hello everyone
first of all sorry i havnt been on for a while,i lost use of my computer and have been back on about two weks,i feel bad i went off cause trhere was another girl posting that wavted to talk to me ,ive tried to look back for her and i cant find the posts,if any of you can find who it was could you please let me know.
a bit about me;this is day nine for me off heroin i cant believe im saying day nine,i am on 70 ml methadone nut havnt used for nine days,i am drinking a little,but not enough to give me another problem,ithink of using every min of every day,this i8s really hard going,im typing this crying at the momentbut not cause of gear,just other everyday s*** that i can do without right now,but i suppose i have to learn how to deal with life,after been on some sort of ddrug since i was 13 yrs old and the last seven on heroin, i need to learn me and life all over again,i just hope i can do this,what id give to be nodding right now
seren
would you give your life and all the wonderfull laughs and good times and magical moments and connecting with others--i know lalalalalalala--shut up--it sucks it does i still wouldnt mind a nod--but its all the s*** that comes along with it--it does and will get better--just look at the others on here --there is a good time without using--give it a chance the dope aint going no-where take it one day at a time--shoot a minute at a time it will pass look for others--like i say--stick with the winners--it takes time and yeah it will hurt and you will be feeling all those too strong emotions but you will get through it keep reaching out--write talk ACTION is what its all about--i know sometimes you dont even have the energy to wipe your running nose but you gotta push your self make those endorphins form in your brain--fake it till ya make it--oyur in my prayers--GREAT JOB ON 9 DAYS....
Well done you! Hope your recovery becomes less painful. Wishing you all the best.
Maddy x
Maddy x
Serene...firstly congrats and big up on yer 9days awesome as they would say stateside...yer doin great...im also on 70ml.and have been clean for over a yr.with 2lapses inbtwn....o.k ive been on methd.for quite a few yrs but at least im not using and putting every penny in my dealers pocket.Good luck to ya ...maybe now you can get that plasma t.v you spoke of awhile back for xmas now.Take and well done..........Davey
thanx guys
hey im on day ten,i dont know how i got here but i have,i have come to realise today that this addiction thing ,is something i have to fight against every minuite of everyday,.for now at least,i know the easy thing would be to go and score,i am trying to fight this with all ive got,but i suppose the problem id i dont have much right nowi just dont know what is so great about being stoned that iyt is all i can think about,cause i know for sure it brings loads of s*** with it,i really want to be clean ,enjoy life ,because its the only one ive got
seren
hey im on day ten,i dont know how i got here but i have,i have come to realise today that this addiction thing ,is something i have to fight against every minuite of everyday,.for now at least,i know the easy thing would be to go and score,i am trying to fight this with all ive got,but i suppose the problem id i dont have much right nowi just dont know what is so great about being stoned that iyt is all i can think about,cause i know for sure it brings loads of s*** with it,i really want to be clean ,enjoy life ,because its the only one ive got
seren
Seren well done proud of you..... take care. wish you all the best, Kev
thanx everyone
than ks for taking the time to answer me,i feel really down at the moment,before i started on heroin,i used to have a good social life,loads of friends ,some friends were friends cause i partied with them,taking e`s and coke,but a couple were my real mates at that time ,we had been friends for ever ,through everything,then came HEROIN,and that and my partner cos we started the same time became my only "friends",and now they have moved away,i dont think they would want to know me now anyway,i feel so lonely,my bf works 4 days in a factory,and is off for 4 days,but on his days off he is doing other work,but it helps him stay clean by keeping busy,but that leaves me here with to much time to think,i have lived in this town for 2 yrs,but havnt made any friends cos ive been on the gear,i hate feeling lonely,i have no girl friends to go for a panned and a chat with,i really miss that,i love my girls more than any thing,but i need more than mum/kids conversation,sorry for going ,i hope you are all doing well tonight
seren(star in welsh)in case you dont know!!!
than ks for taking the time to answer me,i feel really down at the moment,before i started on heroin,i used to have a good social life,loads of friends ,some friends were friends cause i partied with them,taking e`s and coke,but a couple were my real mates at that time ,we had been friends for ever ,through everything,then came HEROIN,and that and my partner cos we started the same time became my only "friends",and now they have moved away,i dont think they would want to know me now anyway,i feel so lonely,my bf works 4 days in a factory,and is off for 4 days,but on his days off he is doing other work,but it helps him stay clean by keeping busy,but that leaves me here with to much time to think,i have lived in this town for 2 yrs,but havnt made any friends cos ive been on the gear,i hate feeling lonely,i have no girl friends to go for a panned and a chat with,i really miss that,i love my girls more than any thing,but i need more than mum/kids conversation,sorry for going ,i hope you are all doing well tonight
seren(star in welsh)in case you dont know!!!
hey seren
just thought id write sth too as reading your last post on this thread totally reminds me of my own journey with gear. i was the same re lots of friends, doing loads of things all the time/ hobbies etc... then got involved with gear and slowly got more and more involved til had no friends left, was totally dependent on it mentally and physically. it's been a bloody nightmare trying to get off it. for the first few years i was totally happy on it - it was literally all i wanted and all i was interested in. it was only after quite a few years that i realised i was being left behind and it scared the hell out of me. i went on methadone and got someway ahead on it then went back on the gear. then went to rehab, was clean for about 6 wks, then slowly got back on the gear. the final time is now. back on the meth! however, it's not all doom and gloom which is why i thought i write sth.
i was destined to fail after rehab as i had absolutely nothing at that point except a crap job i didn't want to be doing. no wonder i felt desolate without my constant companion gear. that is 3 years ago. in terms of gear, i've still a way to go. i fluctuate betw going days without using on top to having gear everyday. i remember reading a fantastic quote that made so much sense - it's taken 8 years for me to get to this position, i can't expect to make changes overnight. it's so true though it's very hard not to be impatient and want to be clean now. but it takes time. first, after detox, i got a job where i got into an industry i wanted to tho started again at the bottom. i moved out of home and got back in touch with 2 friends. slowly, i got back my relationship with my family, threw mysef into my job which made me feel more proud of myself. i got back in touch with other friends, inc one who used to use and now is clean. thru him and his advice, i got in touch with the counsellor he used. i gone to others but found it rubbish. i'm still seeing her. i thought i had no reason to be on gear as i did have a caring family who did everything for me - but that doesn't mean there wasn't a load of s*** i actually hadnt realised had affected me. with my job, my counsellor, more friends, getting on better with my family, things have got better and better. through facebook (yes really!) i have now got back in touch with all my friends bar my ex best friend. that will come later - i don't feel ready for it yet as that ended badly on my part tho i now understand she was just really worried. ive now changed job again, same industry, and love my job. im out most nights. ive got a bunch of good friends - a few from the past know about the gear, most don't. i'm not taking the chance on peoples reactions!
i know this is a bit of a long email and i don't mean it to come across as how wonderful my life is cos it's not. it's just a lot more like it used to be. i still have to stop using on top and then get clean. im hoping next year. i really want to be clean in the next 2 years before i turn 30. i've spent from 18-28 on gear. i spent the previous 3 years on every other drug. i've got many years ahead of learning how to live without drugs. but i believe i'll get there.
and same with you. you don't need to be clean to start getting your life back. you can make those changes while using. you don't need to put things on hold on the conditition that it will only happen if you're clean. you've done amazingly doing 10 days!! my best in the last 2 years is 14 days!!! i was thrilled! 2-3 is my average adn i'm impressed with even that so you're doing wonderfully.
i hope you can see from this that things do get better and they will. my counsellor said sth last sesh which has stuck with me this wk and helped me go 5 days without using on top.
"if you keep doing the same things, you'll get the same result". obvious i know but...
i wish you a lot of luck - i'm sure everything will work out in the end!xxx
just thought id write sth too as reading your last post on this thread totally reminds me of my own journey with gear. i was the same re lots of friends, doing loads of things all the time/ hobbies etc... then got involved with gear and slowly got more and more involved til had no friends left, was totally dependent on it mentally and physically. it's been a bloody nightmare trying to get off it. for the first few years i was totally happy on it - it was literally all i wanted and all i was interested in. it was only after quite a few years that i realised i was being left behind and it scared the hell out of me. i went on methadone and got someway ahead on it then went back on the gear. then went to rehab, was clean for about 6 wks, then slowly got back on the gear. the final time is now. back on the meth! however, it's not all doom and gloom which is why i thought i write sth.
i was destined to fail after rehab as i had absolutely nothing at that point except a crap job i didn't want to be doing. no wonder i felt desolate without my constant companion gear. that is 3 years ago. in terms of gear, i've still a way to go. i fluctuate betw going days without using on top to having gear everyday. i remember reading a fantastic quote that made so much sense - it's taken 8 years for me to get to this position, i can't expect to make changes overnight. it's so true though it's very hard not to be impatient and want to be clean now. but it takes time. first, after detox, i got a job where i got into an industry i wanted to tho started again at the bottom. i moved out of home and got back in touch with 2 friends. slowly, i got back my relationship with my family, threw mysef into my job which made me feel more proud of myself. i got back in touch with other friends, inc one who used to use and now is clean. thru him and his advice, i got in touch with the counsellor he used. i gone to others but found it rubbish. i'm still seeing her. i thought i had no reason to be on gear as i did have a caring family who did everything for me - but that doesn't mean there wasn't a load of s*** i actually hadnt realised had affected me. with my job, my counsellor, more friends, getting on better with my family, things have got better and better. through facebook (yes really!) i have now got back in touch with all my friends bar my ex best friend. that will come later - i don't feel ready for it yet as that ended badly on my part tho i now understand she was just really worried. ive now changed job again, same industry, and love my job. im out most nights. ive got a bunch of good friends - a few from the past know about the gear, most don't. i'm not taking the chance on peoples reactions!
i know this is a bit of a long email and i don't mean it to come across as how wonderful my life is cos it's not. it's just a lot more like it used to be. i still have to stop using on top and then get clean. im hoping next year. i really want to be clean in the next 2 years before i turn 30. i've spent from 18-28 on gear. i spent the previous 3 years on every other drug. i've got many years ahead of learning how to live without drugs. but i believe i'll get there.
and same with you. you don't need to be clean to start getting your life back. you can make those changes while using. you don't need to put things on hold on the conditition that it will only happen if you're clean. you've done amazingly doing 10 days!! my best in the last 2 years is 14 days!!! i was thrilled! 2-3 is my average adn i'm impressed with even that so you're doing wonderfully.
i hope you can see from this that things do get better and they will. my counsellor said sth last sesh which has stuck with me this wk and helped me go 5 days without using on top.
"if you keep doing the same things, you'll get the same result". obvious i know but...
i wish you a lot of luck - i'm sure everything will work out in the end!xxx
Well done Serene. You've come so far! I know it's so hard right now, but you've been trying to get to this point for a long time. And you've done it! Please take the time to feel proud of yourself just as we're all proud of you. You didn't give up and you kept at it. Just keep doing that.
I remember you tried n/a meetings before. At least I think that was you. Maybe something like that would help you to make some friends who understand where you are at right now. A counselor would be a great idea. Please try to get some sort of face to face support, especially in these hard, early months.
You are doing so well. Be proud! 10 days is just awesome.
Take good care, Beck
I remember you tried n/a meetings before. At least I think that was you. Maybe something like that would help you to make some friends who understand where you are at right now. A counselor would be a great idea. Please try to get some sort of face to face support, especially in these hard, early months.
You are doing so well. Be proud! 10 days is just awesome.
Take good care, Beck
hey guys
thankx for your helpful words,i still havnt used,but still think of doing so all the time,its meant to get better not worse,every other time ive stopped i think ive done well after a few days,so i can have some and itl only be the one ,just a treat cos im doing so good,and it starts all over again,i know it sounds so stupid,and it is,but that has been my life for years now.
i hate this being straight s***,i love the fact im off the gear 13 days today,its my head stuff i dont like,sooooooooo much time to think,about wjhat ive done,all the stuff ive just been pretending hasnt been hapening,cos when your on heroin you dont think well i didnt any way only where the next hit or money comes from,you dont realise how much of you it takes,it took more of me than i knew there was,i dont know if that makes sense ,but it does to me i dont know if i can beat this,all i know is im trying,im upset again now,where havr these emotions come from??i havnt had any for years,they scare me
t5hanx for being here
seren
thankx for your helpful words,i still havnt used,but still think of doing so all the time,its meant to get better not worse,every other time ive stopped i think ive done well after a few days,so i can have some and itl only be the one ,just a treat cos im doing so good,and it starts all over again,i know it sounds so stupid,and it is,but that has been my life for years now.
i hate this being straight s***,i love the fact im off the gear 13 days today,its my head stuff i dont like,sooooooooo much time to think,about wjhat ive done,all the stuff ive just been pretending hasnt been hapening,cos when your on heroin you dont think well i didnt any way only where the next hit or money comes from,you dont realise how much of you it takes,it took more of me than i knew there was,i dont know if that makes sense ,but it does to me i dont know if i can beat this,all i know is im trying,im upset again now,where havr these emotions come from??i havnt had any for years,they scare me
t5hanx for being here
seren
You're doing brilliantly. Don't treat yourself with H for doing well...find something else to treat yourself with...not sure what...
This time you're gonna break the cycle because you want to...and I'm rooting for you all the way.
Maddy x x x
This time you're gonna break the cycle because you want to...and I'm rooting for you all the way.
Maddy x x x
Serene...doin great must be 2wks now which is good goin...the emotions yer feelin are natural..heroin takes all yer feelings away ..you dont have to think or feel the smack rules ya so after being clean for awhile they come back...so dont feel alone try to do sumthin with yer spare time ..it will help take yer mind of gear and hopefully balance out the up /down feelings yer getting now...they will pass.Also as Becks(in2dp)said some counselling would really help with the battle yer going thru...look into it coz as i said you are doin excellent...keep it up...good luck to you and yer fella....take care.......Davey
hi there, well done serene you are doing really well .it is interseting reading your views on how you are seeing your life without the drugs.....soooo much time to think......having to deal with feelings you have probably been blocking out for a long time.you must look in the mirror daily and say i am proud of myself ...look at what i have done ...it is brilliant.i never understood about heroin at all until i looked up about it on the net,i did not realise what you as addicts went through to try and get clean .my understanding has come too late for me as i lost my brother 18 months ago,the pain of losing him is so raw,and my mum will never get over it,he was just 28.we never got proffessional help just tried to cope by our selves ,and it did not work.my advice to you is ......to get some counselling,have a network around you,you have done the hardest bit .....it is a bit like driving .you never really learn to drive until you have passed your test.it is all so easy to be consumed in guilt by what you have done or not done ,both for the user and the helper ,but you have to move forward one day at a time , which is what you are doing .i have never taken drugs ,so i dont know what it is like ,but from what i have read about addicts and seeing my brother go through hell,my veiw has changed ,there is always a reason for these things happening and that is where proffessional help is needed because they understand many things that we as friends and family dont .i think we all shpould have had it ..............but we didnt.sorry if this post has upset anyone...i just wanted to ell you how great it made me feel to read how well you have done ...dutch :)
keep going--stay steady keep talking--oull have good days great days normal days bad days and worse days, but its all part of the package its bettter than having no choice but to use and focus on usinf i remeber when i lived in california my family would be going to the beach or disneyland ect... and i could never go cuz i had a habit--its a 24 hour 7 day a week thing--no vacation time or days off--remind yourself of the bad stuff not just the escape and euphoria--im rootin for you so hard--your doing great im so glad to see you posting whats really goingon
sereeeeeeeeen, you are a star.
Just keep going baby doll..........one day then the next........on and on, and we promise it gets better........it so does.
You're a tough cookie, and you can do this thing.....yes you can.
We're so proud of ya, sister.
Just keep going baby doll..........one day then the next........on and on, and we promise it gets better........it so does.
You're a tough cookie, and you can do this thing.....yes you can.
We're so proud of ya, sister.
..Serene..
..As everyones said ya doing so well mate..wud be a shame to give up on yaself and give in to it..i know how hard them cravings are..and feeling alone i think the cravings are worse ?..but if ya can't get out to make friends or that..how about trying a chatroom or two ?..i used to go in uk chatterbox..its a live chatroom..not one of them moody leave a message rooms and sumone replys bout an hour later ha!..i used to go in the music and football rooms in there and made some mates in there..even thou they were just cyber mates..it really passed the time and stops ya from feeling so alone..at times i would'nt even think of gear while i was chatting in there and the time of day passes quick aswell while ya gossiping as i know you girls like to do haha!! jokz ;)..counselling and that is a good idea also..but ya can only see them once or twice a week for an hour or so..and from wot i read in ya post..ya kinda need sumone there for ya at regular times of the day to talk to..but in the chatroom i would'nt let on that i was an addict in recovery..twas just general chat i was chatting..or why not try find a course on the net that ya interested in ?..ya neva know, ya could even end up getting a degree out of it ;)..but if you do get a degree don't go treating yaself in the way ya said ya used to haha!! ;)..just a couple of ideas while you ponder on wot to do with the time on ya hands ?..i know things are easier said than done..wotever ya decide to do in life..try stay strong and don't give up on yaself mate..take good care..Robbie..
..As everyones said ya doing so well mate..wud be a shame to give up on yaself and give in to it..i know how hard them cravings are..and feeling alone i think the cravings are worse ?..but if ya can't get out to make friends or that..how about trying a chatroom or two ?..i used to go in uk chatterbox..its a live chatroom..not one of them moody leave a message rooms and sumone replys bout an hour later ha!..i used to go in the music and football rooms in there and made some mates in there..even thou they were just cyber mates..it really passed the time and stops ya from feeling so alone..at times i would'nt even think of gear while i was chatting in there and the time of day passes quick aswell while ya gossiping as i know you girls like to do haha!! jokz ;)..counselling and that is a good idea also..but ya can only see them once or twice a week for an hour or so..and from wot i read in ya post..ya kinda need sumone there for ya at regular times of the day to talk to..but in the chatroom i would'nt let on that i was an addict in recovery..twas just general chat i was chatting..or why not try find a course on the net that ya interested in ?..ya neva know, ya could even end up getting a degree out of it ;)..but if you do get a degree don't go treating yaself in the way ya said ya used to haha!! ;)..just a couple of ideas while you ponder on wot to do with the time on ya hands ?..i know things are easier said than done..wotever ya decide to do in life..try stay strong and don't give up on yaself mate..take good care..Robbie..
hi everyone
thanx again for taking the time to post to me,my computer was off again yesterday,dont know why ,no connevtion ior something i was lost without it!
well it is now two weeks,verry long weeks,
thanx j for sharing your story with me and giving me hope that things can get somewhat back to what they were ,ik know it can never be the same,but change can be good right?i am so glad you are doing so well and have now found a life without drugs that you love,and so many others that post on here,enjoying your 'clean' livesthe little thing that life is all about.
Dutch,first of all i am so sorry for the loss of your brother,even knowing what it can do to us ,and the people we love isnt enough to make us stop,nothing is i guess until that day when you just cant go on,and that day ,time is different for everyaddict,your brother knew you were there for him,but heroin gets inside you like nothing else ever could,i dont just mean physically,for me tthe worse part is in my head,its always there,the families part on here is really good,some great people going through it aswell,maybee they can offer you some words of support,i hope you are doing ok tonight and not being hard on your self,none of us really understand addiction,
Im still finding it hard today,easier than yesterday that was a really bad day,i just wanted to lie in bed all day,but i have two lovely girls that i have to get up and carry on for,my youngest has started half day school in the afternoon,she really likes it and im so pleased to see her happy,she says im in big chool now,with my sister,so cute in her little uniform.
I loved being on heroin the first few years,didnt see it as a problem at all,i didnt think it affected my daily life at all,but of course i was wrong,i used to love music before i started on H ,but really the whole time ive been on gear i havnt listened to really any music,i have loads of cd's,so today i have been listening to loads of songs,god they bring memories dont they,nearly every song has something to remind me of ,good and bad,some have hadme really emotional today,again
seren
thanx again for taking the time to post to me,my computer was off again yesterday,dont know why ,no connevtion ior something i was lost without it!
well it is now two weeks,verry long weeks,
thanx j for sharing your story with me and giving me hope that things can get somewhat back to what they were ,ik know it can never be the same,but change can be good right?i am so glad you are doing so well and have now found a life without drugs that you love,and so many others that post on here,enjoying your 'clean' livesthe little thing that life is all about.
Dutch,first of all i am so sorry for the loss of your brother,even knowing what it can do to us ,and the people we love isnt enough to make us stop,nothing is i guess until that day when you just cant go on,and that day ,time is different for everyaddict,your brother knew you were there for him,but heroin gets inside you like nothing else ever could,i dont just mean physically,for me tthe worse part is in my head,its always there,the families part on here is really good,some great people going through it aswell,maybee they can offer you some words of support,i hope you are doing ok tonight and not being hard on your self,none of us really understand addiction,
Im still finding it hard today,easier than yesterday that was a really bad day,i just wanted to lie in bed all day,but i have two lovely girls that i have to get up and carry on for,my youngest has started half day school in the afternoon,she really likes it and im so pleased to see her happy,she says im in big chool now,with my sister,so cute in her little uniform.
I loved being on heroin the first few years,didnt see it as a problem at all,i didnt think it affected my daily life at all,but of course i was wrong,i used to love music before i started on H ,but really the whole time ive been on gear i havnt listened to really any music,i have loads of cd's,so today i have been listening to loads of songs,god they bring memories dont they,nearly every song has something to remind me of ,good and bad,some have hadme really emotional today,again
seren
Alrite there Seren...yer doin good girl...even after 2wks.of the gear yer relearning how to appreciate the the things you lost whilst on heroin...like the music..i know it can bring out the emotions ..but they are the real you ..not a drugged up addict......my daughter is nearly 8yrs. and like you i see how great she is with her skool stuff...elements i prob.wouldve missed if high...the first couple of weeks can be raw..but stick to it coz yer doin great.
Take care and best wishes.........Davey
Take care and best wishes.........Davey
No flies on you, baby! You go!
Seren, Davey is right......two weeks is great........congratulate yourself......you're doing so good.........like Davey said them first couple of weeks it's raw, but we promise you it will get better..........just keep going.
Keep doing what you're doing............awww, your baby girl is in big girl school now.....LOL.........how cute is that.........and you're clean........this is huge, seren.........oh yeah and get ready to cry even at commercials on TV.......it's the real live you..........the real seren..........and she can FEEL........yepper, we think it's all just great and we loved it, and then ya see it wasn't good, and it ain't right and it's no way to live.
Bottom line is honey you're going strong.......you ain't no slouch, honey and you're doing this thing..........CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done.
We're all proud of ya, seren!
Seren, Davey is right......two weeks is great........congratulate yourself......you're doing so good.........like Davey said them first couple of weeks it's raw, but we promise you it will get better..........just keep going.
Keep doing what you're doing............awww, your baby girl is in big girl school now.....LOL.........how cute is that.........and you're clean........this is huge, seren.........oh yeah and get ready to cry even at commercials on TV.......it's the real live you..........the real seren..........and she can FEEL........yepper, we think it's all just great and we loved it, and then ya see it wasn't good, and it ain't right and it's no way to live.
Bottom line is honey you're going strong.......you ain't no slouch, honey and you're doing this thing..........CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done.
We're all proud of ya, seren!
2 weeks is totally fantastic!!! i TOTALLY know what you mean about 'rewarding' yourself after going without. that's always my downfall. and i find it so hard to envisage life totally without it even though i know it's an illusion. it really does take strength to kick it once and for all and i totally admire people who have done it and i always love to hear how they did it, how they didn't give in, what kept them going, how long it took until it started becoming easier. apparently it takes about 40 days to break habit - that's probably just the start though! i do believe that eventually you can be free of gear and it won't be part of your life for ever and ever. it's just getting there. as they say, even the longest or hardest journey starts with a single step!
i'm on here relatively frequently so i'd be happy to keep in touch as sounds like you have very similar thoughts as i do. so anytime....x
i'm on here relatively frequently so i'd be happy to keep in touch as sounds like you have very similar thoughts as i do. so anytime....x
