Well, I did it, I was clean for almost ten weeks, then about three weeks ago I tried to lift something that was to heavy, and my back went out. I tried for a couple of days to get through the pain but finnally caved in got two scripts for my DOC and kept telling myself I would only take them until the pain went away. Well guess what, once an addict always an addict. I gobbled those pills so fast my back still is out and I ran out of pills. I ran out Friday May 6, so I went ct again starting Sat. I guess this is my third day clean and know I am going through the same sh** I went through before. I actually do not think this time was as bad as last time, but I am just into day three.
What can I say, I messed up, know I must start over. I do have a question, what do you do when you really do have a ligit pain issue and you are an addict?
If anyone could answer that they would be millionaires.
Once and addict, always an addict.... to one thing or another. We just have to try to find something healthy to be addicted to. Unfortunately, healthy replacements dont seem to numb enough.
Good luck on your new journey, dont look back. Thanks for letting us know how you are.
Once and addict, always an addict.... to one thing or another. We just have to try to find something healthy to be addicted to. Unfortunately, healthy replacements dont seem to numb enough.
Good luck on your new journey, dont look back. Thanks for letting us know how you are.
your really stong to try again.even though i stand to loose evrything i relapsed again,cant counnt the times but i keep trying and trying one day i will stay clean hard when theres so much pressure.keep on working it
Hey Trying..well after 10 weeks I should give you a swift kick..LOL, but I won't..I relapsed in the beginning of my recovery journey! Dust yourself off and try again, you are in day 3? What did you take? I don't think the w/d's will be bad at all, because you were clean for 10 weeks..so you shouldn't have too much of a problem! I have a horrible back, and Motrin works wonders, also those therma wraps are great too, take 2 Motrin, and put a therma wrap right where it hurts the most..in 1/2 hour, you'll feel like a whole new person! Good luck, and god bless, Kim
mdgirl
Thanks, I hate to admit it, but I took 120 Hydro 10s in about a three week period. Thanks for the info on the motrin and therma packs, I will try them today.
Thanks, I hate to admit it, but I took 120 Hydro 10s in about a three week period. Thanks for the info on the motrin and therma packs, I will try them today.
trying..
well this question comes up over and over.... so I'll answer it again cause it is a toughy..... if you try the therma packs and the otc meds... and you are in legit pain... and i say that cause our addict brains will tell us stories when we could really get by on the otc and maybe not be able to dance a gig but get by.... so if you are really really in pain... and HAVE to have a narc..... it is simple....here is the secret....
YOU CANT CONTROL YOUR USE.... none of us can..... you have to give them to a family member or a neighbor to get as rx'd... and tell your doc to not give you refills ...make you go back to him each time to get more and only give you a three or four day supply...... take as much out of your hands as possible.... I know this sucks.... no one wants to be made to feel like a baby or dependant... but the alternatives are worse.... you came back at least for now and were only using this time for what a week.... next time you do this maybe you will be back out for months... heck maybe you wont make it back at all.... some truely dont....
I know this sound harsh and maybe mean... but this is reality .. hard reality...
recovery and addiction is not a game or something that is to be or can be done in half measures... well I guess it can be but then half clean is what you get....
I truely do wish us all the success in the world....
as for this episode.... ask yourself if you really are ready to be clean... and how bad do you want it.... then find out where you went wrong.... was it really the injury....?.... if it was you learned something and that is great makes a relapse worth it as long as you come back.... but if it wasnt the injury .... often a relapse start in the mind long before we actually pick up.... so figure that out... if you had knowledge of tools and didnt use them wel then you learned from that too....
just start over... and dont make the same mistakes... today can be the first day of the rest of your life... or it could be the beginning of the next relapse depending on what and where you let your mind settle....
best of luck and God Bless..
I believe in you.
Teresa
well this question comes up over and over.... so I'll answer it again cause it is a toughy..... if you try the therma packs and the otc meds... and you are in legit pain... and i say that cause our addict brains will tell us stories when we could really get by on the otc and maybe not be able to dance a gig but get by.... so if you are really really in pain... and HAVE to have a narc..... it is simple....here is the secret....
YOU CANT CONTROL YOUR USE.... none of us can..... you have to give them to a family member or a neighbor to get as rx'd... and tell your doc to not give you refills ...make you go back to him each time to get more and only give you a three or four day supply...... take as much out of your hands as possible.... I know this sucks.... no one wants to be made to feel like a baby or dependant... but the alternatives are worse.... you came back at least for now and were only using this time for what a week.... next time you do this maybe you will be back out for months... heck maybe you wont make it back at all.... some truely dont....
I know this sound harsh and maybe mean... but this is reality .. hard reality...
recovery and addiction is not a game or something that is to be or can be done in half measures... well I guess it can be but then half clean is what you get....
I truely do wish us all the success in the world....
as for this episode.... ask yourself if you really are ready to be clean... and how bad do you want it.... then find out where you went wrong.... was it really the injury....?.... if it was you learned something and that is great makes a relapse worth it as long as you come back.... but if it wasnt the injury .... often a relapse start in the mind long before we actually pick up.... so figure that out... if you had knowledge of tools and didnt use them wel then you learned from that too....
just start over... and dont make the same mistakes... today can be the first day of the rest of your life... or it could be the beginning of the next relapse depending on what and where you let your mind settle....
best of luck and God Bless..
I believe in you.
Teresa
Awesome point T..I always forget that for some reason..I think because I didn't have anyone to hold for me..I only in my life had my fiancee..now my ex, and he'd take them all! So for me in reality, the OTC's, and wraps really worked for me, like you said I couldn't "dance a gig" but I functioned around the house pretty well. Everyone is different and if you can't really function on those, do what T said, it is good advice, and it will keep you from relapsing! Good luck, and god bless, Kim
Tereasa
Thanks!!!!! That might just be the best advise I have gotten yet. I must say that this was the legit pain, ie the ice pick in the lower back kind. But as useual, after a few, maybe 4-5 days of intense pain, then it starts to taper off. I could have gotten buy easily on one script, but I got a refill, BAD IDEA. I really didn't need them by the time I got the refill, but what the heck, they sure made me feel better.
But know on day three, I am feeling OK with wd, kind of wish they were worse, but I do know one thing, I cannot just take pain meds when I need them, if any or left, I WILL TAKE THEM, therefore, my best hope is to NOT TAKE ANY...
Thanks for your advise!!!
Thanks!!!!! That might just be the best advise I have gotten yet. I must say that this was the legit pain, ie the ice pick in the lower back kind. But as useual, after a few, maybe 4-5 days of intense pain, then it starts to taper off. I could have gotten buy easily on one script, but I got a refill, BAD IDEA. I really didn't need them by the time I got the refill, but what the heck, they sure made me feel better.
But know on day three, I am feeling OK with wd, kind of wish they were worse, but I do know one thing, I cannot just take pain meds when I need them, if any or left, I WILL TAKE THEM, therefore, my best hope is to NOT TAKE ANY...
Thanks for your advise!!!
no problem.... believe me I have been there... I still get sorta mad at those that can just take them until they dont need them anymore and the rest just sit there....lol.. I catch myself thinking ... wow are you kidding me.. what a waste...lol... it really happens in my head soooo fast... that is why we need each other and our self will ( not to be confused with will power..) to keep us honest... ( oh and a good sense of humor never hurts...)
Good luck and God bless us all....
Teresa
Good luck and God bless us all....
Teresa
Dear Trying I just wanted to say Im sorry for your relapse.I think Tersea was right on the mark.WE CANNOT just take as prescribed.If we could we wouldnt be addicts.Try not to let it keep you down.10 weeks was really great & Im sure you can do it again.I hope you will & Ill keep my fingers crossed for you.If I can help at all even just to vent just say so ok?Good Luck hang in there...mj
mollyjean
Thanks for the reply, this board really is a great asset. I was just looking back over some of the posts over the last few days and noticed what mdgirl went through over the weekend. Then after what she has just gone through, she takes the time to reply to my post.
WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO SAY WHAT YOU FEEL!!!!
Thanks to all, I feel better already.
Thanks for the reply, this board really is a great asset. I was just looking back over some of the posts over the last few days and noticed what mdgirl went through over the weekend. Then after what she has just gone through, she takes the time to reply to my post.
WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO SAY WHAT YOU FEEL!!!!
Thanks to all, I feel better already.
Dear trying Im so glad you feel that way.For me this board was the first time I EVER asked for or even admitted I have a problem.Ive gotten alot of help here & in the process made some very dear friends.Im glad to see youll be around.Well time to start the dinner dance.I hope you have a very nice evening & I may be back on later if not Im always on in the morning.Take care....mj
Ps Kim I am finding out is one awesome person who doesnt even know how strong she is yet.....
Ps Kim I am finding out is one awesome person who doesnt even know how strong she is yet.....
My Doctor told me that there is 2 kinds of pain, acute and chronic. with the acute like you have he said even if your an addict, you might need the drugs, especiallyif you have some sort of surgery. He said, just like Teresa, get someone to keep them or if your in the hospital, have a sponsor with you at all times or someone you can trust and stop as soon as the pain goes away or eases up. Even if you have surgery he said that most people only need pain meds for 2-3 days or less, depending on what they had done. Unfortunately, we cannot trust ourselves to have them even if we think we can. Also be honest with everyone too. Good luck and I hope you feel better.
Trying,
Glad to see you posting again. I am not glad to see you relapsed. It happens sometimes i have relapsed many times. All you can do at this point is pick yourself up and try again on your own. Just like your screen name says. If you are having legit pain issues then you should take to your doctor about your options. What about injection shots or something non-narcotic? What all have you tried?
Hang in there your on your way again. Don't beat the hell out of yourself for it...
Rae
Glad to see you posting again. I am not glad to see you relapsed. It happens sometimes i have relapsed many times. All you can do at this point is pick yourself up and try again on your own. Just like your screen name says. If you are having legit pain issues then you should take to your doctor about your options. What about injection shots or something non-narcotic? What all have you tried?
Hang in there your on your way again. Don't beat the hell out of yourself for it...
Rae
mdgirl:
Thanks for the advice on your back. I was very tiny when I had my son and they had to dislocate my pelvis to get him out. I wasnt going for the c-section gig. Not to mention you have natural childbirth when you live on a reservation so that is probably why I only gave birth to one, although I have 4. HA!
I am SO getting one of those thermal wraps, always thought they wouldnt work. It doesnt have a cord hehe. But this is 2005! Almost anything is possible these days.
2 otc motrin and a thermal wrap, god it would be nice for that 'knot' to stop aching. That is what it feels like.... a knot of nerves that are being pushed on.... alot of pressure more than actual pain. Maybe some of you feel the same thing. It is WAY worse right before my cycle and during. Otherwise, it is just a lingering presence.
Thanks for the advice on your back. I was very tiny when I had my son and they had to dislocate my pelvis to get him out. I wasnt going for the c-section gig. Not to mention you have natural childbirth when you live on a reservation so that is probably why I only gave birth to one, although I have 4. HA!
I am SO getting one of those thermal wraps, always thought they wouldnt work. It doesnt have a cord hehe. But this is 2005! Almost anything is possible these days.
2 otc motrin and a thermal wrap, god it would be nice for that 'knot' to stop aching. That is what it feels like.... a knot of nerves that are being pushed on.... alot of pressure more than actual pain. Maybe some of you feel the same thing. It is WAY worse right before my cycle and during. Otherwise, it is just a lingering presence.
Well day 4 of my second new life.
I am leaving for the Mountains tomorrow for some relaxation and fly fishing. Won't have to worry about any pills there, only get the Rocky Mountain High. Probably be gone for 5 days so I won't even be able to "lurk in the shadows" I do wish everybody the best and I will post on my return.
I am leaving for the Mountains tomorrow for some relaxation and fly fishing. Won't have to worry about any pills there, only get the Rocky Mountain High. Probably be gone for 5 days so I won't even be able to "lurk in the shadows" I do wish everybody the best and I will post on my return.
Way to go Trying!!!! Day 4 and your headed out, that is impressive. It took me 2 weeks, before I even thought of leaving the house..LOL, for real. I always wanted to try fly fishing, after I saw A River Runs Through It. Great Movie!! Anyway, have a great time, that is a great kind of place to clear the head, fishing in the mountains..boy oh boy do I envy you. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it! Big hugs to ya, Kim
Trying
I'm going to chime in here and tell you to dust yourself off and start again. Each relapse we hopefully learn from. You coming forward and being honest about it was really important.
Todays another clean day for you.
Have fun on your trip. Let us know how you are when you get back.
Redd
Dear trying,I myself am very proud of you.4 days doesnt seem like much but I know for a fact that 4 days is great.I hear your doing the mountain thing.Well color me jealous.I would LOVE to go up into the mountains & just be there,There is something about nature that feels so empowering.Please post & tell all when you get in....
HAVE A SAFE & AWESOME TRIP!!!!mj
HAVE A SAFE & AWESOME TRIP!!!!mj
Mrs understood i must say i dont agree with the comment u made on "once an addict, always an addict". My grandfather was told if he did not stop smoking about 20 yrs ago he would die of lung cancer. he came home threw out his cigarettes and never picked up one again. his little brother died of lung cancer and the other two brothers smoke, but after what he saw his little brother go threw....crawling on the concrete to try and cool down and screaming in pain, he just stopped and has never picked one up.
today we have all these nicatine patches and stuff to help people stop smoking and i heard my pa say once "why all this nonsense with these patches if ur going to stop ur going to stop". he is a wonderful person and must of been very strong to do that, i said that to him once and he said "it wasnt a matter of being strong it was a matter of live or die, i was told to stop so i did". he never wants to make a big deal out of anything.
today we have all these nicatine patches and stuff to help people stop smoking and i heard my pa say once "why all this nonsense with these patches if ur going to stop ur going to stop". he is a wonderful person and must of been very strong to do that, i said that to him once and he said "it wasnt a matter of being strong it was a matter of live or die, i was told to stop so i did". he never wants to make a big deal out of anything.
