I want to share this with everyone.
This isn't about me promoting myself or trying to get a bunch of accolades.I really believe a Spiritual occurance took place within the last couple of hours in my life.
I will be as brief as possible.
The past 6 weeks have been really hard on my business.The weather has been unusually rainy and I've been locked inside for days on end.I get really down and lack of money seems to exacerbate the problem.
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and sometimes I'm just going through the motions.I act "as if".
I go to meetings,the gym,yoga and try to keep as positive attitude as I can.I do however sink into despair even doing all the right things.
I can even get pissed at God if I let myself.
Coming home while ago I get a call on my cell.A guy I use to buy Oxy's from said he had 700 he needed to get rid of and he would give me a huge discount.
For a mili-second panic struck me."How can I turn this down?" was the first thought.The second thought was" How dare this MF do this to me right now?"
and then my third thought was "God,thanks for f*cking with my head right now"
NO came out of my mouth and I said have to go now.I felt like I was on auto-pilot.I was on my way to eat and all I thought about was "just put something in your stomach".God was directing me to exactly where I needed to be.As soon as I got to Whole Foods I felt this incredible gratitude.I knew in my gut that I didn't want those pills at any price.I wouldn't take them if they were free.All those memories of a life in a prison came rushing back.
A lot of times I mouth the words but this was on a level that I have never experienced.
I left Whole Foods and said in my car"I am so grateful to be clean".
Within 2 minutes my cell phone rings.
I just got the bid I had been working on for 4 weeks.It will be enough income to carry me through the beginning of Spring.
Accidental?........Not in my book.
Thanks for letting me bore you.
Later
(((Tim)))
I love it when God takes over. Thanks for sharing.
smooch
I love it when God takes over. Thanks for sharing.
smooch
posted by Tim
Sounds like me in my epic depression struggles. Bad weather and bad business I can imagine causes worry and depression but you didn't let it paralyze you. "As if" does have its positives...
but this...
I almost started crying, right here at work. God may have done for you what you could not, but you did let God "take over" by accepting the situation as it is...
this wouldn't necessarily happen but..
If you had took the pills you wouldn't have money at the beginning of Spring, heck would you even been able to do the work the bid now requires? The pills wouldn't change the weather or your business. But with you able and willing to work you can change your business. I don't know if its a coincidence or not, but I do know that somewhere in the Houston area there is a more competent contractor.....
Oh and it is NOT boring!
| QUOTE |
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and sometimes I'm just going through the motions.I act "as if". I go to meetings,the gym,yoga and try to keep as positive attitude as I can.I do however sink into despair even doing all the right things. |
Sounds like me in my epic depression struggles. Bad weather and bad business I can imagine causes worry and depression but you didn't let it paralyze you. "As if" does have its positives...
but this...
| QUOTE |
NO came out of my mouth and I said have to go now.I felt like I was on auto-pilot.I was on my way to eat and all I thought about was "just put something in your stomach".God was directing me to exactly where I needed to be.As soon as I got to Whole Foods I felt this incredible gratitude.I knew in my gut that I didn't want those pills at any price |
I almost started crying, right here at work. God may have done for you what you could not, but you did let God "take over" by accepting the situation as it is...
this wouldn't necessarily happen but..
| QUOTE |
Within 2 minutes my cell phone rings. I just got the bid I had been working on for 4 weeks.It will be enough income to carry me through the beginning of Spring. |
If you had took the pills you wouldn't have money at the beginning of Spring, heck would you even been able to do the work the bid now requires? The pills wouldn't change the weather or your business. But with you able and willing to work you can change your business. I don't know if its a coincidence or not, but I do know that somewhere in the Houston area there is a more competent contractor.....
Oh and it is NOT boring!
That was very inspiring.
Thank you.
I woke up today in really bad mood, depressed and needing something to lift me up. I left the house and headed for the bookstore to find any kind of self-help book. I arrived at the book store at 8:25am and it was closed until 9:00. I had to be to work by 8:45. I immediately felt sorry for myself and started crying. Then I found a little bible in my car. I'm not kidding when I say I don't know how it got there.
Isn't He amazing?
Thank you.
I woke up today in really bad mood, depressed and needing something to lift me up. I left the house and headed for the bookstore to find any kind of self-help book. I arrived at the book store at 8:25am and it was closed until 9:00. I had to be to work by 8:45. I immediately felt sorry for myself and started crying. Then I found a little bible in my car. I'm not kidding when I say I don't know how it got there.
Isn't He amazing?
Tim...
Thanks for sharing and when we get out of his way, He works wonders....
The Big book says there will come a time when all you have between you and that 1st drink is your HP....I am also grateful that your clean & you reached out to your HP and allowed him the results...
Way to go on the Bid and thank you for being such a HUGE inspiration and sharing your recovery so open and honestly....
I love you,
Stacey
Thanks for sharing and when we get out of his way, He works wonders....
The Big book says there will come a time when all you have between you and that 1st drink is your HP....I am also grateful that your clean & you reached out to your HP and allowed him the results...
Way to go on the Bid and thank you for being such a HUGE inspiration and sharing your recovery so open and honestly....
I love you,
Stacey
Thanks guys.
I'm really blown away right now and pretty emotional.I've not had to deal with this in a couple of years.
It's always easy for me to have faith and do what I'm supposed to when things are going good.It seems like this past 6 weeks I've had to force myself just to show up for life...grumbling the whole time.
Kat,Elim,Stacey...you guys are a life line for me.I know when I don't have it together I can always soak in your strength.
Peace...and thaks CiCi.You help with that message too.
I'm really blown away right now and pretty emotional.I've not had to deal with this in a couple of years.
It's always easy for me to have faith and do what I'm supposed to when things are going good.It seems like this past 6 weeks I've had to force myself just to show up for life...grumbling the whole time.
Kat,Elim,Stacey...you guys are a life line for me.I know when I don't have it together I can always soak in your strength.
Peace...and thaks CiCi.You help with that message too.
Might I suggest maybe hitting a meeting and sharing about what happened...<wink>
I do understand about going through the motions as I was there the last two weeks but I also have faith when they tell me it will get better and if all I can do is suit up and show up, stay clean & sober for 24hours, then life is good...Today I have faith, no matter what happens, it's in God's hands....
Things shift, sometimes oh so slowly, but they do shift and when they do, I'm just grateful to get through a difficult time and soak up the peace & serenity again that is coming back into my life.....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
I do understand about going through the motions as I was there the last two weeks but I also have faith when they tell me it will get better and if all I can do is suit up and show up, stay clean & sober for 24hours, then life is good...Today I have faith, no matter what happens, it's in God's hands....
Things shift, sometimes oh so slowly, but they do shift and when they do, I'm just grateful to get through a difficult time and soak up the peace & serenity again that is coming back into my life.....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Tim,
Weve already talked so this will be something of a repeat, but I wanted to say again how proud I am that you resisted temptation, particularly when its been such a difficult month for you. All that mental/emotional weight-lifting paid off. I remember you telling me in July of 05 when I came upon some pills unexpectedly and freaked out that, someday, tossing them would be automatic. Youve just proven the truth of your own words.
Now reward yourself. What's it to be? Another day surfing? You said once that the ocean is your Goddess and you worship her by surfing her waves. (With your board which is both wide and long, She's a lucky woman, LOL.)
If something like this happens again, five years, ten years, twenty years down the line I know were never immune -- I hope youll call on me then. Youre one of the good ones and we wouldnt want to lose you. Youve worked too hard, given too much to others to be let go that way.
Gina
Weve already talked so this will be something of a repeat, but I wanted to say again how proud I am that you resisted temptation, particularly when its been such a difficult month for you. All that mental/emotional weight-lifting paid off. I remember you telling me in July of 05 when I came upon some pills unexpectedly and freaked out that, someday, tossing them would be automatic. Youve just proven the truth of your own words.
Now reward yourself. What's it to be? Another day surfing? You said once that the ocean is your Goddess and you worship her by surfing her waves. (With your board which is both wide and long, She's a lucky woman, LOL.)
If something like this happens again, five years, ten years, twenty years down the line I know were never immune -- I hope youll call on me then. Youre one of the good ones and we wouldnt want to lose you. Youve worked too hard, given too much to others to be let go that way.
Gina
Gina-Thank You.
One of the bright spots of the last 6 weeks is you coming out of hiding.Your wit and humour is one of the bright spots of my day.I know others here have missed you also.
No,we are never immune.I know one of the messages I pepetually give on here is beware of "the false sense of security" you get after having a certain amount of clean time.I've seen too many relapses from people claiming they were "cured".I think that's one reason I choose to stay plugged into meetings.It just keeps me reminded where I could go back to.
Every morning I wake up I get a daily reprieve.I have to conciously take certain steps to keep that.I also feel fortunate to have great friends on here and in my life outside of here to keep reminding me I'm an addict in remission.
Thanks again
One of the bright spots of the last 6 weeks is you coming out of hiding.Your wit and humour is one of the bright spots of my day.I know others here have missed you also.
No,we are never immune.I know one of the messages I pepetually give on here is beware of "the false sense of security" you get after having a certain amount of clean time.I've seen too many relapses from people claiming they were "cured".I think that's one reason I choose to stay plugged into meetings.It just keeps me reminded where I could go back to.
Every morning I wake up I get a daily reprieve.I have to conciously take certain steps to keep that.I also feel fortunate to have great friends on here and in my life outside of here to keep reminding me I'm an addict in remission.
Thanks again
Tim
thanks for your post. I needed to hear this tonight. Very uplifting to read of an addict walking through fire and not lettin themselve getting burned.
-Gentlepeace
*also, you spelled exacerbate correctly. I think i have been spelling it wrong.
thanks for your post. I needed to hear this tonight. Very uplifting to read of an addict walking through fire and not lettin themselve getting burned.
-Gentlepeace
*also, you spelled exacerbate correctly. I think i have been spelling it wrong.
Celebrating a win for the home team!
Tim, You are awesome. Congrats on the contract. You are a hugh asset to the board and we are lucky to have you here. Shantel
Thats great news Tim
Hey Gina & Danny, Hope you guys had a great day. Shantel
I love that you can share this intimate part of your recovery with all of us. It inspires me. I have been going through the motions too and not to well I may add. I love to hear the miracles happening all around me sometimes especially in times of hoh-hum ness. If we open our eyes to the miracles they are everywhere. They do not become hum-drum day to day coicendences unless we let them. Your a miracle. Thank you for sharing.
Love and respect,
Jane
Love and respect,
Jane
Gina "said" it best....great post Tim. Love, S
Tim, What can I say! Thank you so much for being so forthright and honest! I so believe you are a force to be reckoned with. You were no match for that low life, even at a time when things in your own life are not perfect.
I believe truly that there are no accidents and that this is a road to recovery not a destination that will be reached. If your a true addict and suffer from all the crazy facets that being an addict entails then you are continually being tested.
I am so very proud and you and your fight to be clean and sober. You have helped me tremendously if you didn't know that you do know. I definitely look to your posts for something that I need to hear and I usually find it.
You did the next right thing! Isn't it fantastic! don't you love it when a plan comes together.
Thanks for being you! You are a real doll....and you can surf in my playground any ol time! Remember...just a plane ride away baby!!!
Today...you are my hero!!!
Big fat aloha hug!
I believe truly that there are no accidents and that this is a road to recovery not a destination that will be reached. If your a true addict and suffer from all the crazy facets that being an addict entails then you are continually being tested.
I am so very proud and you and your fight to be clean and sober. You have helped me tremendously if you didn't know that you do know. I definitely look to your posts for something that I need to hear and I usually find it.
You did the next right thing! Isn't it fantastic! don't you love it when a plan comes together.
Thanks for being you! You are a real doll....and you can surf in my playground any ol time! Remember...just a plane ride away baby!!!
Today...you are my hero!!!
Big fat aloha hug!
Thank You!
Tim:
There is so much wisdom in you post. I love the hope that you share.
~Rachel
There is so much wisdom in you post. I love the hope that you share.
~Rachel
Wow...is it something that works in our lives? This proves to me that something does. Big hugs Tim....
