Hi Mary
I hope this post finds you in a much happier place than you sounded just now.
Been real busy here at work, so I could only reply to you now.
I'm extremely tired at the moment. Tired of people, tired of work and just plain sleep tired. Can't think so well right now, so can't tell you anything helpful, but just letting you know that we all do care and you will never be alone. "we need never stand alone again unless we choose to". Keep that in mind.
Have to run. Sorry so short.
Thoughts definately with you sweeti.
Love angie
Hi Mary
I hope u are doing fab!
Last night at an NA meeting, the guy shared on how he feels so much a "part of" instead of "apart from". How strange is that cos I was saying those exact same words to you the other day! Wow!!
I think I was meant to hear that share...
Hope you are doing okay, let me know.
Love & light,
Angie
I hope u are doing fab!
Last night at an NA meeting, the guy shared on how he feels so much a "part of" instead of "apart from". How strange is that cos I was saying those exact same words to you the other day! Wow!!
I think I was meant to hear that share...
Hope you are doing okay, let me know.
Love & light,
Angie
Dear Angie
you are doing much better and i am so despondent that i don't want to rain on your parade but then i will feel guilty if i don't at least send you a line or two......Actually my last post was rather lengthy and i must have hit the post button twice as it printed it out twice......i was hoping you could have given me some advice.....but you wrote as how you were tired and kinda tired of people in general.....and i can relate to that especially when i am super depressed..
I haven't heard from my bf in almost 4 weeks now and i know i told you how right before the July 4th weekend that we celebrate here in the States he leaves the message talking about some gut feeling he had about i and my next door neighbor and don't come over and mess with him and he sounded very bummed and kinda high but i thought maybe he just had a beer with his buddy who's cell phone he was using....and just the weekend before he was telling me how he needed me and blah blah blah......and one thing i am honest about is my sobriety and that i don't mess around on the ones i love and i know he knows that and that holiday weekend i overdose on my pills and cut myself and i want to write a letter of apology but i didn't do anything and then i think by the silence from my end he thinks that i am not denying anything so it must be true.....WHAT IS TRUE?? He has lied to me in the whole 4 years i have known him about his drug use the selling of it who he hangs out with and he is on probation and goes to AA meetings and drinks but he should be going to NA meetings cause his drug of choice practically all his life is heroin
I don't know if he is cheating or using or both.....but once again i must ask do i look more guilty by not writing a letter protesting his accusations or should i not write cause i know i am not guilty and after 4 yrs this is how he ends it ?
Please Angie give me some advice here....should i write to him or not ??
Thank you friend MARY
you are doing much better and i am so despondent that i don't want to rain on your parade but then i will feel guilty if i don't at least send you a line or two......Actually my last post was rather lengthy and i must have hit the post button twice as it printed it out twice......i was hoping you could have given me some advice.....but you wrote as how you were tired and kinda tired of people in general.....and i can relate to that especially when i am super depressed..
I haven't heard from my bf in almost 4 weeks now and i know i told you how right before the July 4th weekend that we celebrate here in the States he leaves the message talking about some gut feeling he had about i and my next door neighbor and don't come over and mess with him and he sounded very bummed and kinda high but i thought maybe he just had a beer with his buddy who's cell phone he was using....and just the weekend before he was telling me how he needed me and blah blah blah......and one thing i am honest about is my sobriety and that i don't mess around on the ones i love and i know he knows that and that holiday weekend i overdose on my pills and cut myself and i want to write a letter of apology but i didn't do anything and then i think by the silence from my end he thinks that i am not denying anything so it must be true.....WHAT IS TRUE?? He has lied to me in the whole 4 years i have known him about his drug use the selling of it who he hangs out with and he is on probation and goes to AA meetings and drinks but he should be going to NA meetings cause his drug of choice practically all his life is heroin
I don't know if he is cheating or using or both.....but once again i must ask do i look more guilty by not writing a letter protesting his accusations or should i not write cause i know i am not guilty and after 4 yrs this is how he ends it ?
Please Angie give me some advice here....should i write to him or not ??
Thank you friend MARY
Hey Mary, you still hanging on? My thoughts are with you and your mate hugs :o)
Dear Charmed 1
Didn't quite know how to interpret your posted reply to my recent thread....you sounded supportive but t'was the the hugs:0 that threw me off a bit....but thank you for taking the time to post a reply regardless as i read that as an act of genuine care and concern....I hope all is going well with you
Sincerely, MARY
Didn't quite know how to interpret your posted reply to my recent thread....you sounded supportive but t'was the the hugs:0 that threw me off a bit....but thank you for taking the time to post a reply regardless as i read that as an act of genuine care and concern....I hope all is going well with you
Sincerely, MARY
MARY,
YOU NEED TO CUT HIM THE HELL LOOSE BEFORE HE SUCKS YOU BACK IN MOVE ON HONEY PEOPLE LOVE YOU KELLY
YOU NEED TO CUT HIM THE HELL LOOSE BEFORE HE SUCKS YOU BACK IN MOVE ON HONEY PEOPLE LOVE YOU KELLY
Kell188
He on the other hand has cut me loose....been five weeks since i have heard from him....this after leaving some out of the blue message on my machine....hinting that i had been unfaithful cause i was helping my neighbor fix his laptop so he could read his e-mail and the bf happened to come over and find me there and of course he was put out by it but the real fact of the matter is that he just doesn't like me having friends male or female period....but of course all of his friends who "use" in some capacity...male or female always come first.....and i know that he was just putting it all on me so he could act on his impulse to go out and do his "thang".....but of course he would never cop to it even when confronted as that would make him look like the bad guy which he really is and knows deep down inside but he doesn't want others to see him that way...so as usual he is taking the coward's way out just as when he was using by doing the disappearing act.....i thought the silent treatment was due to the fact that he might be using despite being on probation but in the past he would come round when he was using and just lie about it so what would stop him now from doing the same thing..
He doesn't have any money and he lives from day to day in a wretched room run by a mentally incapacitated landlord that is out to lunch and extremely unsanitary in his personal grooming and the bf is facing court costs..
Well he knows that he can't squeeze another dime out of me even with his bulls..." pledges of undying love for me....and 4 years of his bullying and drug use has made me to scared to let him move back in....so he is doing what he has always done....looking for his next female victim to nest with and pay his way and God help her if she is newly sober and not hip to his crap and God help him if she is a "user" as well as it will be off to prison he will go for getting high on probation...
I don't know how i managed to stay sober thru all the 4 years i have been with him and have almost 17 yrs 3 months to date....i always thought he was the strong one cause he is that tough ex con street smarts bad guy....but maybe i am stronger than him on some level but just don't realize it...i always thought the man was the protector and provider instead of the female always being the rescuer and paying the debts that he should be paying to society in jail...
I am very miserable and feeling very used and rejected right now but have managed not to call or write which i want to do....but as he is my addiction and like any addiction i take it a day at a time....okay i won't drink/call him today but maybe tomorrow....but then tomorrow comes and i will say the same thing and hopefully enough time will pass to get thru the worst of this "withdrawal" with him and he scoring another babe will prevent him from calling again...putting me in harm's way to "relapse" and pick up the phone...
Man i gotta find a reason to live again instead of just living for him or even worse with him....then i will be dead for sure....MARY
He on the other hand has cut me loose....been five weeks since i have heard from him....this after leaving some out of the blue message on my machine....hinting that i had been unfaithful cause i was helping my neighbor fix his laptop so he could read his e-mail and the bf happened to come over and find me there and of course he was put out by it but the real fact of the matter is that he just doesn't like me having friends male or female period....but of course all of his friends who "use" in some capacity...male or female always come first.....and i know that he was just putting it all on me so he could act on his impulse to go out and do his "thang".....but of course he would never cop to it even when confronted as that would make him look like the bad guy which he really is and knows deep down inside but he doesn't want others to see him that way...so as usual he is taking the coward's way out just as when he was using by doing the disappearing act.....i thought the silent treatment was due to the fact that he might be using despite being on probation but in the past he would come round when he was using and just lie about it so what would stop him now from doing the same thing..
He doesn't have any money and he lives from day to day in a wretched room run by a mentally incapacitated landlord that is out to lunch and extremely unsanitary in his personal grooming and the bf is facing court costs..
Well he knows that he can't squeeze another dime out of me even with his bulls..." pledges of undying love for me....and 4 years of his bullying and drug use has made me to scared to let him move back in....so he is doing what he has always done....looking for his next female victim to nest with and pay his way and God help her if she is newly sober and not hip to his crap and God help him if she is a "user" as well as it will be off to prison he will go for getting high on probation...
I don't know how i managed to stay sober thru all the 4 years i have been with him and have almost 17 yrs 3 months to date....i always thought he was the strong one cause he is that tough ex con street smarts bad guy....but maybe i am stronger than him on some level but just don't realize it...i always thought the man was the protector and provider instead of the female always being the rescuer and paying the debts that he should be paying to society in jail...
I am very miserable and feeling very used and rejected right now but have managed not to call or write which i want to do....but as he is my addiction and like any addiction i take it a day at a time....okay i won't drink/call him today but maybe tomorrow....but then tomorrow comes and i will say the same thing and hopefully enough time will pass to get thru the worst of this "withdrawal" with him and he scoring another babe will prevent him from calling again...putting me in harm's way to "relapse" and pick up the phone...
Man i gotta find a reason to live again instead of just living for him or even worse with him....then i will be dead for sure....MARY
:o)
is a side ways smiley. Of course it was supportive, feeling suicidal is the worst state to be in and at the time there is nothing anyone can really say that makes you feel differently, well it was like that for me anyway. I could tell you hang in there, things WILL get better, and they will, but when i felt like that i didnt believe it either.
;o) winking smiley....
nzchick
is a side ways smiley. Of course it was supportive, feeling suicidal is the worst state to be in and at the time there is nothing anyone can really say that makes you feel differently, well it was like that for me anyway. I could tell you hang in there, things WILL get better, and they will, but when i felt like that i didnt believe it either.
;o) winking smiley....
nzchick
I have read with interest many of your crosses in life including the vietnam vets with problems. I've been there and understand. I have written a book which has just been released its entitled WOUNDED BODY_HEALING SPIRIT you'll find the reviews at brundagepublishing.com I know it will help many of you vets and non vets with whatever your cross in life is I care. JohnT Senka Author and Nam Combat Vet
