I usually can go 4 days.....so day 5 is HUGE.....I wrote my first online open book quiz yesterday....I got 100 %. My daughter teased me when I got all excited....."it's open book mom, c'mon, that's easy".......thing is....I haven't been tested for YEARS.....and I'm a pothead so my brain is probably damaged....so yeah....this was a big deal.....it wasn't easy, it required calm, collected, focussed concentration....I felt like telling her to "bite me"....but then I remembered the last time I said that to someone they said "where?". LOL
WW I usually post on the PP board as thats my biggest downfall...BUT yeah pot & me have a long history love affair...I just wanted you to know I think 5 days is awesome & huny...I just want to suggest reading up on ANY & EVERYTHING you can on weed.
Brain damage????some will say yes all I know is years ago I got a 97 on a state test to pass my EMT & EVERYTIME I STUDIED I was high.
EducATE & KNOW i STILL & ALWAYS WILL THINK 5 DAYS IS one hell of a job.
mj/sABRINA
Brain damage????some will say yes all I know is years ago I got a 97 on a state test to pass my EMT & EVERYTIME I STUDIED I was high.
EducATE & KNOW i STILL & ALWAYS WILL THINK 5 DAYS IS one hell of a job.
mj/sABRINA
Thanks Sabrina....it's day 6 and I'm going for a walk.....I feel restless......I'll do some more reading up on the weed....in the meantime....I cannot study when stoned.....yet I am only assuming that....I don't want to f*** this up.....I spent high school years wasted and my marks all went down....I don't get it how some folks can do that...I think it would be dangerous to start thinking I can....thanks for your support......my hubby still smokes and I've ended a friendship with my best friend recently....and she is a chronic user....so I'm feeling like I'm on my own again here.......but walking is soo good for me on many levels.....have a good day.....I think I'm going to go by the house where young Matt was murdered.......say a little prayer.....he lost his mom 6 months ago....I like to believe she was waiting for him when he crossed over......what a tragedy, there are so many teens that are hurting over this.......all the boy was doing was asking the party crashers to leave and he was attacked with a pick axe....this kind of violence is very disturbing and I start to get emotional when I think about it.....
Hey WW, Day 6, that's great! I'm sorry there is so much grief and sadness for you now. It's hard to lose your best friend even when she's a witch. I studied in my 30's for my acctg degree. I wouldn't smoke when I studied or went to class, but I did smoke afterwards. I don't think it did me any good, even though I got my degree. I have a poor memory to start with. The guy I was seeing at the time managed to get through stoned most of the time. So I guess it's an individual thing. My husband seems interested in smoking "a bit" again. I don't think I would be able to resist. It's great you're able to stay away from it even when your husband is smoking.........The counseling appt went well. She seemed very confident. She took a little history and then led a hypnotherapy session for me. I enjoyed that. The technique seems to work for me. It helped me when I quit smoking cigarettes in '84.
Hey Wonderwoman
I wanted to come over here and wish you well on your day 7! Thats terrific! Right now Im on sub and should be off this month-- my nerves are rattled! I was thinking maybe you could pick a card for me? I was reading through the threads and saw the Divinity cards you picked for healing in stuff. I love all that stuff-- I dont find many if any mystical topics ever mentioned on the other boards. I have some angels and saints cards which work very well for me. Also some different tarot decks that I havent used much. If youd like I can pick an angel and saints card for you-- Im just dreading coming off sub and going through a long slow torturous w/d. You must be so pleased to have a week behind you! I have a guy friend who smokes so much pot lately--from 3 days a week using, to 6 or 7 days. Ive noticed a big personality change and its not for the better. Glad youre well--take good care! Fire
I wanted to come over here and wish you well on your day 7! Thats terrific! Right now Im on sub and should be off this month-- my nerves are rattled! I was thinking maybe you could pick a card for me? I was reading through the threads and saw the Divinity cards you picked for healing in stuff. I love all that stuff-- I dont find many if any mystical topics ever mentioned on the other boards. I have some angels and saints cards which work very well for me. Also some different tarot decks that I havent used much. If youd like I can pick an angel and saints card for you-- Im just dreading coming off sub and going through a long slow torturous w/d. You must be so pleased to have a week behind you! I have a guy friend who smokes so much pot lately--from 3 days a week using, to 6 or 7 days. Ive noticed a big personality change and its not for the better. Glad youre well--take good care! Fire
The healing guidance on the front of each card is drawn from the scriptural writings and collective wisdom of the world's spiritual traditions. These sources include Judaisim, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism as well as Native American, Shamanic and new Age teachings......
The card I have drawn for you says:
Wander where there is no path. There's no time like the present to "get lost". Realize that a path has many expressions: exploring creativity, indulging intuition, pursuing a relationship. Choose one, and get lost on the pathless path today.
Chinese philosophy is largely about following instinct rather than prescribed routine, letting things take their course without trying to force results. As articulated by the Chinese sages known as Lao-tzu and Chuang tzu, this may manifest as a form of action that's empty of intention and motivation, and that allows events to unfold according to their own nature. "The Tao abides in non-action, yet nothing is left undone," says the Tao Te Ching. Chuang-tzu, who lived several centuries after Lao-tzu and whose writing reflects a similar world view, put it this way: Do not seek fame. Do not make plans. Do not be absorbed by activities. Do not think you know. Be aware of all that is and dwell in the infinite....Be all that heaven gave you, but act as though you have received nothing."
Day 8...firesign....:-) I would love to hear what you've picked for me....
Love and Light,
Diana
The card I have drawn for you says:
Wander where there is no path. There's no time like the present to "get lost". Realize that a path has many expressions: exploring creativity, indulging intuition, pursuing a relationship. Choose one, and get lost on the pathless path today.
Chinese philosophy is largely about following instinct rather than prescribed routine, letting things take their course without trying to force results. As articulated by the Chinese sages known as Lao-tzu and Chuang tzu, this may manifest as a form of action that's empty of intention and motivation, and that allows events to unfold according to their own nature. "The Tao abides in non-action, yet nothing is left undone," says the Tao Te Ching. Chuang-tzu, who lived several centuries after Lao-tzu and whose writing reflects a similar world view, put it this way: Do not seek fame. Do not make plans. Do not be absorbed by activities. Do not think you know. Be aware of all that is and dwell in the infinite....Be all that heaven gave you, but act as though you have received nothing."
Day 8...firesign....:-) I would love to hear what you've picked for me....
Love and Light,
Diana
Oooooooh cool card----Thank you Wonderwoman-- Now Im going to do your card. I usually have the person hold the cards for a minute to get their energies into the deck so I will concentrate on your name for you. Then I will shuffle 3x and cut the deck, then pick the top card for you. K, hold on......
Your card is the MOVE Guardian Angel.. it means...
This message is about moving--most likely, it means you'll soon be moving into a new home. Youve been considering the possibility, and this is the validation of the idea. The angels will help you locate a wonderful new home and assist with the details of leaving your present location. Give any worries about this issue to Heaven; and have faith that the finances, family concerns, and other issues will be taken care of. This is also a message about moving your body more. The angels ask you to create movement in your life through physical motion. You can do this by swaying or dancing to music, exercising, hiking outdoors, playing with your children and so on. All this movement will help you make a fresh start. It ushers in wonderful new people, experiences, and opportunities, so give any worries that you may have about making these changes to God and your guardian angels.----------------- Does any of this fit in??
CONGRATS ON DAY 9
Your card is the MOVE Guardian Angel.. it means...
This message is about moving--most likely, it means you'll soon be moving into a new home. Youve been considering the possibility, and this is the validation of the idea. The angels will help you locate a wonderful new home and assist with the details of leaving your present location. Give any worries about this issue to Heaven; and have faith that the finances, family concerns, and other issues will be taken care of. This is also a message about moving your body more. The angels ask you to create movement in your life through physical motion. You can do this by swaying or dancing to music, exercising, hiking outdoors, playing with your children and so on. All this movement will help you make a fresh start. It ushers in wonderful new people, experiences, and opportunities, so give any worries that you may have about making these changes to God and your guardian angels.----------------- Does any of this fit in??
CONGRATS ON DAY 9
Yes, this is VERY accurate. Now if I could just convince my husband. Last night I mentioned again to him that I would like to move (even if it's into my OWN place)....I feel very overwhelmed here, too much stuff....crowded and of course him smelling like weed is very annoying......
Yes, I'm serious.....I don't see why I can't have my own place......it's a new world. I've heard of this before, they call it seperation.....I'm asking my counsellor to refer me to an addictions counsellor that deals with couples who are dealing with our particular situation. I don't like our marriage counsellor.
I have alot of energy and walking has been very beneficial.
Yes, I'm serious.....I don't see why I can't have my own place......it's a new world. I've heard of this before, they call it seperation.....I'm asking my counsellor to refer me to an addictions counsellor that deals with couples who are dealing with our particular situation. I don't like our marriage counsellor.
I have alot of energy and walking has been very beneficial.
Day 11. Feeling overwhelmed. Taking care of all my familys' needs. Looking forward to going to school tonight....my neck and arm are killing me, waiting to hear back about the osteo appt., I was given anti-inflammatories. but it doesn't feel different, cortisone shots ?? it was reccommended. A couple of puffs would do the trick, but I'm not gonna go there....
Hi WW, Sorry to hear about your pain. I'm also glad to hear you're not smoking for relief. I hope you can find an osteopath who does "cranial sacral" therapy and who will call you back with an appt. I am also tempted to smoke for relief of pain with the headaches. A joint would help me relax, my addict says. But I'm choosing not to do that today. I made it through the pain clinic yesterday after a 3 hour assessment. I'm hoping this new med for the migraines won't have so many nasty side effects. I'm looking forward to the hypnotherapy session today. I will tell my counsellor about my relationship with cannabis and see if she can plant something in my subconscious to ease that cravings. I was really mad at my husband last night. He tends to go on shopping sprees when he's "hypo-manic." He knew we didn't have the money so he charged up the credit card. I didn't say anything to him about it and will deal with it in therapy today. Just doing the Tao. My sister and I had fun at the opera "Turandot" last night. Hang in there.
WW did you see Oprah yesterday? I usually don't watch her but there was a lady on their talking about women taking care of themselves. I noticed you said you felt overwhelmed taking care of family, school, etc.
Anyhoo, later in the program people (women) were applauding and loving the message and Oprah brought up the fact that the same presenter was on there several years ago and when she said take care of yourself first the audience Boo'd her. They told her she was selfish, etc.
Now women (10) years later are on heart meds, anti depressants, adrenal meds, thyroid, etc. and had they listned to the message prior, this meds "may" not have been neeeded.
She pointed out this time that we all look for pleasure and to stimulate those pleasure areas in the brain. Stating most people will turn to drugs/alcohol, etc. and that this is "normal". However, unhealthy, and the 3 top ways to get those pleasure areas stimulated was thru exercise, meditation, and sex.
Good message I thought, but I don't really like the alternatives as well, haha, hate exercise, don't know how to truly meditate nor have quiet time to do so, and well sex after 15 years being with the same person, kids running all over the house, etc., not a big thriller either.
Just thought I would share and oh by the way, poor Ellen Degeneres, and the dog story, with my new "peri-menopausal" state I cried over her, and over hannah montanna, and some other stupid father daughter thing on TV.
Anyhoo, later in the program people (women) were applauding and loving the message and Oprah brought up the fact that the same presenter was on there several years ago and when she said take care of yourself first the audience Boo'd her. They told her she was selfish, etc.
Now women (10) years later are on heart meds, anti depressants, adrenal meds, thyroid, etc. and had they listned to the message prior, this meds "may" not have been neeeded.
She pointed out this time that we all look for pleasure and to stimulate those pleasure areas in the brain. Stating most people will turn to drugs/alcohol, etc. and that this is "normal". However, unhealthy, and the 3 top ways to get those pleasure areas stimulated was thru exercise, meditation, and sex.
Good message I thought, but I don't really like the alternatives as well, haha, hate exercise, don't know how to truly meditate nor have quiet time to do so, and well sex after 15 years being with the same person, kids running all over the house, etc., not a big thriller either.
Just thought I would share and oh by the way, poor Ellen Degeneres, and the dog story, with my new "peri-menopausal" state I cried over her, and over hannah montanna, and some other stupid father daughter thing on TV.
Hi Jamv ! Yes, I did see most of the show.
Bring on the JOY!!!
The best way I can describe meditation is like vegetating on a couch in your brain facing the windows (eyes) looking out. Isn't it just a fancy word for day dreaming ?
Oh and "Self-cultivating" is that what she called it....that other thing....sex ??
Christianne Northrup also has a book called Mother-Daughter Wisdom which is awesome ! From the publisher : "The mother-daughter relationship sets the stage for our state of health and well-being for our entire lives. Because our mothers are our first and most powerful female role models, our most deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves as women come from them. And our behavior in relationshipswith food, with our children, with our mates, and with ourselvesis a reflection of those beliefs. Once we understand our mother-daughter bonds, we can rebuild our own health, whatever our age, and create a lasting positive legacy for the next generation.
Mother-Daughter Wisdom introduces an entirely new map of female development, exploring the five facets of feminine power, which range from the basics of physical self-care to the discovery of passion and purpose in life. This blueprint allows any womanwhether or not she has childrento repair the gaps in her own upbringing and create a better adult relationship with her mother. If she has her own daughter, it will help her be the mother she has always wanted to be.
Drawing on patient case histories and personal experiences, Dr. Northrup also presents findings at the cutting edge of medicine and psychology. Discover:
How to lay the nutritional foundation to prevent eating disorders and adult diseases
The truth about the immunization controversyand the true meaning of immunity
How we can change our genetic health legacy
Why financial literacy is essential to womens health
How to foster healthy sexuality and future love maps in our daughters
How to balance independence with caring, and individual growth with family ties"
I have not read it cover to cover, Jamv, but instead I treat is as a dictionary ! :-) It's ALOT to take in.
I'm really angry with my mom right now....and I wrote her a nasty letter but of course I'll share it with my counsellor instead. On one hand I can see my mom as this f***ed-up little kid and forgive her......but I do need to address the fact she was never there for me....and I certainly didn't have my dad to lean on.
Anyhoo, it's day 12 and I was completely selfish and didn't crawl out of bed until 10:30 am, at 7:30 am I gave my son 5 bucks for lunch and I don't feel guilty about any of it.
Unfortunately when it came to the weed I could tell easily tell myself it was ok, it gave me pleasure, relaxed me etc. but it lies to me.... I started gaining weight, my skin was looking bad, I was stressed out about smelling skunky, worried about not having respect from my kids.....I could go on and on.....stress and worry and shame.....what's the point?....no thanks.
Today, in this moment, I feel like something's missing in my life....but it ain't the weed.
Bring on the JOY!!!
The best way I can describe meditation is like vegetating on a couch in your brain facing the windows (eyes) looking out. Isn't it just a fancy word for day dreaming ?
Oh and "Self-cultivating" is that what she called it....that other thing....sex ??
Christianne Northrup also has a book called Mother-Daughter Wisdom which is awesome ! From the publisher : "The mother-daughter relationship sets the stage for our state of health and well-being for our entire lives. Because our mothers are our first and most powerful female role models, our most deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves as women come from them. And our behavior in relationshipswith food, with our children, with our mates, and with ourselvesis a reflection of those beliefs. Once we understand our mother-daughter bonds, we can rebuild our own health, whatever our age, and create a lasting positive legacy for the next generation.
Mother-Daughter Wisdom introduces an entirely new map of female development, exploring the five facets of feminine power, which range from the basics of physical self-care to the discovery of passion and purpose in life. This blueprint allows any womanwhether or not she has childrento repair the gaps in her own upbringing and create a better adult relationship with her mother. If she has her own daughter, it will help her be the mother she has always wanted to be.
Drawing on patient case histories and personal experiences, Dr. Northrup also presents findings at the cutting edge of medicine and psychology. Discover:
How to lay the nutritional foundation to prevent eating disorders and adult diseases
The truth about the immunization controversyand the true meaning of immunity
How we can change our genetic health legacy
Why financial literacy is essential to womens health
How to foster healthy sexuality and future love maps in our daughters
How to balance independence with caring, and individual growth with family ties"
I have not read it cover to cover, Jamv, but instead I treat is as a dictionary ! :-) It's ALOT to take in.
I'm really angry with my mom right now....and I wrote her a nasty letter but of course I'll share it with my counsellor instead. On one hand I can see my mom as this f***ed-up little kid and forgive her......but I do need to address the fact she was never there for me....and I certainly didn't have my dad to lean on.
Anyhoo, it's day 12 and I was completely selfish and didn't crawl out of bed until 10:30 am, at 7:30 am I gave my son 5 bucks for lunch and I don't feel guilty about any of it.
Unfortunately when it came to the weed I could tell easily tell myself it was ok, it gave me pleasure, relaxed me etc. but it lies to me.... I started gaining weight, my skin was looking bad, I was stressed out about smelling skunky, worried about not having respect from my kids.....I could go on and on.....stress and worry and shame.....what's the point?....no thanks.
Today, in this moment, I feel like something's missing in my life....but it ain't the weed.
Good for you Rachael ! Hypo-manic is that what it's called ? Weird, my husband does the same thing.....shopping sprees.......but today I'm grateful because he is totally there for my daughter whom is having issues with a teacher. My husband is handling it......I've handled the school "thing" with all my kids for so many years.....so for him to step up to the plate is freaking HUGE ! I remembered to say thank you yesterday.:-)
I'm sorry for your pain, it really makes a person miserable doesn't it ? I heard from the Osteopath, she practices under "massage therapy" because our province doesn't recognize this form of therapy. Next wednesday I'm booked. So I'll pay my 85 bucks and hope for the best.
Feel free to tell me as much as you can about the Tao,,,,I wish you all the best with your treatments too....I've never been to an opera....I'd probably cry....
I'm sorry for your pain, it really makes a person miserable doesn't it ? I heard from the Osteopath, she practices under "massage therapy" because our province doesn't recognize this form of therapy. Next wednesday I'm booked. So I'll pay my 85 bucks and hope for the best.
Feel free to tell me as much as you can about the Tao,,,,I wish you all the best with your treatments too....I've never been to an opera....I'd probably cry....
OH the mother daughter thing. My mom is so messed up, i have been able to ignore and not necessarily forgive but at least tolerate her past treatment of me and the idiotic way she continues to interact with me.
HOWEVER, she totally lost it with my daughter over my birthday weekend, having an anger tantrum that my kids have been lucky enough to have never seen, I on the other hand dealt with at least quarterly per year and off and on as an adult, (but as an adult can hang up the phone)
After a letter trying to be nice and her saying "what was the big deal I was mad" I went totally off and listed everything my kids told me she did (in an email) she had no response and I told her when my kids were ready to forgive her they would, otherwise she must wait. She sent my daughter flowers, and my daughter being the great person she is, said I am just not ready yet. (she is only 10). Took her a week and she was able to talk with her, mom promised it would never happen again. I hope that is true. Sad thing is my daughter said well if it does can I still go see her. I told her she could always see her nana but probably with supervision.
How sad, and I wonder why I am so F*#ed up.
I miss you guys and never really feel worthy to post lately, however, I am reading the small book and working on that internal beast that beats me up constantly and give myself permission to screw up and be ok. (one thing my mother would never let me do, it was normal for the screw ups, but to feel good about yourself was just down right conceited)
HOWEVER, she totally lost it with my daughter over my birthday weekend, having an anger tantrum that my kids have been lucky enough to have never seen, I on the other hand dealt with at least quarterly per year and off and on as an adult, (but as an adult can hang up the phone)
After a letter trying to be nice and her saying "what was the big deal I was mad" I went totally off and listed everything my kids told me she did (in an email) she had no response and I told her when my kids were ready to forgive her they would, otherwise she must wait. She sent my daughter flowers, and my daughter being the great person she is, said I am just not ready yet. (she is only 10). Took her a week and she was able to talk with her, mom promised it would never happen again. I hope that is true. Sad thing is my daughter said well if it does can I still go see her. I told her she could always see her nana but probably with supervision.
How sad, and I wonder why I am so F*#ed up.
I miss you guys and never really feel worthy to post lately, however, I am reading the small book and working on that internal beast that beats me up constantly and give myself permission to screw up and be ok. (one thing my mother would never let me do, it was normal for the screw ups, but to feel good about yourself was just down right conceited)
I will not beat myself up, I will not beat myself up, I will not beat myself up.
Made it 5 days without drunkeness, until last night. I need to remember this feeling I have right now, it is called a hangover
Made it 5 days without drunkeness, until last night. I need to remember this feeling I have right now, it is called a hangover
oh yes....the hangover......so have you traded one drug for another ? Slippery slope.....I've been there.....
Yes mam I have.
When I stopped the smoke, I started eating powdered doughnuts, gained 20lbs, had gastric bypass and started drinking. (seems to be typical on the weighloss surgery boards), I have smoked some here and there but usually only if i have been drinking, dont want smoke any other time and then it puts me over the edge, fall down, pass out. If i am logical enough during the drunk I won't smoke, but logic is usually floating in my beer, thus.....
I have been doing better, and i keep telling myself that. Trying to focus only on how bad of a drunk or person I am doesnt seem to help much.
When I stopped the smoke, I started eating powdered doughnuts, gained 20lbs, had gastric bypass and started drinking. (seems to be typical on the weighloss surgery boards), I have smoked some here and there but usually only if i have been drinking, dont want smoke any other time and then it puts me over the edge, fall down, pass out. If i am logical enough during the drunk I won't smoke, but logic is usually floating in my beer, thus.....
I have been doing better, and i keep telling myself that. Trying to focus only on how bad of a drunk or person I am doesnt seem to help much.
Good for you for those five days !
yanno....compared to how much I was drinking and smoking 20 years ago, I'm doing waaaay better....I really/you really should give yourself credit....I really think it's important here that we focus on that awareness......I mean for example I've talked to my skinny friends about how they eat and they do the sugar thing too, but then they focus on the healthy things they are doing that same day or week or whatever and shrug off the the other.....they don't have the beat-myself-up-messages, the self-fulfilling prophecy going on....same with exercise...."I'm trying" is unacceptable, "I'm doing" is the message.
Growing up in a perfectionist home messed with my head. All or nothing thinking is dangerous.
Damn doughnuts.
yanno....compared to how much I was drinking and smoking 20 years ago, I'm doing waaaay better....I really/you really should give yourself credit....I really think it's important here that we focus on that awareness......I mean for example I've talked to my skinny friends about how they eat and they do the sugar thing too, but then they focus on the healthy things they are doing that same day or week or whatever and shrug off the the other.....they don't have the beat-myself-up-messages, the self-fulfilling prophecy going on....same with exercise...."I'm trying" is unacceptable, "I'm doing" is the message.
Growing up in a perfectionist home messed with my head. All or nothing thinking is dangerous.
Damn doughnuts.
I am SO all or nothing.
I look for ways to sabotabe myself (not always intentionally)
I am working so hard on not just thinking of my positives, but not allowing that negative inner voice, addict voice, demon whatever you want to call it to take over, or to even speak. So hard today to do, but I am.
Got a massage today, took my dog for a walk last night....cooking supper for the kids now.
I look for ways to sabotabe myself (not always intentionally)
I am working so hard on not just thinking of my positives, but not allowing that negative inner voice, addict voice, demon whatever you want to call it to take over, or to even speak. So hard today to do, but I am.
Got a massage today, took my dog for a walk last night....cooking supper for the kids now.
Hi WW, Sorry to hear your husband also suffers from the big mood swings. I'm glad he's stepping up with the school issues and children. Let me know how it goes with the osteopath. I'm hoping that she will bring you some relief. As I mentioned my sister is an osteo. They have something called ACC (Accident coverage) in New Zealand, and that will pay for half of the cost. I have no idea if Canada has a system that might help to cover the expense. Sis and I really enjoyed the opera. The angels were with me and I was without headache. I have felt pretty woozy but I know I'm bound to feel weird while I'm changing meds. The hypno therapist is great. She made a tape for me and has focused on the weed. I played it last night after dinner which is when I have the worst cravings. I felt very calm and relaxed the rest of the eve. That alone is pretty amazing. D says he will go to therapy with me. This should be interesting. I'm glad you and jamv are supporting each other with the "mother issues." As I've mentioned before, my mom died when I was 18, just 1 year after she had quit alcohol and prescription meds. It seems so unfair, but then who said life is fair? Best wishes to you.
