once in a blue moon, everything will click, and I personally can get past all the hurt and pain, and see my way around the obstacle course of recovery. I hope and pray that the moon is blue, because I so want to be saved from this affliction. I also know that I have plenty of relapses left in me, but I may not have any recoveries left. I don't want to waste another. Also I do have a back up plan. If I end up not succeeding with the oppurtunity of a new job, and the promise of getting my life back together through recovery. If I blow this chance by continuing to use. I am going to check myself into The Delancy Street Project in San Francisco. It is a minimum 2 year commitment and helps drug addicted excons, homeless people, or just plain old addicts to kick drugs, provides training for how to live, college programs etc. I researched it online after talking with a former Director that had 18 years clean and went back out. He told me about it and also told me that even though my problems may seem insurmountable at times their are many out there that never had a fraction of the oppurtunities that I have had and though that program have gone on to have happy fullfilled lives.
I am out. I have rambled long enough. Again Thank you all for hanging in there with me. I and evry other addict and non addict out there are worthy of the support and love of our fellow human beings.
Sincerley,
Michael J.
A lot of my issues are that I have my old dealer living at my house on my couch. We were supposed to quit together. I hate having him here. He still uses and lies about it, which makes me wanna use. I know I need to give him the boot. In fact I have given him the boot, but end up feeling sorry for him, and dont wanna be alone in this house. Two addicts in one house is just one continuous reapse waiting to happen.
I do live out in the boonies and it cost a bunch of money to get to the meetings. Does not make sense. When Im clean I don't wanna let lose of the money, but if I wanna use I will sell my soul. I almost got in several head on wrecks the other night after using. I ended up pulling over and sleeping it off. I realized then that I do not want to die. I want to live. I just find that I have no coping skills for the loss of my wife, and the things I have done. I know that I left my wife no choice but to leave. If she had not left I would be even worse and much further from wanting to quit.
I heard from the prospective employer. I was clean long enough to pass the drug test, a miracle, and I go in for orientation on Monday. My plan is to start exercise tomorrow morning, and take the suboxones as prescribed. Last time I went through out patient rehab my doctor prescribed me subs and wanted me on them for a minimum 2 years. Every time I have been clean for a little while I all of a sudden think I know more than the doctor and want off the subs. A major part of that was my wifes attitude towards subs. She felt that they were still an opiate therefore I had accomplished nothing. I think I will reconnect with a suboxone doctor and follow his advise, and try and get out of my own head. As has been stated here many times...my best thinking has me trapped where I am now.
I also know that I worry about things I have no biz worrying about. I think man I am 45 and a drug addict how will I every find a woman to love me? I know that that should be one of the farthest things from my mind right now. It would not be fair to anyone to try and get involved until I have myself on the straight and narrow, and have gotton to the point that I love me, and can look myself in the mirror. I need my own backbone. I never thought that I would be all alone at 45, I guess there really was no other outcome possible. I pushed my wife as hard as anyone can push someone to leave. I know that none of the healing from anything I have done will even begin until I am clean and sober, and working a program.
To all thank you much for your continued support. I will be house bound all weekend as I am broke until Tuesday. Then I will be broke again as I have a ton off bills to pay. However I have a way out, if only I can continue to put one foot in front of the other, and not take everything as a personal attack on me. I know that we and I mean all of the human race become jaded when we see people struggling and it hurts us that we cant convince people of the obvious. It's like "HEY DUMMY just don't pick up and the you will begin to heal" So we build protective walls around ourselves, and may say things that a struggling addict takes as a blow off, and makes them go back out and use some more because nobody cares. I know these things yet I am still stuck on stupid. Sometimes, and I mean once in a blue moon, everything will click, and I personally can get past all the hurt and pain, and see my way around the obstacle course of recovery. I hope and pray that the moon is blue, because I so want to be saved from this affliction. I also know that I have plenty of relapses left in me, but I may not have any recoveries left. I don't want to waste another. Also I do have a back up plan. If I end up not succeeding with the oppurtunity of a new job, and the promise of getting my life back together through recovery. If I blow this chance by continuing to use. I am going to check myself into The Delancy Street Project in San Francisco. It is a minimum 2 year commitment and helps drug addicted excons, homeless people, or just plain old addicts to kick drugs, provides training for how to live, college programs etc. I researched it online after talking with a former Director that had 18 years clean and went back out. He told me about it and also told me that even though my problems may seem insurmountable at times their are many out there that never had a fraction of the oppurtunities that I have had and though that program have gone on to have happy fullfilled lives.
I am out. I have rambled long enough. Again Thank you all for hanging in there with me. I and evry other addict and non addict out there are worthy of the support and love of our fellow human beings.
Sincerley,
Michael J.
