hi Judy and Molly
I finally took someone's advice and changed my name. I don't want to be an enabler. It just sounded so like me at the time. I hope all is well with both of you. I would email except my computer has been acting really weird with email.
i went back to work today with mixed emotions. It was a little hard to focus on basic things. Thankfully, the ones who know me, were patient with me. At the end of the day, I felt more like myself. It was hard seeing and hearing everyone talk about flowers and gifts for Valentines. I thought about the ring and then kept on working. Don't you feel like we live a secret life that no one knows about? I know I thought my life was difficult until I read other posts and realized my circumstances are not so bad. We always tease at work about too much drama. But this is reality, it is not a television show that always has a happy ending.
by the way, i watched "House" for the first time. I was really into it. After reading about all the addictions to pain pills, I was really appauled by the ending. Did anyone else see it?
jj,
It's so nice to meet you. :-) I'm glad you aren't an enabler anymore.
It sounds like you are doing well and that are detaching yourself from the situation and looking at it with much more perspective. V day is so hard for a lot of people. I'm glad it is over with. I do have a very supportive man in my life, Willie, but so many others don't. I believe God sent him to me to help me heal from all the pain from the past. Willie is very laid back and understanding with the patience of Job. God is GOOD!! I never had any of that with my husband of 29 years.
I don't know if I told you all that my late husband was verbally abusive and very controlling. I never felt like I did anything right in his eyes. He had a drinking problem, but kept it hidden very well. He died in 99 of cardiomyopathy, a heart condition. I felt very guilty for some of the feelings I had after I got over the shock and grief of his sudden death. I ached for the hearts of my children because two of them had a very close relationship with their dad. My son's and husband's relationship had suffered because of my son's drug use, but still there was much love there and they were devastated. It took me several years to adjust and I had anger at him leaving me to handle things because he had always done that, Anyway, I am rambling on and on, but wanted to share that with you all.
It's good to share with you all and to have this support. I am n Louisville, can't remember if I told you or not. Where are u all?
I'll write more later.. congrats enabler on changing your name, it's about time.
:-)
Love u all lots,
Judy
It's so nice to meet you. :-) I'm glad you aren't an enabler anymore.
It sounds like you are doing well and that are detaching yourself from the situation and looking at it with much more perspective. V day is so hard for a lot of people. I'm glad it is over with. I do have a very supportive man in my life, Willie, but so many others don't. I believe God sent him to me to help me heal from all the pain from the past. Willie is very laid back and understanding with the patience of Job. God is GOOD!! I never had any of that with my husband of 29 years.
I don't know if I told you all that my late husband was verbally abusive and very controlling. I never felt like I did anything right in his eyes. He had a drinking problem, but kept it hidden very well. He died in 99 of cardiomyopathy, a heart condition. I felt very guilty for some of the feelings I had after I got over the shock and grief of his sudden death. I ached for the hearts of my children because two of them had a very close relationship with their dad. My son's and husband's relationship had suffered because of my son's drug use, but still there was much love there and they were devastated. It took me several years to adjust and I had anger at him leaving me to handle things because he had always done that, Anyway, I am rambling on and on, but wanted to share that with you all.
It's good to share with you all and to have this support. I am n Louisville, can't remember if I told you or not. Where are u all?
I'll write more later.. congrats enabler on changing your name, it's about time.
:-)
Love u all lots,
Judy
It's me again. I wanted to say that I haven't seen the show "House". When does it come on? I would like to ck it out. Any yes.. I do feel sometimes like I do have a secret of seperate life. But.. I think that it's not so much that. We just don't have any idea what others are going through at times. They might have the same problems, but be afraid to come out and talk about it. They could be as close as your neighbor or co-worker. That's why it is good to have a place like this to express things and not feel judged for our feelings or actions.
Well, I have said enough..lol.. I hope you all have a great Thursday. I plan on it and am working on accepting the things I cannot change and trying to change the things I can.
Love,
Judy
Well, I have said enough..lol.. I hope you all have a great Thursday. I plan on it and am working on accepting the things I cannot change and trying to change the things I can.
Love,
Judy
Hi Judy,
It is good to know that you have found a good relationship. I cannot imagine what it is like to not have chaos in my relationship. I used to be so insecure until I realized that my relationships at work and church are very stable and wonderful. My friends are true friends and we have an unconditional love for each other. We are able to tell each other when we are happy, sad, upset, elated, etc. I have never really had that consistency in my marriage. I am glad that you do.
I live in Texas. Moved from Illinois twenty years ago. However, grew up an Air Force brat. But, most of my years have been in Texas. I love the weather.
I have had an emotional day. Kinda teary-eyed. I usually can handle a lot of stress, but today i have cried at the drop of a hat. Maybe it is time to adjust my hormones again. I don't know.
Hope you have a great day. I hope your son is doing well. Lots of love
jj
It is good to know that you have found a good relationship. I cannot imagine what it is like to not have chaos in my relationship. I used to be so insecure until I realized that my relationships at work and church are very stable and wonderful. My friends are true friends and we have an unconditional love for each other. We are able to tell each other when we are happy, sad, upset, elated, etc. I have never really had that consistency in my marriage. I am glad that you do.
I live in Texas. Moved from Illinois twenty years ago. However, grew up an Air Force brat. But, most of my years have been in Texas. I love the weather.
I have had an emotional day. Kinda teary-eyed. I usually can handle a lot of stress, but today i have cried at the drop of a hat. Maybe it is time to adjust my hormones again. I don't know.
Hope you have a great day. I hope your son is doing well. Lots of love
jj
Hi everyone. I think a lot of addicts suffer from depression. It's hard to tell which came first with some. My bf is a recovering heroin addict. He has been clean for 6 months but is still having major problems with depression. He was prescribed medication for bipolar disorder, although I don't think anyone every diagnosed him as bipolar. He recently stopped taking the medication all at once because he doesn't have insurance and the doctor could no longer give him med samples. It was not a good experience. He was freaking out over everything and just a mess overall. He is doing better now. The heroin numbed his emotions for years and he never learned how to manage his emotions. I suggested he post on this board but he is not much for sharing his feelings! I can't even get him to talk to me. Very frustrating. I hope everyone else is doing ok. If anyone has any suggestions for learning to deal with emotions, life, etc. after getting clean that would be great.
onyx,
Welcome. I'm glad you posted. I agree that a lot of users are depressed.
I do have some web links on bipolar, depression, as well as emotions. If you would like to have them let me know. I hope you bf gets the help he needs.
It's hard using something for so long to not feel. Usually the feelings we are trying to hide are deep rooted. I know from my own experience with depression.
I'm off to bed. I hope you will write again.
Judy
Welcome. I'm glad you posted. I agree that a lot of users are depressed.
I do have some web links on bipolar, depression, as well as emotions. If you would like to have them let me know. I hope you bf gets the help he needs.
It's hard using something for so long to not feel. Usually the feelings we are trying to hide are deep rooted. I know from my own experience with depression.
I'm off to bed. I hope you will write again.
Judy
onyx,
Do you have a Mental Health Center in your city or advocacy group? I believe they could help your b/f get his medicaton. You might have him also try NAMI
The National Allience For the Mentally Ill. Or call your local mental health association. All cities have them and they can direct him to someone that can help him get help on a sliding scale and get medication for a low price. If he is bipolar/depression, he need to be treated.
Also, there is a group on Yahoo called bipolar awareness support. if you are a subscriber to yahoo, if not it's easy to do. It might be helpful to check into these programs and support groups. And, of course you keep doing the work you're doing on yourself.
I hope you will keep posting on here.
Judy
Do you have a Mental Health Center in your city or advocacy group? I believe they could help your b/f get his medicaton. You might have him also try NAMI
The National Allience For the Mentally Ill. Or call your local mental health association. All cities have them and they can direct him to someone that can help him get help on a sliding scale and get medication for a low price. If he is bipolar/depression, he need to be treated.
Also, there is a group on Yahoo called bipolar awareness support. if you are a subscriber to yahoo, if not it's easy to do. It might be helpful to check into these programs and support groups. And, of course you keep doing the work you're doing on yourself.
I hope you will keep posting on here.
Judy
I found out yesterday why I was so teary-eyed the past few days. I forgot to take my medicine. It amazes that prescribed, legal drugs can affect one so much and that those who use don't think they have a problem. Just missing two or three days of my Wellbutrin made me have trouble connecting my thoughts, emotional, and yes, i actually was have some palpatations from anxiety. and I don't know which came first.
My husband called yesterday asking where i was the night before, who I was with, when did I get home, etc. He finally came over with my youngest son. He apologized to both of us for his behavior before Valentine's day. Then he and I went out. We went back to the house to see all the work he completed. Then he wanted to seal the apology with being intimacy. It is as if a consumation of the apology.
So, today I am going to the house to finish stripping the wallpaper.
All is well for a few more days. (The house does need to be done)
My 18 year old is doing well. We went to my sister's yesterday and he vented. I think he finally realizes that the inappropriate behavior he receives from his dad is related to drugs. He has learned the cycle as I have. And he too is learning it is hard to not accept his apologies when he appears so sincere. We have been working on his temper of learning to accept defeat by playing games and he is doing quite well. He even made dinner for me the other night. I am proud of his progress. Prayers are greatly appreciated.
Hope all is well with everyone. God bless and have a great day.
Jacki
My husband called yesterday asking where i was the night before, who I was with, when did I get home, etc. He finally came over with my youngest son. He apologized to both of us for his behavior before Valentine's day. Then he and I went out. We went back to the house to see all the work he completed. Then he wanted to seal the apology with being intimacy. It is as if a consumation of the apology.
So, today I am going to the house to finish stripping the wallpaper.
All is well for a few more days. (The house does need to be done)
My 18 year old is doing well. We went to my sister's yesterday and he vented. I think he finally realizes that the inappropriate behavior he receives from his dad is related to drugs. He has learned the cycle as I have. And he too is learning it is hard to not accept his apologies when he appears so sincere. We have been working on his temper of learning to accept defeat by playing games and he is doing quite well. He even made dinner for me the other night. I am proud of his progress. Prayers are greatly appreciated.
Hope all is well with everyone. God bless and have a great day.
Jacki
Judynky: Depression is something that is well know here. I have been depress for several years now. It is a terrible felling. I find the best thing to keep me going is my kids and my friends. My mind never stops. It's like all it can think about is things that depress me.
Hope you do well. and I will say a pray for you.
Hope you do well. and I will say a pray for you.
Hi everyone. My bf was getting his meds for free from his psychiatrist. She also saw him for free, but she was not a very good doctor. I guess you can't complain when it's free. She ran out of med samples so he didn't have a whole lot of options. I think she has more meds now but he says he feels better not taking them. He was taking effexor and depakote. I don't want to force him to take the meds but he is driving me nuts. He is ok most of the time but he tends to "snap" easily and it has gotten so much worse since he's been off the depakote. The problem is, he does not seem to realize it when he acts like that which is why it's so annoying. I'm getting better at learning to leave him alone when he starts to get stressed out (which happens often) but it sucks because I have to be careful what I say. Overall he does actually seem better off the meds but when he does snap he completely loses control and can't calm down for hours. He was seeing a counselor and the psychiatrist and he has stopped seeing both of them since he's been off the meds. I agree that he might not have been on the right meds for him but I really think he needs something. I'm not sure whether I should push it or not. He is still smoking pot, which kind of cancels out the meds anyway. He is really having a hard time learning how to cope without drugs but he is so convinced he can do this on his own. It's never worked for him in the past, but for some reason he thinks it will this time.
Hi,
I'm sick with a bad cold and have been in bed for the last few days. Enabler, Ithought you had changed your name to jj. How are you doing?
Littlebear, I know all about having little ones and just keeping on keeping on. It's hard to deal with depression when you have little ones to deal with. Anything we can do to take our minds off ourselves helps us though. I sometimes would get so caught up in depression that I couldn't or wouldn't get out of bed and my hubby had to take over after working all day. Today I don't have that problem of course because they are all grown, but there are days when it is still hard to get moving. I have to just take it a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time.
I have been trying to make meetings alanon, online or other and have been reading hings that help me see that it is my responsibility to get off my but and do something about any situation that I am in that is causing me dis comfort.
Onyx, how is your hubby doing? It's difficult to come off meds when you are used to them helping you to cope, pres. or otherwise. Like you said, jj, (enabler) even the ones meant for depression can really mess you up when you don't take them. More important, how are you coping with how he is doing?
Keep us posted, please.
I am feeling better tonight and went out to pick up chicken for dinner. We're gonna watch a movie. I'll check in awhile to see if any of you all are out there, if you are write a post and tell us how your Monday went.
anyone herard from molly?
huggs,
Judy
I'm sick with a bad cold and have been in bed for the last few days. Enabler, Ithought you had changed your name to jj. How are you doing?
Littlebear, I know all about having little ones and just keeping on keeping on. It's hard to deal with depression when you have little ones to deal with. Anything we can do to take our minds off ourselves helps us though. I sometimes would get so caught up in depression that I couldn't or wouldn't get out of bed and my hubby had to take over after working all day. Today I don't have that problem of course because they are all grown, but there are days when it is still hard to get moving. I have to just take it a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time.
I have been trying to make meetings alanon, online or other and have been reading hings that help me see that it is my responsibility to get off my but and do something about any situation that I am in that is causing me dis comfort.
Onyx, how is your hubby doing? It's difficult to come off meds when you are used to them helping you to cope, pres. or otherwise. Like you said, jj, (enabler) even the ones meant for depression can really mess you up when you don't take them. More important, how are you coping with how he is doing?
Keep us posted, please.
I am feeling better tonight and went out to pick up chicken for dinner. We're gonna watch a movie. I'll check in awhile to see if any of you all are out there, if you are write a post and tell us how your Monday went.
anyone herard from molly?
huggs,
Judy
Hi judy
i have been having trouble with my computer and ended up going on with the other name. I still working on it. Had a good day today. I'll be off for a few days working on the house again. I haven't seen my husband today, he's on the night shift this week. Hope all is well with you and yours.
i have been having trouble with my computer and ended up going on with the other name. I still working on it. Had a good day today. I'll be off for a few days working on the house again. I haven't seen my husband today, he's on the night shift this week. Hope all is well with you and yours.
jj
Thanks for writing, I missed you. I 'm glad you are doing ok. I'll be ok once this yucky stuff is over.
Judy
Thanks for writing, I missed you. I 'm glad you are doing ok. I'll be ok once this yucky stuff is over.
Judy
Is it just a cold or what? I have been feeling like a sinus infection. Our ER has been crammed with pneumonia and respiratory illnesses the past few weeks.
It's sinus congestion, chills, runny nose, and Willie has it too. At least we're both misrable together. taking OTC meds. like long acting sudafed, benadryl, quafinison, and tylenol. It it doesn't pass in a few days I will go see the Dr. I have had this 3 times since I stopped smoking in Sept. I don't know if it is related or not. I know I have coughed up some yucky stuff in the last 4-5 months. I think my lungs must be cleaned out by now.
Take care. :-) How is your son?
Judy
Take care. :-) How is your son?
Judy
When you quit smoking your whole body responds to it, but mostly the respiratory system. Wait a few months and see how much better your skin color will look. good luck with it. i made it five months once.
My son is good. My oldest called and will be heading out tomorrow after delays. My 18 year old is great considering all the emotions he has been through.
My youngest with the head injury has made great progress this year. He has improved in tennis and his academics. He wants to be a doctor, but realistically, that won't happen with his cognitive ability. He is a whiz with computors. Has the typing record in his class. Only God knows the future. I just happy he is here. He is anxious to get his license. I am terrified. He has poor judgement and is impulsive. I have fears of how that will react with driving. Again, God knows..
I am heading over to the house. Hope all is well with you. Have a great day!!
My son is good. My oldest called and will be heading out tomorrow after delays. My 18 year old is great considering all the emotions he has been through.
My youngest with the head injury has made great progress this year. He has improved in tennis and his academics. He wants to be a doctor, but realistically, that won't happen with his cognitive ability. He is a whiz with computors. Has the typing record in his class. Only God knows the future. I just happy he is here. He is anxious to get his license. I am terrified. He has poor judgement and is impulsive. I have fears of how that will react with driving. Again, God knows..
I am heading over to the house. Hope all is well with you. Have a great day!!
jj
Good to hear from you..I guess I should have said sons. lol.. I had forgotten how many you had. For some reason I though you only had two. Thanks for the info about the effects after you stop smoking. I think it is taking my body a while to adjust to it.
Exactly what are their ages, mine are 32 daughter, 25 son, 22, daughter.
I remember your saying that you had one that sounded like my 25 year old that has addiction problems. It sounds like your son with the head injury is much more able than disabled. Don't be too afraid to let him try his wings. I was scared to let Jamie, my 22 year old with spinabifida take risks, but I am glad she did. She is now on her own and very independent. But, only you know the situation fully, and you have to be the judge of that. Are you in nursing? It sounds like you have a medical background. I will hold you son up in prayer that just left for the middle east. What will he be doing over there? I hope he will not be involved in combat. I hope your day goes well. Willie is at work, but I'm still feeling pretty yucky.
God Bless,
Judy
Good to hear from you..I guess I should have said sons. lol.. I had forgotten how many you had. For some reason I though you only had two. Thanks for the info about the effects after you stop smoking. I think it is taking my body a while to adjust to it.
Exactly what are their ages, mine are 32 daughter, 25 son, 22, daughter.
I remember your saying that you had one that sounded like my 25 year old that has addiction problems. It sounds like your son with the head injury is much more able than disabled. Don't be too afraid to let him try his wings. I was scared to let Jamie, my 22 year old with spinabifida take risks, but I am glad she did. She is now on her own and very independent. But, only you know the situation fully, and you have to be the judge of that. Are you in nursing? It sounds like you have a medical background. I will hold you son up in prayer that just left for the middle east. What will he be doing over there? I hope he will not be involved in combat. I hope your day goes well. Willie is at work, but I'm still feeling pretty yucky.
God Bless,
Judy
Onyx
I know exactly what you mean about the mood swings. My boyfriend can fly off the handle very quickly it seems and he just goes into these rages kind of. However, they are usually not directed at me at all and when they are, he realizes pretty quickly what he's done and apologizes and tries to calm himself down.
I think that they are just not used to feeling their feelings so strong and for usually being numb to everything that they have to relearn how to handle their emotions.
I'm lucky that mine realizes and if he is having trouble with calming down, he will take himself to another room and either lie down for a bit or just stay there by himself until he's calmer and then he will usually come out and apologize. He understands that he has to get used to dealing with his emotions and that he is learning this and sometimes we will laugh about some of the silly little things that can get him so upset after. He's getting better with this and your husband will too.
Right now, my boyfriend's in a bit of a depressive state that he can't seem to get himself out of. But otherwise, he's doing pretty good emotionally.
He talks about his feelings a lot though and I think that helps him greatly and he seems to very in tune with himself and when he has acted inappropriately and why.
Anyway, good luck with your husband and maybe he should go back to the counsellor so that he can at least talk things out.
Take care,
Mickey
I know exactly what you mean about the mood swings. My boyfriend can fly off the handle very quickly it seems and he just goes into these rages kind of. However, they are usually not directed at me at all and when they are, he realizes pretty quickly what he's done and apologizes and tries to calm himself down.
I think that they are just not used to feeling their feelings so strong and for usually being numb to everything that they have to relearn how to handle their emotions.
I'm lucky that mine realizes and if he is having trouble with calming down, he will take himself to another room and either lie down for a bit or just stay there by himself until he's calmer and then he will usually come out and apologize. He understands that he has to get used to dealing with his emotions and that he is learning this and sometimes we will laugh about some of the silly little things that can get him so upset after. He's getting better with this and your husband will too.
Right now, my boyfriend's in a bit of a depressive state that he can't seem to get himself out of. But otherwise, he's doing pretty good emotionally.
He talks about his feelings a lot though and I think that helps him greatly and he seems to very in tune with himself and when he has acted inappropriately and why.
Anyway, good luck with your husband and maybe he should go back to the counsellor so that he can at least talk things out.
Take care,
Mickey
Hello. He is my boyfriend not my husband. We have been together for 6 years so I guess we might as well be married. I wish he would go back to the counselor. He says he'll think about it, but that is all he ever does. He thinks about everything and doesn't change his behavior. His old counselor left and he got a new one that he didn't really like so he wants to find a different one. My bf does not realize when he's acting irrational. He calms down much faster now but he still gets almost delusional when he gets in moods like that. I am really worried about him because a couple of his cousins are back on heroin. He has been clean for 6 months but he's still struggling mentally. He said he thought he would feel much better by now. He's not very patient. He took some of his old antipsychotic pills today to knock himself out. I am worried he did heroin because his pupils are small and he was at his aunt's house today, although he said his cousin wasn't there. Nothing else about his behavior looks like heroin, it makes him hyper, but that could be because of the risperdal. I hate having to worry. As far as how am I doing, I am getting better but pretty screwed up after living with an addict for over 2 years. Six months is not enough time for me to get over this yet.
Hi Judy
My boys are 15, 18, and 21. My 15 year old has the "traumatic brain injury."
He was in a car wreck at the age of nine. Fractured his skull among other things.
I am a RN at the local hospital in a small town and really love it. Been there for over 10 years. Was a waitress for 15 years before that. It really is the same line of work.
I talked to my 21 year old this morning. He is on his way. God is with him and so are many prayers.
My husband and I have made up over the past weekend and are doing well at this time. He knows that the Lord is in control of everything including our relationship.
Hope you are feeling better. I sure enjoy visiting with you. Sometimes I feel like no one understands the on again/off again relationship with someone who uses. You have so much hope and so many disappointments. But all of life is like that, I guess. I love him so much and I know he loves me. I just don't love what he does to himself and his family.
I have to get to bed, gotta get up early in the morning. Talk to you later. Take care of you and yours. God bless. I'll be praying for you. jj
My boys are 15, 18, and 21. My 15 year old has the "traumatic brain injury."
He was in a car wreck at the age of nine. Fractured his skull among other things.
I am a RN at the local hospital in a small town and really love it. Been there for over 10 years. Was a waitress for 15 years before that. It really is the same line of work.
I talked to my 21 year old this morning. He is on his way. God is with him and so are many prayers.
My husband and I have made up over the past weekend and are doing well at this time. He knows that the Lord is in control of everything including our relationship.
Hope you are feeling better. I sure enjoy visiting with you. Sometimes I feel like no one understands the on again/off again relationship with someone who uses. You have so much hope and so many disappointments. But all of life is like that, I guess. I love him so much and I know he loves me. I just don't love what he does to himself and his family.
I have to get to bed, gotta get up early in the morning. Talk to you later. Take care of you and yours. God bless. I'll be praying for you. jj
