jj & whoever else reads this, :-)
Hey, sorry I am just now getting back to you. I've really been sick, flu I think. So.. have not spent much time online. Also, my mood is low. The weather is yucky here in KY and just downright depressing.
I'm glad you and your husband have worked things out. I hope and pray that it will continue. If you all can do the one day at a time together and attend meetings together and seperately that would be wonderful. I gained so much insight from alanon. Whatever route you take, I know God is with you and you are a survivor. Just remember that YOU matter and don't forget who you are n the Lord. He is your strengh and he will guide you.
I got irritated with my son today. He seems to call me when a problem arises or he needs something. I wonder if that will ever change. And, for some reason I keep trying to find answers for him. This time he told me his car is sounding funny. I spent 900.00 on it about 7 months ago and told him that was it. If it broke down again that I could not and would not pay for it. His g/f has lost her job that she worked on the weekends. I told him that I had been telling him for months to keep up the maintence on his car. He says, well, I guess you have to say "you told me so" and I said YES.. I do. I fall back into the anger and can't seem to talk to him without berating and preaching at him. He will use me to the max if I let him and I have to remember that mindset. He might not be using, but he has no recovery and is still the self centered person he always was. And.. I just keep getting caught up in his drama. He got a speeding ticket and whined about that, and got a ticked for not having his seatbelt on. Geez,
like I can do something about that. He is 25 now and he needs to know that we have to live by the rules of our society.
Sorry to go on and on, but I just feel so frustrated and on top of that I've been sick all week long. Now my rib cage is hurting. I am not coughing, so it's not from that and I feel like I have been ran over by a mac truck.
Hmm..lol I am really venting here. I will go and thanks for listening.
Judy
Hey Judy
I emailed you hope you got it?... i just picked up on the point that you keep finding answers for your son.. i think you are like me - a problem solver or fixer, i can only say it feels a lot better when you let go and let other people fix their own problems - you can support and help to a degree but like you say he is 25 so maybe when he comes with his next problem let him decide what he is going to do about it - i can only guess you won't be so frustrated...i have a friend who has been talking about the same problems for years and years when only the other day you guessed it there she goes with the same problems or issues etc. without appearing unkind i just listened and said nothing - it can be very draining if a person is not willing to take action themselves and work to solve their problems etc. we each actually have to carry our own load, we can give people the tools to cope or find answers but hey it's hard enough sorting your own life out and being responsible for that, nevermind everyone elses - i know he is your son but he is an adult now and it's up to him to find his way, anyway i hope you have a nice day and try to dwell on something positive, you've been through enough don't let anyone drain you of your hard work and let them do their own take care sweetie with love Molly...
I emailed you hope you got it?... i just picked up on the point that you keep finding answers for your son.. i think you are like me - a problem solver or fixer, i can only say it feels a lot better when you let go and let other people fix their own problems - you can support and help to a degree but like you say he is 25 so maybe when he comes with his next problem let him decide what he is going to do about it - i can only guess you won't be so frustrated...i have a friend who has been talking about the same problems for years and years when only the other day you guessed it there she goes with the same problems or issues etc. without appearing unkind i just listened and said nothing - it can be very draining if a person is not willing to take action themselves and work to solve their problems etc. we each actually have to carry our own load, we can give people the tools to cope or find answers but hey it's hard enough sorting your own life out and being responsible for that, nevermind everyone elses - i know he is your son but he is an adult now and it's up to him to find his way, anyway i hope you have a nice day and try to dwell on something positive, you've been through enough don't let anyone drain you of your hard work and let them do their own take care sweetie with love Molly...
Molly,
Yes, I did get your email and I just haven't gotten around to answering it.Thanks!
I appreciate your post just a few minutes ago.. I really needed to be lifted up and God must have known that. I didn't know anyone else would be on at this weird hour of the morning. I slept a lot yesterday being sick and then more in the evening and now I'm wide awake. :-)
I've been thinking that we should start another thread about how to overcome depression. This one sounds so negative.
Thank you reminding me that my son can and should be making his own decisions, mistakes, etc. I had him crippled for so long with my trying to take care of him and is't hard to break old habits. His self esteem will improve the more he does for himself. I forgot to say the one positive thing he did say to me. He asked me about getting his GED because he wants to go to technical college. I was so caught up in all the negative that I didn't even think about the positive.
Tell me, I have forgotten, who in your life is an addict or alcoholic. Is it your husband, son or boyfriend. And, do you have a computer at home or just at work? Also, maybe sometimes in our emails we can exchange phone numbers and call one another. I could use the support right now. Sometimes I feel like I am under it all. I know God is here with me, but some days are just difficult.
I'm gonna read back through the posts to see when you started writing and maybe I can answer some of the questions I just asked you. lol.
Anyway, be looking for a new post from me, one with a more positive name.
Love and Blessings to you. I am so grateful that God knows what we need before we even do.
Have a good day.
Judy
Yes, I did get your email and I just haven't gotten around to answering it.Thanks!
I appreciate your post just a few minutes ago.. I really needed to be lifted up and God must have known that. I didn't know anyone else would be on at this weird hour of the morning. I slept a lot yesterday being sick and then more in the evening and now I'm wide awake. :-)
I've been thinking that we should start another thread about how to overcome depression. This one sounds so negative.
Thank you reminding me that my son can and should be making his own decisions, mistakes, etc. I had him crippled for so long with my trying to take care of him and is't hard to break old habits. His self esteem will improve the more he does for himself. I forgot to say the one positive thing he did say to me. He asked me about getting his GED because he wants to go to technical college. I was so caught up in all the negative that I didn't even think about the positive.
Tell me, I have forgotten, who in your life is an addict or alcoholic. Is it your husband, son or boyfriend. And, do you have a computer at home or just at work? Also, maybe sometimes in our emails we can exchange phone numbers and call one another. I could use the support right now. Sometimes I feel like I am under it all. I know God is here with me, but some days are just difficult.
I'm gonna read back through the posts to see when you started writing and maybe I can answer some of the questions I just asked you. lol.
Anyway, be looking for a new post from me, one with a more positive name.
Love and Blessings to you. I am so grateful that God knows what we need before we even do.
Have a good day.
Judy
It's me again,
I wanted to comment about what you said about your friend and it also goes for my son. We do have to let go of trying to solve problems. It's enough to deal with out day to day issues and other peoples problems can weigh us down if we don't leave them with God. It's one thing to listen, but when the person refused to change, it difficult to keep hearing the same things over and over. I have made a decision today to not get so caught up in others' problems. It's an old codependent tendency that I have fall back into, sometimes before I realize it.
I can care for that person, but taking care and caring are two totally different things. I have been able in the past to listen and say.. is that working for you? or what do you plan to do about that? This puts the responsibility on that person to find their own answers and solutions. Letting go doesn't mean we don't care, it means we care enough to let that person experience consequences for their behaviour and take responsibilty for their lives..
That's all for now. :-) Your post really got me thinking about the roles we play and how they are played out.
With.
Love,
Judy
I wanted to comment about what you said about your friend and it also goes for my son. We do have to let go of trying to solve problems. It's enough to deal with out day to day issues and other peoples problems can weigh us down if we don't leave them with God. It's one thing to listen, but when the person refused to change, it difficult to keep hearing the same things over and over. I have made a decision today to not get so caught up in others' problems. It's an old codependent tendency that I have fall back into, sometimes before I realize it.
I can care for that person, but taking care and caring are two totally different things. I have been able in the past to listen and say.. is that working for you? or what do you plan to do about that? This puts the responsibility on that person to find their own answers and solutions. Letting go doesn't mean we don't care, it means we care enough to let that person experience consequences for their behaviour and take responsibilty for their lives..
That's all for now. :-) Your post really got me thinking about the roles we play and how they are played out.
With.
Love,
Judy
Judy
I just have computer at work at the moment - i'm going to email you in my lunch break. Hey that's an excellant idea about starting a new post on overcoming depression and then hey it's up to each individual to do their bit even if it is only a little. Judy take sometime out for yourself - oh just quickly my husband is a recovering heroin, crack addict - you couldn't wish to meet a nicer person with such a big heart!!! i'll be emailing you the rest in about an hour ciao 4 now love Molly...
I just have computer at work at the moment - i'm going to email you in my lunch break. Hey that's an excellant idea about starting a new post on overcoming depression and then hey it's up to each individual to do their bit even if it is only a little. Judy take sometime out for yourself - oh just quickly my husband is a recovering heroin, crack addict - you couldn't wish to meet a nicer person with such a big heart!!! i'll be emailing you the rest in about an hour ciao 4 now love Molly...
Hi Judy
Sorry to hear about your son. I helped mine get his GED. I even helped him get into two classes at college which he quit. I told him at the time that he had to prove himself if I was paying for it. Now he wants to go to college again. I told him he would have to get a job to pay for it, cuz if he wants to waste time and money it will have to be his own. He didn't want to hear it. But he knows that I am serious.
I am trying to treat him like an adult friend, and not my helpless son. I have taught him this helpless behavior and it is time to change. I had to remember how my own father would light fires under my feet to get me to respond.
After reading about your son, I couldn't help but think if he were a friend or coworker what would I say? I would say as you did. "That's too bad, what are you going to do?
Keep standing your ground and remember how your parents brought you where you are today. We are in a different generation of kids. When I was young....the adults were important. Remember 'children are to be seen not heard?'. Now that I am an adult, my children have been taught that they are more special. Through the school system, etc...
I am trying to take back my authority that has been taken (or given) away. I am going to hold my children accountable for their own actions. (Even the court system reprimands the parents now, instead of the child) When my children stand before the Lord they will be on their own and held accountable. Just as I will. I am sorry that I sound like I am on a soapbox.
Hope everyone is well. Have a blessed day!
Sorry to hear about your son. I helped mine get his GED. I even helped him get into two classes at college which he quit. I told him at the time that he had to prove himself if I was paying for it. Now he wants to go to college again. I told him he would have to get a job to pay for it, cuz if he wants to waste time and money it will have to be his own. He didn't want to hear it. But he knows that I am serious.
I am trying to treat him like an adult friend, and not my helpless son. I have taught him this helpless behavior and it is time to change. I had to remember how my own father would light fires under my feet to get me to respond.
After reading about your son, I couldn't help but think if he were a friend or coworker what would I say? I would say as you did. "That's too bad, what are you going to do?
Keep standing your ground and remember how your parents brought you where you are today. We are in a different generation of kids. When I was young....the adults were important. Remember 'children are to be seen not heard?'. Now that I am an adult, my children have been taught that they are more special. Through the school system, etc...
I am trying to take back my authority that has been taken (or given) away. I am going to hold my children accountable for their own actions. (Even the court system reprimands the parents now, instead of the child) When my children stand before the Lord they will be on their own and held accountable. Just as I will. I am sorry that I sound like I am on a soapbox.
Hope everyone is well. Have a blessed day!
Hi jj, and whoever else,
It's been a dreadful weekend. I went to the Dr. on Friday and found out that I had bronchitis. I was sick most of .last week, but stubborn me tried to take ove the counter med. thinking it was a virus. After a shot and antibiotics all weekend, I am feeling better.
I hope this finds everyone well. I think this post has about posted out.lol and we/I someone should start one fresh. You know it is March 1, but it is snowing here in Louisville, KY. I always look forward to spring and the flowers and new life. I also don't suffer depression like I sometimes do during the winter months.
I will go now and read some posts.
God Bless everyone,
Love,
Judy
It's been a dreadful weekend. I went to the Dr. on Friday and found out that I had bronchitis. I was sick most of .last week, but stubborn me tried to take ove the counter med. thinking it was a virus. After a shot and antibiotics all weekend, I am feeling better.
I hope this finds everyone well. I think this post has about posted out.lol and we/I someone should start one fresh. You know it is March 1, but it is snowing here in Louisville, KY. I always look forward to spring and the flowers and new life. I also don't suffer depression like I sometimes do during the winter months.
I will go now and read some posts.
God Bless everyone,
Love,
Judy
enabler/JJ,
All I can say to your post it AMEN SISTER!!!!
All I can say to your post it AMEN SISTER!!!!
Found quite a bit information on the GNC (Health Food store) website. Thought you might find it useful and/or interesting.
Here is the link:
http://www.gnc.com/health_notes/hea...en#Supp-Options
I hope the link works!
Take care,
Mickey
Here is the link:
http://www.gnc.com/health_notes/hea...en#Supp-Options
I hope the link works!
Take care,
Mickey
Thanks Mickey. I appreciate that very much. Actually, I was looking at a book the other day about nutrition. I know it is said that you are what you eat.. I do eat a lot of vegetables and fruit, but love my breads, pasta, pizza, etc.
Anyway, thanks for the link.
Judy
Anyway, thanks for the link.
Judy
Brilliant link Mickey - hey it's true about omega3 i got Cat some and it seems to work, he's on a few things to build his nervous system etc, anyway that's a great link for people that want help for depression, i personally chose the natural way so i didn't have to deal with any crazy side effects!!! take care love molly....ps is your boyfriend taking anything to help him with his depression?sorry if i missed that?
Hi Molly!
I just posted a reply to you on the other thread and told you I just got my boyfriend some St. John's Wort to try out. Hopefully it will help!
Hi Judy!
I was heavy into nutrition for awhile there (I've been really slacking on it the last 6 months - probably from the stress!! lol) and I was even going to take a course to get my certificate to become a Nutritional Counsellor and on to a Naturopathic doctor. Anyway, I haven't started yet, but my interest in it is starting to come back and I think I'm going to start it up very soon. I seem to be getting my energy and thoughts about myself and what I want back!
Anyway, food and nutrition definitely plays a role in how you are physically and mentally. You would be amazed!!
I was on an all natural diet (I thought for life, but I started slacking) for a while and I couldn't believe the difference in how I felt. I suffer from bad headaches and have since I was about 13-14 years old. I am almost 35 now. The headaches started to disappear and my energy levels were amazing and I just felt so good and healthy. I didn't eat any foods with perservatives, additives or sugar or any packaged foods (they mostly have all of those!). I ate a lot of fruit and veggies and had to make all my own meals. And NO dairy. Dairy apparently is not meant to be ingested by humans. Pretty much every naturopath and/or nutritionist will tell you that. I loved eating that way - the only downfall was it was a pain in the butt to cook and eat that way. It took much longer to prepare meals, etc., but it started to get easier once I got used to it and you eventually become faster at it.
Anyway, when I started slacking, I can soooo tell the difference again. It's amazing how you will feel the effects of what you eat after you have been eating healthy. I feel like crap and tired all the time and the headaches are back. It sucks so I joined the gym and I'm going to slowly start eating healthy again. It's easier to do if you just do little changes and slowly get into it. Otherwise, it can become too overwhelming and you'll quit before you really receive the full benefits of it. That's what I found anyway.
Hope everyone has a good day today!
Mickey
I just posted a reply to you on the other thread and told you I just got my boyfriend some St. John's Wort to try out. Hopefully it will help!
Hi Judy!
I was heavy into nutrition for awhile there (I've been really slacking on it the last 6 months - probably from the stress!! lol) and I was even going to take a course to get my certificate to become a Nutritional Counsellor and on to a Naturopathic doctor. Anyway, I haven't started yet, but my interest in it is starting to come back and I think I'm going to start it up very soon. I seem to be getting my energy and thoughts about myself and what I want back!
Anyway, food and nutrition definitely plays a role in how you are physically and mentally. You would be amazed!!
I was on an all natural diet (I thought for life, but I started slacking) for a while and I couldn't believe the difference in how I felt. I suffer from bad headaches and have since I was about 13-14 years old. I am almost 35 now. The headaches started to disappear and my energy levels were amazing and I just felt so good and healthy. I didn't eat any foods with perservatives, additives or sugar or any packaged foods (they mostly have all of those!). I ate a lot of fruit and veggies and had to make all my own meals. And NO dairy. Dairy apparently is not meant to be ingested by humans. Pretty much every naturopath and/or nutritionist will tell you that. I loved eating that way - the only downfall was it was a pain in the butt to cook and eat that way. It took much longer to prepare meals, etc., but it started to get easier once I got used to it and you eventually become faster at it.
Anyway, when I started slacking, I can soooo tell the difference again. It's amazing how you will feel the effects of what you eat after you have been eating healthy. I feel like crap and tired all the time and the headaches are back. It sucks so I joined the gym and I'm going to slowly start eating healthy again. It's easier to do if you just do little changes and slowly get into it. Otherwise, it can become too overwhelming and you'll quit before you really receive the full benefits of it. That's what I found anyway.
Hope everyone has a good day today!
Mickey
Hi Molly, Micky,
Molly, did you get my email?? It was lenghty, lol. Sorry so long in gettng back.
I am just now feeling like myself again.
Micky,
Thanks for all the great info, you too Molly. I think someone might be trying to tell me something?? God, you know very well I can't give up my pizza and pasta, and oh the carrot cake. Oh well, my body tells me different.. I need to lose bout 40lbs.
Anyway, good to hear from you all.
I heard from ,enabler,she is back on, thank goodness, was worried about her. I wrote on her post, but my computer crashed , so don't know that it got posted.
I have been up all night. I could not sleep. Oh well, I posted on here, welcomed a new guy going off of pain pills and I got caught up on a lot of emails from my biplar-depression support group, so I did some good. Willie is snoozing away.
I do this sometimes, I think it is just a bit of like a caffine high w/o the caffine.It's part of the bipolar2 thing. Mostly I swing the other way with depression. I sure hope to get some of the things going that you all talked about.
Bye for now.
Judy
Molly, did you get my email?? It was lenghty, lol. Sorry so long in gettng back.
I am just now feeling like myself again.
Micky,
Thanks for all the great info, you too Molly. I think someone might be trying to tell me something?? God, you know very well I can't give up my pizza and pasta, and oh the carrot cake. Oh well, my body tells me different.. I need to lose bout 40lbs.
Anyway, good to hear from you all.
I heard from ,enabler,she is back on, thank goodness, was worried about her. I wrote on her post, but my computer crashed , so don't know that it got posted.
I have been up all night. I could not sleep. Oh well, I posted on here, welcomed a new guy going off of pain pills and I got caught up on a lot of emails from my biplar-depression support group, so I did some good. Willie is snoozing away.
I do this sometimes, I think it is just a bit of like a caffine high w/o the caffine.It's part of the bipolar2 thing. Mostly I swing the other way with depression. I sure hope to get some of the things going that you all talked about.
Bye for now.
Judy
Hi Judy:
From the research I've done, pasta is fine for you if you eat the actual serving amounts you are supposed to (which is about a cup a serving I believe) and if you eat the right pasta. You should eat whole wheat pasta which is available cheap at bulk stores or brown rice pasta.
I tried the whole wheat pasta when I was eating healthy and I had a hard time getting used to it and liking it. Then I tried the brown rice pasta and it was great. I couldn't tell the difference between it and regular pasta (which is just a manufactured pasta basically). So I stick with that now. It's just harder to cook because it tends to stick together a lot when boiling it.
You can get the brown rice pasta in most grocery stores now in the organic section. At least here in Canada I find it in the organic sections. It's becoming more popular so it's easier to find. I'm sure it's in the bulk stores as well. Maybe give it a try.
You can also get pizza with whole wheat crust now in or at most places. Have you tried that?
Eating whole wheat products instead of white flour products is a great step in the right direction and a relatively easy change to make.
Just a suggestion!!
Eating healthy doesn't necessarily mean you can't eat foods you really like - tweaking them a bit helps a lot! Also, they say if you eat healthy most of time, you can always eat your less healthy foods that you like every once in awhile and in moderation and it won't hurt. I did that and I still felt great. It's the being diligent about the "every once in awhile part" that you have to watch for!! lol
Have a healthy day!!!
Mickey
From the research I've done, pasta is fine for you if you eat the actual serving amounts you are supposed to (which is about a cup a serving I believe) and if you eat the right pasta. You should eat whole wheat pasta which is available cheap at bulk stores or brown rice pasta.
I tried the whole wheat pasta when I was eating healthy and I had a hard time getting used to it and liking it. Then I tried the brown rice pasta and it was great. I couldn't tell the difference between it and regular pasta (which is just a manufactured pasta basically). So I stick with that now. It's just harder to cook because it tends to stick together a lot when boiling it.
You can get the brown rice pasta in most grocery stores now in the organic section. At least here in Canada I find it in the organic sections. It's becoming more popular so it's easier to find. I'm sure it's in the bulk stores as well. Maybe give it a try.
You can also get pizza with whole wheat crust now in or at most places. Have you tried that?
Eating whole wheat products instead of white flour products is a great step in the right direction and a relatively easy change to make.
Just a suggestion!!
Eating healthy doesn't necessarily mean you can't eat foods you really like - tweaking them a bit helps a lot! Also, they say if you eat healthy most of time, you can always eat your less healthy foods that you like every once in awhile and in moderation and it won't hurt. I did that and I still felt great. It's the being diligent about the "every once in awhile part" that you have to watch for!! lol
Have a healthy day!!!
Mickey
Mickey...you are from Canada? There sure are a lot of people from Canada....
This post is getting long......I still have to keep going back to reread and catch up oneveryone....
This post is getting long......I still have to keep going back to reread and catch up oneveryone....
http://www.brainplace.com This site was interesting to me , there is an interactive brain test which is cool , the results give biologic explanations, along with supplemental, nutritional , and medical recommendations
maybe it might help some judy ........AL
maybe it might help some judy ........AL
Hi Enabler:
I'm glad to see you back - we were worried about you!
Hope everything is going better for you and with your husband. Give us an update!
Yes, I'm from Ontario, Canada. I love Canada, but I am sooo sick of Winter and the cold weather! I can't wait for Spring!
I'm glad to see you back - we were worried about you!
Hope everything is going better for you and with your husband. Give us an update!
Yes, I'm from Ontario, Canada. I love Canada, but I am sooo sick of Winter and the cold weather! I can't wait for Spring!
Hey Mickey-
I was soooo depressed this past weekend and it carried over into the start of the week. I did go to the OB/GYN this morning. (Haven't been in two years since my doc retired.) He is testing my hormone levels and also for Lupus. My sister has Lupus.
My family doctor wouldn't test me. Said it was expensive. I have great insurance. I guess he knows that I would have to go to another doctor since he is just family practice.
It is better to know and treat, than to ignore and deny there is a problem. We all know that.
I couldn't imagine living in a cold climate. I would be a snowman frozen stiff. I used to live in Illinois and dread cold weather. Well, keep warm. Have a great day....
I was soooo depressed this past weekend and it carried over into the start of the week. I did go to the OB/GYN this morning. (Haven't been in two years since my doc retired.) He is testing my hormone levels and also for Lupus. My sister has Lupus.
My family doctor wouldn't test me. Said it was expensive. I have great insurance. I guess he knows that I would have to go to another doctor since he is just family practice.
It is better to know and treat, than to ignore and deny there is a problem. We all know that.
I couldn't imagine living in a cold climate. I would be a snowman frozen stiff. I used to live in Illinois and dread cold weather. Well, keep warm. Have a great day....
Hi Judy,Mickey,JJ and anyone else....
Hope you are all well - i think probably all in bed!!! way to go Mickey with all the healthy eating etc. i know what you mean even just eating more fruit and drinking water makes a difference! anyway you've inspired me to put more effort into healthy eating!!! and when we can i think we will join the gym too, exercise has always helped "Cat".... JJ i'm glad you are back too i think you had everyone worried there for a while hope you are feeling better? I got your email Judy yesterday b4 i left work so i'll read it in a bit - hey i love the new "success story board" can't wait to read how well all are doing, what a good positive idea!!! oh and since this thread is for depression - one thing that will help is to focus on positive happy things, hey judy are we going to start a new thread still? Hope you all have a good weekend ciao 4 now love Mollyx
Hope you are all well - i think probably all in bed!!! way to go Mickey with all the healthy eating etc. i know what you mean even just eating more fruit and drinking water makes a difference! anyway you've inspired me to put more effort into healthy eating!!! and when we can i think we will join the gym too, exercise has always helped "Cat".... JJ i'm glad you are back too i think you had everyone worried there for a while hope you are feeling better? I got your email Judy yesterday b4 i left work so i'll read it in a bit - hey i love the new "success story board" can't wait to read how well all are doing, what a good positive idea!!! oh and since this thread is for depression - one thing that will help is to focus on positive happy things, hey judy are we going to start a new thread still? Hope you all have a good weekend ciao 4 now love Mollyx
