Hi,
For years I have struggled with depression. I believe this comes as a result of several things. One, history and background, enviournment and situation, and for me it was a learned behaviour and a way out of my feelings.
I also have an imbalance in chemistry that leaves me predisposed to depression.. I use medication to help with the depression, but I have found that being able to vent to someone and get out my anger helps me very much.
I was a member of a group for about 8 years that I helped facilitate called DA.. Depressed Anonymous. Being with like minded people that understand and can relate is very healing. I learned many coping skills over the years that I was in this group that help me when I relapse back into depression. I know that depression it is common among substance users and their families.
Is there anyone else out there that has depression.if so, would you be willing to discuss it in a forum and what methods you are using to overcome it.
Thanks,
Judynky
I guess no one here suffers from depression. Maybe I am in the wrong place.
I was hoping that we could discuss this as related to addiction and recovery.
Thanks,
Judynky
I was hoping that we could discuss this as related to addiction and recovery.
Thanks,
Judynky
Hi Judy,
I suffered from depression 10 years ago now - wow seems another life time!!!
It's a horrible horrible illness, if a person hasn't suffered it (properly big time) then they will have absolutely no idea what it is like - same as addiction then??
definately... is it related - it must be and as i mentioned in another post - no wonder it's so hard for addicts if in recovery they have to go through depression
of my goodness - nightmare. During my depression i never touched drugs (i was one of the lucky ones i'm sure) or even had a drink!!! i knew nothing about drugs but i knew the shear desperation - if i had ever been involved in drugs would i have taken them at this time - i'll never know but i can quite understand why a person would! Heroin cured my husband's depression!! but he had a history of drug abuse - now he is clean, he has good and bad days and has definately done amazing....Since my depression i have never experienced it again - yep p'raps a low mood but hey that's easy in comparison!! In brief i think i spent about a year in bed!!! i read lots of books (sometimes i feel i read every book in the library) but it helped - now i'm waffling.....! Anyway Judy if you want to chat let me know i have access to a computer Tues-Fri. Feel free to ask whatever questions you want if i can be of any help or support then i am only to glad to be
Take care of you love Molly....
I suffered from depression 10 years ago now - wow seems another life time!!!
It's a horrible horrible illness, if a person hasn't suffered it (properly big time) then they will have absolutely no idea what it is like - same as addiction then??
definately... is it related - it must be and as i mentioned in another post - no wonder it's so hard for addicts if in recovery they have to go through depression
of my goodness - nightmare. During my depression i never touched drugs (i was one of the lucky ones i'm sure) or even had a drink!!! i knew nothing about drugs but i knew the shear desperation - if i had ever been involved in drugs would i have taken them at this time - i'll never know but i can quite understand why a person would! Heroin cured my husband's depression!! but he had a history of drug abuse - now he is clean, he has good and bad days and has definately done amazing....Since my depression i have never experienced it again - yep p'raps a low mood but hey that's easy in comparison!! In brief i think i spent about a year in bed!!! i read lots of books (sometimes i feel i read every book in the library) but it helped - now i'm waffling.....! Anyway Judy if you want to chat let me know i have access to a computer Tues-Fri. Feel free to ask whatever questions you want if i can be of any help or support then i am only to glad to be
Take care of you love Molly....
Thank you so much Molly for responding. I have had depression for many years and it gets worse when things are stressful. Coming from an alcohoic family I was predisposed to compulsive behaviours. I was a drinker as a teenager and promiscuous, used pot and pills to keep from feeling.
When I married and things got more stressful after children I began to go into depression. I"ve been working on this and other issues for over 20 years now.
I found, for me, that it was a way out, a way of avoiding reponsibility and just numbing out. About ten years ago, diagnoised with bipolar2 disorder I learned all I could about this illness, I have a wonderful doctor that works with me and has as much respect for me as I have for her. She also insited that I go to a support group and work on me. The medicine only does so much. I had always worked on 12 step issues and at the time I found a 12 step program for depression.
There were so many recovering addicts and alcoholics in this group. Also a lot of families of addicts. I think depression is underneath and substance abuse, or whatever our drug of choice is. mine was escape.. pure and simple and somehow depression gave me that opportunity to escape my reality.
I am grateful to be recovering from addictions as well as depression today..
Thanks
Judy
When I married and things got more stressful after children I began to go into depression. I"ve been working on this and other issues for over 20 years now.
I found, for me, that it was a way out, a way of avoiding reponsibility and just numbing out. About ten years ago, diagnoised with bipolar2 disorder I learned all I could about this illness, I have a wonderful doctor that works with me and has as much respect for me as I have for her. She also insited that I go to a support group and work on me. The medicine only does so much. I had always worked on 12 step issues and at the time I found a 12 step program for depression.
There were so many recovering addicts and alcoholics in this group. Also a lot of families of addicts. I think depression is underneath and substance abuse, or whatever our drug of choice is. mine was escape.. pure and simple and somehow depression gave me that opportunity to escape my reality.
I am grateful to be recovering from addictions as well as depression today..
Thanks
Judy
Good to hear from you Judy
It must be pretty hard dealing with depression for all that time - do you have the manic phases? Was your mom & dad both alcoholic? It's great that you have a wonderful doctor too and have gone to support groups. I agree when you say medicine only does so much - it's true, i know from my experience with depression that it can really mess up your thinking, at present i don't fear ever going through it again (i used to but it was crippling me!!) but i am aware of my limitations and work hard to get a good balance in my life....I came to this board for understanding of addictions and it's been a great help - i don't read all the posts because it hurts my head!! it's too much!! i'm just being honest - but if you fill your head with so much negative stuff it's hard to be positive.....I am amazed at how huge the drug problem is and look forward to the time when the world is free of this and all other problems.... I remember when i was ill people annoyed me because they kept saying it has to come from me (to get well etc...) and i really was dead i think!!!! but it's true and i got there and i've learned to live my own life and let everyone else live theirs and be responsible for their own choices and actions - afterall God is not co-dependant either! I have found the posts on codependency and resentments justified very good.....I could go on forever but i must do some work now take care of yourself Judy with love Molly. oh one last thing how's things with your children? sorry if i've missed you writing about that?
It must be pretty hard dealing with depression for all that time - do you have the manic phases? Was your mom & dad both alcoholic? It's great that you have a wonderful doctor too and have gone to support groups. I agree when you say medicine only does so much - it's true, i know from my experience with depression that it can really mess up your thinking, at present i don't fear ever going through it again (i used to but it was crippling me!!) but i am aware of my limitations and work hard to get a good balance in my life....I came to this board for understanding of addictions and it's been a great help - i don't read all the posts because it hurts my head!! it's too much!! i'm just being honest - but if you fill your head with so much negative stuff it's hard to be positive.....I am amazed at how huge the drug problem is and look forward to the time when the world is free of this and all other problems.... I remember when i was ill people annoyed me because they kept saying it has to come from me (to get well etc...) and i really was dead i think!!!! but it's true and i got there and i've learned to live my own life and let everyone else live theirs and be responsible for their own choices and actions - afterall God is not co-dependant either! I have found the posts on codependency and resentments justified very good.....I could go on forever but i must do some work now take care of yourself Judy with love Molly. oh one last thing how's things with your children? sorry if i've missed you writing about that?
Hi Judy
I like you have always suffered from depression. I knew as a child that I was "different". For years I would go to the doctor with ailments and he would say that dreaded 's' word... stress. i would tell him that i always had stress, what was different this time. I finally tried Wellbutrin to quite smoking. It supposively works on the chemical dependency portion of the brain. Well, I didn't stop smoking, but I felt better. More happy, if you will. A few years back, it got worse. I became suicidal, depressed, didn't want to work, the whole nine yards. I broke down and went to counseling. More pills but nothing changed. I finally asked my PCP about my hormone levels since I was having migraines too. Guess what? Zilch!!! Although he kept saying I was too young, my levels reflected premature ovarian failure. i got on hormones. I have tapered off my Wellbutrin to only one a day. I was taking three. I feel so much better To make a long story short. I was in depression alright. Chemical, situational, and hormonal. The biggest effect was the hormonal. That was two years ago. And I still have a lot of situational, but that is my normal stress. I don't know how old you are but you might wan't to ask your doctor to check your levels. Hope you feel better soon. This too shall pass.
I like you have always suffered from depression. I knew as a child that I was "different". For years I would go to the doctor with ailments and he would say that dreaded 's' word... stress. i would tell him that i always had stress, what was different this time. I finally tried Wellbutrin to quite smoking. It supposively works on the chemical dependency portion of the brain. Well, I didn't stop smoking, but I felt better. More happy, if you will. A few years back, it got worse. I became suicidal, depressed, didn't want to work, the whole nine yards. I broke down and went to counseling. More pills but nothing changed. I finally asked my PCP about my hormone levels since I was having migraines too. Guess what? Zilch!!! Although he kept saying I was too young, my levels reflected premature ovarian failure. i got on hormones. I have tapered off my Wellbutrin to only one a day. I was taking three. I feel so much better To make a long story short. I was in depression alright. Chemical, situational, and hormonal. The biggest effect was the hormonal. That was two years ago. And I still have a lot of situational, but that is my normal stress. I don't know how old you are but you might wan't to ask your doctor to check your levels. Hope you feel better soon. This too shall pass.
Thank you Molly and enabler for your post,
I am having a rough time today and the tears are flowing. My youngest son is an addict as you may have read from other posts from a week or so ago.
I came to this board for support. I had only one hand of friendship extended in this group until now. I do appreciate you two writing. I don't know maybe I wan't fitting in or something. I found so many of the posts to be so negative and I tried to encourage people with things that have helped me,
I felt I must speak about the depression that has been an issue with me, along with codependecy and addiction issues of my own when I was younger.
To answer some of your questions: I am 52, mother of three,widowed in 99 after 29 years,two with special needs, one developmentally disabled and one with spinabifida. These two are grown and out on their own, both married and the youngest with mild spinabifida is the most independent of all. I have 4 grandchildren. My son that is an addict ( working on his issue, thankfully now) is 25. He has an 8 year old,a stepdaughter that is 3 years old and a new baby 5 mo. which brings me awesome joy, as well as the 8 year old when I get to see her and my daughter, the youngest, 23, has a two year old.
My son is working regular, has an apartment of his own and a decent woman in his life. The eight year old is with her mom and stepdad, but we see her on the weekends. He was with me until last year when I asked him to leave and actually stuck to it.It was the best thing that I have ever done for him.
.It forced him to take responsibility for himself. He has been using since he was in his teens and my husband and I went through a lot before he died, and I went though even more after he died. It seemed that my son thought that I was responsible for him for the rest of his life. He used to say::" I didn't bring myself into this world, you did and you have to take care of me. This is my house as much as it his yours and by the way, where is my inheritence?" Can you imagine??? Well, I let him bully me for several years, lying around, not working, drugging and drinking whenever he wasn't here,then I got wise, got myself back into 12 step meeting, alanon and therapy and met a wonderful man.I was strong enough last year to ask him to leave and I really meant it this time. I changed the locks, woudn't have any contact with him for some time. His girlfriend's mom and stepdad took him in and the rest is history. I believe he needed a man's influence and mentoring as well as being taught a work ethic. He went to work for the company that they both worked for and is still there. They made them save, pay back child support that he owed by not charging them anything to live there for about 10 months. The they were able to get their own apartment and they are doing OK now as far as financially
.I think my son has inherited depression from me and hope he seeks help for it. I believe he is covering his pain and depression up with alcohol, drugs, etc, and has been doing that for years.
Well, so much for that. I do have a bipolar2 diagnosis, and I take lamictal and lexapro for it. I also take a small dose of klonipin when needed, but don't ever use more than I need. I know the addictive qualities of it.
I'm glad wellbutrin has worked for you. It is a good medicaton for many people with depression. I hope you continue to do well. I have extreme fatigue and some physical problems that have caused me to have 3 surgeries in 3 years.
The recovery has been difficult and I have had to take disability.
I also have some hormonal imbalances as well. I had a complete hystro. 2 years ago and am on premarin. It helps, but I havn'et feft the same since. I have little energy and have gained 30 lbs.
It helps to know that there are others out there in this support group and on this board that can discuss these issues.
I know that you have to do more than take pills, which can become a cructh all in itself for me (likeyou said, Molly, I believe it was you.)
We can become just as dependent on them and not do anything else to address the issues in our lives. Or we can do what I did until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I used depression as a way out, a crutch. I
could hide and not face things head on, It almost became like a drug.
There is a good book called "Depression, A way Out by Hugh Smith" and also a DA manual, using a lot of AA principles..
It is the one we used in the depression support group I was involved in for 8 years. I learned so many great coping skills from that support group and I have lifelong friends because ot it
I now know my triggers, and I get enough rest, take my meds. watch my stress level, eat right and don't let things bother me like I used to. I try to unload on God. :-) and vent on here and with friends that I know understand me.
I also came from an alcoholic home, my dad was a verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I am grateful for the insight I have now.
Thanks for writing. I appreciate it so much.
I am on another board for depression and bipolar is either of you are interested in the link I will give it to you.
Geez.. didn't mean to write a book. LOL
Hugs, Love and Blessings to you all,
Judy
I am having a rough time today and the tears are flowing. My youngest son is an addict as you may have read from other posts from a week or so ago.
I came to this board for support. I had only one hand of friendship extended in this group until now. I do appreciate you two writing. I don't know maybe I wan't fitting in or something. I found so many of the posts to be so negative and I tried to encourage people with things that have helped me,
I felt I must speak about the depression that has been an issue with me, along with codependecy and addiction issues of my own when I was younger.
To answer some of your questions: I am 52, mother of three,widowed in 99 after 29 years,two with special needs, one developmentally disabled and one with spinabifida. These two are grown and out on their own, both married and the youngest with mild spinabifida is the most independent of all. I have 4 grandchildren. My son that is an addict ( working on his issue, thankfully now) is 25. He has an 8 year old,a stepdaughter that is 3 years old and a new baby 5 mo. which brings me awesome joy, as well as the 8 year old when I get to see her and my daughter, the youngest, 23, has a two year old.
My son is working regular, has an apartment of his own and a decent woman in his life. The eight year old is with her mom and stepdad, but we see her on the weekends. He was with me until last year when I asked him to leave and actually stuck to it.It was the best thing that I have ever done for him.
.It forced him to take responsibility for himself. He has been using since he was in his teens and my husband and I went through a lot before he died, and I went though even more after he died. It seemed that my son thought that I was responsible for him for the rest of his life. He used to say::" I didn't bring myself into this world, you did and you have to take care of me. This is my house as much as it his yours and by the way, where is my inheritence?" Can you imagine??? Well, I let him bully me for several years, lying around, not working, drugging and drinking whenever he wasn't here,then I got wise, got myself back into 12 step meeting, alanon and therapy and met a wonderful man.I was strong enough last year to ask him to leave and I really meant it this time. I changed the locks, woudn't have any contact with him for some time. His girlfriend's mom and stepdad took him in and the rest is history. I believe he needed a man's influence and mentoring as well as being taught a work ethic. He went to work for the company that they both worked for and is still there. They made them save, pay back child support that he owed by not charging them anything to live there for about 10 months. The they were able to get their own apartment and they are doing OK now as far as financially
.I think my son has inherited depression from me and hope he seeks help for it. I believe he is covering his pain and depression up with alcohol, drugs, etc, and has been doing that for years.
Well, so much for that. I do have a bipolar2 diagnosis, and I take lamictal and lexapro for it. I also take a small dose of klonipin when needed, but don't ever use more than I need. I know the addictive qualities of it.
I'm glad wellbutrin has worked for you. It is a good medicaton for many people with depression. I hope you continue to do well. I have extreme fatigue and some physical problems that have caused me to have 3 surgeries in 3 years.
The recovery has been difficult and I have had to take disability.
I also have some hormonal imbalances as well. I had a complete hystro. 2 years ago and am on premarin. It helps, but I havn'et feft the same since. I have little energy and have gained 30 lbs.
It helps to know that there are others out there in this support group and on this board that can discuss these issues.
I know that you have to do more than take pills, which can become a cructh all in itself for me (likeyou said, Molly, I believe it was you.)
We can become just as dependent on them and not do anything else to address the issues in our lives. Or we can do what I did until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I used depression as a way out, a crutch. I
could hide and not face things head on, It almost became like a drug.
There is a good book called "Depression, A way Out by Hugh Smith" and also a DA manual, using a lot of AA principles..
It is the one we used in the depression support group I was involved in for 8 years. I learned so many great coping skills from that support group and I have lifelong friends because ot it
I now know my triggers, and I get enough rest, take my meds. watch my stress level, eat right and don't let things bother me like I used to. I try to unload on God. :-) and vent on here and with friends that I know understand me.
I also came from an alcoholic home, my dad was a verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. I am grateful for the insight I have now.
Thanks for writing. I appreciate it so much.
I am on another board for depression and bipolar is either of you are interested in the link I will give it to you.
Geez.. didn't mean to write a book. LOL
Hugs, Love and Blessings to you all,
Judy
Molly,
I am so glad for you and your family's sake that your husband got help. You know, drug addiction isn't a respector of persons, economic or social standing. It can happen to anyone regardless of age, sex, rich, poor, etc. It's a way of numbing ourselves and hiding from sometimes very harse realities that we must face and deal with. Tell me, how did he ever get off of it? Ican't remember if you said rehab or what?
My son got worse after his father died. He would drink and drug for days and get a job and lose it within a week or two. I just don't think he could deal with all the guilt. He and his dad had always had a great relationship. My hubby coached ball, they were buddies and were very close until he got in high school. Then the pot and drinking started which we wounldn't tolerate, even though he was a budding alcoholic himself. So, there was a war from then out out. My son just grieved so terribly when his dad died 6 years ago and I know from experience that those feelings are tremendous to deal with. So.. he used the pot, pills, and alcohol to cover it all up, the pain and grief. I can remember doing that as a teen to, but not to the degree he did.
Anyway, didn't mean to get back on here, but had some more to say.lol
I feel like we all have a common bond with the depression.
Hey if you want to email me I have made my email address available by clicking on my name to the left of this page.
Thanks both of you for sharing your experiences. If I didn't address things in your posts please point that out to me. I want you all to know that I am here for you too.
I feel so much better.
Hugs,
Judy
Oh, where are you girls from?
I am so glad for you and your family's sake that your husband got help. You know, drug addiction isn't a respector of persons, economic or social standing. It can happen to anyone regardless of age, sex, rich, poor, etc. It's a way of numbing ourselves and hiding from sometimes very harse realities that we must face and deal with. Tell me, how did he ever get off of it? Ican't remember if you said rehab or what?
My son got worse after his father died. He would drink and drug for days and get a job and lose it within a week or two. I just don't think he could deal with all the guilt. He and his dad had always had a great relationship. My hubby coached ball, they were buddies and were very close until he got in high school. Then the pot and drinking started which we wounldn't tolerate, even though he was a budding alcoholic himself. So, there was a war from then out out. My son just grieved so terribly when his dad died 6 years ago and I know from experience that those feelings are tremendous to deal with. So.. he used the pot, pills, and alcohol to cover it all up, the pain and grief. I can remember doing that as a teen to, but not to the degree he did.
Anyway, didn't mean to get back on here, but had some more to say.lol
I feel like we all have a common bond with the depression.
Hey if you want to email me I have made my email address available by clicking on my name to the left of this page.
Thanks both of you for sharing your experiences. If I didn't address things in your posts please point that out to me. I want you all to know that I am here for you too.
I feel so much better.
Hugs,
Judy
Oh, where are you girls from?
Hi Judy
good to hear from you. I woke up this morning feeling like a fool. I spent every night at the house while I was off this week. I told myself I was working on the remodeling. I was. But this morning I felt really weird. I asked myself what the heck was I doing. Here I am seperated, yet spending most of my time there. Two weeks ago, I would spend a few hours at the house and then make excuses to leave. Now everything is backwards. I am not sure what I am doing. Feeling lonely, I guess.
My 18 year old sounds a lot like your son. He was diagnosed with bipolar a few years back. I really thought he was too. But they played around with his medication and things escalated. He does nothing. He can't hold a job. He has no common sense. I am embarrassed when he fills out applications and can't comprehend simple questions. And he was so intelligent when he was younger. I know he has some depression as well. I sometimes think about slipping him some of my medication, but I know that is wrong. I do believe that if he could find the right medicine it would help him. Right now, he acts like he is just waiting for me and my husband to die so he can just step into our life. But I remind him that he cannot step into our jobs to support himself. We have tried everything. Several people have. Nothing works. He also uses alot of splitting with me and his father. He moved out with me and everything was great until I finally told him that he needed to get a real job. But he never really 'moves' out. He takes enough for a few days and leaves everything else behind. Basically, he doesn't close the door. We have run out of answers for him. He puts alot of strain on our relationship. but we know that he cannot make it on his own until he builds his character, self-esteem, and motivation. He would be manipulating everyone to meet only day-to-day needs. We just keep praying, and keep trying to encourage him each day.
good to hear from you. I woke up this morning feeling like a fool. I spent every night at the house while I was off this week. I told myself I was working on the remodeling. I was. But this morning I felt really weird. I asked myself what the heck was I doing. Here I am seperated, yet spending most of my time there. Two weeks ago, I would spend a few hours at the house and then make excuses to leave. Now everything is backwards. I am not sure what I am doing. Feeling lonely, I guess.
My 18 year old sounds a lot like your son. He was diagnosed with bipolar a few years back. I really thought he was too. But they played around with his medication and things escalated. He does nothing. He can't hold a job. He has no common sense. I am embarrassed when he fills out applications and can't comprehend simple questions. And he was so intelligent when he was younger. I know he has some depression as well. I sometimes think about slipping him some of my medication, but I know that is wrong. I do believe that if he could find the right medicine it would help him. Right now, he acts like he is just waiting for me and my husband to die so he can just step into our life. But I remind him that he cannot step into our jobs to support himself. We have tried everything. Several people have. Nothing works. He also uses alot of splitting with me and his father. He moved out with me and everything was great until I finally told him that he needed to get a real job. But he never really 'moves' out. He takes enough for a few days and leaves everything else behind. Basically, he doesn't close the door. We have run out of answers for him. He puts alot of strain on our relationship. but we know that he cannot make it on his own until he builds his character, self-esteem, and motivation. He would be manipulating everyone to meet only day-to-day needs. We just keep praying, and keep trying to encourage him each day.
Enabler,
I feel for you and I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I just know what have worked for my me. Today I do have some piece of mind and new hope that this son that I thought would never grow up finally is becoming a man at 25.
This weekend when I saw him he was clean. I could tell. :-)
He had his 8 year old dauther for the weekend and we all had time together yesterday with my other grandson and new grandbaby.
I never thought I would say this, but nothing I did could help him.
I had to litereally "let go" of every aspect of his life including telling him what to do. I still do that some, but I guess that's just what mom's do.
I hope he stays clean, but I'm not responsible for him.
Have you heard anything from your son that left last week for the middle east?
I have to run, will write more later.
Love,
Judy
I feel for you and I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I just know what have worked for my me. Today I do have some piece of mind and new hope that this son that I thought would never grow up finally is becoming a man at 25.
This weekend when I saw him he was clean. I could tell. :-)
He had his 8 year old dauther for the weekend and we all had time together yesterday with my other grandson and new grandbaby.
I never thought I would say this, but nothing I did could help him.
I had to litereally "let go" of every aspect of his life including telling him what to do. I still do that some, but I guess that's just what mom's do.
I hope he stays clean, but I'm not responsible for him.
Have you heard anything from your son that left last week for the middle east?
I have to run, will write more later.
Love,
Judy
Hey, it's me again. I wanted to say that I hope you don't fall into the pit I did.
It's called, "help me because you brought me into this world, and I'm messed up because of you and dad and how you spoiled me", so you gotta take care of me. Ha, that's the best one of all to make us feel guilty. He can get a job if he needs to and you can make a decision to ask him to pay rent or get out. He hasn't lost his intelligence. It's just buried under all the low self esteem that comes from his own lack of doing anything to take care of himself. When he finally begins to take some responsibility for his life, he will be proud of his acomplishments and he will then have some self esteem.
You and your husband have done your part, good, bad, and I'm sure more good than not. We just spoil them so much.
Let him grow up.
Consequences for behavior and having realistic expectations of our children help them most of all.
Are you still going to the house? How is the remodeling coming? We are doing some here too.
Huggs,
Judy
It's called, "help me because you brought me into this world, and I'm messed up because of you and dad and how you spoiled me", so you gotta take care of me. Ha, that's the best one of all to make us feel guilty. He can get a job if he needs to and you can make a decision to ask him to pay rent or get out. He hasn't lost his intelligence. It's just buried under all the low self esteem that comes from his own lack of doing anything to take care of himself. When he finally begins to take some responsibility for his life, he will be proud of his acomplishments and he will then have some self esteem.
You and your husband have done your part, good, bad, and I'm sure more good than not. We just spoil them so much.
Let him grow up.
Consequences for behavior and having realistic expectations of our children help them most of all.
Are you still going to the house? How is the remodeling coming? We are doing some here too.
Huggs,
Judy
I hope you were able to read my post on "the truth comes out". I went back to house this morning. Even had my son go with me in case his father wanted to apologize or vice-versa. I went in the house and he basically left the room and acted like he could care less I was there. I packed the rest of my son's things and went out the front door without saying a word. Here I was trying to teach my son to swallow his pride and face his father just in case, and his father gave me the cold shoulder. I know my husband well. I do believe he kicked the dog. and I have seen/heard him do things thinking no one else is aware. then he adjusts the story to benefit him. I don't intend to 'choose' my son over my husband. but it is not right to belittle your son, and tell him that he will never amount to anything, and tell him his 'siblings are kings compared to him'. When my husband talks to him this way, it does make me angry. It is not right!
My father was very, very disciplinary. But his choice of words have stayed with me to this day. My son and I talked about how last year my husband was clean for a few months (he was scared of the law) . He was so pleasant, nice, and had a very humbly spirit. He went to church, and helped people on the street if he saw the need. then I went back, and he went back to his drugs. That is why I believe he is using again. Because he shows no fruit in his life at this time.
My father was very, very disciplinary. But his choice of words have stayed with me to this day. My son and I talked about how last year my husband was clean for a few months (he was scared of the law) . He was so pleasant, nice, and had a very humbly spirit. He went to church, and helped people on the street if he saw the need. then I went back, and he went back to his drugs. That is why I believe he is using again. Because he shows no fruit in his life at this time.
I have come to the conclusion after reflecting on last year; that he is using drugs because he is unhappy with himself. He is looking for something that he cannot find with me. I cannot make him happy. And he does not wish to give them up to keep me. He will only give them up if he feels threatened with the law. I do not choose to do drugs because I find joy in the Lord. He is my dependency. And I have changed and therefore cannot tolerate the old ways of being around drugs. We have grown apart for our own reasons. If he chooses to be with me, he will choose to give up the drugs. I gave them up because I saw them as a destroyer of everything I have tried to change in my life. I wanted to go forwards. Until he chooses what will make him say goodbye to them, I have no choice but to seperate myself from our relationship. I will remain cordial, and assist with basic needs if realistic. But I will not continue to allow myself to proceed on his course.
Sounds like a goodbye letter.....
I do appreciate the opportunity to post here with all of you. I feel I am getting stronger. It hurts to read the real lives and how drugs have affected not just the individual but also the families and close companions. I have not lost a loved one to drugs and I cannot relate to how that feels. I pray for healing and peace for those who have. I have gained insight from your experiences. Drugs have been an influence for most of my life and I would like to end the cycle. Every step counts. Thanks to all of you. God bless you all.
Sounds like a goodbye letter.....
I do appreciate the opportunity to post here with all of you. I feel I am getting stronger. It hurts to read the real lives and how drugs have affected not just the individual but also the families and close companions. I have not lost a loved one to drugs and I cannot relate to how that feels. I pray for healing and peace for those who have. I have gained insight from your experiences. Drugs have been an influence for most of my life and I would like to end the cycle. Every step counts. Thanks to all of you. God bless you all.
Judy,
By the way, as far as the remodeling. The cabinets are finished.
I was trying to strip the paper in the bathroom, but for some reason, it just doesn't want to come off. I even resorted to scoring and using Dif, but it is stuck on good.
We finally picked out the tile for the entryway and kitchen. Almost ready to lay it. Just finishing the prep work on the floor. I can't wait till everything is done.
What kind of work are ya'll doing?
By the way, as far as the remodeling. The cabinets are finished.
I was trying to strip the paper in the bathroom, but for some reason, it just doesn't want to come off. I even resorted to scoring and using Dif, but it is stuck on good.
We finally picked out the tile for the entryway and kitchen. Almost ready to lay it. Just finishing the prep work on the floor. I can't wait till everything is done.
What kind of work are ya'll doing?
Hi Enabler,
For some reason I put on here before as guest. I think they have changed how they do postings. Anyway, it sounds like you have your mind made up. I'm glad to hear that. It sounds like your hubby is being a real jerk. People on drugs usually are just interested in what "they" want and need. They can't see past that.
I am gonna ck out the post you referred to.
About the remodeling. We've just made a bedroom into an office. It looks awesome and we're about to move this computer back in there and hook up with the other somehow, don't ask me, he knows..lol so we'll both be able to be online at the same time.
Willie, my fiance' is a graphic artist and works a lot on the computer.
Anyway, just checking in to see how things are going on this post.
Hugs to you and Happy VDay!! Know you are loved. Wish I had your email I would send you something inspirational.
Mine is judyinkyjc@aol.com if you ever want to eamil me
.Judy
For some reason I put on here before as guest. I think they have changed how they do postings. Anyway, it sounds like you have your mind made up. I'm glad to hear that. It sounds like your hubby is being a real jerk. People on drugs usually are just interested in what "they" want and need. They can't see past that.
I am gonna ck out the post you referred to.
About the remodeling. We've just made a bedroom into an office. It looks awesome and we're about to move this computer back in there and hook up with the other somehow, don't ask me, he knows..lol so we'll both be able to be online at the same time.
Willie, my fiance' is a graphic artist and works a lot on the computer.
Anyway, just checking in to see how things are going on this post.
Hugs to you and Happy VDay!! Know you are loved. Wish I had your email I would send you something inspirational.
Mine is judyinkyjc@aol.com if you ever want to eamil me
.Judy
About the remodeling. We have finished the office and we are about to start on the kitchen. We're gonna open part of a wall up to make it a more open space so that the kit and dining room will become one big room.
It's a job, but we're doing it a little at a time. I would love to get my kitchen tiled, but am not sure we will. I have hardwood floors in the other rooms. It's an older house, and way too big. So, I guess with all the kids gone, we'll sell in the near future. I have a friend that's son has a tile business, might get an estimate for the kitchen. He's not cheap though. maybe we can barter..lol that's another site I am on.. a barter site, it's pretty cool.
Well, am gonna go watch some tv with Will.
Judy
It's a job, but we're doing it a little at a time. I would love to get my kitchen tiled, but am not sure we will. I have hardwood floors in the other rooms. It's an older house, and way too big. So, I guess with all the kids gone, we'll sell in the near future. I have a friend that's son has a tile business, might get an estimate for the kitchen. He's not cheap though. maybe we can barter..lol that's another site I am on.. a barter site, it's pretty cool.
Well, am gonna go watch some tv with Will.
Judy
Hi Judy
I just want to say you are doing great, i'm going to email you soon (i think i'm just getting over my last hurdle of being little miss procrastinater!) You know what when i read some of the posts on this board oh my goodness it really seriously breaks my heart i can't bear to see people suffering it's awful! This world is a mess - but hey i got the answers to all that from the Bible and it all makes sense - you see things have to make sense with me.....when i suffered i wasn't sure if there was a God - the only thing i was certain was that if he was there then he would be able to help me - and also that he would know what was right and the best way for us to live... i know many people are not interested in finding out about God and that's a shame but also their choice - we have free will, so just like we cannot make someone do something or live their life a certain way - God does not make people either but he never gives up on us when we're ready he will help us... how loving and merciful is that... i do love to read biographies and self help books but when there's conflicting ideas advice etc. you can always rely on the Bible to straighten it out, afterall God made us he knows us better than ourselves and wants the best for us - but it's our choice if we want to listen to him??? I can see the wisdom in doing so and have seen how it has transformed lives, you know i would love to help everybody in the world!!! my goodness i can't - God can and will if we will let him.........well don't i go on ay!!!?? I really have to go and do some work now I will email you Judy and tell you a bit about my husband's recovery etc. all the best to you have a hug - i care and God cares even more infact much more with love Molly.
I just want to say you are doing great, i'm going to email you soon (i think i'm just getting over my last hurdle of being little miss procrastinater!) You know what when i read some of the posts on this board oh my goodness it really seriously breaks my heart i can't bear to see people suffering it's awful! This world is a mess - but hey i got the answers to all that from the Bible and it all makes sense - you see things have to make sense with me.....when i suffered i wasn't sure if there was a God - the only thing i was certain was that if he was there then he would be able to help me - and also that he would know what was right and the best way for us to live... i know many people are not interested in finding out about God and that's a shame but also their choice - we have free will, so just like we cannot make someone do something or live their life a certain way - God does not make people either but he never gives up on us when we're ready he will help us... how loving and merciful is that... i do love to read biographies and self help books but when there's conflicting ideas advice etc. you can always rely on the Bible to straighten it out, afterall God made us he knows us better than ourselves and wants the best for us - but it's our choice if we want to listen to him??? I can see the wisdom in doing so and have seen how it has transformed lives, you know i would love to help everybody in the world!!! my goodness i can't - God can and will if we will let him.........well don't i go on ay!!!?? I really have to go and do some work now I will email you Judy and tell you a bit about my husband's recovery etc. all the best to you have a hug - i care and God cares even more infact much more with love Molly.
I finally gave an ultimatum. I told him I would not come home until he got rid of the drugs. He left me an envelope at the house this morning when I picked my son up for school. It contained his wedding ring. I guess I know where we stand now.
Molly,
Thanks for the encouraging letter. I too believe that God has given us strength to endure difficult times. I know that Jamies said count in all joy when you go through difficult time. It will strengthen your faith and make you strong in the Lord through those times. That is paraphrased..I don't have my Bible in from of me. If wed had not suffered, we could not identify with smeone eles' sufferin. Also, if Jesus had not suffered and endured the cross he could not possibly have taken on the sins of the world and understand out sufferings.I have held fast to that promise for many years through may trails. I know that God is always with me even if I wander he keeps watch over me and loves me with an unconditional love
Enabler,
I 'm not sure what to say to you. It seems like right now the need for the drugs is stronger than the desire to make your marriage. In essence, he has chosen that path for himself. You may have a difficult time accepting that or you may have peace from God. If may be a relief. I don't know. I do know that your faith is very strong. Also, alanon is a wonderful place to heal from this kind of tramua. He will give you what you need. I do know that...and guide you.
I pray that God's grace and Peace and Holy Spirit will guide you in all your ways he wil give you the strength day by day to think beyond the situation that your husband is in. You know, all we can do it let go and let God.
I am thinking of you and praying for you.
I have had a difficult day. I found out that a dear friend was diagnoised with Parkinson's disease. Also, somehow I have had a lot of anxiety and stress.
Keep me in your prayers. My doctor may have to adjust my medication.
Love,Hugs,and Bessings to you all,
Judy
Judy
Thanks for the encouraging letter. I too believe that God has given us strength to endure difficult times. I know that Jamies said count in all joy when you go through difficult time. It will strengthen your faith and make you strong in the Lord through those times. That is paraphrased..I don't have my Bible in from of me. If wed had not suffered, we could not identify with smeone eles' sufferin. Also, if Jesus had not suffered and endured the cross he could not possibly have taken on the sins of the world and understand out sufferings.I have held fast to that promise for many years through may trails. I know that God is always with me even if I wander he keeps watch over me and loves me with an unconditional love
Enabler,
I 'm not sure what to say to you. It seems like right now the need for the drugs is stronger than the desire to make your marriage. In essence, he has chosen that path for himself. You may have a difficult time accepting that or you may have peace from God. If may be a relief. I don't know. I do know that your faith is very strong. Also, alanon is a wonderful place to heal from this kind of tramua. He will give you what you need. I do know that...and guide you.
I pray that God's grace and Peace and Holy Spirit will guide you in all your ways he wil give you the strength day by day to think beyond the situation that your husband is in. You know, all we can do it let go and let God.
I am thinking of you and praying for you.
I have had a difficult day. I found out that a dear friend was diagnoised with Parkinson's disease. Also, somehow I have had a lot of anxiety and stress.
Keep me in your prayers. My doctor may have to adjust my medication.
Love,Hugs,and Bessings to you all,
Judy
Judy
Hey Judy
Hope you are feeling a bit better today (i've caught up on my work now!) i'm going to print the whole post out so i can respond properly because i don't know about you but it's hard to remember everything, and i think it's nice when people take notice of what we say - so i'll have a bit more time tomorrow and i'll email you hopefully by Friday..... i'm glad you found my post encouraging - i wouldn't want to come across any other way....i wish i had more time but i have to go home now - just a suggestion but i find the psalms very comforting especially if we are fed up etc. so take care and speak again soon with love Molly...
Enabler
Just to say hi, apologies because i haven't read all your posts but i didn't want to ignore you, hope you feel a little better today also take care mollyx
Hope you are feeling a bit better today (i've caught up on my work now!) i'm going to print the whole post out so i can respond properly because i don't know about you but it's hard to remember everything, and i think it's nice when people take notice of what we say - so i'll have a bit more time tomorrow and i'll email you hopefully by Friday..... i'm glad you found my post encouraging - i wouldn't want to come across any other way....i wish i had more time but i have to go home now - just a suggestion but i find the psalms very comforting especially if we are fed up etc. so take care and speak again soon with love Molly...
Enabler
Just to say hi, apologies because i haven't read all your posts but i didn't want to ignore you, hope you feel a little better today also take care mollyx
